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(April 3, 2018)

In November of 2016, I came out as gay. Some of you may still remember that post if you had been following me already at the time. I want to take a moment to clear up any confusion. Though some of you might not have seen that post, most of you would have. This message is for you guys.

To begin, you need to understand the difference between sexuality and identity. Sexuality is often explained as who you go to bed with, whereas your identity is who you go to bed as. When I originally came out as gay, I addressed my sexuality. What I'm now going to talk about regards my identity. At the time, I used my sexuality as an explanation for some of the changes I would be making, though they really correlated with my identity. Ex: more feminine pixie cut to a clothing change to the haircut I have today to an even more drastic wardrobe change. I wasn't fully comfortable in my identity, so I hadn't officially begun coming out to people until a few months ago. I identify as male. My pronouns are he/him and you can call me either Nic or Nicholas. It makes me uncomfortable to hear people call me by another name or other pronouns, so that is one reason why I'm publicly sharing this information. Another reason is that I hope to start testosterone and the effects on my appearance due to the hormone might lead to people being confused if they knew me before transitioning and weren't aware of the situation.

When I was younger, I had little sense of my identity. I mostly dressed how my parents dressed me and participated in the things my parents signed me up for. However, a part of me did still show through. For example, I hated girl scouts with my entire existence and was jealous of the boy scouts because I wanted to be one. I never liked the girls toys at McDonald's. I walked around the house with my shirt off until I was around 10 or so. I remember being at a swim party at my neighbor's house and I wanted to swim with my shirt off like the other boys and I didn't understand why I couldn't just do that. Flash forward a few more years and I got my ears pierced and dressed feminine to fit in. Whenever I wore a dress or any clothing very feminine, I saw a man in the mirror. This was the same with dating. I worried guys wouldn't like me because I was too masculine, but a lot of that was in my head. Whenever I liked a person, regardless of their gender, I felt very masculine and I wanted to take up the stereotypical typical role of one. Through time, I've become uncomfortable in my body. I don't want boobs, a vagina, or hips. I began to feel like I could be myself again after coming out about liking girls, which led to me being more happy and confident, which eventually led to me being able to explore my identity and find that this is where I fit.

There can sometimes be confusion between someone typically called a 'tomboy' and someone who is transgender. A tomboy may hang out with guys and participate in more typically male dominated sports while still always identifying as a female and not being uncomfortable with that title. On the other hand, transgender people assigned female at birth do those things while either being confused about their feelings or identifying as something other than female. I am trans. I am not a tomboy. I am a boy. This is me.

While I'm coming out right now about my identity, I also want to educate others, so just text or dm me if you have any questions.