Happy (belated) New Year guys!
Ever since starting university, the new year means the start of exams season and I could never find the beauty of it. You spend all your days inside studying, it is cold outside and the only good things I can take from each day is my coffee and beautiful sunsets. 2018 had the worst start I could remember. I was depressed and unmotivated as I had never been before. I was not happy with myself or where I was, I wanted to give up on Medicine for a few months but had no backup plan to make it happen. I studied and did all my exams the best I could, I enjoyed my 2 week break and came back to university with a new mindset. It wasn't perfect, I still hadn't find my passion for Medicine again but I had a plan for the Summer – I was going to London for 2 weeks straight, discover my number one city in the world and would do it all by myself, completely out of my comfort zone.
This September I came back to university with the thought of enjoying what I was studying, keeping my mind open to new opportunities, experience more of the world and socialize more. I did it all, I had never been more myself but still, I wasn't completely happy with the way Medicine was being taught in my university. I realized I had expected too much, I had thought I would be in the hospital all the time when in fact, I had only 3 hours per day there. I felt trapped and in the exact same spot I had been since starting Medical School. And with a new exams season approaching, the same mentality and depression came back to haunt me, as I had let it.
During these days I have been thinking a lot of what I want and what I can do to achieve it. I tried to go back to where it all started, to a 15 year old girl that wasn't scared to tell everyone she was going to study Medicine. I went back to my mentality back then and to what I felt with every obstacle thrown my way, to every failure and the ultimate win that was getting into Medicine after a second try. Back then, I didn't let anyone tell me what to do or how to feel, I didn't let anyone bring me down or deny me of my dreams. Back then, I allowed myself to dream the biggest as I could, even if the world and society thought it was too much for me. I remember my mom telling me I had to dream a little more realistically when I would tell her I would go study abroad, before even reaching High school. I didn't care at all, my dreams were my own and only I could make them happen. As one of my idols from that time said “if you don't reach for the stars, you can't make it to the sky". And it is true! Here I am, years later, trying to apply for an elective rotation of my final year abroad!
Along the way, I lost the girl I was and became the woman I never thought I would be. I reached a state of resignation that no one should ever be in. My dreams faded away when I entered in Medicine, I resigned myself to the place I was being put in. I didn't try harder like before, I accepted I had reached my goal and my potential and anything bolder that I could dream of was too much for someone like me. I was wrong and it took me all these years to realize it, to make myself see that the only reason I feel unhappy with my life is myself.
In honor of the girl that always dreamed too big, today I write my resolutions for 2019, something I never did.
After exams season, I will study every day. Studying does not come with motivation, it doesn't become easier unless you do it everyday. It is an habit, just like everything else. Persistence and determination was what made me get here so it has to be what allows me to move onto the next step. Even if it is just one hour or four, I commit myself to this resolution.
I will be present during lectures. Morning lectures are hard and I don't always go. I will not promise right away that I will attend every lecture because I know it will be impossible some days. However, whenever I go, I will turn off my phone and be attentive. No more of playing on my phone or scrolling down instagram.
Social media is an amazing invention and a great way to connect with people all over the world, something it was not possible years ago. But it can also be time consuming and self destructive when you can't get enough of it and you start compare yourself with everyone. I commit myself to go on social media less and for that, I will not turn on the internet until one hour after I woke up and I will stop a hour before going to bed.
In order to be more.mentally stable and healthy, I have to take care of my body as well. It's been years since I properly exercised and so, I will try to go out for a run or do a workout at home every day, even when I think I am too tired or don't have time. Who knows if in the future I will sign up for a gym membership? 😅
Following the latter, I will take care of my skin everyday as well. I never cared much about my appearance nor do I want it to change. I am good with myself but I always had problems with acne. The only way my skin will get cleaner is if I take care of it.
Ever since I went to London last year, I found a new passion for travelling and will plan a few more trips this new year, either inside or out of my country.
Lastly, this is the most difficult. And the less important for my growth as a person but still, something I have wanted for a long time. I have given excuses that aren't reasonable because you have to start somewhere! And this is to start a youtube channel. I have filmed and even found a free video editor so really, I am the only one stopping myself. I cannot promise I will make this happen, simply because my life and the other resolutions might not allow it. However, it would be cool if this time next year, instead of writing, I would put up a video on it, right?
I know none of these will be easy but nothing worth having in life comes easy. You have to work for what you want, you have to be fierce about it and only you can change your life, if you aren't happy about it. I didn't put it in my resolutions because I want to carry this on for the rest of my life. Changing your mindset and perspectives is the most important key for change and improvement. Once you let go of what holds you back, you can truly move on. I hope all of you have an amazing year and have the courage o make of it what you most desire!
