#negative text

[rotwhyler]

i understand why it's important for you to let your pets see the bodies of their deceased loved ones because like. i did not get to see a body or go to a funeral, nor do i know where (if anywhere) my friend has been laid to rest or if they've been memorialized anywhere like i literally have nowhere to go to mourn, no method of actual closure, and i think that is why it is so particularly difficult for me to accept

[kiwipenfr]

finished gijinka for shsltrashboy on fr! pwyw shop

[lucythereaderofminds]

There are times i want to talk to someone, but I'm  afraid  i annoy them or I'm  too boring  to talk to. I guess i am boring  to my friends. some only talk to me when they need my help or just forget about me in general. I'm  not worthy of having friends online i guess...

[soloratiste]

the kids aren’t alright

[rotwhyler]

all i want is to move out and live in my own space again but with the love of my life this time. unfortunately, because of my dumbshit mentally ill brain and my dumbshit physical health issues, i have this horrible feeling that i will live in my room at my mom's forever until i can't fucking take it anymore.

[rotwhyler]

i wish i had like...a passion. i mean, i’m passionate about writing, but not enough to start a project, let alone finish one. i’m passionate about music, but not even to practice my instruments on a daily basis and make progress on getting better at them. i don’t have any passions in career-based things, so i don’t want to go to college because there’s nothing i really want to do. idk. i feel like i’m just floating through life watching my silly little shows/movies and playing my silly little video games and not actually doing anything i want to do/wish i could do.

[rotwhyler]

develop eating disorder in adolescent years -> develop digestive disorder because of it -> be bloated 90% of the time -> have eating disorder be triggered because of the way the bloating looks

[rotwhyler]

im very upset and disappointed. we were supposed to stay at my dad's for a month while he's in rehab, but his roommate doesn't want us here and is very guilt-trippy about it. also, he's been stiffing my dad on rent! days ago he was supposed to bring me the money he owes my dad so i could deposit it and pay my dad's bills, but he hasn't done that, and my dad is furious because of that AND because his roommate is making me feel unwelcome.

it just sucks because the past week i've been feeling SO good, i love this house a lot, and now i have to go back to my mom's dark, messy, unfinished house and i just know it's going to plunge me back into my depression. i never realized i could function at the level i have been this week since i've been away from my mom's. she told me today that we STILL won't be able to shower there because they've taken weeks to actually finish my bathroom (not to mention the three years it had a gaping hole where the toilet should be while they worked on and finished every other part of the house that they use), AND that we won't be able to do laundry because the dryer is fucked.

between the ant infestation (and the soon to be wasp infestation that happens every spring and summer), the fact that 80% of the housework falls to me in a four (and sometimes five, and sometimes six) person household, and the bleakness of it, i just do not want to go back.

it's crazy how i never realized how much the environment of that house affected my mental health until i stayed at my dad's now that he's divorcing my abusive stepmom and trying to sober up.