#nearfictive

[fictionkinfessions]

Fuck Nate River. My name was Nastya Borisevich Zayachkov. My epithet was Near, or Lamb, or Blanc, or Bely or any of the many names I had; each of a thousand faces. I miss my home, I miss Wammy’s House like one might miss a missing limb, and it’s unfair that I am stuck in a place where I can never return there. I miss my youth that was stolen from me. I never wanted to be L.

…

I wanted to be a pilot.

-Near

(Death note, fictive)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

Sound off if Wammy’s House gave you serious identity issues due to them pushing the use of code names and the “death” of your original identity!!💥

Near forgot his birth name until the Kira case made it relevant again because… no one used it. That wasn’t him. That was some unfortunate child who passed when he was two and three quarters.

Now, if Kira had gone after Near’s very.. very first alias he’d used at Wammy’s House…

Now that would have been a problem.

Guess Near got lucky. or the Shinigami eyes like to deadname people/j

-Near (death note, fictive)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

Near remembers B. Near remembers B as his brother, as his mentor, as the closest thing he had to a father in that damned house. Near knows he will never see B again, but. He needs someone- anyone to know that… B wasn’t always Beyond Birthday.

He used to just be Borya, Near’s big brother. Who used to pick Near up and carry him because Near had little legs and sucked at walking. Who dyed Near’s hair to match his once when Near was like six and got in trouble with Roger for it. Who used to watch Akazukin Chacha with Near and A… hogging the tv in the common room. Who gave the best hugs. Who called Near “little lamb” and ruffled his hair.

He used to just be Borya,, who was Near’s bestest friend.

Near needs people to know that B was a person, and that he was Loved.

He may have done terrible, awful things… but B was Near’s big brother. Nothing can change that.

-Near (death note, fictive)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

Happy late Valentine’s Day to you, Miha & Mail. Couldn’t get chocolate this year, so I hope the wishes are appreciated. Miss you a lot. Hope you’re okay, wherever you are. Be well, both of you. Don’t get into trouble. Don’t do anything I would’ve done.

Happy (lunar) New Year

-Near.

(tag as fictive, death note)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

It is Near (✨yet again✨) with his nightly thoughts. His little letters, if MPC would.

Linda. Near drew you today. You were smiling, in the drawing. You looked happy in it. Near doesn’t think he’d seen you smile since… before Mello made his departure from the House. Near sort of forgot what it was like, seeing you like that. Near drew your hair braided, with afropuffs. It… suits you, Near thinks. It’s bouncy. Bright. Near can almost imagine the colorful elastics Linda would use. He hopes that Linda still has Many Colors now. She deserves it.

A. Alternative. Near is sorry, that he does not have another name to use for you. A deserves a better name than that. Near found a song that made him think of you today, A. Radium Girls (Curie Eleison) by Rachel Summers. Near remembers… A’s guitar, how he would play it when Near was little. Before the testing got too intensive and the work piled up so high. A was good at it. Near doesn’t think he ever said that enough. Near doesn’t think he ever got the chance, before A died. Near has… he has so many things he wants to say to A, but they would probably end with Near crying. Near just.. wants A to know he wasn’t forgotten. That A was more than just some warning story about what happened if you threw yourself too far into your work. A was loved, and A was remembered, and Near thinks Matt had A’s guitar. [he treated it with the reverence it deserved, Alt. Do not worry.]

Maybe someday Near will have the bravery to put pen to paper about his thoughts on L, on Kira, on Beyond Birthday. But until then, Near will just… send his little letters.

[Near, Death Note, Fictive]

c

[fictionkinfessions]

I miss my dad. Beyond would… well. He’d never hear me call him as such, else it would be… embarrassing. Unprofessional. Mentor, would be a more accurate word. But I miss him, all the same. I miss the boy who raised me from the day I was taken in by the House, up until the night he left. I wish… a lot of things had been different. I wish he’d never left, but I know that wouldn’t be Right. He needed to leave, because keeping Beyond in that House was slowly killing him. Not that it mattered in the end, since he died anyways.

But sometimes I… wish I could be small again. The little child that B would carry on his shoulders to have sneak cookies from the cabinet in the kitchen. The quiet one who would crawl into his lap while he read Akazukin Chacha, reading along even when I didn’t quite understand the words. I miss dancing on his feet, I miss the constant offers of shared snacks and hard pats on the back. I miss my hair being ruffled into a mess, my cheeks being squished while he called me a little lamb. I wish I could go back to the days where I was Near, Beyond’s little project and not Near, L’s Successor.

I miss him. So deeply. But he’s not here, and will never be here. I don’t know what to do with this grief. I don’t think I’ll ever know.

Near never even got to say goodbye. Near thinks that will always be the part that hurts the most.

[Near, Death Note, Fictive]

kl

[fictionkinfessions]

My heart aches thinking of it, but it is a beautiful memory that I will always treasure.

In my memories, we had picture day at Wammy’s House. They wanted both of L’s successors in a picture together, to which my Mello complained about and kept grumbling angry non sense when I sat next to him. I had told him something, I cannot remember as the words are fuzzy. But he stopped, looked at me, smiled, then looked to the camera and leaned in close to me. My head was touching his shoulder, and I smiled as the old fashioned camera flashed brightly. I felt so warm, so happy to have this special moment with him. I kept the picture for decades, it sat beside my nightstand in my room that was built in the SPK building. I wish I still had it now, but alas, I am now in a completely different life.

I have many memories that I treasure, this is just one of many.

- Near (fictive) 🎲

[fictionkinfessions]

hello, im a Near fictive.

i mainly just want to love dump on how much i adore my Mello. we’re in the same system together, and he’s just as sweet and mean (playfully) as i remember. he takes care of me, and is the best boyfriend i could ever ask for. never did i think i would ever find my Dear Mello again, but here we are with the same memories and feelings from back then.

i love you, dear Mello. - Near (fictive) 🎲