1,14,2,5. (im interested ok?)
1: If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?
That’s a tricky one. Given that I am not exactly open or emotional, I often feel a disconnect with myself as well. I guess though, how I play my Sombra. I do put a lot of my perceptiveness and mannerisms into how I play her. Outside of the role-playing community though, one could listen to some of my favorite musical artists and understand what tones I enjoy. I like things with meaning and depth, where contrasting things come together to make something beautiful. Kamelot is one of my favorite bands for this reason. They are an orchestral metal group with powerful yet soft voices singing lyrics that tell a story. Visually? Anything monochromatic with a splash of color. I adore contrasts and because my eyes are very sensitive to colors, the dash of it is pleasing. In a way, I guess you could say it’s like how I live my life. The black and white world of logic with just a flicker or glimpse of emotion. To truly understand how I am, who I am, and what I do? One would have to get to know me, see things from my shoes, and understand that some people really can just be that unbiased and detached.
2: Have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?
Hmm, close but not quite. I think in peculiar patterns that most would think is reaching for straws. I look for hidden meanings and connections (I do a lot of Sombra mannerisms) and part of how I write needs that development as well. That being said, Skull @deathforsaken gets very close and we tend to feed off of each other with ideas.
5: Do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? Do you identify yourself by the things you do?
To me, the answer to this question is yes; and by yes, I mean both. I am human. This means I make mistakes, I struggle through things as well despite how I am, and I go through experiences that give me knowledge, understanding, and experience. But I make it a point in my life to do things, to take the reigns and never steer away from my dreams, goals, and ambitions. Yes, those times I am human will get in the way, but something I learned when I used to suffer from depression was that if I sat there and moped, if I allowed myself to think the way I did, I would never get better. I would never be off the medication. I would not feel alive ever again. And, of course, depression never really does go away, but you can certainly learn to use it as a strength. Many people would ask “how did you do it” and “was is positive” or “well you never really had it then if you can work with it now.” Well, yes, I was clinically diagnosed and medicated. I’ve been there. The difference is, and no it’s actually not positive at all, I hated myself for it. And by hating myself, I found a motivator. If I hated that I felt that way enough, eventually the hate would cloud out the emptiness which meant I could feel something. If I could learn to hate, I could learn to live. So I used my hate to force myself to adapt and move past the tough days. Yes, I did have those super dark moments (I’ll avoid the word but you all know what I’m talking about), but because I started down that path of doing after being so unremarkably human, I learned to get by.
Honestly, I wish I was! I can’t read music to save my life. That being said, I was in chorus for many years and can sing moderately well as I have been told. I don’t believe this however. I just simply sing because I like to.
