a different kind of commemoration ...
When I woke up this morning, I had more or less decided that I wasn’t going to post anything about today... but then the longer I thought about it, the more I thought that I should share something... so here goes...
4 years ago today, I received my cancer diagnosis.
For those that have followed along, you know that while I was intellectually prepared for the day, I was not there emotionally. There are some days that can still be raw... there are a handful of songs which were popular at the time that still trigger me, sometimes to tears... but the majority of the days I feel fairly whole, fairly healed.
I don’t celebrate today the way that I do my “no-more-chemo-anniversary”... today is a bit more sullen, a bit more introspective, which is why my initial inclination was to let this day pass.
But then I thought about what today truly represents... today means that two days ago (plus four years)... I reminded a radiologist how important it was to read a family history before offering advice.. when given the option “to biopsy or monitor it” I chose action... I pushed (and pushed again) to get a biopsy the same day as my diagnostic mammogram... all of which gave me the opportunity to still be here... I have no way of knowing how different my prognosis would have been if I had waited... if I had monitored... if I had been more passive...
But I can tell you that my Stage 2, Grade 3, overachieving tumor with a proliferation score of over 90%, wasn’t waiting... it was growing, it was ticking away the number of hugs I will get to exchange with my niece (now plural), the number of times I will get to send birthday cards to those I love, it was ready to take... but I was not ready to give...
Knowing is scary... but knowing (and knowing early) means options. If you put off or prolong, you are only taking time away from yourself, from your purpose, from your loved ones...
Know your body, know your risk, and be empowered.