Ever since my last biggest heartbreak ever, I started to fear love… No, mali pala. I started to fear falling in love. I always think na baka maiwan lang ulit ako sa ere at masaktan lang ako ng mas sobra pa sa dati. I even doubted myself. Sabi ko pa, mahirap ba akong mahalin at intindihin? Mahirap bang makita kung ano yung maganda sakin? Minsan nga naisip ko nalang bigla, baka hindi nga naman talaga ako marunong maghandle ng isang relationship. Baka gusto ko lang talaga yung initial feeling na nararamdaman ng isang tao kapag nai-inlove; yung feeling na kinikilig ka kasi laging may nagpapakilig sa'yo, yung feeling na excited kang makita s'ya, yung ganun ba.
I even lose interest sa ibang nagkakagusto sa'kin. Yung tipong sa una, thrilled ka kasi bagong tao na naman, bagong kilig feeling at bagong memories na naman, pero habang tumatagal, there’s something at the back of your mind na nagsasabing ‘iiwanan ka lang nyan, mag-ingat ka. Dahan-dahan ka lang, baka mabiktima ka na naman’, then all of a sudden you lose that kilig feeling you have for them and you ended up rejecting that person kasi, natakot ka na. SadNu? Pero that was the truth. Fortunately, naovercome ko kahit papaano yung fear. Although ngayon, takot pa rin ako sa pwedeng mangyari. Pero, meron talagang isang taong dadating sa buhay mo at magpapa-realize sa'yo na, hey, di mo kailangang matakot magmahal. Loving is about trusting and love isn’t about finding a perfect person, but rather seeing an imperfect person perfectly. He will make you realize na you don’t have to always look back and compare your present from your future. He will always tell you that this is your new life now, and all you have to do is to make it better than what you had yesterday. Baguhin at mag-adjust sa panibagong chapter ng buhay nyo together. Make it right, and make it all better. Sabi nga, worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening, it just stops you from enjoying the good. Mahalin mo s'ya, without anything else but love and trust. Yun lang naman kasi dapat, diba?
I sometimes fear and doubt those things that are happening today, totoo yan at inaamin ko, pero somehow you’ll realize na, ay oo nga pala, love is about taking risk. Sabi nga sa bible, 'There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.’ We can never can tell how our future will move for us, and we’ll never know what’s gonna happened next, pero I still believe na when you love someone, and if you believe na that person geniunely loves you, you can never doubt him or her. You just have to trust him or her and from that, he or she will gain your trust and you will clearly see kung gano ka nya mamahalin. And from there, those fears will vanish just like that.
Now, I always live and breathe love like a clean, unpolluted air. Ang sarap kasi sa pakiramdam na you give love and you receive the same amount of love in return din. Problems may occur, yes, pero you just have to accept that those are challenges. Challenges kung pano kayo papatibayin at papatapangin ng panahon. Sabi ko nga, I’ve been once weak with love, and now, I will do my best to keep it up and be better with it. I know, with God’s help, I can do things right this time. :)