Before I met you my future was unclear. It’s always been that way. Part of me wanted to die, and tried to die because if I couldn’t see a future for myself then I wasn’t meant to have one… right? But it wasn’t until I meant you and we fell in love and we starting planning our future, that I actually felt like I had one and was worthy of one. Plans of an eventual trip to Disney World turned into plans of an eventual trip to Disney World for our honeymoon… before we went to university next fall. We were so in love we planned our future; when we were going to get married and what our wedding would look like and that our honeymoon would in fact be in Disney and then we’d go to university together and when we graduated move to Orlando and work for Disney. And knowing and planning our future made me happy I finally had one… But now our future is no longer. There is my future and there is your future, but is no our future anymore. I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do with my life. My future is so unclear again. All the plans I had are gone. Going to the college that I compromised for so we wouldn’t be apart just doesn’t feel right anymore. I gave up the place I wanted to go for you, and now it’s too late.
written 2.23.14