#needing time

[undouxbises]

I should go to work but I think a day at the beach is more needed. It’s been a rough week and my heart craves healing à la plage.

[ichiban-turtle-blog]

I want to thank you all for the support and even some of the tough love. I don’t have it in me to answer asks, I’m sorry for that.

I’m having to do some deep and heavy thinking lately. Hope that you all understand.

- Leonardo

[naomi-zhang]

“you  can meet a better guy and have  a better life without him,”my friend always said that to me when i said i really missed him and wanted him to be back.i was honest to my feeling .

but i am wondering why people always lie to themselves or it’s not lying,it’s just that they want to themselves feel better ,to forger the pain that past love spawned,so they said u can have a better life without the man they loved.

yes,i should move on,but i need time to get through this transformer of feeling.

today,i came into city with my friend ,we found a pizza buffet,i was so excited to find that restaurant,there was so many kinds of pizza and meat i can choose,the first thinking in my mind was that i would definitely  take Colin to this restaurant some day and he would be so happy to this ,i guess when i went into.and all my mind was him,

i was so full after not even ten minutes,i still didn’t realize i already choosed more then eight pieces of pizza and ate most of them,it’s the first time for me to eat like that .it all comes from  my feeling for Colin ,i missed him so much, i still can’t believe i did that so quickly.now i am keeping burping and farting the same as Colin always do after eating pizza.

then on my way to come back to school,he was showing up in my mind,why?

it was almost 9:30pm ,i was on my bus ,and it was waiting for green light,stopped not even one minutes ,then there was a three wheels across the bus and forward and stopped ,,i just wanted to have a look at 南门,oh my god ,i can‘t believe that.why the god arranged that ,he got off from the three wheel and weared a red shirt i never saw before,i didn't like that color in deed,anyway the point was,he just showed up in my eyes when i was thinking of him,i was so happy to have a look at him accidently ,and i was so sad ,i can't get off the bus to find him,that would be meaningless if i did,he was the one choose to leave me initiatively.i don't know what to say right now,i am so awful,there is something really wrong with my head.

[ntiinze]

But it’s difficult to prioritize and organize when I can’t even wrap my head around the reality of these goodbyes.