Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?
Although they’ve been gone from the Institute more of their life than not (and Ned is roughly 50ish, so that’s a very long time for a synth, and definitely an escaped synth), they still still have something of the Institute mentality about them and value their own efficiency, their own usefulness, even if Ned cares more about being useful for their own sake rather than for the sake of others.
In short, Ned values success over happiness and Ned’s not certain that they’ve ever been absolutely happy in their entire life, not even when they still had their husband and cabin in the woods and little garden. Ned’s not sure if they’re even capable of being as happy as other people.
In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?
Ned at once is highly self-critical of themself, believing that they’re essentially lacking something that other people have figured out, and constantly compares their life to that of other people, and also kind of believes that they’re better than 95% of people on the surface. So, in short, Ned compensates for their lack of self-esteem by insisting that they’re the prettiest and most clever and also really good at possibly everything.