#neuroticisms

[aeide-thea]

the best part of being on this website is when other people leave me actual explicitly verbalized comments but unfortunately i live in abject fear of doing that myself bc even when what i have to say is, like, ‘gee you’re really good-looking 😳’ or ‘i like & value you so much’ or ‘i’m so sorry you’re hurting <3’ my brain is like, ‘probably that sentiment is Too Much in some way & you should just withdraw yr comment & crawl back into your hole, you grossly presumptuous thing!!’

like to be clear the fear does not always stop me from voicing these sentiments! but it does mean i inevitably sit around afterwards anxing about having voiced them

making yrself clearly legible: a recipe for demonstrating yr essential Badness, probably!! (i should say, this is a lie—making yrself clearly legible is hugely important & the way everyone ducks that responsibility on here is a strong candidate for the worst thing abt this website—but it sure feels that way!)

[lalunamusa]

…MĖSÅ…

[koneko-sprout]

omg ive been following you for a few weeks n i just realised like who you are n that we went to primary school together hahahahaha

hahah :) small worldl!! I saw that you followed me and i asked lily to double check if it was the same girl i was friends with in prep. I was surprised that it actually was!! ^.^

[sincely]

maybe people have "depression blogs" because they feel like tumblr is their safe place and its the only place that they can truly express their inner feelings and demons and i dont think that you should be judging them because at least they are in some way expressing their feelings rather than leaving them bottle up inside of them

As someone who has had clinical depression since the age of 5 I understand the need to express your feelings and I also understand tumblr is a great way to get your feelings out and be yourself. But what I don't understand is how it can be helping.

Would you say reblogging black and white photos of someone else's self harm is good for someone with depression? Now I know someone with depressions first thoughts are not with helping themselves, but seeing all these triggering images surely isn't something you would support them doing. 

I almost can't understand expressing your inner feelings and demons in the way people with depression blogs do. With my personal experience with depression and from everything I've ever been told and read about depression it always seems to be a very private thing. Behind closed doors, alone in your room, just you and your inner demons. It had never occurred to me until recently that there was entire public blogs dedicated to depression and self harm. It was disturbing to me when I found them. All of these images that seemed to create almost a shrine to depression I suppose. I hope you can see why finding these blogs would upset me. 

And another thing that upset me was the amount of self promotion depression blogs seems to do. "Depression blog *trigger warning*". Because just like the rest of us they want followers and they want to gain and they want to have messages and all the rest, but they are promoting their blogs that are dedicated to depression as if it's nothing almost. It just seemed to be such a casual thing, to have a blog dedicated to a metal illness. 

And since this is a place for people to express themselves and not bottle things up, as you said, I am also allowed to express what I think so I don't think you should be tell me not to 'judge' them when I was just expressing my own feelings and my pure exasperation because I truly do not understand how someone can have a blog dedicated to something so phenomenally disturbing as depression. I hope you can understand a little better why I posted that now.

[72j]

Followed u on insta, jadetrevascuss

thanks! followed

br; 9/10 xo

please follow my instagram here (@los_r)

then message me for a follow back and blograte

[hesperidae]

worry worry worry

Say too much

Say too little

Say dumb things

Act pretentious

Don’t make sense

Use too much blue

Fight too much

Don’t reply fast enough

Don’t finish things

Can’t fight well

Say things that sound like they are deep but have nothing to back them up

Don’t really understand anything

Care more than there’s any reason to

Worry overmuch

Expect others to care more than they ever could or should

Am glib

Am blind

Have taken a wrong turn somewhere far back there along the way and have no method of return

Will never be truly satisfied

Will be satisfied and so will cease to bring about beauty

Can’t create anything truly new

Can’t create

Act cruelly

Worry too much

Trample others’ castles

Get sandy

Will never change anything

Will fade without gain

Get hyperrational

Don’t want to do anything

Have no compassion, just its appearance

Don’t even have the appearance

Am a troll

Repeat self

Don’t listen to reason

Can’t tell if am being sarcastic

Hate irrationally

Don’t want to correct my mistakes

Am overly impressionable

Am inflexible

Use too many words to express a simple idea

Twist anything to suit own desires

Don’t know love

Care mainly for the cultivation of an air of superiority

Won’t know love

Welcome pain for aesthetics’ sake

Kill things

Stare at gaudy things

Spend too much time in all the wrong places

Can’t truly express any idea

Would trade reality for security

Have already done so

Repeat self

Judge unnecessarily

Can’t smell

Can’t dream

Seek attention from all quarters

Spend too much time thinking instead of doing

[sincely]

stay away from my friends - pierce the veil

Great song, thanks! xx 

9.5/10

[theempathymachine]

Sometimes I have an existential crisis about what I am doing with my life and is art even necessary? Sometimes it feels like a trivial luxury. But then I think the encouragement of creativity is the key to a healthy and progressive life, and by extension, society. But then I think the kind of stuff I make isn't exactly world-changing, and I wonder if I'm actually doing anything meaningful.

It feels like a selfish way to live, but I don't know if that actually matters. Maybe it's because I grew up in two cultures - one individualistic and one collectivist, that I get so confused. Should I be living for the sake of contributing something to society, or the pursuit of my own happiness? Or maybe trying to master a craft that makes me happy, which will eventually give me the tools to make a contribution my own way?

Maybe I am just being insecure about the adequacy of my skills and feeling hopeless for a bit.