Quick sand
The water was steaming, a wave of almost smoke wafting up from it, and he could see the tell-tell signs the bottom of the metal may be getting close to melting. Emmy had told him off numerous times before for breaking kettles.
He picked up a towel, and clasped the kettles handle with it, making a steaming cup of tea. At least he could make a cup of tea. It was one of the few things he could do right.
Settling himself into a chair, he did notice when Marq slipped into the kitchen, grabbing herself a cup, and pouring another cup of tea.
‘So, what’s been eating you up this time?’ She said, slipping down into the chair next to him.
‘’snot much,’ he said, looking down into his cup of tea.
Marq took a sip from her cup, making a face when she burnt her tongue. ‘Uh huh. Well, if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen. I’m better to talk to than Duke, or King. Emmy’s good in a pinch.’
‘I’ll keep that in mind..’
‘Anyway, how’d you manage to make this tea so quick? It usually take me at least five minutes, especially with having to get a decent fire going.’
Raja shrugged, letting his shoulders raise, then fall loose.
‘You’re not really helping me much here. I know you have something that’s bothering you. And I know you always have things that are bothering you. But we’re trying to help. Keeping it in, letting it squirm around inside you, your thoughts, your feelings, it ain’t good. It won’t help you.’ She took another sip of her tea.
‘s’always there though. Never goes away. I don’t even know if I want it to go away. What’s it like not feeling like this, having this always there?’ Raja said, looking so lost and dejected, Marq resisted the urge to pick him up and cuddle him.
‘Whats it feel like? Try and describe it for me.’
‘Like, like, I’m always doubting myself. I’m always unsure, I don’t know if what I do is right. Or if I’m right. Like, I look funny. My hairs too curly, and my nose is too long. And I sound weird. I don’t like my voice. I always feel like I’m always in quick sand, I’m always pulled down. And as soon as I find something to hold onto, to pull me out, it breaks. Or my grip slips. And I’m going back down.’ Raja said, staring blankly at his tea.
‘I get that sometimes.’ Marq confessed. ‘And, it ain’t easy to get out of it. Like, I don’t like my voice either- it doesn’t sound right, not how I want it to sound. And I’m too skinny, and there’s lots of other stuff. But letting it swallow you up, letting it pull you down, it don’t help. It don’t help at all. Getting out of it’s the hard part though.’
‘How’ve you gotten rid of it then?’ Raja asked, looking up slightly, glancing at Marq through partly closed eyelashes.
‘Time. It’s about trying to think positively, letting those good comments stick to you, not letting them go. Trying to stop and ignore the bad thoughts. They’ll still be there, but don’t let them fill your head. Try and fill your head with other stuff. Stuff you want to do, nice stuff people have said, feeling good about yourself. I get times, or moments when I can look at myself, and think, yeah, I’m pretty damn good.’ She shrugged nonchalantly. ‘I know that probably doesn’t help that much. But it’s slowly working for me. Everyone does it different though. Talk to Emmy, Duke, King, they’ll all have different answers. You need to find what works for you Raj.’
‘Yeah… I-it’s something to think about. Work on.’ He sipped his tea slowly, looking ahead at the knots in the tables wood. Marq noted his face did not look as lost, he did not look so hopeless.
‘Well, if you ever need advice, or someone to listen, you know where to find me,’ Marq said, giving his shoulder a squeeze, and walked out of the room, the door swinging as she left.