✘ angst, i can't lie i had trouble writing this so I'm sorry that it isn't that good😭 i promise i will do nick justice next time, angst isn't my strongest genre.
It's dark in the bedroom, the only light being the moonbeams cascading down and illuminating a figure sitting on the edge of the bed.
He couldn't sleep, his mind toying with him and replaying his happiest moments that he took for granted and ruined - He felt guilty.
A soft shuffling is heard, his whole body tensing and his throat constricting. He slowly turns his head, his eyes landing on his sleeping wife.
She was a beautiful girl, she had a good heart and tended to forgive people too easily....and yet he found himself hating her
He knew it was wrong, the girl never did anything to harm him or make his life a living hell - He did that all on his own.
He was the reason he hates his life, not the woman he calls his wife.
He clenches his fists and faces forward, his eyes beginning to burn from the salty tears forming. He closes his eyes and lets out a shaky breath, his hands coming to his face as he rests his elbows on his knees.
"God, what is wrong with me..." He questions himself softly, the tears now running down his face.
He knew if anyone saw him they would think he was pathetic.
What kind of man sits on the edge of his bed in the middle of the night, head in hands as he cries next to his wife, all because he wishes he was with a boy?
A silent sob escapes his mouth as he recalls all the memories with him.
The day they met, the first time they hung out, the first time they got drunk, their first kiss, the endless nights of fooling around - He missed it, he craved it.
He couldn't believe he gave that all up to be nothing more than a husband in a picture-perfect American family.
He could hear Nick's voice as he replayed that day in his head.
"You can go and kiss 100 fucking girls Y/n, you can drink all you want and try to forget the feelings you have for me, but that doesn't erase the fact that you're gay!"
"I'm not gay Nick! I don't have feelings for you! This was a mistake o-A mistake? A mistake is spilling your coffee on your shirt when you're in a rush, not telling me you only want me to call you baby as your dick is shoved down my throat!"
The two males stare at each other, their breathing harsh as they try to come to terms with the end of their beginning.
Y/n sighs and allows his body to relax, "Nick...I'm sorry, ok? I-I...I'm sorry."
"Yeah well when you wake up regretting this choice, just know I told you so."
I told you so...
He was right.
He regrets everything.
His gold band glimmers softly in the moonlight, a reminder that he’s bound to a marriage that he doesn't even want.
He couldn't take it anymore
Without a second thought, he rips the band off, setting it on the nightstand and jumping up. He’s quick to change out of his pajamas, stumbling out of the house as he makes his way to the car.
His heart thumps loudly in his ears, his breathing erratic as he swings out of the driveway, heading towards his destination.
It wasn't long before he arrived at the infamous bar "Pink Cadillac." It was mainly known for being an LGBT+ bar, a place where people of different genders and sexualities could be with their own, and feel safe.
He hadn't stepped foot in this bar since that night, attempting to erase all the memories and a part of himself.
he sits in the car with sweaty palms, staring up at the neon sign as he debates going in.
he knew it was too late to back out, he already left her and his ring at home - He didn't have a choice anymore.
He climbs out of the car and slowly makes his way inside, the interior of the bar starting to look and feel familiar. He finds himself smiling as he sees pictures plastered on the wall from 7 years ago, recognizing the faces of his old acquaintances. He stops when he comes across a picture of him and Nick, the two of them smiling as they were crowned the kings of the "Pink Cadillac Prom".
He remembers that night as if it was yesterday, but he doesn't have enough time to dive into his memories due to someone approaching him.
"Look at what the cat dragged in! Long time no see Y/n"
He turns around and smiles softly seeing the familiar face of Damon. he was dressed up, makeup covering his face and his neon green wig laid to perfection.
"Damon...hey," Damon gives him a quick up and down before crossing his arms. "Didn't think I would see your face here ever again after that night..."
The smile on Y/n's face falters, his eyes now cast downward as he feels an ache in his chest. Damon sighs and drops his arms, pulling Y/n towards the bar.
"Whiskey coke?"
Y/n chuckles dryly, nodding his head as he sits at the bar. Damon whips up the drink before sliding it over to the male, Y/n taking a long sip before sighing. The two sit and talk, catching up on the years of missed events and laughing with each other over old memories.
It wasn't long before Damon finally questioned him, "What are you doing here Y/n?"
"I...I need to see Nick..."
Damon sighs and places his hands on the bar, "Y/n I don't think that's a good idea.... It was 7 years ago, you need to forget it, you're married!" Y/n shakes his head, refusing to give up.
"I-I'm not married anymore."
A lie.
A big fat lie.
He was still married to her, but he planned to get a divorce after tonight.
"I-Is Nick here?"
Damon stares at him for a moment before nodding, "he is, but Y/n I don't think you sh-Where is he?" Y/n cuts him off, eager to see his long-lost lover. He notices the tense look on Damon's face and finds himself begging.
"Damon, please... I messed up, I-I need to apologize and tell him I'm sorry.”
“He’s on the patio…”
Y/n has never moved so fast in his life, maneuvering through the bodies of dancing couples and heading straight towards the patio exit.
He makes it outside, his eyes darting around before they land on him,
Nick.
It was like a scene out of a movie, the fluorescent lights shining on Nick's face as he laughed loudly with his friends, unaware of the person walking up to him and prepared to spill their heart out.
"so I told hi-Nick?"
The shorter boy whips around at the familiar voice, his brows furrowed in confusion.
"Y/n? What are you doing here?"
he goes to answer but stops seeing Nick's friends looking at him, "Can we talk...In privet?"
Nick scoffs and sets his drink down, "No, I don't want to talk to yo-Nick please...?" Nick stares at him for a moment before sighing and standing up from the table. He walks off, motioning for Y/n to follow.
The two boys stand off to the side of the patio, hidden from the curious eyes and in their own world.
"Speak, what did you want to talk about?"
Nick's dismissive tone was expected, Y/n had hurt him. However, Y/n couldn't help but be hurt himself.
"I... I miss you."
Nick chuckles and shakes his head, " Nick please! Just hear me out! I'm sorry ok? I fucked up, I fucked up big time, I know that. I-I hurt you and I'm so so sorry."
Nick can see how distraught the man is, the bags under his eyes evident and the tone of his voice proving such, but Nick doesn't feel bad at all.
He felt smug.
He knew Y/n would come crawling back, claiming he was sorry and crying because he knew he was lying to everyone and himself when he claimed he was straight and getting married to a girl.
"I hate to say it, but I told you so," Nick states, his arms crossed right across his chest. Y/n couldn't even be mad at the words thrown in his face, he knew Nick was right.
"I-I know. You were right, you are right. I-I was struggling Nick, I-I'm-" He struggles to find the right words to express his feelings and thoughts.
"I'm sorry...What we had wasn't a mistake. I did - No I do, have feelings for you. I was just scared Nick, it was one thing to be gay in private with our friends here, but it was another for me to be gay in public, and I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for being a coward and lying to you and myself-" Y/n moves closer toward Nick, slowly trapping him between his chest and the pink-painted bricks of the club.
"-B-but I can handle it now, I-I want to try again...I want to try us again." Nick begins to look uncomfortable, the words and closeness of Y/n being too much. Nick gently pushes him away, his mouth dry as he tries to speak.
"Y/n...."
The taller male could already feel the tears forming in his eyes, he knew by the way Nick pushed him back and said his name that he was being turned down. He shakes his head, pleading softly with Nick as he holds his arms tightly.
"Nick please"
"Y/n let go..."
"Please just give me a chance!"
"Let go!"
"I-I made a mistake, I just-"
"I'M ENGAGED !"
Silence stands between the two, Nick looking away awkwardly as Y/n feels the bile rise in his throat. He's lying, he has to be lying. There's no way he was engaged...Right?
"W-what?"
Nick holds up his hand, "I'm engaged Y/n.... "
he looks at the shiny diamond ring, the ring reminding him of the one currently on his nightstand.
"D-don't say that...D-don't marry him, please!"
Now Nick was angry.
How dare Y/n show up and expect him to forgive him right away and live happily ever after. How dare he demand that he not go through with the marriage.
"That's rich coming from you! You're a fucking hypocrite Y/n, you left me to get married to a girl! A girl! Now you're telling me not to get married to the person who helped put me back together after you broke me?! Fuck you!"
"I'm not married to he- I don't fucking care Y/n!" Nick shouts. He sighs and removes his glasses, rubbing over his face in annoyance.
"Look... I'm happy now Y/n, I actually love myself now to not keep up with your bullshit. You coming here was a mistake....Go home."
Y/n swallows harshly as Nick's words hit him harshly.
He was right once again, this was a mistake.
"I-I...should go...Sorry for bothering you...'' He whispers softly, slowly backing up before turning around and starting to walk away. Nick's voice calling out for him makes him stop, hope filling in his chest.
"I'm glad you finally stopped lying to yourself...I hope you find the love you deserve...Good luck, babe."
Y/n smiles faintly despite feeling like shit. With a heavy heart, he leaves the bar, his whole body feeling numb as he drives back home.
He silently walks through the door and throws his keys back in the bowl, dragging his feet against the carpet as he enters the bedroom.
She's still sleeping.
He strips himself of his clothes and slides the gold band back on his finger. As he climbs into the bed, she awakens, her eyes fluttering open softly.
"Babe? Where did you go?" She questions.
"Needed some water...Sorry for waking you." He lies effortlessly. She hums and curls into his body, missing the grimace on his face due to the darkness of the bedroom.
"I love you," she mutters as she begins to go back to sleep.
Sudden realization. Nick came out to Chris and Matt in a rant. Lmfao. He was yelling and in a rant like "what if I was the gay kid? Because I am!" He hasn't changed a bit.
