All right, this isn't so much a story as it is a chat log that I put together after I let one unfortunate girl add me on MSN. She'd had one of those stupid blank profiles on OKCupid and I was pretty much using the site to be a prat to anyone who made the mistake of contacting me. This was one of the few times that something vaguely amusing came out of it, though every time I share it I expect someone to shout at me for it.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Hello.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
hey
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
wuts up
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Oh, not much. You?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
nothin wherer u live
Ninjasauras Rex says:
In Melbourne.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
And you?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
ive never heard of that ohio
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Cool. What do you look like?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
inmixed
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Pics?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
no u?
Ninjasauras Rex says:
What are you into?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
um guys
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Great.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Wanna cyber?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
huh
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
huh???
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Do you want to have cyber sex?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
sure///
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Okay.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
You start.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
no u
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I push you against the sink and hump you slowly.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
oh oh oooooooooooh
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I lick your face all over, biting your skin hard.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
lick mi face wut the hell iz wrong wit u?
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I smother your words with a deep, passionate kiss.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
hen u start baning me hard
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I pull away your top and squeeze your breasts roughly.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
and i suck ur dick
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I fuck your mouth roughly, losing myself between your warm, wet lips.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
yeh
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I pull one hand down your panties and rub your clit.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
i start rubbin u all over ur bady
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
body
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I pull your panties down and push you over the sink, rubbing my cock on you from behind.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
then......
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I push my hard red cock into your butt and start fucking you wildly
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
red
Ninjasauras Rex says:
You moan and I increase my rhythm as you thrust your body back against me.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
oh babe
Ninjasauras Rex says:
My hands run along your arms, pushiing them into the sink so I can get my cock deeper into you.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
mi bad
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
um yeh
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I turn on the garbage disposal and force your hands down into the blades, your sphincter closing up tight in pain, giving my cock more pleasure.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
dont that hirt???
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Don't you worry about it, baby. The pleasure's worth it.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
aawwwwwwww
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I grab your breasts and run my hands all over your body as we fuck with the rhythm of the garbage disposal.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
How old are you, anyway?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
y
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Just wondering, help me picture you better./
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
hold old do i have 2 be???
Ninjasauras Rex says:
As old as you like.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Don't worry about it. Just tell me how old you are so we can get back to business.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
13
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
13
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
hello??
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Overwhelmed by your sexiness, I finally come in your butt, filling you with my sperm.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
ur nutz
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Because I can't let myself get caught having sex with a thirteen year old. I push you head first into the garbage disposal unit to cover up my cock-achingly fun crime.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
u really think im`13
Ninjasauras Rex says:
If not, how old are you?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
iz that bad?/???
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
r u a cop??
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
popo
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Of course not.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
popo
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
huh
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
huh
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
sure
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
im
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
blockin u
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Please don't.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I'll love you forever.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
wut eve u dont no me
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Please.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
We'll be internet boyfriend and girlfriend.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
sob storry head all before./
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** winks:
Play "Knock"
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
any on in that brain???
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
u been in prison
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
u wonna be mi bf
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Sure, anything you want.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
convict
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
wut that mean
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
huh
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
huh
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
????
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
???
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
???
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I'm saying I'm everything you ever wanted.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
ask me then
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Ask you what?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
met out??
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Okay.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Let's do this proper.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
What's your name, so that I can ask you out properly.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
cdcbKSUCHCHCDHSHDHHDUUIU77773R47R
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Come on.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Don't be like that, honey.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
TIFFANY
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Okay, Tiffanny.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Tiffany, will you be my girlfriend?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
UR NAME IZ
Ninjasauras Rex says:
My name is Victor, but you can call me PH.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
YES PH IWONT BE ABLE TO TALK TO U EVERY DAYB THO
Ninjasauras Rex says:
That's okay. As long as we're together.
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
SOB STORRY
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Do you have myspace/
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
NO I TRIED AND CUOLD T GET I DO U
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
COULDNT
Ninjasauras Rex says:
No, sorry.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
When can you get pics of yourself?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
DONT NO WHEN CAN I GET PICS OF U??
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I don't know. What colour are your eyes?
THERE ALLWYS ONE PRSON I WILL LOVE BUT HAVE TO HATE B/C HE HIRT ME SOMUCH***** says:
BROWN UR?
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Brown as well.
IM NOT SINGLE ANY MOE says:
HOW LONG IS UR DICK
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Twelve inches.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Enough for you?
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
OK
Ninjasauras Rex says:
So, are you a virgin?
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
YEH
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
Ninjasauras Rex says:
So...
Ninjasauras Rex says:
What do you want to do now?
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
HOW BIG RU
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Six foot, two inches tall.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
UR SHORT I THINK
Ninjasauras Rex says:
How tall are you?
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
5 SUM THIN
Ninjasauras Rex says:
What else do you want to know about me?
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
WUT COLOR IZ UR HAIR
Ninjasauras Rex says:
It's black.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
OH WUT KINDA CLOTHE U BE WEARIN R U WHITE OR BLACK
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I'm wearing pants and a normal dress shirt. I'm white. WHITE POWER FOREVER.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS winks:
Play "Water Balloon"
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
UR BUMD
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
BLACK WHITE?
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I'm white. Got some nice swastika tats, as well.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
SOME WUTR
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Swastikas are like baby mice.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Come on. They're the cutest ever.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
SURE THEY R
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Do you like rabbits?
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Look at them! They're just big mice.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
NASTY NASTY MICE
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Okay.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
What about you?
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Tell me about your beautiful body.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
I HAVE FLAB
Ninjasauras Rex says:
How much flab/
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
NOT THAT MUCH
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
Y
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
DOES
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
IT
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
MATTER
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
WELL IT OVER
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
IF THATS HOW U WONNA BE
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Please, baby.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Don't be like that.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I just don't like fatties.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
NO
Ninjasauras Rex says:
You just have to work the weight off.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
WUT
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
OH NO U DIDNT JUST CALLME ME FAT
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Don't take it personally, babe.
I LOVE U PH$$$***** AND HE LOVE ME 2 YES YESSSSSSSSSS says:
NIGGA PLZ DONT MAKE ME GET MI BIG BLACK NIGGSZ ON YOUR SCRONNY ASS WHITE PERSON IM THROUGH
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Give me another chance, Tiffany!
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
N O
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Please!
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I'm begging you!
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
NO
Ninjasauras Rex says:
We can make it work!
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
YOU DID ENUGH
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I like your booty!
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I like all of it!
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
THIZ I S A DASTER JUST MI BUTT HOW DARE U
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
HOW DARE U
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ just sent you a Nudge!
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
U SUCK
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I know you still care about me!
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
GO TAKE A BATH
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
KISS MI ASS
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ winks:
Play "Kiss"
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
NO NO NO
Ninjasauras Rex says:
We can make it work.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I kiss you passionately on the lips!
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
NO WE CANT
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ winks:
Play "Legnog"
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
DONT SAY THAT I DONT LIKE
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
U
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
anYMORE
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
got that
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I know you still love me.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I push you down onto the bed.
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
nope
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I tear at your clothes.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Kissing you all over your body.
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
no no no nonononlkkjmxci
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
sJNVCfvcwdc,sd
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
NONONONONONONONOL OPNOKN K
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I push my cock into your wet pussy.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
You know you want.
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
DONT FORCE ME R U FORCIN DONT EVEN TRI 2 PLAY ME LIKE DAT
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I fuck you slowly and passionately.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
The way we used to.
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
NO WET PUSSY
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
WE NEVR USE TO
Ninjasauras Rex says:
You moan with pleasure
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
THERERIS NO WE
Ninjasauras Rex says:
And my fingers stroke your clit slowly
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
CANT TALK NOPE NEVER VEA AGSIN BI
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I quiet your moans with a well-placed kiss and ride you hide, like my pony.
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
BYE
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I squeeze your breasts and watch the milk come out as your tight pussy grips my penis in its velvety folds.
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
NO BYE
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I come in you again, filling your pussy with my love.
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
ITS OVER LEVE ME ALONE
Ninjasauras Rex says:
Okay, honey.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
If that's the way you want it.
Ninjasauras Rex says:
I love you always.
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
YEP SURE IZ
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
YEH RIDHT
I HATE U PH GO TO HELL^^&u^%$^%$ says:
I WSNT MENT 2BE