#nejiselfpara

[notasliceoflife]

I Live

There it was, what he thought his father had felt, when they had done the same. Sacrificing himself for his comrades, his loved ones. For the village. This had been the right decision, protecting Hinata, protecting Naruto, from certain death. Letting out a breath he could feel it, his body growing colder as blood oozed from the wounds onto the battle field. A part of him had wanted to grab onto Naruto, steal every ounce of heat the other boy radiated back for himself. Maybe it was for the best though. Maybe this had always been for the best. He had died protecting two of the most important people he had ever known. ]

Now he was slipping, the coldness, the numbness no longer bothering him. The world was closing in on him, his hearing was fading, everything was drifting away but his sight. That's all he had left to him. Then he could see Lee looking over him, see the others tear filled face but he could not react. His body had been too heavy. The light was even now beginning to fade. Though suddenly it had gone. For a moment he thought he forgot to breath, maybe he had even stopped. He didn't know. Then he had begun to feel something warm, only faintly, beginning in his chest. Fighting against the cold and the numbness.

"That isn't what I really meant for you, Neji..." Came a familiar voice. Something that was so old to him though, it was almost foreign, almost. Taking in a breath, Neji felt the entire world beginning to warm up again. His eyes opening, he couldn't see anything, not in the darkness in front of him "It's hard to see a future for yourself, when you may not have one, isn't it?" The familiar voice had said. Stumbling for a moment, Neji gulped reaching out for anything, searching for whoever that voice belonged to. It took him only a moment longer before finally the room seemed to become a little brighter, a shape began to show, their back facing him.

Walking toward it he eyed the figure. It was very familiar the more he looked. The man had turned, facing him, the familiar seal imprinted on their forehead, the same as on his. He felt the shock suddenly hit his chest, the realization before reaching out and moving to quickly hug onto them. It had been so long since he had seen this person, he was so small the last time, barely able to reach their hip "I remember when you were so small, Neji."

Pulling away Neji swallowed the lump in his throat "A lot has changed since then." He narrowed his eyes a little then " What do you mean, no future?" Hizashi gave him a faint smile before saying that Neji was currently in limbo, a world between the Pure, and his own world. Neji frowned "So, I'm dead?" Hizashi had said he was, more or less, dying. But that something had prevented it in the last seconds of his life. Something entered his heart, and now the scales were being weighted on whether he would live, or he would die. But, then, there was more, something had put both these things on pause.

Something out of anyone's control had wrapped him up and was holding him in a suspended state. It didn't make sense to Neji, but he listened respectfully anyway. Still staring at his father, who had been dead and gone for so long now. He couldn't even understand why the other was even there "Why are you here?" Hizashi laughed lightly, then told Neji that he had been there, waiting for Neji to arrive. Then Hizashi leaned back a bit and asked Neji about if he remembered the stories he told Neji about his mother "No."

"I was away on a mission...It had been a couple of days. But you weren't due for quite a while still." Hizashi had began to tell him. The world around the two opening up to a young Hizashi walking into the Hyuga compound when a woman rushed in toward Hizashi, she was in quite a panic.

"Hizashi! It's ****** she has been in labor since late last night!" The woman seemed fairly worried about it, since it had lasted so long. Hizashi, who had always planned on being their for the birth of his son didn't waste any time. Soon he was rushing to his quarters of the Hyuga compound, rushing to meet with his wife, thinking he might miss his sons birth by moments. Bare feet slapping against the slick wooden floors the Hyuga almost flew down each hallway till he reached the correct room. Sliding a bit on the floor as he came to a sudden stop and pulled the door open.

There he had seen several medic-nin trying to help his wife and child. Rushing over Hizashi dropped onto his knee's beside the woman he had loved so dearly. Seeing how exhausted she had been, his hand rubbed against the back of hers before he leaned in to tap his forehead against hers, whispering reassurances and promises of seeing their child any moment now. The medic's didn't seem as hopeful as Hizashi had been trying to feel about the situation though.

There had been so much blood, so much strain in the woman's face as she had been trying to do what she needed in order to help her child. Hizashi began to grow more and more unsure as his wife's condition continued to grow worse, the medics had been giving each other looks. Ones that he was not blind to in the least. He swallowed thickly " Please, just let her live." She had been, until recently, the person he loved most in this world. To lose her so soon, he could not imagine it. His eyes tearing slightly at the thought he leaned in to pet her hair, thick with sweat now.

" It's going to be okay. We'll have a new baby, and forget all about this. Okay. Please ****** just hold on, for our child. You have to hold on." The medics frowned before saying they would need to cut the child out at this rate. Hizashi turned to them "And why didn't that cross your mind the first time!" He barked before one of them flenched at Hizashi's anger and explained to him that she had been in labor for quite a while before they had found her. Being along in their quoarters at the time it happened, no one had heard her until earlier that morning.

Turning his head away he frowned " No. You save them both!  You have to save them both!" Moving he reached over, seemingly not noticing his wife having fallen unconscious " You have to save them..." Just then a slam at the door came, calling Hizashi's attention over toward his brother standing in the doorway. Hiashi looked at the scene. Though Hizashi had straightened up right then " Brother, you shouldn't be here. It's not your place-" He couldn't finish what he was saying before his twin was demanding him to leave the room and let the medic's do their jobs. He was about to protest, though a look from his brother was enough warning.

"Fine. I'll wait outside-" Hiashi's voice commanded him again to wait elsewhere. The other coming in and grabbing to him, grabbing him by the arm and forcing him up before issuing one calm warning to obey him, or else. Hizashi, knowing what Or else really had meant, since Hiashi was cruel, not a 'could be cruel' no, his elder brother was always crueler than usual to him. Even if Hizashi had loved the other and knew they weren't all bad. They had still done cruel things, willingly, to him. Stepping out with his brother then, he was lead to a bedroom where Hiashi stayed talking to his brother as the other paced " I can't lose either of them. I won't."

It was only an hour later before he realized that he could not keep that promise, at least, not to his wife. As a baby wrapped in a soft white blanket had been placed in his arms and the news had come that his wife had died just minutes earlier, as the medics were trying to heal her.  Hiashi offered an apology to the other, then told the other he would leave them to grieve. Hizashi didn't say anything, just letting his brother leave. Sitting down then, Hizashi sniffled, tears slipping down his face and onto the blanket that held his child " She's gone..." His voice cracking, he fought against the tears as he heard the baby sniffling. But they weren't crying. A smile came onto Hizashi's face then " My son. Neji. You are all I have left--WE are all we have left."

There were plenty more Branch family members. But none so close as the little baby he held in his arms right then. Inhaling, he swallowed that pain back down. He knew that he had to be everything for his son, without his wife around. The boy, he promised, would be loved dearly, even if only by him "I promise you, Neji. Your mother didn't give her life, for nothing." Hizashi slipped one hand out from under the other, still cradling his new born son in his arms before reaching over to offer a pinky, which Neji had grabbed onto "You are already so smart, for being moments old."

A year later, Hinata had been born. Hizashi had showed up with a one year old Neji to offer congratulations to his brother on the birth of Hinata. The two brothers then spent some time together, Hizashi never putting Neji down as he talked with his brother. Afraid still that he might lose the other, it was clear to Hiashi that the trauma of the lose of his wife and the boys mother was still very fresh for Hizashi, so he said nothing of it, allowing such a thing. Though it was clear that Hiashi didn't care at all for the boy.

Perhaps he was even a bit jealous of Neji, for being Hizashi's son, and not his. Hizashi had taken notice of this but kept quiet. He mainly had focused on teaching his son to be gentle, yet diligent and strong. Neji was already walking, despite Hizashi's coddling. Neji had even been starting to talk, which Hizashi and him had often done, now that Hizashi was on a more or less permanent maternity leave to take care of the motherless son of his. It had even dawned on Hizashi how talented in Gentle Fist and Jutsu Neji had appeared to be.

After a couple of years though, the worst thing he imagined happening to his son, was being set in motion to happen. Hinata had just turned three, Neji was four. That morning Hizashi had walked in to wake his young son up " Neji. Today is the day, you'll be meeting with Hinata." He commented to the boys excitement really. He smiled fakely back toward the overly happy child, Neji had always favored Hinata, of course. Hinata was a cute little girl. Yet she had also seemed quite gentle, in Hizashi's mind. After meeting up with Hinata, and telling Neji that he and Hinata were to one day be close comrades as ninja of Konaha. 

Neji couldn't wait till the day he could fight alongside his cousin. Smiling toward the young girl then " She's is cute." He commented. Some time later the two were left alone for a while as their parents discussed what was about to happen. Neji had spent his life up until that point being taught by his father. Everything besides about the Branch and Main families struggles between one another. It was clear why Hizashi wouldn't have relayed these things to Neji, since he was so young. Hinata was of course not to blame for the actions of their elders. Neji gave his promise to Hinata then.

"This, is important, Neji. You promised her on that day that you would protect her. That, you have." Hizashi had commented, breaking the immersion.  Looking over toward his father, Neji had remained silent " You said to your friend, that you finally knew what I felt, protecting my comrades..." Hizashi let out a breath, staring at his son. He had known the boy had struggled since the day of his death. He had also known longer than that that Neji had been the most talented Hyuga in their family, perhaps ever " You should not be here, you should not be dead." Hizashi looked away, a slight annoyance on his face "He should be here. He should have done something right, in his entire miserable life." An image of Hiashi appeared for a moment before fading " He has always been selfish. I have seen everything though. He cannot escape the justice that truly will be waiting for him."

It wasn't that he thought Hiashi hadn't tried to protect Neji. It was more that Hiashi didn't even try to protect his own daughter, and let his nephew be the shield " It should have been his time. Not yours. THIS is not what I meant for you." Even if his son had understood his feeling. It did not mean he wanted his son to die in this way "It's too soon, for you. But there is nothing that can be done now." Hizashi frowned "You're mothers death would be made pointless, as would mine, if you die for the false pretense that the Hyuga has changed." Hizashi, clearly aware of the 'changes' in the Hyuga hierarchy, shook his head " There is no future without you, where such a thing will be justified. Only forgotten and brushed under the rug." Neji's eyes narrow.

"What? But Naruto would change that, wouldn't he? If he becomes Hokoge, I believe that he can change the Hyuga clan for the better. There are already so many things that were not like they were before. Hiashi has allowed me to lead-" Hizashi hissed and turned his head away, telling Neji that that wasn't 'freedom' it was more like a tactic to get Neji to fall under obedience. Even after death, the seal had still remained. Neji frowned as he was about to protest. But it was true, wasn't it? He was obedient. He was no longer that petulant child who wanted to actually change the Hyuga, but he was content with the adjustments made to bring him in, to quell his rebellion, and so the branch family's own chance.

Neji felt stupid. How could he have missed that fact. That even though he had loved his cousin's dearly. That it wasn't their fault for the way their elders had treated the branch family. Hiashi and the others were still playing the long game with him, and the branch. They would never truly let their caged family members be free " Some of the best slaves, are those who believe they aren't in cages." Neji commented a little shocked.

Hizashi gave a sad nod " You must survive, to help the branch. They will forget, if you are not there to work toward the change yourself. You are just a slave who was given a few gifts, that's all." Hizashi shook his head " My dear brother, still unable to accept his true nature. As ignorant as he pretends he is. He has always willingly turned a blind eye to what truly should be done. I died to be free of these things, and yet, I remain here still. Never free because I will always be a caged bird." The Hyuga had created a jutsu to use on their family, but never acknowledged a way to undo such a horrible jutsu.

"There is a way, Neji. You can find it, you can help find it. But there is a way to undo this. You're the Hyuga that was born to save the branch family, you're the only one who could." Hizashi lift up a hand then, pointing it toward Neji's chest, poking it gently " That warmth is some of that fox chakra from your friend. It spread to you before you heart could truly stop..." Hizashi smiles at his son before tilting his head " Perhaps you truly are, a phoenix, Neji."

Neji watched as Hizashi stood up and started walking away, turning into particles in front of him before the other turned to him and told Neji he needed to hold on a little bit longer. His time will come many years from then, but not now. It was too soon for him to die, even if they had done it to protect the ones he loved. They had always been meant to have a deeper purpose, than to die so simply " You were meant to break that cycle, Neji. Not with your body as a shield. But with your mind as a sword, one that will be sharp enough to cut through all the cages of your clan members." Hizashi was fading away. Neji stood from where he had been sitting and ran toward the other " But, how, you know what's happened...How could I live. I have nothing. I am stuck, i'm bleeding out."

Hizashi gave a shrug and then told Neji that he should ask his friends for help more often, or else he wouldn't get anywhere. Pulling away, Neji stood straight. He couldn't remember a time when he had ever asked anyone to help him. In his mind, even as a teenager, they didn't strike him as being interested in what he had gone through, or was going through. As he watched his father's form completely disappear from sight, he dropped to his knee's " I have sacrificed too much, to let go of life right when I have the power to change all that I had wished to change in my youth." Closing his eyes he sat, just as the darkness around him had begun to brighten up ever so slightly. Turning into his bedroom.

His bedroom had always been featureless. It had showed no trace of anyone having lived there. It had no personality. Not significant items of importance. Neji wasn't one to collect and make clutter. He had never thought of himself as sentimental. Not because he had no sentiments. It had all seemed so pointless to him though. Collecting things that would mean nothing once he had died for a member of the main family member. Even as he grew into a teenager he really hadn't changed this perspective. He remained more or less, still closed off from all his friends and lacking any personal items outside of weapons, clothing, or scrolls. Neji had looked around before dropping his head " I never got to live, did I...Then I died, the way I always imagined I would." The room once more began to fade into darkness, consuming Neji with it.

The darkness had remained, though he had no idea for how long it remained. Perhaps he had been in whatever hell was to the ninja world. Neji had imagined it was because of the horrible things he had done to his cousin. Hinata was always too soft. Softer than he was, when he was young enough to not be marred by the pain of being a branch member. Though in the darkness, as usual, he could hear some mumbling of voices. Voices he could not make out entirely, or see.

Again, wherever he was now, he was hearing them. He felt a hand to his forehead, seemingly feel for his temperature. Then something tighten around his chest. But that had been it. This had been more frequent some time ago. Then, after being moved around a lot e could feel hands on him that he couldn't quite shake off. Though he couldn't see who they belonged to either. Neji could feel himself getting warmer though, over time. Some days he would get far too warm for his comfort. Then his chest would clench up, making it hard for him to breath. Or at least what he had felt as being hard to breath.

Again, he remained in the darkness, not knowing just what was going on around him. Who was talking, who was touching him. Every so often he could taste a drink, or food. But that was all he had. Outside of that he had only been able to sleep. Till on day he heard the sliding of a door. His ears twitching at this. It was the loudest most clear thing he could hear in such a long time.  Then he could hear the gentle shuffling of feet. It was Hinata's gate, it had to have been, he would know that gate from anywhere.

When the shuffling stopped and a warmth faintly began to come from outside of his body he inhaled, hearing the gentle voice of his cousin talk about how she wished he would wake up soon. Neji then felt her lift up his hair, brushing it and talking about how it could get so tangled if left unattended to for too long. But she seemed happy to tend to it anyway, even though he couldn't see her smiling, he imagined she had been. Though it hit him then that she talked about how he wasn't wake. Why wasn't he awake? He could hear her, he could feel her presence.

Another pair of footprints came into the room, followed by Naruto's voice telling her he had brought food for Neji. Hearing the faint sound of a tray being placed on the floor he felt and even more intense body heat. That was definitely Naruto. Neji grinned, which Naruto had noticed it faintly appear on Neji's lips for a moment, commenting that Neji had just smiled. Hinata made an amused sound, agreeing that Neji indeed had smile a bit. Then commented that Neji had been doing quite a few things as of late. She reached over to tickle his sides, a faint giggle left Neji's lips.

Which Neji had then became annoyed about, how dare she tickle him when he couldn't defend himself! However, in the waking world, his body went back to stillness, and quiet. Soon after the voices of Hinata and Naruto again faded into nothing but mumbles. He could again feel himself slipping off to sleep though only to wake back up when someone began feeding him. For a while after, there was nothing but darkness again. That is until he heard Lee and Naruto squabbling about something. They had been right in the middle of their arguing when Neji lift up his hand suddenly, covering his right ear.

Just like that Lee stopped and shoved Naruto to the floor, or Neji had only assumed as much with the sound that followed. Lee's hands on him next was all he had felt before being jerk up into a hug and the dramatic crying from his teammate followed. Though this had only lasted a moment before Lee realized he might be hurting the Hyuga. Gently setting him back down before starting to ask Neji all kinds of questions, only for Naruto to comment that Lee was going to make Neji want to go back to sleep if he kept bothering the other. Hinata had returned by then and asked what had happend. Their voices beginning to fade away from him once more. The a smile had appeared on his face, and remained for a while following this incident.

Some weeks later, Neji had been sitting up in bed, still quite weak even then. But also very much awake and mostly alert of his surroundings. He and Hinata were having a fairly pleasant conversation. She was catching him up on all that had happened since he nearly died in the war. Though she had avoided talking about the war not too long after Neji had woken up. As it seemed to unsettle her cousin. Neji had been in a coma more or less for the better part of a year or more while medics were taking care of him. Neji had put two and two together after she had informed him of this.

That was why nothing had happened for a long time, even though his mind had been more or less aware. Neji however was also still on bed rest and would sleep on and off as he continued his recovery from his injuries, now less life threatening that he was allowed to spend the remainder of his days healing at the Hyuga compound. After Hinata had left him for the time being Neji looked around the room, still bare, just like he had left it before the war "Another chance to live, is that right." He should have thought he was considerably lucky. It was the second time he should have died, and managed to cheat death.

"So this time. I live."