#newmutants86

[gaknar]

Damnit I thought for a split second that Skids was going to die here, because I don’t remember seeing her at all after this point throughout the rest of the New Mutants series, and I actually got a little worried. I don’t know why, I hate her character. She’s an ornament for Rusty, who I also hate. I’m such a sucker for self-sacrifice though. It gets me every time. Unfortunately, she doesn’t die, and when Rusty and Skids are completely incapacitated as a result of their fight against the Vulture, the Tinkerer, and Nitro, Freedom Force shows up to incarcerate them again.

I swear to god, the Republicans in the United States Senate modeled their authoritarian behavior off of the super villains in these comic books. Fuckers. (New Mutants #86 – Feb 1990)

[gaknar]

Ulp. Here we go. Rob Liefeld draws this whole issue, and every issue of the New Mutants after this through the end of the series at issue #100. Let me get my spittle rag. (New Mutants #86 – Feb 1990)

[gaknar]

This is only Rob Liefeld’s first issue, but he’s already introducing us to like 17 blandass pouched-up edgelord characters, with names like WILDSIDE… and STROBE. And not the least pouched-up is our favorite time traveling boomer, Cable, making his very first appearance. Whew. This… this is a lot to process. Long gone are the days when Claremont was writing this series, and it felt more like a soft spoken accent to his brilliant work over on Uncanny X-Men. Now we’ve gotta follow these neckless Mutant Liberation Front assholes around and look at their shoulder pads. Ok, well, we just got done reading a rather large block of New Mutant comics, so I’m going to make an executive decision here. The New Mutants finally defeated Hela and are recovering from their wounds in Asgard. Rusty and Skids are safely back in jail where they belong and won’t be in any danger of embarrassing themselves in public. I think now is a good time to take a little break from the New Mutants and see what’s going on in the other X-Men comics. I swear it’s not because I don’t want to read this next batch of Rob Liefeld comics. I swear. Ok it’s totally because I don’t want to read this next batch of Rob Liefeld comics. Let’s go see what that douch-bag Cyclops is up to. (New Mutants #86 – Feb 1990)

[gaknar]

The rest of the New Mutants are still licking their wounds in Asgard after their fight with Hela, and of course, all stakes of that battle are instantly erased when Hogun the Grim shows up with a magical healing elixir. This is such narrative bullshit. IF YOU GUYS HAVE A HEALING ELIXER, WHY DON’T YOU JUST KEEP IT WITH YOU DURING THE BATTLE AND DRINK IT WHEN YOU GET HURT. There isn’t even any reason to write it this way. They won the battle. The survived their injuries. Just let them rest and heal naturally. Maybe have them still smarting when they have to rush off into their next battle. This adds relatable drama and realism! Ugh whatever. Rob Liefeld drew this issue. Why am I complaining about realism. (New Mutants #86 – Feb 1990)

[gaknar]

Man diving into Rob Liefeld’s run on these New Mutant comics is like entering a completely separate dimension. All the women suddenly look like super-model porn stars with butt implants. All the men look like back packs. And here we pick up where we left off in the last issue with Rusty and Skid’s breaking out of federal prison, and somehow Rusty’s costume has materialized on his body even though he was in jail clothes only moments before this. And look here when they fucking run this prison guard right the fuck over.

WHUMPH. I mean maybe that’s not what happens, but based on the artwork it sure looks like it. (New Mutants #86 – Feb 1990)

[gaknar]

I don’t want the next 200 blog posts over the next 14 issues of the New Mutants to be about how much I hate the artwork, BUT COULD SOMEONE TELL ME HOW THE VULTURE IS ABLE TO FLAP HIS WINGS WHEN HE’S CLEARLY USING HIS ARMS TO CARRY SOMEONE OR SOMETHING.

YOU CANNOT GET LIFT LIKE THAT. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. (New Mutants #86 – Feb 1990)

[gaknar]

Jesus Rusty’s face in some of these pictures.

And did you notice on the cover how he’s got his whole hand wrapped around the Vulture’s twig like ankle like he’s holding a lolli-pop stick and he’s supporting his entire weight by doing so? I call these… Rob Lie-physics. (New Mutants #86 – Feb 1990)