#nellynova

[vitamindailymusic]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbyh_7Akh2w)

[leonellcassio]

I made a song with @nellynovaa OUT NOW! Link in my bio (top of my page) #nellynova #bestofme #leonellcassio #futurebass #freedownload #freemusic #nocopyright #emotionalbass #electronicmusic #piano #cover #pianocover #mood #15secondcover #pianocover #iAmArt #IGP #instrument #cover #ピアノ #피아노 #鋼琴 #钢琴 #おんがく #music

[chokeonmyrainbow]

Still working on it..

"You can't make homes out of human beings, someone should have already told you that." _warsan shire Someone should have already told you when a man bargains to leave parts of himself inside you, without giving you room to leave something behind in him. Someone should have already told you when he asked to settle inside you but not settle down with you that you should worry. You will learn Some foundations are strong enough to make Rome rise or make it fall to its knees. And your body has always been more ruins then temple. More mosaic than masterpiece. Been made whole by all the pieces others have left behind. But bigger picture, You have always been built on destruction. you will learn that when He tells you that he loves an artist with a mending heart. That He wants to be your muse but he was never taught how to love. He Wants to fix the broken in you, but doesn't know where to start. It is to say he is empty promises and whiskey laced lips. Learn to stop making Gods out of men whose shadows tower over you. Men who will leave something rotting in you. He is a false prophet and you are what he should be praying to. When someone shows you who they are believe them. When he apologizes for the way he loved you too hard, for leaving you bruised and broken know this will not be the last time. When he says home is where the heart is remember he has a wandering heart and a heavy touch. He is not one to make a home with he will not be your safe haven he will be the storm that floods your inside. No you can't make homes out of human beings, cant live in someone who could easily live without you. Someone should have already told you that. They should have told you some men will take and take until theres no more you inside you left, till all thats left is a canvas of whatever he has left in you. Hes done blue printed your insides made a shelter of your soul and left you out in the cold. When they tell you, you can't make homes out of human beings, it is to say when they leave, you will be home alone.

[chokeonmyrainbow]

6/30

Understand im not me when i am drunk. No im a super awesome version of myself until im not. Im all free will, burn this house to the ground, kiss first ask name later. Im a hurricane with tequila breath im the party in a bottle till you leave me empty or drowning Not sure which is worse I warned you it would come to this. Hate to say i told you so, but i begged you to not fall for me. Told you im not the type of girl you can handle i drink to forget but wake up remembering Im spoiled milk, rotten meat, broken glass damaged goods All this to say not your mess to clean up Understand i am not me when im drunk I was whole before he got in to me And whiskey it has a way of gutting me clean See i told you, you couldn’t handle me Warned you im the type of girl you need a chaser for.

[chokeonmyrainbow]

5/30

Im 20 years old, and i consider my self one of the youngest victims of alschimerz. My memory is shit. And maybe its the weed or the drinking or maybe nothing seem worth remembering. Nothing besides you. "Pop Quiz! Tell me where we first kissed? Tell me where my spot is? Tell me if i liked it, loved it...?" I bet if i asked you would develop a stutter. Mutter a mixture of different answers to see if any thing would stick. You would tell me maybe my alchimers was rubbing off on you as if it was a joke. As if my deteriorating mind was something contagious. Something you could pass off as forgetfullness. As if my precious memories werent being scraped out of my skull untill all i remember is dusk. A darkness so dark my shadows had shadows and the only light at the end of my tunnel was you. "Pop Quiz! Tell me where we first kissed? Tell me where my spot is? Tell me if i liked it, loved it...?" I've never been able to remember my fathers birthday, where i left my keys or the last time i was truly happy. The few things i know is that our first kiss was between a door way. Even then you had one foot out the door ready to run in any direction besides into my arms.  I bet if i asked you wouldnt remember the first time you pushed yourself inside of me. The first time i collapsed my self around you quivering at your every touch. Bet you forgot how you brushed my hair back making promises you never kept. No because you dont keep record of that toss it off as something not worth storing in your memories. There are more special thing to keep in there i bet you only remember the fuck, only remember the Nut. The faces all blurred, there all the same. Baby remind me, whats my name?  

[chokeonmyrainbow]

4/30

"I sat up writing after i awoke. Soaked from a dream where you made love to me. " Call it a fantasy, twisting my reality but i'd give everything to have your tounge trace the outlines of my inner thighs. My body a canvas for whatever meaningless masterpiece you have chosen to create this time. This time it will be different! But not even i believe that lie.  Have i ever told you that your eyes remind me of the titanic. The most beautiful tragedy ever witnessed. But i guess, i guess that would make me the ice burg that you never saw coming. Maybe i came on too strong, too fast for you to get away so now where kinda stuck this way. And maybe this is a good thing or maybe im so blind that i dont see that i would Break apart my spine to have you at my side and you wouldnt even meet me half way. Would rather dive in and make a symphony of my pelvis thrusting against your body than gaze into my eyes and have a conversation with my soul. And maybe im just too bitter and old or your too prideful and young but somethings gotta give. And i dont have anything left for you to take by now.  So darling you decide if we shall be an at sea tragedy that everyone will always remember. Or be the monumental romance that no one cared about except for us. Because the clocks ticking and its just a matter of time before everything goes boom and where left with unanswered questions of what could have and should have been?  So, so if this is the end tell me now because i have one simple request. Let me trace your silhouette and swallow every detail of what i shall remember you as, let me breathe in your kiss and gaze into those Titanic like eyes one more time. Hoping that you see me as the beautiful tragedy you have created. Hoping that the meaningless masterpiece you  have made of me, wasn't made in vain.

[chokeonmyrainbow]

3/30

Manderley Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderley again. The sun setting casted a shadow over you. Your inappropriate morals cloaked against your caramel skin. I couldn't help but be tempted. See its men like you who make women like me afraid to wake up, lost in the lust of your touch.  Last night, i dreamt i went to Manderley again. I saw you standing by the roses, you said the ones with the most thorns are the ones worth holding. Said girls  like me were worth molding and i never quite understood what that meant. See its boys like you that make girls like me fill up with frustration making me forgive you when you kiss me with no hesitations. Making me walk around with the misconception that loving me, loving me was a burden you never bargained for. See you and me are like a dream, the way that nothing seems off until I'm sitting alone thinking of the memory that is your touch. Last night i actually went to Manderley again, swore to myself it would be the last time. Let you trace the outlines of my spine. Let your fingers fiddle across my skin like it was the first time that they've been, and i close my eyes and think of the paradox that is your kiss. And i know how much you want this but theres just so much i can give, when i have nothing to receive. Than you beg me not to leave but i swore to myself that this would be the last time. This is becoming harder than what it seems. And all that keeps me holding on is these fucking dreams. But you go on tell that girl of yours se can have your heart because its no longer mine. And i wish her the best hope that she wont land face face first with a hole in her chest. Hope that her dreams with you don't drown at sea, hope that when she kisses you she doesn't taste the remains of me. Hope she knows that I'm sorry you refuse to be the best you, that you can be. But when all is said and done as the numbness of your kiss leaves my tongue. When you start to dream about way-back-when just remember, we can never go back to Manderley again.

[chokeonmyrainbow]

2/30 late as usual

Why do i feel the most loved when your hands are roped around my neck feel ur touch the most wen im struggling for breath when was the last time u loved without knotted fist without bruised lips without apologies im sorry ima monster doesnt cut it anymore my hands shouldnt tremble every time you walk through the door promises of i love you shouldn't come with promises of i will hurt you When he tells u he loves u do not believe him his breath smells of whisky he has meat hook hands know if he gets his hands on u he will leave u to rot know he only wants the rotten in you The first we time we made love drunk u said u loved how my whisky stained breath felt gasping for breath on ur chest how drinking made me more like myself then i was sober u loved how i screamed ur name as if it was my own When he tells u he misses u know he only misses the worst parts of u when he apologize know he is only sorry ur not undressing any quicker sorry ur not drunker sorry u still think urself worth the effort he will hand u a glass full to the rim tell u he wishes u understood his addiction to you u wish he could understand urs you down the glass every last bit of it  Stop drinking Wave your white flag surrender him before he amputates the rest of u he refusee to hold u up while u hold it down move to a different town change ur name cut ur hair carve out the pieces of u that remind u of him  Remember who u use to be find her again  go out without friends fall in lust find a boy with small knuckles and a sincere smile make him fall for the broken in u make him think he can fix you make him regret it leave him with no explanation make him a martyr ur worth dying for right? Now Gorge on whisky till u see blurry call the monster youve been craving you have a sweet tooth and he's one hell of a cavity relapse into his arms old habits die hard and he is your heroin you addiction drink him in till theres nothing left of you. Drink him in till till you dont know if its the vodka or regrets spilling out of you.   you made your bed dont let him lie in it. When you look under the bed for monsters you dont invite them to sleep woth you. Im sorry ur a monster im sorry ima monster too im sorry im becoming you.