Simple (Loki x F!Reader) Masterlist
This is my very first fic on here, I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing (but I guess not,
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.
Story Rating: M
Chapter trigger warnings: Stressful situations
Words: 3794
14
It felt like an eternity as your mind evaluated the options, sorted out the feelings. It became increasingly uncomfortable for you. You wanted to hate him, but you couldn‘t… Why not? Under his drug induced sobbing he said things like „I never wanted to do anything like this.“ and „They forced this Soldier into me, but still, it was me who did it.“ And that gave it away for you.
„It‘s okay.“, you finally said. „It wasn‘t you. Hydra made you a tool. They manipulated you to do their dirty work. I‘m sure you fought against it, but lost. Like… me.“
Now he looked up to you, puzzled. You met his eyes.
„Well, I am only able to remember what happened after they, very recently, kidnapped me and forced my memory back, together with some… skills. They made me use them against my will to harm others. But I was not brainwashed like you. I was… just threatened. They probably wouldn‘t even have killed me. They just hurt me. But that was enough for me to hurt others instead.“ You got lost in thought.
„No, don‘t do this to yourself. You‘re not the one to blame here. They made you do it.“, he comforted you.
„Just like they did with you.“ You looked him dead in the eye. He shut his opened mouth and thought. Maybe he looked for some explanation why he was guilty while you weren‘t, but he couldn‘t find one.
„Listen. If you want to punish yourself, it‘s your choice. But you know it‘s not the truth. It‘s bad enough that you have to carry the memories of what you did around all the time. You will always be scarred. And maybe some inner wounds will never really heal. But it wasn‘t you. The real You. It was Hydra‘s manipulated variant of you.“
Your words seemed to reach him, a small smile escaped his lips for one second. You couldn‘t bear the intense emotional energy filling the air of this small hospital room.
„Okay. I guess you‘ll be around for a bit. I‘m gonna leave now.“ You already stood up and turned around as he called you.
„Wait! I never got to know your name.“
You looked back at him with a smile. „It‘s Y/N.“ You waited a second, anticipated.
„I‘m Bucky. I hope we can start over, maybe.“
„Yeah, I hope that, too.“, you added and left.
Next to the glass front of the room, only just out of sight, Tony and Steve were nervously waiting, letting out a sigh of relief as you appeared. You automatically smiled at them and casually strolled over.
„Well, looks like it wasn‘t that bad.“, you lied, forcing yourself to sound lighthearted. „But you should really get that man into a shower, you kno—“ Suddenly it felt like the corridor was turning around you, your ears rang. The dizziness made your knees weak and you would have hit the ground if it wasn‘t for some magically appearing hands getting hold of you. As you tried to roll your eyes back out of your skull you just vaguely saw some green shimmer and black locks over you. His familiar scent rooted your senses and made you not faint completely. You were picked up and carried to the lift, while you muttered „I‘m fine, I‘m fine.“ over and over again. You felt your bed beneath your body and thought closing your eyes for a few minutes would stop the world from turning so fast.
The low sunlight of the winter sun finally woke you up again. You turned your head and saw Loki sleeping on a chair next to your bed, holding your hand (with your gloves on) and his legs stretched out on the corner of your matress. In another chair Tony was slightly snoring, arms crossed, head tilted way back on the backrest. You let go of Loki‘s hand and touched your forehead where a massive headache started to rise. Loki almost immediately woke up.
„Easy, Y/N, don‘t get up too fast.“
That woke Tony up as well.
„Hey honeybun, how are you?“ He was already by your side, offering you a glass of water.
„Ow. Damn. I don‘t know, what happened?“ Your voice was hoarse and you thankfully took the water, drinking in small sips.
„Bruce meant you overexerted yourself.“, Tony explained.
„Overexerted? How, I did nothing but talk?“
„It seems that your emotional energy is now very closely linked to your physical. He said that is totally natural, but not to this extreme extent you are experiencing right now.“
„That means…?“
„That means, if you use your skills, or are otherwise emotionally drained, your brain will suck up the lacking energy from other parts, making you physically weaker, to protect the functions of your brain.“
„You can‘t be serious. How can that have such an effect on my physis?“
„Hm.“ Tony thought for a second. „Do you know that, when you‘ve got lots of stress over a long time, at some point your body finds another outlet? Some get stomach issues, others maybe headaches, skin rashes…“
„Yeah. I usually get UTI‘s or some shit like that.“
„Well. Unfortunately your psyche is much stronger now. It needs more energy. And if you overstimulate it, may it be with or without your skills as it seems, your brain gets the needed energy somewhere else to protect it from a severe overdrive.“
You let that sink in for a moment. It sounded kind of plausible.
„So, you wanna tell me that if I get too emotional, even without using my skills, I will… faint?“
„I guess your ‚batteries‘ will last longer when you‘re not using your skills, but yes. That‘s how Bruce explained it to me, and it sounded kind of plausible.“
You smiled a bit, shook your head. You looked at your hands, how they were lying peacefully in your lap, palms up. Then you screamed at them so loud that Tony and Loki both almost fell from their chairs.
„THAT SHIT IS BANANAS!“ You looked at their startled faces. „WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! I WILL GO FUCKING BATSHIT BONKERS!“
„Hey, dear, it‘s okay. We will—“, Loki wanted to calm you down.
„NO!“, you shouted into his face, raising a finger at him. „Don‘t you dare to ‚hey, dear‘-me! ‚Weee‘“ You pointed at yourself and him, getting louder, „will do nothing. I will figure this out. If I want your assistance, I will tell you. Or, no, wait, let me rephrase that. If I want you to lie to me again, and then reveal the lie in the MOST UNFITTING SITUATION, I will tell you. Okay? Now, fucking get out of my face.“ You couldn‘t look at him, you knew what he would look like. Just as you noticed he didn‘t move, you turned to yell in his face „LEAVE!“
Loki looked at you, at Tony (who was far more than confused). His eyes switched between several undefined spots in the room, then he stood up and left. Quietly. Just like that.
You had to take some deep breaths to prevent you from crying. It took some time before Tony dared to speak again.
„What the fuck was that? Did— did he do something to you?“
„It‘s okay, Tones, I can deal with that—…are, are you okay?“ You grabbed his hand, but it was ice cold. You looked up and saw his arm was run over with goosebumps, his eyes were wide open but his pupils were the size of pinheads.
„No, no. It‘s fine. Just, as you freaked out right now, it made my toenails curl up and it was like every single hair on my body would be ripped out all at once.“
„Oh come on…“, you laughed.
„No, I mean it, Y/N. That was a real sensation I just had. Like, an almost haptical wave of… distress. How do you feel, honey?“
„I… uh… hm. I feel okay. Good, even…? Weird.“ You smiled confused. But it really felt good. It was like your body was under tension like a bow and you finally could let that arrow go.
„Sooo… no hard feelings? Anything else you‘re gulping down?“, Tony carefully asked.
„Uhm… no. I‘m fine right now. Really fine. But damn, I‘m hungry.“, you said with a smile.
„Alright, that’s something we need to change immediately.“ He clapped his hands on his thighs and stood up. As you went after him, you heard him, almost indistinctly, saying „Phew, I don‘t envy Loki.“
„What? What do you mean?“
„What? Oh, ehm, nothing…“
You squinted your eyes at him.
„It‘s just… I was only thinking…“ He sighed. „I‘m wondering, if your… eruption was so intense for me, how it may felt for him, since it was clearly directed at him. It surely was no bed of roses. Well-deserved, I don‘t question that.“
You stopped on your way to the kitchen and sighed.
„Damn. I have to talk to him.“
„Oh, I‘m sure he can take some hook to the chin. You clearly need to eat first.“
„No… I don‘t want him to feel shitty because I lashed out at him like this. Also I get uneasy with unresolved conflicts sitting in my neck.“
„Ah, yeah. I get that. But here“ He pulled out a bag of cashews and gave it to you. „Snack a bit.“
A broad smile decorated your face as you remembered how you got offered cashews when you applied for a job that changed your life to an unbelievable point. You looked at Tony, with his goofy smile, and pulled him into a dear hug.
„Thank you, Tones. I‘m so, so happy to have you back in my life, and in my mind. I love you.“
He pressed you close to his chest. „I love you, too, little honeybun.“
You took the cashews, crammed them into your pocket and went back into your private rooms. He wasn‘t in your living room, nor in his private bedroom.
„JARVIS, please locate Loki.“
„I am sorry, Miss, but I cannot clearly locate him.“
„Where was he last?“
„As he left your bedroom, he sat down in the winged chair by the window front and then disappeared.“
„Ah, yes, I understand. He is not able to completely disappear, right? He cannot go far away.“
„No, Miss. He probably just turned invisible, as far as I understand his powers.“
„Okay, thank you.“ You sat down in the winged chair you usually sat in, next to Loki‘s, and sighed.
„Loki, listen. I am sorry I lost control and bursted out at you like that. It probably was more… intense than just words. Please. Let me apologize face to face.“
After a few moments the green shimmer appeared. You gasped as you saw him, he looked completely devastated. You rushed to him, knelt down in front of him and held his hands.
„Oh my god, Loki. Was that me? Did— did I do this to you?“
„I— I really would prefer to lie and say no, but I don‘t count that as a good idea.“, he softly said, avoiding eye contact.
„Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god… I am so incredibly sorry. I never wanted anything like that! I had no idea! Please, please forgive me.“, you begged through your tears, wiping over Loki‘s wet cheek with your thumb.
„It‘s okay. My mind knows exactly what‘s going on. My body is just processing the signals it received. I‘m fine, my dear. Nothing to forgive.“ Reluctantly he looked at your face. You couldn‘t bear to see him like that, so you took off your gloves, but he stopped you.
„No, Y/N. A direct exchange would be too much for my system. But you don‘t need your hands. Your aura is strong enough if you direct it precisely. If you want to, I could guide you through it.
You nodded. „Yes, please.“
His voice was soft and low, his eyes closed.
„Take a few deep breaths like this: Inhale while counting to four, hold, counting to four, exhale, counting to four and hold again for four. Do this a few times until you feel calmer. Then, concentrate on your feelings. Not on what you want me to feel, just your calmness. Think of it like a colour, no need to tell me which. Let this colour flow through you, maybe it glows, maybe it‘s glistening like water, there‘s no wrong way. Whatever feels right to you. Then, imagine this colour flowing over to me.“
You followed his instructions as he spoke. But not completely, you had the urge to act a little differently.
He gasped as you climbed onto his lap. Your legs hung off the armrest, your head lent on his shoulder. A bit hesitating he put his arms around you. Soon you felt his body relax.
„Damn it Loki.“, you said with a smile, „I only came here to genuinely apologize. But where do I end up? On your lap.“
„Could imagine a worse outcome.“, he mumbled.
„No, I mean it.“ You lent away a bit to face him. His ocean blue eyes were glowing from the sunlight, piercing right into you. „I just made up this adult plan, to keep you on a distance, to concentrate on myself only. I didn‘t want to be distracted by you. In the past few weeks it was like I didn‘t have to face my trauma when I was around you. I felt good. Complete. Safe. I wanted to feel that with only myself, too. And I still do. But then again…“ You inhaled his scent deeply and let out a moan. „I can‘t stop. I‘m always spiraling back to you.“
„So, you will not cross me out?“ Still focusing on you, he moved closer.
„No…“, you breathed „Looks like I‘m tied to you…“ Your eyes darted at his eyes, then at his lips. The throbbing of your heart and the heat from your cheeks seemed to melt together down in your groin. Yes, god, yes, finally…
But Loki stopped. „You… You are right.“
„…What?“ No, no, no, come back here.
„We actually are kind of tied together. That‘s why we‘re always drawn to each other. The other is constantly in our mind, and we need each other‘s proximity. But it can‘t already be…“, he muttered more to himself. He took your right hand into his, whispered some words you couldn‘t understand, but you thought you heard him saying his mother‘s name. Confused, you watched his face, then your hands. You held your breath, closely observing. This was not Loki‘s magic that looked like a green aurora, revealing things. A crystal-like structure formed in front of your hands, cracking up like a window. As this crystal window broke open, it showed both your hands, intertwined with several strings in white and red.
„Wow, what the fuck…“, you reverently said, moving your hand around. The strings followed your every move, there was no way of shaking them off or anything. „What is that?“
„I…“ Loki was out of words. As he moved, the crystal window dispersed into white and red sparks. You realized he wanted to stand up, so you got off his lap. He started to nervously walk up and down the room while talking to himself. „That can‘t be. I never did… and we weren‘t… yet…. we didn‘t even… What?!“
„Loki, what the hell is going on? You‘re freaking me out!“ You stopped him and grabbed him by the arms, softly shaking him. „Loki, talk to me, please!“ Your eyes met.
„I… I am incredibly sorry, Y/N.“ He had to look away. An ice cold shiver ran over your body.
Both of you jumped as someone knocked on your door.
„What?!“, you almost screamed at the door. Slowly it opened and Tony put his head inside.
„Everything‘s okay? You know you can lock the door if you want privacy, right?“
You sighed heavily and inhaled. „Oh you‘re so funny. How can we help you?“ You tried to seem calm. Tony didn‘t need to know how close to Loki you actually were and he surely didn‘t need to know about your personal drama here.
„Could you come to the common room real quick? I want to introduce you to someone.“, he said and left, leaving the door open a bit.
You took a few breaths and you both went to the door. But you stopped Loki before you got out.
„Please, just tell me this. What I just saw, does that mean… I‘m in… danger somehow? Will— will I die?“ You looked him directly in the eyes, his face went soft.
„No, my dear. You‘re perfectly fine.“ He genuinely smiled and you just took it.
As you went to the common room, you saw a female figure leaning onto the counter, long, wavey hair laying on her back. She was talking to Tony, the others were there, too, except for Steve. The unknown female turned around as she noticed the others were looking at you. As your eyes met your pace slowed down for some unknown reason so that Loki bumped into you.
„Hello, I‘m Wanda. You got to be Y/N, am I right?“ She walked towards you and hugged you. Your heart started to race a bit.
„Eh, yes! Hi! Nice to meet you!“ She gave you one of the prettiest smiles you ever saw, then she looked behind you.
„You must be Loki then.“ She quickly darted over him from tip to toe and offered her hand, assuming he was not the type to hug at first sight. He took it and shaked it firmly.
„A pleasure.“, he said with a polite smile.
„Alright! Now that you all know each other, come over here. We got stuff to discuss.“, Tony said.
All of you sat around the kitchen counter, drinking coffee and he explained the situation.
„Our precious Wanda here is known for a lot of powers, one of them being mind control. We hope that, with her help, we maybe can erase the programmation of our captive downstairs.“
„Yes, I think that should be possible. I will have to spend some time with him. To get to know him. But as far as I can see, he is willing to cooperate.“, Wanda said.
You were sitting across from her and for some reason she kept giving you little looks. You felt hot and nervous, probably because she was new and you didn‘t know her.
After all the mission details were talked through, Tony kind of dismissed all of you. With a smile you excused yourself and went out on the balcony to get some fresh air. It didn‘t take long and you felt the presence of someone.
„I‘m fine, Loki. I just needed a bit of air—“
„Alright, I‘ll tell him when I see him.“
Wanda stood next to you, leaning onto the railing, inhaling the crisp winter air.
„Isn‘t it too cold for you?“, she asked, looking over your clothes. You wore casual sweatpants and a t-shirt.
„Oh, no no. It‘s fine. I went outside because I felt a bit hot. Also, the sun is warming, too.“ You nervously chuckled. You mustered all your courage. „Uhm. I‘m sorry if I‘m wrong, but… it seemed like you were… kinda watching me? A bit? Am I wrong? Or did I maybe do something?“
„Oh, no. Not at all. You must know, I‘m able to read thoughts, when I want to. I can control it most of the time, but sometimes I involuntarily listen to the thoughts of others. I just wanted to say that I am incredibly sorry for what happened to you.“
You furrowed your brows. „What… what do you mean?“
„What the Soldier did to you and your parents. I can only imagine how traumatizing it must have been.“ She gave you a sincerely concerned look, gently pressing your hand. Her touch made your skin hot and cold at the same time.
„How… how do you know that? I wasn‘t thinking of it?“
„Your… boyfriend thought of it.“ She looked confused.
„But I never told him? Also, he‘s not my boyfriend.“, you added lukewarm.
She gave you a very puzzled look. „I— I am sorry. But he knows it. And he…. Also thinks of you two being… in a relationship.“ She closely watched your face as you realized how he could have known from the incident and just ignored the „relationship“ part for now.
„I am sorry, Y/N. I thought you told him, of course. Especially since I thought you two were a couple.“ She got a bit nervous because she revealed something you didn‘t know. „Wait here please.“ She quickly went inside.
It was like all the air outside wasn‘t enough, you almost hyperventilated. The next second Loki appeared at your side.
„What is going on? Wanda just came in and said—“
„Were you in the room when I wanted to talk to Bucky alone?“, you cut him off.
„…What? Why…“, he stuttered. You turned, looking him straight in the eye.
„Did you eavesdrop on me? Although I clearly stated I wanted nobody else to listen?“
You watched him writhe on inside until he gave in with a sigh. „Yes. I did.“
You clenched your hands around the railing, your nails digging into the wood. „I— I cannot believe that. How could you do this to me?“
„I just wanted you to be—“
„Safe?“ You spit the word into his face. „He was completely tied down. He was under drugs and obviously not in the Soldier-mode. Tony and Steve were standing right outside the door. AND I can alter the feelings of persons when I only fucking TOUCH them! So don‘t tell me you did it for the sake of my fucking SAFETY!“
Loki searched for words, but failed.
„Go on! Tell me your honorable reason why you right out disrespected my personal wishes for privacy, for what? Come on. Tell me.“ You didn‘t get an answer. „TELL ME!“, you yelled at him, tears in your eyes. „Wait, let me help you sort out your feelings.“, you angrily said while ripping off your glove and quickly grabbing Loki‘s wrist. You were fast enough to feel it before he shut it down and ripped back his arm, looking at you wide-eyed.
„What did you do?“, he asked breathlessly.
„Really, Loki? Jealousy? You did it out of fucking jealousy? I thought more of you.“ You had to leave. He wanted to stop you, but you shouted at him: „Don’t you fucking touch me! I am having nothing of this!“ After a second you said, dangerously calm: „I will give a reason for jealousy.“, and left. You just randomly grabbed someone‘s jacket that was hanging over a chair‘s backrest and headed to the stairs that led outside, ignoring that everybody's eyes were on you.
Simple (Loki x F!Reader) Masterlist
This is my very first fic on here, I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing (but I guess not,
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.
Story Rating: M
Chapter trigger warnings: Panic attack, mentioning of harming and death
Words: 2952
13
Your body went stiff while your mind rushed through a million thoughts.
„No, no… that can‘t…. No…“, you stuttered out loud.
„Come on, dear. Let‘s get you out of here.“ Loki stood up and offered you his hand to follow him. You didn‘t react.
„How could…. No… but it was so long ago… how could that even be?…“ You simply could not process until Loki said your name.
„Y/N, please, come on.“
You looked at him. You didn‘t need to touch him to see how he felt. He tried to make a calm face but there was terror in his eyes. It made you just more uneasy. You weren‘t able to move one muscle, you just stared into Loki‘s face, frozen. As he realized that you went into shock, he picked you up.
„There you go, dear. I got you.“
Automatically you held onto his neck and let him carry you into your rooms. He placed you on one of your winged chairs and crouched down before you, his hands on your knees, trying to get in touch with you again.
„Y/N, do you hear me? You‘re safe here. Nothing can happen to you. Please, look at me.“
The urgency in his voice made you look at him.
„I am so scared, Loki.“ Your voice was breaking. „I don‘t know what to do, I--“ He placed his hand on your cheek while you started crying softly.
„Let me help you.“, he said as he took your hand into his. You didn‘t realize what he was doing. At first you only felt the warmth of his touch, but soon you had the urge to close your eyes and breathe deeper. Your heart found its normal pace, your tears ebbed away.
„What are you doing to me…“, you whispered. You felt the calmness, it eased you up, but you also felt that it didn‘t come from you. You opened your eyes and looked at Loki. His breath was shallow, his eyelids fluttered under concentration.
„Stop it.“ You tried to send this calmness back to him, but it didn‘t work. You disconnected from him, and losing your touch made him stumble back and land harshly on the ground. He was tense and anxious. You kneeled down to him on the floor, holding his face.
„What did you just do? What happened?“ You couldn‘t really grab the situation. Under your touch Loki seemed to relax a bit, although you felt that no emotional energy flowed between you two, though you tried. After a few deep breaths, Loki explained.
„I exchanged our feelings. I took yours, and therefore could give you mine.“, he said slightly breathless.
„What?… But I thought…“
„Through my Seidr, I have control over the emotional exchange. I can choose to accept your feelings, deny them, and what energy I want to send to you.“ Loki couldn‘t look you in the eye and as you became aware of your feelings, you knew why.
„…and you didn‘t tell me? All this time when I was so anxious to touch anybody you never thought it might be nice to know that you have the power to control that?“
„Listen, Y/N, I wanted to tell you so badly. But I wanted to wait until you were a bit more stable. You needed time to focus on yourself and deal with this new situation.“, he pleaded.
„I… I don‘t know how I feel about this. I can‘t believe you lied to me, all this time. And, even if I could understand why you did that in the first place, did you really have to reveal it to me now, as the murderer of my parents and grandparents is here?“ It was like you had forgotten this delicate detail until now and it hit you hard. „I… damn it Loki, I fucking need you right now! And at the same time I want to slap you and push you away! What are you doing to me!“, you shouted in his face.
You stood up and wanted to turn away, but he grabbed your hand and pulled you closer. You looked down on him. He was on his knees, begging you with his eyes as he thought of the right words to say. Tears filled your eyes as you saw him in this vulnerable state, and you slowly turned your hand around to touch his. You crossed your fingers with his, gently sobbing as his feelings rushed through you and knelt down directly in front of him. You touched his forehead with yours.
„What are you doing to me, Loki…“, you breathed. He shuffled closer to you on his knees and pulled your body really close to his. With him being directly in front of you, you had to tilt your head back to keep your foreheads touching. That brought your faces dangerously close to each other and again you tasted his breath on your lips, and you wanted to lean in so badly, but something held you back. Not like this, you thought, and you knew he thought the same. So he let his fingers slide into your hair and placed your head softly on his shoulder. You looped your arms around his body and eagerly sucked in the intense body contact.
After a few moments you leant back, facing to the side.
„What do you want to do?“, Loki asked.
„I don‘t know.“ You sighed. „It kinda is too much for me. The Soldier being here. But then again…“ You noticed Loki tensing up. „Maybe I can find some kind of… conclusion.“
„…what are you saying? He is still dangerous, Y/N.“
„I know that. But this is the only chance I have to close this and maybe find peace.“
„You can‘t be serious. You‘re saying you want to talk to him?“
„I have to, Loki. Can‘t you understand? That shit is so twisted up, there is no other way! Yes, he killed almost my whole family and myself, but he also is the reason I am still alive!“
"Are you even listening to what you're saying?", Loki exclaimed, standing up. "You want to make peace with your fucking abuser!" He was aghast by your words.
"I want to make peace because I deserve it!", you shouted back, getting on your feet as well. After a pause you calmly added "I need some space now."
You had no time to turn around and Loki was already by your side, grabbing your arm lightly.
"Please, don't go away now."
"I have to sort out my thoughts, alone.", You said firmly, looking at the ground.
Reluctantly he let go of you. Somehow it felt wrong, losing his touch. You turned to face him and it just made it worse. His look was devastated. You wanted to hug him, to kiss him so badly to ease the pain he was feeling right now. But you left the room. As you closed the door behind you it felt like your heart stopped beating. You made it to the common living room before you started to sob uncontrollably. You tried to sort out what was happening today. First, you were chilling with Loki, then almost kissed him, then got a panic attack because they captured the man who killed not only your grandparents, but also your parents right before your eyes. Heavy enough, but he was also the man who harmed you, wanted to kill you but in the end did not kill you, instead brought you the Doc and thus gave you the chance of a quiet life. Oh, yes, then you almost kissed Loki again. Thinking of being so close to him made your stomach ache in longing. You felt complete when he was near you. Safe. But you realized you had to learn to be complete on your own to eventually heal. Being with him meant being safe from yourself, your thoughts and feelings. But your happiness and health must come from within you, not from somebody else. That was a lesson you actually learned long ago, but it kinda got lost in that intense shitload of trauma you had to face the past few weeks.
Will I ever be able to be myself again? I don‘t think so… I‘m not the same person I was before. This shaped me so much… I don‘t know who I am anymore…
You laid there on the couch, curled up into a tiny human ball, staring outside into the night. The popcorn bowl stood there on the coffee table. Loki‘s scent was still around and you sucked it in. It has become like a drug to you. An easy way to feel better without actually doing something to heal the wounds. Your body may not be bleeding anymore, but your soul was in the same pain all the time. You just had numbed it out with an overdose of Loki. He was not to blame, though. Maybe you really needed that time to at least physically feel like a human again. But now was the time to do some real work. The body may heal itself, but the mind needs you to work together. You had to do this on your own. You could not get distracted any longer. Determined you pushed yourself up, wiped your face and made your way to the lift. As you wanted to push the button, you froze. Memories from when you lastly did this alone appeared and your breath went shallow. You felt energy crippling and looked down at your hand. In some green shimmer another hand was revealed, hovering over yours. You followed the Seidr, showing Loki.
„Please, don‘t do it.“, he said softly.
The urge to touch him was incredible. You couldn‘t move. You knew, every muscle would be drawing you closer to him.
„I just want to keep you safe. That is my only purpose.“, he said in his husky voice.
These words hit you hard. You realized you were a drug for him just as he was one for you.
„Loki, it can‘t go on like that. We cannot build our existence only around another person.“ You placed one hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating heavily. You held back from inhaling deeply. „You have to find your purpose within yourself. Just as I have to heal my soul by myself.“ You looked up into his face. Big mistake. His oceandeep eyes filled up with tears. Just the second you began moving closer the elevator startled both of you with a modest „bing“. You looked at the lift doors slowly opening, while Loki next to you disappeared in his green shimmer. You watched the last glowing green in the air dissolve and it was like your heart turned into stone, fell out of your chest and shattered into a million pieces right at your feet.
„Y/N, what are you doing here?“ Tony crossed the space in the lift quickly and softly grabbed your shoulders. „Come on, let‘s get you something to eat.“
He almost shoved you around but then you resisted. „No.“
„What?“
„I… I want to talk to him. I need to.“
A moment of silence made you look at your uncle. Before he could protest you continued.
„This whole situation is so fucking twisted, Tones. If I ever want to resolve this somehow, I really need to at least try to speak with him. I guess he is secured? Like, really super tied down or something?“
Tony needed a few seconds. „Uhm. Yes, of course. He is. Steve is with him.“
„Would you bring me down? I cannot enter the lift alone anymore…“, you weakly added.
Wordless he offered you his arm and you hooked in.
„Thank you that you‘re not trying to change my mind.“, you said into the silence, looking at your feet.
„Don‘t get me wrong, hunbun, I don‘t know if it‘s that great of an idea. But I know why you want to do this. Do I feel good about this? No. Will I shit my pants when you get close to him? Probably. BUT, you are old enough. And we will secure the situation. So…“
You pulled him into a hug. „Thank you. So much.“
„It‘s okay, honey.“
The bing made you jump a bit and you faced the opening lift doors. You took a deep breath and stepped outside, followed by your uncle. With heavy steps you approached the medical unit. Through the glass front you saw some dark figure lying on the hospital bed. Your bed. That fact somehow unsettled you a bit. Next to it were Steve, sitting on a chair, looking worried. You made eye contact and confused he stood up and came to you outside.
„Y/N, what are you doing here?“, he asked lowly.
„I have to talk to him.“
„I don‘t think it is the right moment. He is under some painkillers now, and—„
„What, is your little assassin too worn out to talk with one of his victims?“, Tony snapped at him.
„I understand you‘re upset, you got every right to, but—“
„No but, he is fucking lucky he is still breathing“, Tony growled.
„Hey, don‘t you come at me like that!“
„Hey!“, a weak voice from inside called. All heads turned. „Stop that yelling, please. If they want to speak with me, let them in.“
Stiff like a robot you shoved Tony and Steve behind and entered the room, both of them following closely. You felt their proximity in your back and signed them to give you some space. Unwillingly they stayed at the door frame. Your whole body felt numb, it was such a weird sensation as you looked down on him. He was tied up with some metal shackles on several points of his body. You knew exactly what that feels like, involuntarily you touched your right wrist, where some scars were left. His face was still young, like only a few years older than you. His dark, stringy hair fell into his eyes, avoiding every contact with yours. However, the black paint around his eyes made their icy blue even deeper. As he quickly darted at your face, you felt the blood in your body freezing.
„I… I am sorry. I‘m not sure if I know you.“, he softly said after a few more looks at you. „But I‘m sure I did horrific things to you. I don‘t know if you‘ll believe me, but most of the things the Soldier did… I cannot tell them apart from my nightmares.“ He struggled to go on.
„I know.“ You surprised yourself by speaking up. „I know it wasn‘t actually you who did all those things. But still… I remember it very clearly.“ You swallowed hard, grabbed a chair to sit down and inhaled deeply. You slightly turned to Tony and Steve. „Please, would you leave now? I want to be alone with him.“
„What? No!“, Tony exclaimed.
You faced him directly now. „Please, Tony. Both of you. Leave.“ It seemed like the tone of your voice and your look were enough to make clear how serious you were. Tony closed his mouth silently and reluctantly both of them left the room, closing the glass door. You knew that they wouldn‘t go far, just far enough to not hear you. For a moment you collected your strength and told him your story.
„I was only ten years old, as you caused a car accident that killed my father immediately. Then you ripped my mother out of her seat and… cracked her skull. You put her back into the car. Her dead eyes are still haunting me, ever since I can remember the incident. Then you came over to me. I already was severely injured, but you were not gentle as you held me into the air. I got an asthma attack, pulled out my inhaler. I don‘t know what you thought, maybe that I had some kind of weapon? Or… I don‘t know, why would a ten year old girl have a weapon in her pocket… but… you grabbed my hand so tight that it broke and the inhaler fell to the ground. Then… something strange happened. I was looking at your face, and even though I only saw your eyes, since the rest of your face was covered, I could watch you turn around. Your look went… soft. And as you saw me in your hand, it went anxious. At first you put me down, but I couldn‘t stand because my legs were so injured. I think they were broken from the impact. So I fell on the floor, took my inhaler. I begged for my life while you just stood there, flabbergasted. Then, you … carefully picked me up? …and brought me to the Doc.“
You avoided looking at him as you spoke. Just now you dared a little glance, that turned into a surprised look. He was crying. The tears formed bright little streaks through the black paint, it was like his mask was melting.
„I… I remember that.“, he stuttered. „Oh, dear god, I remember everything. I am so, so sorry. I cannot even tell you how much. Neither of you deserved any of this. Of what I did to you.“
Now you were the flabbergasted one. You didn‘t know what to expect, but clearly this was none of the scenarios you imagined as you entered the room. Three options appeared in your mind. Run away, punch him in the face or hold his hand. You just sat there while this deadly assassin in front of you, bruised and injured, tied to a hospital bed, cried his eyes out. How were you supposed to handle this?
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.
Story rating: M
Chapter trigger warnings: harming
Words: 2108
6
It turned out the tests Bruce made with you seemed to be alright, nothing you didn't knew or that wasn’t indicated before. The following days passed without anything special happening, except your relation with Loki. You tried to pick up the conversation with Loki again but apparently the moment was over. He shut himself off again. But you didn't miss out that he continued to feel more comfortable around you. The next day he accepted your tea offering for the first time. That made you ridiculously happy and you couldn't hide the big grin appearing on your face.
"What's so funny?"
"What? Oh, no, nothing." After a few moments of silence you couldn't hold back, "Do you like my tea? Today I chose a rose flavored green tea. I love the scent of roses. I don't like the flowers themselves, they are everywhere you look, being pretentious, I'm just weary of them, but their scent...“ You let out a little, soft moan. „Wonderful."
Your rambling was met with silence and you almost gave in, disappointed. But before you looked away you could see a small smirk tugging on his lips.
A few days later you just couldn't contain yourself anymore. You turned in your winged chair to Loki.
"How are you feeling today?"
"...What?"
"How do you feel? We've been sharing these rooms for quite a few days now and have barely spoken to each other. Tell me something. Anything. Or ask me something! Just let us interact in any way. I can't take it any longer."
He looked you straight in the eyes, the dimmed sunlight making the green-blue almost glow. Then a question seemed to pop up in his mind.
"What are you reading?"
You looked down at the book on your lap. "What I’m reading? Oh, that is something specific. It's called Antiquitates Iudaicae. It's not that easy to read, it's not like a novel or something, it is more like a history book. The text is about 1900 years old. A roman-jewish historian named Flavius Josephus tries to explain his beliefs to the Greek to help them understand his culture."
"Why are you reading this, since it is not easy to read?"
"I am a faithful person and it helps me a bit understanding the setting and the time when the bible was written. There are no other ancient Jews from the first century left around here, so I wanted to know how he tried to explain his culture to persons that have no relation with it."
"So, you believe in god? Then you must be humbled to be in the presence of one." A lofty expression appeared on his face, but was wiped away the second you started laughing.
"I'm sorry, really. Don't want to be disrespectful. But do you really think you are a god? Just because you have access to other dimensions and live a few thousand years? Not that this wouldn't be highly impressive, honestly. But you are as far away from being a god than I am. You are a creation, not a creator."
Loki wanted to say something but the words kept stuck in his throat. His face turned sly.
"You have no idea what I am capable of." His voice was low and husky.
"You are completely right. If there was some sort of food chain, I'd clearly be beyond you because of your many skills and knowledge. But they don't make you the summit, neither. Look, I totally see why the ancient Norse people thought of you as gods. What you can do is really admirable. But I would never give you this title. I got too much respect of it."
Loki tried to swallow down his anger. He really wanted to behave but even more he wanted you to explain that. "So, what do you think deserves this title?"
"Love. Compassion. Mercy. Omnipotence. I think, nothing in the whole universe happens without him allowing it to happen. Even the bad things. For the most people it's hard to accept that. They blame him for all the terrible things. It's not like that he would cause the bad things to happen. But he knows exactly what's going on. He knows every outcome of every move. And, I believe, he leads us on the tracks we should go. Not like we are just marionettes and he sets every move, but at some points, big decisions that give our lifes a turn, he may give us a certain push. A lot dreadful stuff happened to me in my life, but who knows that it couldn't have been even worse? Who is able to say the way it went is not the best of all possibilities? Even if it is hard to cope with, I know he gives me the strength to get through. Whether it is some sort of energy that comes from within me or he puts people in my life that will help me with whatever comes my way. But that is my totally personal point of view. The nice thing is, I don't have to persuade anyone to believe the same. My faith is individual. Nobody has to agree with me. This is what helps me get through life. Not to give up.... What sort of faith do you have? ...if you have one at all?"
Loki listened carefully and his face slowly softened as he followed your thoughts. He seemed a bit surprised as you addressed the question to him, like he was asked for his opinion for the first time in his life.
"That is a very interesting point of view, I have to admit. I can imagine that it is not very popular, but interesting, though. I... I never really developed something you could call faith. My culture is full of myths and legends. I learned everything about our Allfathers and Gods, but never took it really personal. I was not attracted to do so."
He stopped talking and started pondering on that thought. You watched his face, his eyes getting lost. You used the opportunity to take a closer look and studied his face. It was edgy and delicate at the same time. His bright eyes pierced right through you every time he looked at you. He was very concentrated on what he wanted to say next, so you simply kept quiet and waited for him to form his thoughts into words. It was rather beautiful to watch his mind work.
After a short while he continued, "I think there might be something like a higher force that has impact on our lives. But that started just recently. I long thought that I am the master of every of my own steps and if I place them right, everything will work out just fine. I will get what I want if I only fight hard enough for it. So that's what I did, I fought for my own purposes. But all I got was misery, sorrow and hatred."
You could literally see his pain boiling up from the inside. It was tearing him in two. You reacted out of instinct and reached out to lay your hand on his cheek. His eyes darted at you immediately, turning glassy. Softly you stroke over his cheek with your thumb. You wished you could just pull him into a tight embrace and help him let go of all expectations towards himself. To put down his guard. It was like you could literally feel his inner need of ease and solace. But he was just too much of a proud man. He pressed his lips together and pushed your hand away, abruptly stood up, stepping towards the window front, staring outside with his arms crossed.
"I'm sorry." Was all that came to your mind. Pathetic, you thought. And he thought that as well.
"You have no idea what you are talking about." He hissed turning towards you. "Don't act like you would understand. YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" He shouted at you and disappeared right in front of your eyes. You sat there in your winged chair, nonplussed. You looked around the room, but no sight of him.
Far beyond puzzled, you started to talk with the air. "I... I don't if you are still here? But, I wanted to say that you are right. I have no idea what you've been through. What it feels like to be in your skin. If I were, I know I would have done the same that you did, because you are the only person that feels this way. I am no one to judge. I never judge. Well, at least I try. The big truth is that it's simply impossible to compare individuals with each other. We are the summaries of our experiences and we all have our very own way of perceiving the world around us. So, I have to add as well that you also have no idea what you are talking about. I do understand. Traumata are a serious thing and everyone reacts differently to that, but don't treat me like I had no empathy. Maybe everyone else treated you like you didn't even had the right to speak your mind, but I'm not like this. You are intelligent and attentive and if you haven't noticed that by now, you are obviously blinded by some kind of rage and hatred. And pride. But I don't want to push you. Just know that I won't let you treat me like this. I will not leave you because I can imagine that you've been left too often in your life, but I will not tolerate it. Okay, and because it feels like I have a serious conversation with myself outside of my head I'm gonna go into the kitchen to get me a drink because that's fucking strange. Feel free to join me there."
You sat on a barstool and looked out of the giant window front at the other side of the even bigger room. You felt the cold sweat of the glass condensing in your hand, running over your fingers. Totally lost in your thoughts you didn't notice Steve sitting down next to you. He really tried not to startle you but failed.
"Sorry Y/N. Just thought you looked like something was on your mind you'd like to talk about?"
"No problem. Ah, no, it's okay. There were just some intense emotions between Loki and me."
Looking at his raised eyebrows you awkwardly cleared your throat as you explained yourself, "Oh no no no, not something like that. Totally not. No no." Somehow you dwelled in that thought a bit too long.
"Well, that were lots of 'no's but okay." Steve laughed and pushed you slightly with his shoulder to the side.
Before you could blush too obviously you changed topic, "Have you seen Tony? The last time I saw him was when were having pizza. Is everything alright?"
"To be honest I haven't seen him, neither. Well, at least not in person. I walked by the lab and saw him video chatting with Bruce, so he must be okay. But don't worry, wouldn't be the first time he disappears for a few days without telling anyone. ... Are you sure you don't want to talk about what's weighing you down?"
"Thank you Steve. Everything's fine." You conjured a smile though you didn't felt like smiling which made it totally implausible. But Steve accepted you didn't want to talk right now. He assured you can knock on his door whenever you wanted before he left the open kitchen of the common room again. You really, really hoped Loki would show up in the kitchen. You imagined both of you together having a drink, talking, enjoying each other's companionship... But you were pulled out of your day dream by a polite voice.
"Miss Y/N, your presence is demanded outside of the personal rooms."
"What? Me? For what?" You thought JARVIS sounded differently than usual.
"I am sorry, Miss, but I was not given further information than it being important and urgent."
"Uhm, okay. Sure. Just a sec." You gulped down the rest of your Gin Tonic and jumped off the barstool. For a moment it felt like someone was slightly brushing your arm as to hold you. You stopped, looked around, but didn't see anyone, so you went on.
After you slipped into your shoes and a coat you were going down to the ground floor with the lift. The doors opened and the blood in your veins froze. Two giant, black-suited men immediately entered the lift. One grabbed your arms and pulled them violently behind your back and the other one pressed a strongly sweet smelling piece of fabric on your mouth and nose. You felt a sharp sting right into the side of your neck just before everything went limp and dark.
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.
Story rating: M
Chapter trigger warnings: mentioning of death, cancer and fatal accident
Words: 1980
5
Bruce entered the lab to see Tony pacing it up and down, absolutely scatterbrained. He never saw him like that before.
“My god, Tony, what’s wrong with you?”
“I know now why she seems so familiar to me. I never forget a face. Even if it’s only some feature of it.”
“What do you mean? I can’t follow, do you mean you knew Y/N before?”
Tony wordlessly grabbed his purse from his pocket, rummaged through it and pulled out an old, wrinkled photograph of a woman in her mid-twenties.
“Wow, she looks exactly like Y/N”
“That’s my sister.”
Bruce’s answer was nothing but an open mouth. After a few breaths all he said was “…WHAT.”
“I had a sister. I kept her and her family secret almost long enough after I found out they existed. I visited them often. I always played with Y/N in the backyard. She was an exceptional little girl, I dearly loved her, just like my sister. Her husband wasn’t that bad, too. But one day… someone found out about them. I… I wasn’t able to protect them. To protect what I loved. They were killed in a faked car accident and their house was burnt down. I thought… I thought…” He fought against the tears. “I thought I lost them all. I didn’t knew Y/N survived. If I knew… Why didn’t Kim tell me? She adopted her without telling me!!” Rage filled his heart. “She didn’t even tell her! She had the right to know! Maybe even to choose!”
“I… I really don’t know what to say. What are you gonna do? Will you tell her? You have to tell her.”
“Of course I have to. But not yet. I have to find out why Kim kept it secret from me.”
“I’m sorry, but I thought Y/N said she died a few years ago?”
Tony had to take a deep breath realizing that the best friend of his long gone sister was dead, too.
“I have to find out what’s left.”
“Tony, please let me help you! What can I do?”
Tony rushed to the door, but said to Bruce before leaving, “Think of some excuses why you would need some medical tests get run over her. Check her completely. Make sure she’s safe here while I’m gone. I’m not gonna lose her again.” He silently added to himself “She’s my whole family.”
***
You pressed yourself slightly against the door.
“You can help me with… what?” You asked Loki. He now raised his eyes to meet yours and opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a knocking. You jumped away from the door. You turned around and opened it with a smile.
“Oh, hi Bruce! What’s up?
He blankly stared at you before he said, “Whoa, that was quick. I, uhm, I need you in the lab. You are here since a few days and we need to make a medical checkup on you. Just for our files.”
“And you need that now at… 1 am.” You raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah. Sorry, I should have done that by yesterday but I totally got carried away by… stuff that’s not more important than your health so I really got a bad conscious right now.” He gave you a little sorry smile that was just too cute to say no to.
“Aww, you really know how to persuade a woman, Bruce.” Turning to Loki you pointed at him and said with narrowed eyes and a serious tone “We gonna talk tomorrow.” but send a small smile his way before you followed Bruce.
You sat on the cold exam table for quite a while now but it just didn’t warm up under your body.
“If that takes any longer I’ll need a blanket or something, otherwise I’ll get a cystitis on this ice block. … I get them easily.” You added after Bruce looked up from the monitors and seemed confused.
As he handed you a woolen blanket you asked, “And why are we really doing all this testing, Bruce?”
A little baffled at first, he said, “It’s obligatory. We need to know that you don’t have any conditions that weren’t discovered yet, the health system in our country is not the best, you know…”
“Ah. Yeah. Sure.” You winked at him awkwardly. “So, did JARVIS notice any irregularities in my system? He said he keeps on running medical scans over all of us all the time. Which I think is a really clever thing since literally anything could happen here.”
“No, no don’t worry Y/N. That really has no other reason than precaution.” He assured you, then drew his attention back to the monitors again.
After a while you broke the silence again, “So, you are a doctor? What did you specialize in?”
“Me? Oh, I don’t have a medical degree, but a PhD in biology. And six other PhD’s so I’m capable of doing a medical check.”
“You really got SEVEN PhD’s? My god, how does your brain even fit in there!” You laughed impressed. You jumped off the table and walked over to him.
“And this other… thing,” you said low and conspiratorial, “You got that totally under control?”
Being too concentrated on the screens he answered without looking at you, “Yeah, sure.”
You couldn’t resist to grab a pencil and poked him in the side, stepping quickly backwards and watching his face, expecting something to happen.
“Wow, nothing!”
Bruce had to laugh at your childish grin and said “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t handle pointy objects…” While he said that he looked like he remembered something and his smile changed a bit.
“Everything alright? You look concerned? Do those screens tell you I’m gonna die?”
“What? Oh, no. It’s just you reminded me of someone.”
“Oh really? Must be someone charming.” You joked as you came closer again. You watched Bruce being super concentrated, like he was in another dimension. It was calming in some way. And still, you knew this ‘obligatory check up’ was not the real reason you were here. Bruce maybe was a genius, but a really lousy liar.
***
It didn’t take Tony quite long to find out what happened to Kim. She came down with acute leukaemia five years ago and died four weeks after the diagnosis. It was really hard for him to hold back his tears, being confronted with all this hurting past. He found out where she was buried and wanted to visit her grave, flying there in his suit.
He stood in front of the modest tombstone. He laid down the flowers he bought around the corner.
“I can’t remember if you loved tulips or hated them. But there was some kind of connection, I know for sure. … Why, Kim? Why didn’t you tell me anything? Didn’t you think the truth would find its way at some point? Why are you doing this to me? How should both of us ever cope with this?” He couldn’t stop his tears anymore. He came down on one knee, hiding his face in his hands. He heard some feet scuffing closer but didn’t bother to retain countenance. He was mildly surprised as he felt a hand resting on his shoulder. He looked up and saw an old woman carrying a sad smile. And an envelope.
“You must be Tony Stark?” She said with a raspy voice, “Then this is for you. Miss Carpenter handed it to me a few days before she left us. She said, someday you would appear at her grave and then the time would be there for you to read it.”
Wordlessly Tony took the letter from her hand and she left. He went to a nearby bench and took a deep breath before he opened it.
“Dear Tony
I thought I would have time enough to tell you this in person. I really thought. But as it turned out recently, time is against me. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your sister. That she had to die similar to your parents. When it happened they only informed me since there was no official connection between you two. And I was just so pissed. She only had to die because you were related and you promised to protect her. You promised. It took me quite a while to accept that you were just a scapegoat for my grief. I am so truly sorry for that. It is not your fault. It never was and never will be, no matter what may happen. You did your best to keep her safe, them all. But the hatred of some persons can grow really strong and you’re only human after all. I know that you will carry this as your personal burden for your entire life, but let me tell you again; it is not your fault.
I took care of Y/N because I reacted wrong to the situation and wanted to keep her away from you. I thought they would try again if they knew your sister’s girl was still alive; the girl you loved like your very own daughter. I don’t know if that was the correct way to do but she’s still alive, safe and sound, so I guess it wasn’t just that bad. I know, I should have told you. But I didn’t know how to do so. With every day it grew harder. And it seemed that Y/N would not get her memory back at all, so I didn’t want to confuse her even more, neither. I did my best to give her all she needed to become a proper young lady and I think that went really well, but I surely do not deserve credit for this. It is the Stark blood in her veins. I could see her mother in her every day, and sometimes I even saw you. She is so kind and caring, always a genuine smile on her lips. She carries a purity in her heart that is unparalleled. But she is so stubborn and perfectionist as well sometimes and gets carried away with whatever she does that takes in all her attention. She may seems shy and insecure when you first meet her, but she is the most empathic and sensitive person I’ve ever met. It’s hard to lie to her without being caught. She is now old enough to look after herself. And since she told me she would start working at your compound at the reception soon, it’ll probably won’t take you long to notice her. She’s just like a mirror of her mother.
I really hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. Not just because I’m dead, but because the rage in your heart will eventually settle. Please take care of her. Not that she would need to be cared for, but she tends to get lonely. She selects her friends very carefully and prefers to stay on her own before she spends time with people she doesn’t feel comfortable with. So, just be yourself around her. She loved you so much when she was a little girl, you don’t have to act differently now.
I am sorry. So, so sorry. For everything.
Yours, from beyond. Kim.”
Every cell in Tony’s body felt numb. He tried to process what he just read but it felt like there was grit in the gears of his brain. The giant load of emotions sent him into overdrive. He didn’t know how to even move anymore. How could he manage to look into your face and not fall apart immediately? How should he explain? How would you react? There were so many massive questions on his mind and he had absolutely no idea what would happen. He had to go. Clear his mind. Think. He got back into his suit and flew away.
Taglist: @it-jinxed-us, @humbledarkness
Masterlist
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how
Masterlist
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.
Story rating: M
chapter trigger warnings: torture, harming, human experiments, captivity, suicide thoughts
Words: 3301
8
Shortly after you disappeared all hell broke loose. Loki actually was there but changed his mind to stop you the last second. But the moment you got into the lift he felt a jolt that that was a giant mistake. He appeared back from the void where he hid and rushed after you but JARVIS had locked up all doors. He shouted for help and soon everyone was trying to get JARVIS to work properly again. Bruce sent a distress alert to Tony who arrived not much later and came in through the terrace door.
"What the hell is going on here?!"
"JARVIS got hacked, he won't let us open the doors. Y/N was called to get outside and then we got locked up here." Loki explained.
Tony went pale within seconds. He ran into his lab to check on JARVIS. Loki was right, there was a virus program running. It didn't took him longer than a few minutes to get rid of it.
"JARVIS, what happened? Where's Y/N?"
"I am so sorry, Sir. I got intruded and was forced to ask Miss Y/N to go outside the personal rooms. Here is the CCTV from the lift."
The others stood behind Tony and all watched as a video frame popped up and showed you going down with the elevator and then getting kidnapped. Tony couldn't hold back his tears as he watched you going down on your knees, losing your consciousness.
"JARVIS, tell me her bracelet is working."
"Again, I am sorry. Either the bracelet is broken, which is unlikely or there is another virus hidden that keeps me from activating it again. I cannot locate."
"Tony, speak with us! Why would they kidnap Y/N?", Natasha asked Tony, grabbing him at the shoulder and trying to make eye contact.
"She... she... is my niece." That left everyone simply starstruck. Since there was no other way now, Tony explained them everything he found out within the last few days. Clint was the first one to speak again.
"Okay, that's a real shitload of complicating news. But the most important thing is to get this virus off of JARVIS so we will be able to locate her. Tony," he clapped in his hands to rip him out of his apathy, "that's your bodiless robot here, so get some shit done. Bruce, go check all your medical data you collected about her and try to find out why she may be of interest for someone. The rest of us should go through all the CCTV since she moved in. We have to find out how and why she was taken. Okay guys, let's go."
Everyone started to get busy with their tasks. They were all just so eager to find you, but it turned out that this way harder than all of them thought. As hours became days you went through pure hell.
***
You told Fieberbrunn what you remembered from the accident, but not everything. You didn't know why, but you changed the story a bit. You told him that you almost died in the accident and he left you lying on the street, presumed dead. You said it was all in fragments because you were severely injured, but you were told afterwards that soon after the accident another car drove by and provided first aid, calling an ambulance. The next thing you recalled was waking up in hospital months later. You didn't tell him what really happened.
This soldier brought you to someone he knew who could help you. Your eyes were closed but you didn't completely pass out, so you heard everything they said.
"Bucky! Where have you been so long? What happened?", a woman said after she opened the door. She had a british accent.
"I failed my mission. She reminded me of someone, someone I knew. My order was to bring her to the base, but I couldn't. I killed her parents. It happened again, they brought the Soldier back. I don't know for how long. I did so many things. So much cruelty. Please, help me, Doc. Help her." His voice was so full of panic and agony.
"My god, of course, come in, quick."
You heard creaking of wooden stairs, doors that were opened and closed silently. You were laid down on a hard mattress. You felt hands gently examining you, then the woman spoke again.
"I will have to get her into hospital. She is really severely injured. I think she has to be put into coma to stop her brain from swelling. She is not completely unconscious by now, maybe she can even hear us, but if we don't do something really soon it will not end well. Bucky, it's okay. It's not your fault. You were forced to do this. It wasn't even you. The soldier did this. All you did was fighting the Soldier and saving her. You have done the right thing. I will keep an eye on her. Do you know her name?"
"Y/N. I have to stay. I have to be sure that she will be alright. Let me stay."
"Okay. I can arrange that. But first of all I have to sedate her to relieve her organism."
You let out a silent moan as something pierced your arm and the voices ceased.
As you opened your eyes again you were in a hospital, in a single bed room. Slowly you turned your head to one side and then to other. In the farthermost corner you saw the man with the metal arm leaning against the wall. Your eyes met and panic began to rise again, followed by the accelerated beeping of your heart monitor. His expression was worried and helpless. Out of nowhere a pretty, blonde woman appeared right next to you and held your hand.
"Hey Y/N, it's alright. You are safe. He will not harm you. Listen to me, my dear. You are severely injured. We will have to put you into an artificial coma. That means we will let you sleep for a long while so your body gets enough rest to heal. Don't worry, honey. I will be always by your side, you will never be alone. And don't be afraid of Bucky. The one who hurt you is another person than him. I will protect you. We will."
At first you didn't want to believe what you heard. However, you knew she was telling you the truth, so you simply nodded and felt tears rolling down your cheeks, wetting your pillow.
"Oh, it's ok sweetheart. Don't worry, we will find someone to take care of you. Someone you know, and trust."
You wanted to say something. You dearly wanted to tell her that your uncle would look after you. But as you tried to speak you could only retch because of the tube in your throat.
"No, no. Don't try to speak. That's not good for you. We will find the person, alright? Now, rest again. Don't hurry. Everything will be just fine." She shared a beautiful but sad smile. Her bright red lips and deep brown eyes were the last thing you saw before everything went dark again.
As you eventually woke up again you were alone at first. You blinked into the orange dim light of an autumn afternoon. After a while a blonde woman entered the room to check on you and a broad smile decorated her face as she saw you looking at her.
"Oh my god, darling! How wonderful, you're finally awake! Take it easy. You made us worry a bit already but it's great that you take your time. The important thing is that you are doing very well. Your injuries are not completely healed by now but you are making good progress. Do you remember what happened? Do you remember me?"
You concentrated as good as possible, took in all her features; big brown eyes, wavy blonde hair, beautiful red tinted lips. It felt like you knew her before, but she seemed to be a stranger. You carefully shook your head.
Her smile dimmed a bit and she patted your hand. "Don't worry. That's okay. I'm sure you are feeling dizzy. If you want to you can sleep again a bit. I'll be always around your room. Here -" she gently lifted your hand and placed a small plastic box beneath it, "when you need something, no matter what, even if it is just some company, press this button. I'll be here within a minute. Okay, I'll stay until you are asleep again, alright?"
You felt her genuine compassion for you. It helped you calm down and soon you drifted into a dreamless sleep. In the following days you woke up and fell asleep again over and over, but the awake periods became longer every time. Then a woman appeared by your bed. You could have sworn you knew her, but had no idea who she was. But you felt affection towards her. Something in her face reminded you of happy times, so you trusted her.
With that information you ended your story. You were so tired, you just wanted to sleep. But every time your head doubled over you got slapped. Every time you got hit you didn't only feel the pain of the slap but also a rush of anger, but it felt so strange, like it wasn’t your anger. You had no idea how long you were kept here already but it felt just like years. Your skin was bruised and cold, your wrists so sore that every time you moved your hands a bit you tore the wounds open again because the scab stuck to the shackles. The dull but intensive pain of a cystitis was omnipresent. You reached the point where your body was about to give up and pass out, but they didn't let you. Every time you were close to losing conscious they added drugs to your infusion which set you on high alert mode. You were so desperately overstimulated that every second of being awake was too much. You just wanted to close your eyes forever and end this torture. They asked you so many questions you didn't know the answer to. Every time you couldn't answer they cut another part of your body. Only small wounds, about 3 cm long and not too deep to be dangerous but soon your whole body was burning, blood dripping on the floor. They even bent you over to cut the flesh on your back. You felt your blood making the chair glibbery and slick. After some time your opponent had enough of you. He took hold of your throat and came real close. You felt his rage and impatience, causing your heart to pond and your blood to rush. He wanted to say something, to threaten you but stopped. You could vividly feel him giving up on you for the moment and how he had to restrain himself from strangling you. His fingers went soft while he let go of you. He spoke in German again to the two big men who appeared immediately, "Schafft sie mir aus den Augen. Ich kann mit ihr jetzt fürs Erste nichts mehr anfangen. Einzelhaft." While he was talking he disconnected you from all the monitors and opened the shackles, not bothering to give you some gauze or something to stop your blood from running. The two men grabbed you by your arms and dragged you out of the chair. They hauled you through some corridors and dropped you on the dirty floor of a very small room. No bed, just a scratchy blanket on the floor. Exhausted to an unbearable level, you took all the strength you had left and crawled over to the blanket, almost not able to lift your limbs. In your mind you were permanently praying, begging. Why is this happening to me? Dear Lord, oh God please. Get me out. Just get me out. Send me strength. Send me ... someone... Why.. I can’t... please... Your already wounded hands and knees were scratching over the crumbly concrete floor. You reached it just in time before you passed out.
A familiar scent was the first thing that broke the faint. Fresh linen and sun warmed leather. You mouthed a name without even recognising, "Loki...", but all your lips left was a pathetic caw. Warily you opened one eye; the other one stuck together of blood and wound secretion. Someone had put a thin linen blanket over your bare and bloody body as you were unconscious. Dozens of small blood spots soaked it up and made it stick a bit onto the wounds. Very carefully you tried to sit up. Next to you stood a glass of a thick, milky liquid and something that looked like a protein bar. Driven by hunger you reached out as fast as you could manage and devoured the bar. You sniffed at the liquid and tasted it, the viscous consistency was so strange to swallow that you retched at first, but it was also like balm for your hoarse throat. After you had finished your modest meal you unstuck the blanket from your body and wrapped it very carefully around your shoulders. You looked around; a very small room made of concrete, windowless.The only light source was the slit beneath the heavy metal door. It had a small barred window with a slide hatch. You took a deep breath and tried to analyze the situation, but all you could think of was your home. Your new home. You've been living there only for a short time now but it felt like you would belong there. Of course you did. It was your family. It is your family. Your lost memories hit you hard. Why am I here? Why do I have to get through this? Suddenly you missed him so much; your uncle. Tones. And you were surprised but you missed Loki as well. Really bad, actually. You longed for their presence. All the happy memories with your uncle popped up in your mind. You had so much fun together, you loved him so dearly. It felt like no time had passed, your feelings newly ignited after so many years. You wanted to cry but your body was so weary. A part of you just wanted to die right away; never feel this pain again, this humiliation, this despair. But another part wanted to get out. Get back to your recently won family. Those parts were fighting each other for a long time and you didn't know which one would win. But the longer you thought about dying, maybe killing yourself somehow in this cell, the more you opposed the idea. You were surprised as you accepted that you actually wanted to live. To not give up. Hold on until they would find you, and they would. You just knew it. Lord, you want me alive, don’t you? Please, give me something. Anything! You were torn from your pondering as the hatch in the door was slid open. Empty eyes staring down at you, then the hatch closed again. The door opened with heavy clicking and rattling. A woman dressed in white was pushed inside.
"Go on Missy, patch her up. The doctor wants her back in order asap."
The woman stumbled and almost tripped. The guard kicked in a doctor's case after her that slid over the floor until it stopped right next to her, the door was closed and locked again. She fixed her firm, blonde ponytail and picked on her white surgical clothes, strictly avoiding eye contact. Though so many years had passed you recognized her still beautiful face immediately.
"Doc?"
Her eyes darted at you. "I haven't been called this for years.", she whispered. She came closer, crouched down in front of you and studied your face. "My god..." she gasped, pressing a hand on her mouth to muffle the sounds. Tears shot in her big, brown eyes. Gently she cupped your face with one hand. So many feeling rushed through you; compassion, pity, worries, happiness and sadness all at once.
"Sweetheart, my god, what happened to you? You poor thing..." She grabbed her case and started to treat your wounds, beginning with your eye.
"Are we being watched?" You whispered.
"No, this is one of the cells without surveillance. And the douchebag in front of the door is half deaf. We can talk. I guess you didn't tell them about me? Or Bucky? Otherwise they wouldn't have sent me in to treat you."
"No. I don't know why, but I couldn't tell them. I said the man with the metal arm presumed me dead and left. A passerby would have found me and called the ambulance. The next thing was me waking up in hospital alone." Then you told her just everything. She had to wipe away her tears every once in a while as she listened, treating your wounds. Your system was so overloaded with pain signals that you didn't even twitched as she sanitized your cuts. As you finished your story it was her turn.
"I had to work for Hydra as a doctor for a long time. Eventually I could manage to escape and I was too unimportant to sent someone after me; I didn't know any secrets and all I did could be done by any other physician as well. It was very unlikely that they just had let me go without chasing me, but later I had to find out that this was calculated. I was part of the team that was in charge of Bucky's transformation into a Soldier. It happened that, from time to time, very simple things he sensed in any way found a path into his subconscious and conjured Bucky back to the surface. They handled this problem with electro shocks wiping his memory, his mind over and over again. It was so awful to watch, but all I could do was to be there for him, whether he was Bucky at the moment or the Soldier. I became a confidant for them both. Then, after I escaped, it happened twice that Bucky came back while he was on a mission as the Soldier. I still don't know how, but he found me and I helped him through these times. He tried to hide from Hydra but they always found him. And wiped him over again. The last time I saw him was when he brought you to my door. It was pure luck that Hydra didn't find out about you before their spies spotted us. We got caught a month after you got adopted by your mom's friend; she was the only relative-like person I could find. When Hydra caught us, they put Bucky back to cryostasis. I haven't heard of him since then. And I was forced to work here in the Hydra prison, taking care of the captives. That's my story so far. Oh honey, I wish so dearly I could do more for your than just caring for your wounds." She furrowed her brows and tried to hold back the tears.
You reached out and gently touched her cheek. "It's okay. I owe so much to you. You saved my life. I couldn't ask for more. Thank you just for everything. I'm so happy that I remember you now and that I can thank you for being there for me, on those days and now. You are so precious." As you spoke to her she weren't able to hold back the tears and smiled at the same time. Then, all in a sudden, her eyes went wide and she stared you dead in the eye. A jolt like lightning shot through you, you were immediately highly alerted. "What's wrong??"
"My god, you... you are-" She was interrupted by the rattling of the door. She hastily wiped away her tears and shuffled a bit away from you to keep the impression that you were just another patient. She collected her medical equipment and crammed it in her case as the door opened.
"You're time's up, nurse. Get out." The guard stepped aside to give her enough space to slip outside. Before she went around the corner she gave you quick look and a small smile, then she disappeared. The guard said nothing, just stared down at you and closed the door again, leaving you alone in the dark with your thoughts and the silence.
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.
Story rating: M
Chapter trigger warnings: n/a
Words: 2492
2
Your head just did not keep quiet.
Oh my god, what have I done. I don't want to be kicked. I really like my job. Don't fire me, oh lord have mercy with my poor soul.
Your mind went on and on while you followed the famous Hawkeye through corridors of the compound you never saw before. You stepped into a lift and the doors closed. You noticed that he did not push any button but the elevator started to move anyway. You glanced over to him and caught your own reflection in the mirror of the lift wall. Embarrassed you shut your mouth that was still open. You stared at your shoes (which were pretty dirty as you just noticed) and you wished so much you would not be wearing your favorite Star Wars shirt under your cardigan right now (the combination looked really good and the cardigan hid your nerdiness) as the heat in your cheeks did not stop rising.
"You don't have to be nervous."
You audibly gasped as Clint Barton pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked at him from the corner of your eye and saw him smirking. You wished you could bang your head against the wall.
He leant a little over to you and lowered his voice. "You are not in trouble. We just have an offer for you." He leant back again. "But Tony wants to present it to you himself. Typical." He rolled his eyes really hard. He noticed that you had turned your head to him and you must have looked a bit puzzled `cause he said "Well, if you knew Tony you'd understand what I mean."
"Oh, I know." You said out of a reflex and immediately pressed your lips together in regret.
Now he turned his head to you, asking you with his eyes.
"I, uhm, I know him from the TV in interviews and sometimes he crosses the entrance hall, followed by several persons most of the time and, uhm, well, he has a loud voice so it's not hard to hear what he says and how he says it and... uh" You paused to find the right words to say what you were thinking without giving them a reason to fire you now, "I think he likes to set the tone." You smiled a bit as you compared your thoughts with your words and were proud of yourself. Quickly you added "And of course he has every right to do so, he's a genius and deserves every attention he gets."
After a very, very long second of silence, all Hawkeye did was let out a little snorty laugh.
Shortly after the lift stopped. Just before the doors opened, Clint Barton patted you a bit roughly on your back, which made you stumble a small step forwards, and said "Don't worry, you'll do great."
He stepped outside and you just followed him. Eventually he stopped, opened a door, held it open for you and waited for you to get in first. You took a deep breath and went inside.
In the meeting room was a long table with several chairs around it. The left side of the room was just one giant window. In the other corner of the room stood a man in jeans and a dark t-shirt (which turned out to be a Black Sabbath tour shirt) looking out of the window. As you entered, he turned around.
"Ah, you got to be Miss Y/N" he almost sang as he crossed the room quickly to get to you, stretching out his hand. You stared a moment too long at the hand, now being in front of you, before you grabbed and shook it.
"Uhm, yeah, hello Mr. Stark. What an honor to meet you." You stammered while smiling a bit helplessly.
"Oh, let's keep it casual if you don't mind. Tony." He grinned right into your face which just worsened your blushing. You assumed you just reached level tomato red. A very short moment his facial expression shifted just a little bit. He focused on your face, seemed to search certain features. Just as if he knew you from somewhere. But that lasted just like two seconds before he returned to his childish grin.
"Sure!" You cleared your throat; that came out a bit too enthusiastic, "Sure. A pleasure. Oh and of course, it's just Y/N to you."
"Alright! Sit down please."
He gestured you to one of the chairs. While you sat down he pulled a small plastic bag out of nowhere and offered it to you.
"Cashews?"
You couldn't help but smile and grabbed some, thankful to have something to do with your hands besides fumbling on your clothes.
"Okay. Barton?"
He simply nodded, waved someone to come in and joined you on the chair next to you. You simply smiled at him, chewing on your cashews as you heard the door closing and looked to the entrance again. You literally almost choked on the kernels as you gasped "Whoa fuck!" Right there in front of you stood no one less than Thor himself. You pressed your hand on your mouth to stop you from saying more swearing and spitting the food around.
The broadest of smiles in his face, he just said "Mylady.", leaning slightly forwards into a little bow.
You silently watched him getting closer to you with just a few steps. He took your hand and placed a decent kiss on its back.
Staring at him in all his armour, surrounded by some strange sort of glory, you swallowed hard.
"Hello! Uhm, Thor, I guess?" You smiled nervously. You noticed all the smirking from the other two men.
"You guess right. Your name is Lady Y/N, right?"
"Just Y/N, yes, thank you."
"Okay!" Tony said while clapping in his hands. "Everybody's here. So, Y/N, let me explain what's going on here. Thor, sit down please, otherwise she will just keep staring at your shiny hair." Your brain took a second to process what you were hearing and immediately turned your attention to Tony.
"Fine. Y/N, I am sorry to say that, but over the last month we observed some of our employees without informing them and one of them was you."
"I knew it!" you whispered to yourself, a bit too loud. "I'm sorry. It's okay, I don't mind."
Tony grinned a moment before he continued. "You noticed that, very good. No one else did. I'm honest, you are not our first choice for this job."
"She was mine." Clint interrupted. Tony's answer was just a dark glare before he continued.
"We tried it out with two other employees but none of them could handle the task, they gave up after a few days. I have to admit, this job is not easy. But on the other hand, it is pretty easy. First of all, I have to ask you a serious question and you have to answer it absolutely honestly. Is that clear?"
"Yes, sir. Tony. Sorry."
Ignoring your stuttering he sat down on the table right next to you. His gaze turned a bit darker, steadily focusing on your face.
"Is there anything special about you? ... Not like you are not unique and this stuff", he added as you furrowed your brows on that strange question. "I mean, do you have any gifts? Super specialized knowledge we couldn't find out during observation?"
"Oooh" you let out in understanding, "Like telekinesis and stuff? Or a secret PhD in astrophysics? Noo, no, clearly not. I'm totally normal. I'm just a secretary. The only talent I have is that I can draw, well, not that bad."
"She's a very skilled artist" Clint suddenly corrected you. "But that is not important for the mission. No danger here."
"Great! Do you have any responsibilities that bind you to any person? Or maybe a pet?"
A bit confused you said, "Uhm, no..? I'm single and all I have is a salt water aquarium. I don't have any relatives to maybe look after, neither. If that is what you meant. I don't have any relatives at all. ... My family died early and I since had no other relatives to take care of me, a friend of my mother adopted me. But she died some years ago so... yeah. Just me." You added in explanation and stopped your own rambling.
Tony glanced quickly over to Clint who nodded sharply.
"Fish tank, okay that's no problem. In that case, I hand the word over to our big blonde one." Tony said pointing with his open hand at Thor.
"Thank you. Mylady, you surely know of the attack of the Chitauri lately. And I am sure you know that my brother Loki was in account of that. I took him back to our homeworld, Asgard, to obtain justice for all he did. He was offered two choices; to spend the rest of his days in our dungeon as a prisoner or to leave Asgard forever and stay on Midgard. If he would choose the second option, as soon as he would do any harm to Midgard or its people, he would be sentenced to death. At first, he wanted to stay on Asgard. But that... it did not work very well for him. He became more and more miserable, so I convinced him to take the other option. I was able to win our father over to put up that option again and now he is here. But after all he did, it is hard to trust him, especially now at the beginning. So Stark was so noble to offer my brother to stay here. We all got missions to look after, we cannot watch him all the time. So we decided to introduce him to someone to get him used to a life on Midgard."
"Okay, ehm, wow", you started after some awful long moments of processing, words failing you, "But, when I'm allowed to ask, why no SHIELD agent? I guess he's kinda... dangerous? How can you be sure he won't try to trick or kill me?"
"That's simple", Tony said, "because you are just a normal person. Sorry, no insult", he added lukewarm, "Therefore you are of no use for him.” He paused for a second, tilting his head. “I'm... I'm sorry, do we know us from somewhere? I can't shake off the feeling we already met."
"I don't think so? Oh, I'm working here down at the reception, maybe that's why I seem familiar. You never spoke to me but you often cross the entrance hall and I sit there all day. Well, most of the time I'm hiding behind the desk. Not that I want to hide, it's just because I'm in charge of the emails most of the time so my attention is to the screen. Uhm, yeah." You grew so hot you wished you could take of that cardigan without revealing your geek.
"Ah yeah. That'll be it. Are you okay? You look like you would faint."
"What? Oh, no, sorry, it's just a little hot", you held your ice cold hands to your cheeks, "I've never fainted once in my life. Everything's fine."
Tony kept staring at you for just a moment longer before jumping off the desk and turning to the coffee machine next to the door.
"Alright! Any questions?"
Unwieldy you took off your cardigan finally and try to hide the broad STAR WARS writing on it with your arms without looking totally awkward. You failed.
"Uhm, yeah. What exactly do I have to with him? Entertain him? Show him our world?"
With a steaming mug in his hand he turned around again and stared at your shirt for a second before answering.
"Love that shirt. First of all, try not to kill him. That could be the hardest part."
"How does it all work?"
"You will have to move in here. We have something like a little flat. We all live here. And with 'we all' I mean the avengers. Everyone has their own space, but we have a common room with a kitchen and stuff. We're like a big, crazy patchwork family." He grinned quickly before taking a big sip from his mug.
"Oh. Wow. Okay. That's a big move. What happens to my stuff? How long will all this take? Will you fire me completely when I mess this up or can I return to my reception desk when I can't do this? What if the others of you don't like me? What if I'm totally useless for you? How can I be sure your brother, what was his name? Loki? Right. How can I be sure Loki won't kill me?"
"You can take as much stuff with you as you want, we have space enough. We don't know how long it will take, probably several months the least. No, of course not, if you want to quit this you can get back to your emails. Don't worry about the others, when we can handle each other we are able to get along with a regular person. No matter how this will turn out, we will have advantage from learning so there is no chance for being useless. He got a little receiver injected under his skin and you will get a bracelet with an emergency button. If you feel threatened, press it once, we will get notified and be there within a minute. If you are in complete distress, keep it pressed for at least 3 seconds and Loki will get... a little electronic tickle. In that case, we also get notified but he won't be able to move for a few minutes. I know, that sounds fun, but just use this in case of emergency."
While processing what you heard you realized you relaxed completely. Resting the ankle of one foot on the knee of the other, you sprawled out on the chair, eating the cashews from your hand. You immediately snapped back to attention, not wanting to be taken as disrespectful.
"Relax Y/N. Don't act like I'm the president. I'm just a normal man. With a genius mind and unbelievable abilities, but - just a man."
You caught Clint next to you rolling his eyes, facepalming.
"So, what do you say? Interested? Oh, and of course you will get paid for your service. Catering and all essentials you need are on me. Don't worry about that. And we have room for your fishies."
"Ehm, well, it sounds really exciting. And since nothing ever happens to me, I'm seduced to say yes right away. But,", you held up one finger, "I would like to meet Loki first. Oh, and I want to know why the other two quit."
"We can arrange that. And they quit because he pissed them off too much. No life threat, he can just be a little pain in the ass. Uhm, do you want to meet him now?"
Masterlist
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how
Masterlist
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how
I hope you guys enjoyed the somehow fluffy, easy going start, cuz this is where that part ends. Welcome to my nightmare.
Masterlist
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.
Story rating: M
Chapter trigger warnings: torture, humiliation, death, harming, drugging, angst, panic, captivity, traumatization (if I didn’t add something I didn’t think of, let me know pls)
Words: 3516
7
The first thing breaking into your consciousness was the hell of a headache. Awfully slowly your mind clicked back into state. It felt like it took hours. The cold from the coarse concrete surface beneath you started to make your skin go numb. That made you realize that you were naked. Completely. Suddenly your brain began to rush. Wide awake you fumbled around since you were in pure darkness. No single spot of light. Not even the little green spot on the bracelet Tony gave you. The moment the hope rose was the moment it died. When it was not working they were not able to locate you. But at least they were not able to take the vibranium bracelet off your arm. You were happy they didn't just chop off your hand. Your body was now on code red. Every sense was fully there to get the situation. You tried so hard to take a deep breath and calm down at least a little bit. Carefully you let your hands slide over the ice cold ground around you. No indication for the size of the room. Only the sounds you made told you it was a big one, though not empty due to the echoing. Warily you stood up and you suppressed a moan as your head answered the movement with a heavy droning.
Touching down your body you confirmed what you felt at first, you weren't wearing a single piece of clothing. Instinctively you covered your sensitive areas with arms and hands and stood there, totally out of concept. Tears came running down your cheeks without you noticing them. You turned your head around in the dark to maybe find any source of light but were disappointed. You heard a far thud from the left side behind you and immediately turned to that direction. Panic rising within you, you carefully stepped backwards, away from that sound, reaching a hand out behind you to feel any obstacles before you would trip and fall over them. The soft patting of your sweaty feet on the crumbly surface was unnaturally loud in your ears. It felt like you were going backwards into the unknown for kilometers. You almost let out a gasp as you finally bumped into some kind of machine behind you. You turned to palpate it but you had no idea of any machines so couldn't identify it. You surrounded the cold, iron giant in front of you and followed its figure. You came to the conclusion you had to be in some sort of factory because the big machine was connected to a conveyor. You wanted to follow the route of the conveyor but only could take like three steps before you bumped again into something. Into someone. You audibly sucked air into your lungs in shock. The fact that the person didn't react at all was not making it better. You turned into the other direction to get away but was stopped mid-movement by another person you ran into. Panic making you drowsy you turned to the side where you assumed was no machine standing, but the same happened. You retreated towards the machine until you felt the cold iron screws and levers poking you in the back. You fumbled to find the start of the conveyor and assumed that there was a gap beneath it and abruptly ducked away and under the conveyor. Your flight instincts kicking in you were ready to run despite the fact you couldn't see one damn thing. You couldn't believe you were right and there actually was space beneath it and were almost on the other side as a strong and rough hand grabbed you by the ankle and dragged you back. You couldn't help but scream and kick in any direction, only hurting yourself as you hit against the props of the conveyor. Your fingers tried to dig into the concrete floor but you only scratched up your nails until they were bleeding. The rough floor almost grated your skin. Another hand pulled you up onto your feet by grabbing your hair. Two more hands took your arms and twisted them behind your back. You were pushed forwards, forced to walk if you didn't want the person holding you to stomp you down. You hissed and screamed questions that were left answered with silence. Your head was violently pulled up and held aside as another injection was thrust into your neck. You felt dizzy and your body turned slightly numb, but did not lose conscious. Your vision changed. You had to blink a few times before your surroundings were enlightened. You realized there never has been any darkness, you were simply blinded. You felt so sick you just wanted to throw up and pass out. You had to cough and retch, pressed your eyes shut, the now bright light stinging in your brain like thin, hot needles. Carefully you opened your eyes as you had your head tilted down and the first thing you saw was your naked and bruised body. Bringing your knees together to cover at least anything you slowly looked up. A tall man stood in front of you, smiling down on you. His gaze wandering over you sent million disgusting shivers down your spine.
"So, you are the long lost Stark child." He had an European accent, German maybe. His smile turned into a grin. "You are not in best shape, I have to admit." He studied every inch of your skin which made you wanting to claw it right off your body. You felt tears dripping off your jawbone. "Luckily your physical state does not matter. At least you woke up, you were unconscious for almost three hours, although it should be just one. I'll have to take a note for further medication." He turned on his heels and addressed to the men holding you, "Bringt sie ins Labor. Wir haben Arbeit zu erledigen."
After you were dragged through lots of doors and corridors you entered a laboratory. It was clean white and looking overly sterile. Persons in white lab coats and protective masks stopped and turned their heads as you were forced into a big chair with movable spots around it, like a dentist's chair. Dozens of unknown eyes watched you getting shackled into the chair. You tried to tilt your pelvis backwards and pressed your knees together as far as possible so you maybe could hide this spot from the curious views since you had to accept that your bare torso was on display. You were strapped into the chair at so many spots that it was almost impossible to move one centimeter. The men that dragged you here left the room and one of the white lab persons approached you. You tried to talk but the former injection had turned your tongue into lead meanwhile. You could do nothing but watch these robotic acting persons work on you. They shaved the left and right side of your head and placed electrodes on the pale skin, only leaving a broad stripe of hair on the middle of your head. Tears dripped on your thighs as you watched our hair softly falling down besides you like in slow motion. They pierced your arm to get a vascular access and stuck more electrodes along your sternum and on the sides of your ribcage. The lab people were extremely careful and cautious not to touch you even slightly more than necessary. They strictly avoided eye contact. Monitors were rolled into the room and connected with the meanwhile numerous cables from your body. Then, all in a sudden, every single person left the room. You sat there, strapped and muted, naked and frightened to death. You were not able to catch one clear thought, your brain swam in a soup of adrenaline and tranquilizers. All you heard was the echo of the words 'the lost Stark child'. You just closed your eyes and tried to stop the world from turning so fast. Your system was almost knocking out when someone grabbed you by your left over hair and pulled your head up. Lazily you blinked at the blinding light. Your eyes could not focus correctly, you saw the shadowy silhouette of a person. Shortly after a cold liquid shot up the veins of your arm everything clicked into place. In front of you sat the man who ordered to bring you here.
"So, Y/N, finally we found you. Took us really long to figure out you actually did not die in the accident. Well, that was what we wanted from the beginning, so it worked out, but we were tricked and couldn't get our hands on you. But luckily, it doesn't matter anymore." He slipped into white rubber gloves. "I'm so sorry to sound stereotypical, but this can go two different ways; an easy one and a hard one. You are free to choose." He turned around to pick a syringe with a purple liquid and added it to the infusion bag connected to your arm. "But first of all, that you are even capable of answering the questions, we will help you remember."
Cold sweat was dripping on your thighs, falling down from your face. Your breathing became shallow as you felt awfully slowly how your surroundings began to blur and you fell into the deep, black void.
Your muscles tensed up to an incredibly painful level as millions of memories rushed over you out of the blue. Things you saw for the first time since you have been 11 years old but could immediately feel the moment again. The atmosphere, the feelings, the voices, the smiles and the tears. Absolutely everything your mind had tried to lock up forever was pulled violently into the blinding light. It was so familiar and so strange at the same time. You saw the beautiful smile of your mother, softly stroking your cheek. The loud and hearty laugh of your father as you said something sassy. The back of the head of your uncle as you sat on his shoulders, running through your garden. He took you off his shoulders to hold you up into the sky, screeching of fun and joy, and as you looked down you looked into the happy face of a young Tony Stark. Uncle Tones. That was too much for your brain and it did the last thing it could do to protect yourself from freaking out; it turned everything off. Tony's face fading in front of your eyes, you felt your whole body turning limp before it all went dark.
Your sleep was dull and dreamless, a blessing for your overstimulated system. You were tugged back to consciousness, everything felt numb. They let you sleep in sitting position and you carefully lifted your head. Your neck should've hurt terribly but you just didn't feel anything. You looked around and saw your captor sitting at one of the desks watching a screen, turning around to you.
"Oh good, you are awake." He rolled over to you on his office chair. The noise of the small plastic wheels was nearly unbearable for your ears. "Hope you had some nice rest, you are not getting any more of it for quite a while now." He tapped on one of the monitors next to you. "I am turning down your painkillers and tranquilizers now. In a few minutes you should feel everything and be able to speak again. Nothing I would look forward to if I were in your situation." He now faced you directly. "My name is Dr. Daniel Fieberbrunn. I am the chief physician of the Hydra facility you are held in recently. I am continuing the mission my father started. He was killed by one of our own soldiers. A real tragedy. The soldier had to get readjusted and the mission was paused. But now, so many years later, I get the honor to revive it since our spies at the compound found out you are the presumed dead child of Marlena Stark. Your parents were killed by one of our soldiers and his mission also included to leave you alive and bring you to us. Why, you may ask. Well, after my father found out Howard Stark had another child, a daughter, he started research on her and her husband. Soon after we eliminated Howard Stark, Tony Stark found out about her. We've been watching you for years already to find out if you were of any use for Hydra. Stark tried very hard to keep his sister and her family dark to protect them. Pathetic. Finally, as you turned 10, my father found evidence of what he was sure. He wanted to obtain you to form you in young years. But it looked like our soldier failed at the mission and you died as well. He went missing for several months before he reappeared at our base out of nowhere. When my father confronted the soldier with his failure he lost temper and killed him. But the soldier was very valuable for Hydra so instead of getting eliminated he got readjusted. I heard it is not much better than getting killed, so I'm satisfied with that. Of course I will not tell you what my father believed to see in you. Not yet." He looked at his watch. "Alright, any second your physical senses should come back to life. I hope I answered enough questions to keep you quiet and cooperating, so we can speed things up. I neither have the empathy nor the patience to deal with a whiny, confused girl. Ah, I see the medication stop shows up."
His lips formed a small smile as you started to feel every bruise, cramped muscle, the sores beneath the shackles. You coughed and retched as you tried to speak.
"Why? Why are you doing this?" Your voice was a mere, husky whisper.
Your opponent rolled his eyes. "As I already said, we want to form you so you will be useful for us. You will help us to finally bring peace and order to the world. If you ask another question I already told you the answer of, I will have to punish you. I don't have time for such chatting."
"I'm not 10 anymore, you cannot form me into anything I don't want to be."
His answer was a loud laugh. "You simply have no idea of what we can do."
"I'm the most regular person you can imagine. Just a simple woman. I'm of no use for you. What should I have that is of interest?"
He sighed and pulled out a scalpel. Before you could react he grabbed your face with an incredibly tight grip and drew a deep cut from your eyebrow across your eyelid to the edge of your malar bone, almost splitting your eyelid in two. You cawed into his ear since your voice was not capable of screaming already. Warm blood ran down your face and dripped onto your thigh, forming a growing puddle between your legs. The sharp pain was so intense, it almost paralyzed you. All you could do was breathe and cry. The blood blurred the vision of your left eye. As you tried to blink the pain peaked to an intolerable rate.
"I told you I'm not gonna tell you what is special about you. Another thing like that and I will blind the other eye. Then I will tear it out of your skull and replace it with an artificial eyeball."
You had no idea what to do. You were in complete and utter distress.
"What do you want from me?" You wheezed.
"At first, tell me everything about the accident. I want accurate answers. You are allowed to take your time. This will be not always the case. Make use of it."
It made your insides twist to only think of cooperating with them but you were so, so scared. You didn't want your eyeball replaced with an artificial one so they probably could survey you for the rest of your life, always seeing everything you would see. You tried to make up a plan to survive as long as possible until you were rescued. Rescued. That word echoed through your mind. You risked a little look at your bracelet. It was still there, firm and tight around your wrist, shining between the dull shackles, but the green gem was dark, like a usual jewelry. You pushed the thought aside that you would stay here for long. Hope was now the only thing that kept you alive. You sent a quick prayer and concentrated on your task.
The accident. You carefully closed your eyes, the pain from your left eye omnipresent in your thoughts. But you were able to recall. You were in the backseat, gazing out of the window as the dark silhouettes of trees flew by. It was at night, you were on the way to somewhere. Where to? You didn't know, Mom and Dad didn't tell you. They were in a hurry to get into the car. They didn't talk with each other, Mom wasn't even singing along the songs on the radio as she usually did. You didn't realized it before, but as you looked out of the window you saw a quick, small silver flashing between the trees just one second before the disaster happened. Mom was screaming, Dad hitting the brakes really hard, but too late. The car bumped over something, you heard a loud bang, the car overturned and slithered grating over the asphalt. You were screaming and crying. Dad didn't move at all. Mom coughed and turned to Dad, pure panic in her eyes. She looked back at you and started crying as she saw you were alive. She wanted to get to you but was ripped out of the car. You screamed high pitched but silenced immediately as you looked outside. You saw a dark person holding tight onto Moms head. His arm shone like silver in the moonlight. The screams of Mom grew louder and louder, you closed your eyes and pressed your hands on your ears. You heard the dull screaming until it abruptly stopped with a muffled, cracking sound. You dared to look again and just saw the metallic arm letting go of Mom, she fell to the ground. He picked her up again and put her back on her seat. Her head tilted to the side, towards you. You couldn't recognize her, you only saw empty staring eyes and blood. He walked around the car and checked on Dad, but didn't do anything with him. Then he stepped back and ripped out your door, tossing it behind like it was nothing. You were completely paralyzed by fear. You simply stared into his face, your whole body trembling. Half of his face was covered by a black mask, you only saw his eyes glancing at you through strands of dark hair. He tore out your safety belt with one easy move and grabbed you by the collar of your coat. He pulled you out of the car and held you in the air easily with his silver arm, eye to eye. You floundered with your feet, every movement hurt so much. You stared into his eyes, glowing brightly blue in the moonlight, filled with rage. You held onto his metallic arm, crying and breathing heavily. The angst causing your lungs to rattle. You managed to wheeze, "What... did you do... to Mom? Where's... Mom? I... I... can't... breathe..." You felt like you were asphyxiating. Automatically you reached into the pocket of your coat. The man immediately violently grabbed your hand and pulled it up again. His hold was so tight, making you scream as you felt your wrist cracking in his grip. He looked down as he heard something hitting the floor. As he saw your asthma inhaler lying there his face changed. He looked back at you again, his eyes wide and brows furrowed. It looked like he would process something. Like he recalled something he forgot. Slowly he put you back on your feet. You fell to the ground, unable to stand since your legs seemed severely injured. Half lying on the street, you reached out to fetch your inhaler and used it as the doctors had shown you as you first got it. Shortly after drawing breath became easier. You sat up and leant against the car. You could do nothing but cry. You whole body hurt. Mom and Dad were gone. You were surrendered to the mercy of their murderer, standing in front of you. You looked up at him, the tears blurring your view. All you managed to mutter was "Please don't kill me. Don't kill me. Please don't." You repeated it all over and over again. He looked at you, completely different expression in his eyes now. If you didn't knew better you would have said it was regret and panic. He knelt down and carefully picked you up. The pain of being moved with all your injuries was too much and you passed out. You thought you heard him say something before all went dark, it sounded like "I'm sorry."
Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.
Story rating: M
Chapter trigger warnings: flashback/PTSD
Words: 2615
10
As you slowly limped onto the Quinn Jet Loki wrapped his soft, green cape around you. Inside you almost fainted fell asleep the moment you sat down. You woke up every now and then; when Loki picked you up, as he laid you down on a bed in the medical wing of the compound. Eventually you woke up. You blinked into the dimmed light and looked around. Your gaze stopped as you saw a small tube leading into the thick, blue veins on your hand. Immediately the heart monitor next to announced your rising heart rate. In the other corner of the room were Tony sleeping on a couch and Loki on an armchair, long legs casually stretched out. The beeping woke them up but Bruce was already by your side to stop you from tearing out the tube and calmed you down. You started to panic and wanted to rip everything off your body, hoarsely screaming "No, no, no! Not again! No, please god, no!" Bruce came running over to you.
"Y/N, please calm down. Look at me. Okay? Look at me!" He stretched out his arms, palms towards you, as a sign of being unarmed and not willing to harm you. "Everything's okay. You are safe. You are back at the compound."
You managed to focus on him and your heart rate slowly calmed down again. You blinked a few times and some tears ran down your cheek. Bruce sat down next to your knees, moving really slowly to not startle you. He explained every action he planned to do so you'd know what was going to happen.
"Fine. I need to observe your physical state okay? In this infusion bag right here are just some analgetics, uh, sorry, pain relievers, and antibiotics, all picked and mixed by myself. There are no meds that would influence your mind in any way. I made a new access and didn't use the one they had forced into you. There was no second you being alone, whether it was me, Tony or Loki who stayed by your side, at least two of us. There are just these three electrodes that watch your heart rate. That's it. I haven't done anything else while you slept. I wanted to wait until you're awake. You've slept for almost two days now. That's great! Your body and your mind got some urgently needed rest after all that. Besides the obvious terrible things, can you tell me how you feel? Is there maybe some not visible, physical injury we need to pay attention to first?"
The way he spoke to you, how he moved, his peaceful face helped you to calm down. He really knew how to not-upset someone. You swallowed hard and had to retch a bit because your throat was just so dry like a desert. Bruce handed you a glass of water and after a few small sips (the water tasted so fresh and pure, it was a bracing pleasure for your body) you cleared your throat. You looked at him and at Tony and Loki who stood a few steps away from your bed.
"Thank you. Really, thank you. I knew you would find me, though I wasn't sure. I feared I... I'd stay there forever..." Tears filled your eyes again, your voice getting weak. Tony wasn't able to restrain himself any longer and rushed to your side. He took your hand and squeezed it gently.
"Of course we found you, honeybun. I will keep you safe, we will. I will not lose you again..." He turned a bit insecure. "So... you remember?" He asked with a slightly begging expression. He wished it so hard to be true.
You shared a small smile. "Yes. The only good thing that happened in there. It was hurtful and violent, but they brought back my whole memory. It completes itself from time to time, I get new... flashes. But I finally remember my childhood. Dad, Mom,..." you almost choked on your words, "You. I looked forward to every time you'd visit us. I wanted to stay with you after my parents were murdered, but I was intubated and couldn't speak, then I was put to coma and when I woke up...", you started sobbing and covered your mouth with your free hand, unintentionally tugging on your tube, "I had forgotten everything. I forgot you."
Tony shuffled a little closer and pulled you into a gentle hug while you cried into his shirt. After some time you looked up and saw Loki standing in the same spot as before, arms crossed, brows furrowed (one slightly higher than the other).
"Loki. I saw you. You were in my cell, wearing my headphones. How?" You wiped your nose on the back of your hand and someone handed you a tissue.
"I...", he started but didn't know how to continue, looking across the floor as if he would find the words laying there.
"Silver tongue turned to lead?" Tony couldn't help to joke.
"Shh, shut up Tones, give him time to think." You batted Tony's arm and regretted it the same second because the vascular access on your hand got pushed a bit deeper into your skin.
Seeing how you hushed Tony to let him sort out his words made him smile a little. He came a bit closer.
"There is something with you. An unknown power. Somehow we were able to create a mental connection that continued over the distance. I felt... I wasn't able to help because everything we could do was to use this technology to make your bracelet work again. I wanted to listen to the music you liked and... I thought of you. Then suddenly I saw you sleeping there."
Tony took the word and continued, "The information you gave him helped us to reduce the possibilities where you were to a few buildings. We split up and where already on the way to those few buildings when JARVIS finally could locate and destroy the virus keeping your tracker from working we could come down to one building. It was only active for a short time, I turned it down immediately again, I thought a suddenly green glowing gem would cause some unwanted curiosity. It wasn't long enough to locate you exactly, but the indicated area was enough to exclude the other possibilities we already had. Your strange connection with him saved us an enormous amount of time and you some trouble I guess."
You were left speechless. Then it hit you; you remembered what they discovered about you. You forgot that for a few “peaceful” minutes.
"Um, Loki, is this... normal? Do you build such connections easily?"
"Well, usually not. If the development of some kind of relationship is not supported by something like Seidr it takes a long amount of time. I was... surprised, to say the least. This is something I want to investigate, but not now. Not until you are feeling better and strong enough for such activities."
"I think I know why it worked." You started hesitantly. "I... They... I can..." You didn't know how to tell. You took a deep breath. "I can feel other's feelings when I touch them. And I can make them feel what I feel. With the palms of my hands."
Everyone looked at you with the same blank face.
"What is wrong with me? Why can I do this? It started after they electrified my brain, I couldn't do it before. They shaved me directly after they dragged me into their awful lab and stuck electrodes here", you pointed at the shaved areas on your head, "like they knew exactly what was going on and what they wanted to achieve. This bastard that called himself a doctor said his father watched me from the beginning and he already knew about this. How is this even possible??"
"Wait, what? They watched from the beginning, what does that mean?" Tony's look turned from soft to serious.
You told them a rough outlining of what you were told and what you could recall. That you were being watched because that doctor thought you would be useful, that he sent a Soldier to collect you, how he changed his mind... You were surprised you didn't had to cry while retelling parts of your story. You weren’t able to tell them everything. Not yet. At the end you took a moment to let it sink in and turned to Tony.
"Tones, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't because of you that we were attacked. I'm sure you felt guilty for what happened, that my Mom had to die because she was your sister. But that's not true; she had to die because... because I... was her daughter." You realized the truth of those words as you said them out loud. You pressed a hand on your mouth to dull the sobbing that followed. Tony pulled you into a tight hug but quickly loosened it a bit regarding the numerous cuts on your body.
"Stop saying that bullshit, Honeybun. She had to die because some sick psycho sent a brainwashed marionette to do so, there are no other reasons. Okay? Did you hear me?" He pushed you slightly backwards to make direct eye contact. "Do you copy?"
A broken smile decorated your face because you suddenly remembered how you played space ship and mission control and nearly every third sentence was 'Do you copy?' followed by a crackling sound, imitating radio communication.
"Copy." You whispered, wiping away the tears from your cheeks. You looked into the face of the man in front of you, the last bit of your family. A face that brought up so many beautiful childhood memories. You smiled at him and laid your hand on his cheek. You let the warmth from your chest flow over to him. "Uncle Tones, I am so, so happy to have you back." You watched him mirroring your smile, tears filling up his eyes. You felt how your happiness now mixed up with his relief that you were still alive and that his sister and her husband didn't had to die because he was not cautious enough. You looked at him softly and tilted your head to the side as you said "You look tired, old man. You should get into your basket real soon." You turned to Bruce "Bruce, I want to say thank you so, so much. I wouldn't be here and so well looked after without you. But you look dead ass tired, too. You should get some sleep as well. Maybe Loki can stay with me?"
"Of course, Y/N" Loki acknowledged.
Hesitantly Tony and Bruce agreed to get to bed and left you alone with Loki. He hadn't moved, standing at the foot of your bed, arms crossed. You patted on the free space on your bed to invite him to take a seat. After a few seconds he followed and sat down next to you. He seemed a bit stiff, not knowing how to act, so you touched his hand. "Loki, I wanted to say thank you. For everything. I am very lucky that we met. I will always be in your debt."
With those words he turned his head to you, looked you so deeply in the eyes that it sent thousands of shivers down your spine and said, "You will never be in my debt, Y/N. It is the other way round. You are very perceptive and very kind, that is a precious combination. You easily notice how your opposite feels and if they don't feel good you want to change that immediately. I was so rude to you before you... disappeared and all you wanted to do was to ease my own burden. I am so sorry."
He couldn't look into your face any longer so he stared at his hands, one covered by yours (which was a lot smaller than his), brows furrowed. Waves of regret and shame flooded your heart and you felt his deep vulnerability. You realized he was capable of such heavy emotions that it was almost unbearable and you wondered how he could still stand up straight carrying around all this guilt, despair and loss. He still couldn't look into your eyes, being reminded of just another awful mistake he made. You had to stop that right now, so you concentrated on your own feelings. Your caring, your gratitude. You watched his features closely and your happiness increased exponentially as he lost the fight to hold back a smile. But all of a sudden he pulled away his hands, stood up and turned his back to you.
"I... I am sorry, what did I do wrong? I meant you no harm, ...I ..."
"Don't." Loki interrupted.
"...Sorry?"
"Don't apologize, it's not your fault. It's just that I... I am too wary. I don't trust others easily, especially if it seems to be simple. My alarm bells ring and I can't mute them."
"Oh. I kinda know that feeling. With me it is the other way round. I don't want to trust others so fast but I always end up doing just that. I think I don't even have alarm bells. It's okay. I just wanted to let you know how I feel about you and that you can relax around me."
"I know that. I know that you don't want anyone to feel worthless or miserable and if it is in your power, you try to change that by being kind and caring. You do that because you know exactly how that feels and you don't want anybody else to feel like this."
His open and direct words hit you like an arrow. You never thought about it but it was crystal clear just as he spoke. You tried to swallow down the tears, "How... how do you come to think so?"
"Because I am a perceptive person as well. But I used it mostly to my own advantage. I admire your kindness. I did not realize it that moment, but retrospectively I can see you always had a connection to your powers. It was when we had this fight and I disappeared. You touched my face and suddenly I felt those gentle emotions. It was like... you were digging out a part of me that I consider as weak but you... appreciated it. That was too much for me in that moment. This certain part is hidden for a reason, weakness is not something to be shown where I come from. All I learned is to be strong, glorious, victorious. Everywhere, all the time. But in this short moment, you showed me something different. That this part has a right to exist. And that you could be the person I can show it to. And then my trust issues kicked in. They still do..."
It took you a moment to process his pure honesty before you could gather some words, "Wow. You truly are perceptive. And you are right, I am the person you can show it to. I always try not to judge anybody. I understand that this will take its time, but I'd totally appreciate every try. You are someone very special and I want you to see that."
Loki smirked and simply said, "I will try my best to break my habits. I started to do so already." He walked over to the light switch next to door. "But now you should get some rest. Don't worry, I will be right here." He grabbed a cushioned chair from the corner and dragged it next to your bed. He made himself comfortable and put his heels up on the furthest corner of your bed. Softly he added, "You will never be alone again.", just before you drifted away.
