♱ off. — n.n
creds to @s-hyia & @florietas for the dividers!!
𑁤 w/l : substance usage, vomiting, fluff, angst??, profanity!! i think thats all <3
this is not proofread + i didn't use caps on purpose and never will!!
nicky is a woman who, usually, stays true to her promises.
“i promise i’ll never use again, baby. please, i can get better, just trust me.”
what a lie. 2 years, down the fucking drain. early this morning nicky stumbled into her bunk, the one that you two shared. it was wayyy too obvious she was using again, and you wanted to break down right there, but you couldn’t. you had to be there for her.
her lips and fingertips were blue, she looked pale, like she just got done vomiting. she couldnt walk straight, her pupils were dialated, it was so fucking obvious.
“nicky, baby, c’mere.” you murmured softly, trying your best not to wake the other inmates up.
“baaaaaabee, hii.. mmhph..” she stumbled over to your lap, in which you caught her when she tripped. “i puked, but i’m okay, i’m okay!!” she whisper-yelled, and you brushed the hair out of her face. you could’ve started crying right there, she was cold, so fucking cold. “that’s good, sweetheart. just.. l’me take a look at you. you tired, baby?” you quietly murmured, holding her in your lap as you checked her out, holding one of her hands in yours.
“dunno, mamas.. i don’t really feel anything. hmph.” she yawned, at least she wasn't fully out of it. you kissed the top of her head, “okay, babe. okay..” you sighed, rocking her gently on your lap.
“are you sure you're okay, nicks?” you asked softly, a few minutes later, stroking the hair away from her face. “yeah, for the 5th time, i’m okayy.” she murmured, she had slightly calmed down, still bouncy but she didn’t move from your lap. you made the big decision, deciding to tell her. she obviously didn’t know she used. “nicky, baby, you’re cold.” you said, catching her attention. “what’d you mean, mamas?..” she asked softly, grasping your hand in her own.
“did you find heroin? please, dont lie to me.”
“yeah, but i gave it to boo.. i promise.” she whined quietly, she didn’t want you mad at her. “no, you didn’t, you used again.” you murmured softly, pulling her closer to you, her eyes were unfocused, wandering away from your stare. “look at me, baby, just try.” you gently cupped her chin, making her look up at you.
“did i relapse..? i really did?” she asked softly, she looked like she was about to cry. it had probably been about an hour or two since she relapsed, and she was slowly making her way into withdrawal. “yes, baby, yeah.. it's gonna be okay, though. you did good finding your way back to the bunk.” you smiled softly, your eyes swelling up with tears. she almost instantly started sobbing, which alerted guard bell,
“keep it down, inmate!” guard bell yelled, standing next to the doors.
“baby, shhh.. it's okay, itttss okaayy..” you murmured softly, trying to soothe her sobs, patting her back gently and bouncing her in your lap. “it's not okay, i’m not okay. mamas, i didn't mean to. are you mad at me?..” she sobbed quietly, hiding her face in your shoulder. none of the other inmates really minded her sobs or cries, they knew she was going through something. “noo, baby, i’m not mad.” you cooed softly, petting her hair. she stopped crying for a moment, then started again. she was sweating, alot. she was withdrawing. “b-babe.. fuck, trashcan!” she sobbed, which caused the guard to yell again, you immediately grabbed the trash can next to your bed though, holding it up to her. she slouched down, vomiting into the trash can. “good girl, let it all out, it's okay..” you soothed, patting her back gently, helping her through it. “all done?” you asked softly after she stopped puking, helping her lift her head, and wiping her mouth with your sleeve. “hmph, yeah, i’m.. done.” she murmured, she was slightly out of it, but still fazed. “mamas.” she grunted softly, and i placed a hand on her stomach, it was rock hard, tense. i rubbed her stomach slowly and gently, making sure i didn't cause her any pain. “that better, sweetheart?” you asked gently, continuing to rub soft circles on her stomach, and she sighed. “yes, baby, thank you.” she murmured softly, slowly adjusting back to her normal self, slooooooowly.
—
“good girl.” you murmured softly, helping her lay down slowly, making sure you didn't hurt her. “i appreciate it, mamas.” she murmured quietly, it was painfully obvious she was tired, because she fell asleep almost instantly. “night, babygirl.” you murmured softly as you cuddled up to her, she would be okay, she truly would.
𝜗𝜚 a/n : as a girl that used & relapsed throughout her teenage years, this was particularly hard to write, i sobbed almost the whole way through. when i wrote this, i didnt think about how it would attract attention to using & overdosing. so, i must say that i'm NOT trying to influence drug usage. <3 please, stay away from substances, you truly don't know how bad it can hurt you. i also wanna say that this was longer than i wanted it to be smhh.. buuuttt i hope u enjoy reading it!
