Hello! I'm your secret santa!
Writing isnāt my strong suit, but I really hope you like it
It Shouldnāt Be Like This
Connor was sitting on floor in the hallway with his back against the wall, crying, looking at the bag at his feet.
It shouldnāt be like this!
Kevin was supposed to be his and only his, not some random girlās!
He felt so empty, like something inside of him had been taken away and his blood had turned to ice.
I had been six hours since he found out, that Kevin had been sleeping with some good-for-nothing, probably-evil-and-in-tow-with-the-devil girl.
Ā It had been a coincidence really; Kevinās phone had been ringing while he was showering and Connor had picked it up. Before he could tell the caller that he was not, in fact, Kevin, the caller had begun speaking. āKevin are you coming over tonight?ā The voice was clearly female, and drawled on alluringly, āI miss and I need you.ā
āExcuse me?ā asked Connor, confused.
āI know youāre supposed to be with Connor tonight, but I really want you to come over; I wanna have someā¦ fun.ā Connorās blood ran cold. āPlease Kevin, canāt you justā¦ ditch him? I need really you.ā
A big knot had started to form in Connorās throat, rendering him speechless he looked down at the display. It read Allison. He stared at the name in utter disbelief, searching for words. āKevin?ā¦ā The disembodied voice, now identified as Allison, questioned.
āWho are you?ā Connor demanded, after a while cursing the trembling his voice was succumbing to. The other end of the line went silent for 10 solid seconds, before a muffled chant of āfuck fuck fuckā was muttered from Allisonās end and then it went dead.
Connor lowered the phone to his side and just stood there frozen in place, a chilling hollowness filling his chest. The disbelief quickly turned into a feeling of betrayal, as he wondered who this Allison was and why she āneededā Kevin.
He quickly dismissed it, however, because Kevin would NEVER do that!
While he was pacing back and forth, lost in his thoughts, Kevin had entered the living room. He was clad only in his underwear and his hair was still damp from the shower. He winked at Connor when he caught his eyes, but when he saw the look on his boyfriendās face, his smile faltered.
āWhoās Allison?ā Connor asked flatly.
Kevin was caught off guard, his eyes flicked to his phone in Connorās hand and realization hit him.
āI-I-Iā¦ā a red blush had started to form on his cheeks and he gestured defensively. āItās not what you think, Connor. I promiseā¦Itāsā¦ā
Connor crossed his arms and jutted his hip out impatiently, as Kevin stumbled over the words. āWhat do you mean āitās not what you thinkā?ā he snapped impatiently, casting his previous rationalizations aside. The look on Kevinās face said all he needed to hear, but he asked nonetheless, āHave you been cheating on me?ā
āNo, I would never cheat on you, Honey,ā Kevin stammered, advancing towards Connor. But Connor would have none of it and stepped back, avoiding the outstretched arm. Kevin stopped in his tracks, his arm falling back at his side.
āāI wanna have fun, please Kevin I need youāā Connor mimicked, the mockery thick in his tone.
A flash of sheer terror flitted across Kevinās face and then he said something that made Connorās heart shatter into a million pieces;
āIt-itā¦ It was nothing! Itās you I love! Please Connor forgive me!ā
Connor stood horrorstruck, staring at Kevin in disbelief. The hope that this was all just a misunderstanding dissipated into thin air with those very words.
āS-So you admit it? You cheated on me?ā Connor was on the verge of tears. Kevin shook his head desperately. āIt meant nothing, please! Iāll never talk to her again I swear! Please forgive me.ā Connor shook his head violently and started pacing towards the door. This was too much. Kevin paced after him and when he got a hold on Connorās shoulder, the latter turned around forcefully, shrugging Kevinās hand off in the process.
āHow could you Kevin!ā Connor practically screamed! āWhy would you do that to me?ā
āIām sorry, I was stupid.ā Kevin panicked.
āYeah? You are fucking stupid!ā Connor nodded and turned to leave. āDonāt ever speak to me again, Kevin Price.ā
Connor had barricaded himself in the bedroom after that, back against the door.
He wouldnāt let Kevin in, never again.
Kevin had been knocking, begging Connor to come out and talk to him, but Connor had blocked out Kevinās pleas. It was excuses and nothing could excuse what he had done.
How could Kevin be so selfish?
All Connor wanted to was to open the door and yell at Kevin like heād never yelled before, tell him that he was the worst excuse for a human being ever. The hurt he had felt had turned to a silent rage and in any other situation it would be tempting to let it all out, now that he was entitled to do so. But in that moment, it didnāt seem that satisfying.
Why should he waste his energy on someone who broke him so badly? A cautious knock on the door stirred him from his thoughts.
āGo away Kevin, go be with your girlfriend.ā Connor sighed in a small defeated voice, through the door.
Connor heard a sliding noise and a small thump. Kevin had sat down on the other side of the door.
āConnor Iām sorry, I love you.ā Kevin pleaded.
āI donāt careā said Connor flaty.
And there he sat for hours on the cold, unforgiving floor of their bedroom, listening to Kevinās empty pleas and long winded excuses.
He didnāt know how long he had been sitting there, before he heard Kevin get up and move around. He knocked on the door and spoke softly āConnor Iām gonna give you space to think, Iām gonna go away for a couple of hoursā¦ okay?ā he paused hopefully and continued, āIāll bring back some pizza and maybe then we can talk, alright?ā
Connor gave him no response and he could hear Kevin lingering on the other side of the door for a while, before he finally heard a muffled sigh followed by footsteps, slowly retreating.
He let out the breath he didnāt know he had been holding and listened intensely for a couple of minutes, before he heard the front door open and then slam shut. Kevin was gone.
Connor felt the wave hit him like a brick. He burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.
How could he? They had been together for seven years, did it really mean so little to Kevin?
Kevin who came into his life when he was at an all time low?
Kevin who made his life make sense?
Kevin who who broke his heart.
Kevin the selfish son of a bitch!
He wrapped his arms around himself, hugging his knees tightly to his chest. It came in waves; at times his chest convulsed with heavy sobs, at times it faltered to just a shaky sniffle.
Just as fast as it had started, it stopped and anger took over like a whirlwind.
āFUCK you Kevin!ā Connor screamed, banging his elbow into the door and kicking out at nothing in particular. āIām done. Iām fuckingā¦ā He gulped, glancing hesitantly around the room. āā¦leaving this goddamn place!ā
He got to his feet quickly and paced to the closet and took out his rolling bag and tossed it on the bed. Cursing under his breath, he pulled out his clothes and tossed them haphazardly in the bag. He proceeded to skim the whole apartment, for his most important possessions, carefully packing them too. When the bag couldnāt hold any more, he zipped it and glanced around. It suddenly didnāt feel like home anymore.
His eyes caught the frames on the dresser. He lifted one of them tentatively. It was a framed picture of him and Kevin from their holiday in Disneyland Orlando.
They were both smiling, wearing some stupid hats Kevin had bought in one of the stores, and having the time of their lives.
Connorās face scrunched up as his thoughts went back to the present and he tossed it across the room it disgust. He stood there, willing his self control to come back as one of his happiest memories hit the wall, shattered, and fell to the floor.
āJust like my heart,ā he muttered to himself.
Connor opened the dresser, dug out some paper and a pen, and, shaky but determined, proceeded to the living room table. Pulling out a chair, he sat down and began to form a letter.
Ā Iām leaving and Iām not coming back.
You did this, but thatās okay, because itās pretty clear that you donāt care about me haha
I will be back to figure out what weāre gonna do with the apartment and to pick up the last of my stuff. But itās probably best if Iām not near you for a while.
Weāve been together for seven years.
Seven years! - does it mean anything to you? well clearly not!
You created a wall between you and me and that wall will stand forever, because I will never ever forgive you for what youāve done. You broke me and I feel empty and cold inside and I hope youāre happy.
You were all I ever wanted and you were MINE. Or so I thought. You were the person I trusted the most in this world. Funny you, who of all people, know how hard it is for me to open up. And you chose to throw it away for some stupid bitch!
To be honest I donāt know if Iām ever gonna be able to love someone as much as I loved you, but now Iāll never know, ācause I likely wonāt trust anyone ever again.
You were my everything, my whole world, but now that thatās gone, I hope you gained something from this.
Donāt try to contact me.
Ā He then folded the letter and wrote āread meā on top of it, before arranging it on the table, with a final sigh.
He grabbed his bag and keys, before hurrying to the hallway, before he could change his mind. Just as he was about to open the door, he felt a wave coming, so he slid down the wall and thatās how Connor ended up on floor in hallway.
He put his head in his hands as the first sob came. Where could he go? Where could he live? He inhaled sharply, willing his voice to stop trembling, while he fished his phone out of his pocket and dialled his best friend, Poptarts.
The other end was picked up immediately, to his great relief.
āHey Connor, how are you?ā Poptarts said in a very cheery tone.
Connor took another deep breath before answering.āHe cheated on me,ā he said, voice almost cracking on the last word.
āOh shit are you for real Connor? Do you need me to come over?ā Poptarts asked, startled.
āNo Iā¦ I need a place to stayā¦ C-c-can I come over to you?ā Connor stumbled over the last sentence, looking down the hallway.
āOf course! You can stay as long as you need.ā
āOkay Iāll be right over.ā
Connor hung up before Poptarts could finish.
He got up and wiped his face with his sleeve. With one final glance over his shoulder he took his bag, opened the door, and left.
And just like that, Connor was goneā¦
