#nasty!steve

[leporinelou]

[leporinelou]

“you’d do anything i asked, wouldn’t you?”

“fuck off, harrington.”

“no, see.” steve presses his fingers into billy’s thighs “i don’t think you mean that. because” he stops to brush a kiss against billy’s jaw “you’d do anything i asked. anything i wanted. as long as it means i’ll pay attention to you. isn’t that right?”

“i fu- fuck- i hate you.”

“no. you don’t.”

he’s right. of course he is. and billy hates it when steve’s right.

[leporinelou]

Speaking of nasty Steve... him believing "men don't cry" and the first time Billy cries around him he doesn't respond all too well?

um yes ??!!

“jesus.” billy sniffs. glares at him. “you’re such a fucking asshole.”

“yeah.” steve looks at him. watches a tear fall. can feel the words on the tip of his tongue. can’t do anything to stop them. his mouth curls up into a sneer. “and you’re such a fucking girl sometimes, billy.”

and billy just. freezes. his eyes snap down. avoiding steve’s.

“get out.”

steve feels his own chest pull tight.

“c’mon bill. we were having fun before all this-” steve holds a hand up to gesture. he watches billy’s shoulders tense with the movement.

“get the fuck out, harrington.” billy tries to sound threatening. it fails when his voice wobbles on steve’s name.

and steve. well steve doesn’t need this right now. doesn’t need to sit around babysitting his fucking… he doesn’t know. hell, they’re not even friends.

steve doesn’t need this right now.

just because steve said something. just because billy can’t take a fucking joke.

whatever.

“yeah, yeah.” steve looks at billy one last time. doesn’t know why the sight of him pointedly staring down leaves sour taste in steve’s mouth. “i’m going.”

he slams the car door behind him. hears a small noise as he does. he doesn’t look back.

billy will be fine.

steve walks fast. feels the cold air stings his face. feels his lungs burn with it. he tries to clear his head.

billy will be fine.

because billy’s a man.

fuck.

steve stops for a moment. leans back against a wall. thinks about the last hour. wonders how the day went so fucking sideways.

he feels his own eyes burn. slams a fist into the wall.

men. don’t. cry.

“fuck you, billy hargrove.”

[leporinelou]

no no PLEASE elaborate on nasty steve

yes yes YES

cw // internalised homophobia, general assholeishness

steve refuses to actually kiss billy at first. because that’s gay. only he doesn’t say it as nice as that. and what he does say, he says to billy’s face. and billy doesn’t like that.

and steve doesn’t like that billy doesn’t like that.

see, billy knows he can be an asshole, too. knows he is an asshole to pretty much everyone around him most days. he’s not denying that.

but steve. steve can be downright mean. will come out with the most cutting shit during an argument. knows just how to hit someone where it hurts.

he can be a real manipulative bastard too, sometimes. without even meaning to. without even realising, it seems.

that or he just doesn’t care.

billy tries not to think too much into it.

steve doesn’t have a great filter when he’s pissed off. sometimes it’s actually worse than billy’s. he’ll say something. something mean and unnecessary. and billy won’t talk to him for the rest of the day.

he’ll say something to upset billy on purpose.

because that’s steve’s defence.

and billy will wake up at three in the morning to a drunk asshole climbing through his window. slipping into his bed. kissing billy in the dark. whispering a thousand i’m sorry, baby’s and i didn’t mean it’s.

and that would be nice.

if it wasn’t for the blanket of darkness steve uses to pretend it’s not billy he’s kissing. if steve didn’t act like it never happened the next day. if it wasn’t basically a routine with how often he did it.

and that’s A Thing for steve, billy’s found out. drinking. telling billy how much he means to him. telling billy how much he hates himself. falling asleep in billy’s lap after pressing salty kisses all over billy’s face.

neither knows which one of them is crying. maybe both. they don’t talk about it.

some days, when billy’s sick of steve’s shit, he tells him. tells steve it isn’t the end of the fucking world. tells steve that no one has to know. not like billy’s going to go around broadcasting it.

at first steve says there’s nothing to say. he likes girls. and he likes how billy feels. and they enjoy each other’s company. kind of.

then steve tells billy that he wouldn’t get it. and. isn’t that just the funniest thing. billy wouldn’t get it. wouldn’t get how hard it is. wouldn’t know firsthand how certain people would react.

steve fucks around, too.

apparently he did before. according to the whole of hawkins high. but then nancy happened. and steve was committed. and then billy arrived. and then nancy didn’t happen.

so yeah. steve fucks around.

says that’s what him and billy are doing anyway so what’s it matter. gets annoyed when billy asks who steve fucked that day. even called billy clingy, once. just for asking.

and billy wouldn’t care.

if steve didn’t act like billy did a terrible awful thing each time billy sleeps with someone else. if he didn’t get so pissy when billy mentions the double standard.

he doesn’t seem to care as much if billy sleeps with a girl. apparently it’s not cheating if billy’s not the one face down. billy wonders when his life became all about gay politics.

and.

it sounds bad. it sounds like hard work. and it is. hard work.

but billy always comes back. every time.

because steve’s an asshole.

sure.

but he can be okay, too.

sweet, even.

sometimes.

billy thinks about steve keeping a cassette in his car, just for billy. that time he rented a movie and invited billy round because billy mentioned he liked it. the way steve will whisper in his ear and tell him how beautiful he is. the no one else takes it like you, baby’s and the bruises on his hips. the way he’ll beg billy to come round because i didn’t get to see you yesterday. how that could almost sound like an ‘i miss you’ if billy listened hard enough. the way steve tucks billy’s hair behind his ear occasionally.

how he’ll look at billy as if he could actually love him.

sometimes.

and it kinda feels worth it.

[leporinelou]

steve “i’m not like you” harrington and billy “what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” hargrove

[leporinelou]

Torture me more with Asshole Steve. Make it worse. It’s so good, you’re a national hero.

say no more <3

the first time it happens is at a party.

not tina’s. no. this one happens a few weeks later. and it’s smaller. just billy, tommy, carol, steve and a few of the other guys from the team. plus their girlfriends. obviously.

billy’s pretty sure, just from looking around, that him and harrington are the only guys on their own. not that billy cares. steve does though. or at least he looks like he cares. still hung up on wheeler, tommy says. tragic.

billy watches him from a distance. between sips of his beer. watches as steve throws back a shot. then another. and another. he looks over at one point. steve does. just to grin and and throw a middle finger billy’s way.

billy winks back. runs his tongue along his bottom lip and sinks into the couch beneath him. he closes his eyes for a minute. misses steve’s face. misses the way it falls as soon as billy winks. the way his expression changes. twists. into something different.

then billy’s being jostled. he grumbles as the couch dips and a finger taps against the can in his hand. billy opens his eyes. sees steve staring back at him. eyes too big and hair falling over his forehead. he’s saying something. billy tries to listen over the music.

steve points at his beer and billy just waves a hand. toward the kitchen. closes his eyes again. but steve. steve’s persistent. he shoves at billy with his shoulder. shakes his head and tells billy to just fuckin’ show him.

and that’s how billy finds himself. the first time. on his knees in some chicks bathroom he doesn’t even remember the name of. harrington’s hands fisted in his hair. almost painful.

then it’s over. almost as quick as it started.

billy stands up. brushes his knees off. steve doesn’t say anything. doesn’t look at him either. billy swipes at the corner of his own mouth with a thumb. catches steve watching him. finally. grins when their eyes lock.

steve runs a hand through his hair and shoves billy out the way. slams the door behind him and everything. billy just shrugs. turns to the mirror. tells himself that he’s got enough experience with straight guys to know when they’re just. trying something new.

or doing something because they’re drunk. or bored. or all three. billy figures that makes sense in a town like hawkins. in a town where there’s fuck all else to do. it’s a little disappointing. sure. ‘cause billy has this, like, stupid big crush on harrington. but it’s what he expects.

it makes sense.

steve likes girls. and billy isn’t a girl. simple as that.

so billy assumes that’s it. just a one time thing.

but then there’s a next time. there’s a next time and billy doesn’t expect it.

it happens on a tuesday. as billy’s walking down the hall. he’s late to class. courtesy of neil.

but billy doesn’t actually make it to class. he’s a good few rooms away from where he needs to be when a door opens to his right. when he feels a hand wrap around his wrist. a hand that yanks billy into a storage closet before he even has time to register what’s happening.

he raises a fist. ready to knock out whoever the fuck just rag dolled him into a tiny, dark space before he’d even made it to class. billy opens his mouth. to say something. to shout. stops when he feels warm breath against his ear. when he hears an all to familiar voice.

a voice that makes his face feel hot and his stomach twist.

“calm down, man. ‘s just me.” steve laughs. billy frowns. he feels like he’s not in on the joke.

“what the fuck, harrington?”

“needed to speak to you.” as if that answers billy’s question. as if that doesn’t invite a thousand more.

“and you had to kidnap me to do that? real normal fuckin’ guy aren’t you.” billy’s eyes adjust to the dark. he can just about make out harrington’s stupid hair.

“kidnap?” steve laughs. again. billy doesn’t like the way it sounds. “whatever. i need to talk to you.”

and there it is again. those words. words that don’t belong to them. words that shouldn’t be directed at a guy like billy from a guy like steve.

“then talk, asshole.” billy feels himself get defensive. suddenly all too aware of the hand still wrapped around his wrist. “i’m late for class.”

“ok. yeah.” a rustle as steve pushes his hair back. “so the party-”

ah.

“lookin’ for a repeat, baby?” billy lowers his voice and leans into steve. licks his lips. “space is kinda small but i’ve worked with le-”

“shut the fuck up, hargrove.” and steve’s voice is different now. cold. harsh. pissed off.

billy opens his mouth. wants to press more buttons. finds himself pushed up against the door with steve’s hands gripping the front of his jacket before he has the chance.

billy wraps his hands around steve’s forearms. digs his fingers in as a warning. “never took you for a uh- fag basher, harri-”

“shut. up.” steve leans back. puts some space between them. keeps one hand on billy’s jacket. “i need you to just- fuck- have you told anyone?”

billy blinks a few times. feels his own mouth curl up into a smile.

“that’s what this is about?” billy wants to laugh. wants to. but he doesn’t.

“have you told anyone?”

“that i blew you in a bathroom? not really at the top of my priorities, pretty boy.”

“good.” steve relaxes. just a little. “good. don’t.”

billy looks at him. raises an eyebrow. gives steve a once over. steve opens his mouth. as if he has something else to say. then he closes it. looks away. the space between them stays silent.

until billy breaks it.

“well.” he pulls away from steve. takes the opportunity to straighten his jacket. “if your panties are sufficiently untwisted, i’m gonna..” billy trails off. waves a hand at the door. awkwardly.

steve stares off into the corner. apparently finding the wall more interesting than billy. billy just huffs and rolls his eyes. grabs the door handle and makes to leave when-

“hey uh- hargrove?”

billy spins around. feels his patience wearing thin. is about ready to knock harrington into next week when he sees the small smirk on steve’s face. the air between them shifts. steve lifts his head. meets billy’s eyes through the dark.

“what was that about a repeat?”

and that’s how the second time happens. in the janitors closet of hawkins high.

and then there’s the third time. at the quarry. and then there’s the fourth time. the boys locker room. the fifth. the quarry again. billy makes a joke about them finally getting to fourth base and steve tells him to shut the fuck up, hargrove.

yeah. steve’s real romantic like that.

and then billy looses count. they start meeting more. it happens twice in one day. steve kisses him. billy kisses back. billy gets invited over to steve’s house. they fuck on steve’s bed. on his parents bed. christen just about every ugly couch in that house.

billy thinks he should be proud of that. thinks it should feel like some sort of accomplishment. like scouts or some shit. wonders how many badges taking it over the kitchen island would get him. he doesn’t ask steve. doesn’t think steve would find it funny, somehow.

it should feel like an accomplishment. but it doesn’t.

because billy’s heard things. a lot of things. from a lot of people. from the girls steve’s been with. from the guys steve’s bragged to. he’s heard a lot about steve harrington. but-

the two don’t match up. the steve billy’s heard stories about. and the steve that billy gets.

girls say that steve’s good in bed. that part’s true at least. they say he likes to get his partner off before him. also true. that he has a mole on his ass and does this thing with his tongue when he kisses that makes billy’s knees buckle. true and true. billy can attest to that.

but then they say he can be sweet. they say he’s nice. real nice sometimes. sure, he never went steady until wheeler. but he was still nice. he would talk to the girls at school. act like he cared about them and walk with them to class.

and billy knows. doesn’t try to kid himself. doesn’t try to pretend that he doesn’t know why steve treats him differently. steve made it perfectly clear. when he’d told billy that he isn’t a queer. said that he isn’t like billy. had shoved billy as he said it.

had refused to speak to billy until the next time he wanted to get his dick wet.

so yeah. billy gets it. but-

sometimes he wonders. what it’d be like to have that sort of attention from steve.

what it’d be like for steve to stay. to not run away as soon as they’ve gotten off. to not push billy out his bed when he doesn’t need him anymore. for steve to talk to him at school. for steve to look at him like that. like he does with girls. for steve to act like he cares.

but billy knows. knows that’s never gonna happen and. it’s not all bad. not when steve calls him baby and tells billy how good he feels. when he starts talking about how good billy is for him. how perfect and pretty billy is.

and billy can kid himself. he’s good at that. he can kid himself that a coming over tonight, hargrove? means what he wants it to mean.

billy’s good at that.

[leporinelou]

“i always thought you were the most beautiful girl i ever seen” and “you make me feel like a person” from requiem for a dream but make it steve and billy

[leporinelou]

Asshole Steve idea: the first time Steve sees Billy's scars and bruises are when they are alone in his room. Steve is super tender and caring towards Billy, doing everything he can to treat them and asking if he's okay and how he got them. It's the first time Billy has ever gotten this kind of affection before and now he finally believes he has found someone who will truly care for him and give him the love he deserves.

The next time Neil has a go at him, his first instinct is to go straight to Steve's house. But this time it's different. Tommy and Carol are their, drinking and partying in the other room. Billy asks he can stay over for a while but Steve denies him, he tells him that now isn't a good time. Steve has always had this habit of separating his romantic relationships from his other relationships.

But Billy is so desperate, he nearly in tears, begging Steve to let him in. He doesn't even to tend to his wounds he just wants to be near Steve. Billy believes that just being in Steve's presence is enough to give him some sort of comfort. Steve becomes so enraged by Billy's pestering that he finally snaps, "OKAY SHUT UP! DON'T YOU KNOW WHEN TO BACK OFF?! I said now wasn't a good time, I don't care where you go or who you go cry to, you can't be here. I don't want you here!!!"

Steve's dismissive tone is so reminiscent of Neil's that it makes Billy turn back into the scared child demeanor he gets when Neil snaps at him. He even holds his hands in a military stance similar to when he gets scolded. He apologizes in a monotone voice and has to hold back saying the word "sir" like he's talking to his father. Steve slams the door on him and Billy walks back to his car emotionlessly.

After another beating from Neil days later, Steve actually does tend to Billy's wounds while they are alone. Billy recognizes his place now, what he means to Steve, he understands that this is the dynamic of their relationship. Alone, Steve Will make Billy feel like he's the only boy in the world that truly matters, but in public he won't even bother giving him the time of day. This is not a healthy relationship and Billy knows this, however, if this is the only chance Billy gets to having some comfort and support in his life, then he's willing to go with it.

@every-dayiwakeup @officialjoekeery