Ways to trick yourself into flossing your teeth (even though your neurodivergent brain hates flossing with an unparalleled passion), an incomplete list:
Floss first — you’re supposed to do this anyway, but i always used to put it off. just do it first. just get it out of the fucking way
You are going into battle — first blood is a rite of passage. you will return home with the blood of your enemies on a string and the seasoned warriors will clap you on the back and welcome you to sit at their fire
You don’t have to do it tomorrow if you do it today — make a deal with yourself: you get a freebie if you do it today. if you skip today, though, you HAVE to do it tomorrow. the goblins that live in the toilet tank will steal you away if you skip two days in a row. what if you’re too tired tomorrow, or tipsy, or having a meltdown? do it today. today will be worth it. this world is a hot mess, but do you really want to be trapped in the toilet tank with the toilet tank goblins? no. no you don’t. *
Try different floss — i hate the flat crap. it’s like little gum blades. who did that. why? i like the black ‘expanding’ floss from burst. it shows me the ick so i feel powerful. it gets softer as you go but doesn’t fall apart. try different flavors or textures. straight up throw a full roll in the trash if it’s worse than the previous one. it’s like $2 and it will stare at you unhelpfully if you feel like you owe it something. you don’t owe it shit. if it wrongs you try a new one
Find your nemsis and conquer it — there’s that one tooth. you know the one. (or maybe you have yet to meet). it likes to store gunk, but you can make it give up its hoard. you’re in charge, damnit. it doesn’t deserve to have that gunk. it’s your gunk. take your gunk and dispose of it at your whim
You only have to do one quadrant — hell you can make it even less. today is the top left starting at the back molar. floss 3 gaps ** that’s it. stop there. or don’t. maybe it’s like doing the dishes. now you have to remember where you left off. what a fun little memory exercise. maybe your brain will be more adaptable when you’re old
Write on the bathroom mirror — get a fine point dry erase marker and write something down. a reminder or a note about where you left off or an x for every day you do it. write an essay about why you hate it and then erase it and floss anyway
Be the whumpee — maybe the bad guy is making you floss. maybe you have to suffer through this if you want to escape. maybe this is the hurt but then you get the comfort. be your own blorbo ***
The gross will diminish over time — i have no quip for this. it’s just how it goes. it starts gross but if the gross is a deterrent then continuing to floss is your best protection. flossing tomorrow will be less gross if you floss today
You don’t want to pay for this bs — i know i know it’s that one that everyone says like it’s motivating but just strikes you with despair. but your sensory sensitivities are already a pain in the ass. your friends tease you about how frequently you change your socks. you keep buying socks. socks are only sometimes expensive. teeth are so expensive. your sensory sensitivity is already a pain in the ass. you shouldn’t have to literally pay for it. borrow your friends’ socks. floss your damn teeth.
Do it while your face dries — bonus points bc now you’re washing your face too. you don’t want to put moisturizer on a damp face though. floss your teeth while you’re drying. wash away the horrors of your mouth and with your liberated hands, moisturize that shit. now you’re soft and free of tooth gunk
Declare your triumph to someone — announce your achievement to an audience. tumblr or your dad or your cat or your boss (only if your relationship is like that). you’re not looking for congratulations or approval. you are merely informing the masses that you are climbing in rank. your status is increasing. if you continue like this you’ll become a fucking god
FLOSS FIRST — at some point you will be getting ready for bed on autopilot and you will reach for the damn floss without thinking. you will stare at it in shock. did you form a habit? damn, that’s cool. they always say you can do that but is this proof? you still don’t want to. but you already got it out. why not?
* it can be a three day cycle. the important part is that you don’t know how you’ll be doing tomorrow night. so unless you’re hot garbage tn and you flossed within the required timeframe, it’s a better gamble to do it now. (plus, the toilet tank goblins suck. terrible roommates. garbage taste in music and they never get all the gunk off the frying pan)
** don’t tell your brain i’m telling you this but there’s a secret ulterior motive here. if your neurodivergent brain hates random sensations odds are it also hates incomplete sensations. do you see where i’m going? do you see how this can forward the floss agenda? shhhhh. don’t tip your hand
*** ymmv. if you were not a fucked up child who imagined concerning scenarios that involved a villains and a curious lack of agency and which definitely did not foretell your future taste in fanfic or shibari, this prompt might just confuse you. that might be healthy. or it might just be natural variance in the human experience. who can say. definitely not the toilet tank goblins