I cannot handle this gender shit anymore. I keep trying to ignore it and be fine with being called a girl but the more I try to ignore it, the more I think about it. I feel like I am going back in time and trying to hide myself even though I am out to everyone. Nobody tries and even if they verbally recognize anything about it, they don’t follow through consistently or they say shit “I know your trans, but ya know, you’re still a girl,” when asked in a game who she would go gay for. And then my friend was trying to help and was just like yeah just focus on it being their own lack of understanding and confusion. I don’t think I can anymore like it is not ok but I’m not gonna say anything bc I always get shut down or blown off every time I correct anyone because it is too difficult for them. I feel like nobody is going to love me at any point because I am too much to handle and even the people that are really trying to and want to help, I don’t feel comfortable talking because of the others that have offered support being the ones who end up shutting me down. I can’t afford anything and i am looking for a job and maybe if I get ra I can work and save enough for actually transitioning? All I know right now is that I feel hated, confused, disgusting, have no self confidence because nobody gives a shit about something that I really wish I could control and make stop, and cannot stop crying and really want a hug holy fuck.
