╳ █ ▌ he came from the earth, breaking gnarled branches that held him close like a mother would to a mourning son, and the vampyre struggled to gain life back as memories sheared his strength and resolve. but he did anyway, having some semblance of a memory: being touched, almost clawed out, voices so blurred he didn't know who it was. so deep in dreams and sleep that he debated ever coming out, to be consumed by the animals which devoured, to replace his bones for the sake of branches growing thicker, longer.
instead, he found himself, perhaps a night or two after the awakening, sitting in front of Flamia. Still, his daughter, though strained, for him perhaps; lover, friend, alpha. No, MATE above all. The loss of that mental connection, bond, suddenly cut off in this---
he sought her out, refused to see Emiel still. A burning hatred nothing but embers raging again but damn it all, he was exhausted. soulless, it feels like, a craven built right where the heart should be. bleary eyes stare for the longest time at the ground, dark tendrils of hair ( glistening from recent, hot bath ), sticking to his pale, sunken frame. he wanted to eat, to feed. rathain couldn't bring himself to do so. in a few days maybe, when his strength and body is able to withstand the stiffness in his joints, his liquid muscles. he asked the question despite knowing the answer because he, like them, weren't going to remain in Toussaint any longer. his ashes spread to the wind and he would follow it, in a sense, or go in an entirely new direction, goddess forbid.
"When you leave," he croaks, eyes finally resting on her gently, "know that I will take my path. Alone. Leave here with all the memories we've made. Your fa-" Teeth clench. "Dettlaff--~" nearly chokes, the pain like knives stabbing into him once more, enough that he nearly coils into himself, a hand clenched, mouth open to scramble some breath. Dettlaff. He was gone. Dead. Forever and along with many parts of himself and what remained a shell. He'll endure the pain, he's suffered worse. Once the worse has passed and Rathain regained an ounce of control, the vampyre pinches the bridge of his nose.
"You have my blessing." My. Not ours. Mine. He pauses, though, hesitant. "I suppose we have time to talk unless your mate has already finished with preparations."
... I wish so many things but I cannot hold you down to my grieving.