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𐙚 lessons in pottery

chapter two ; heart, pin, sleeve

summary: you were haunting the man; a gossamery, iridescent figure whose smile broke light through the windows of a room he had long neglected. francisco swore he caught you in his periphery one too many times and it was beginning to eat at him. it was all too obvious, the remaining whimsy of you still tingling against his skin. frankie was trying to stow it away, but that all comes to a head in the parking lot of a grocery store on a thursday afternoon. wc: 10,363 rating: mature tags: allusions to former substance abuse, allusions to suspicions of relapse, alcohol consumption, off-page harassment (by nondescript character), panicked reader, canon convergent, post-movie timeline, frankie is an overthinker and a yearner i don't make the rules, girl dad!frankie, his pov, lowercase intended status: ongoing

a/n: to my greatest motivator and beta reader, @butterfly-musings , who always makes the time for my shenanigans and then encourages it :(( i wuv you ardently

there was a ringing in frankie’s head. it found him in the lapses of silence when evie was at her mother’s, it found him when he was at higher altitudes, laughing at some halfhearted joke passed from his client into his headphones, and at worse, it found him before he’d fall asleep.

if he had to be honest, frankie was starting to get sick of himself. the grip his head had on the remnants of you were worn threadbare with the constant loop, tossing and turning when the overworked memory fuzzed details and sent those castles falling flat on his sheets. but two particular sounds sang clear amid the ringing, weaving together and hefting a sigh from his lips.

your name, uttered so whisper soft and then the later lilt as you smiled at him, taking steps backwards, something akin to a dream growing distant and fuzzing out. that was the root of his frustration if he had to be achingly honest with himself. the implication, dare he even come to believe, a promise from you to him. one of which he saw no means of finding fruition.

i’ll see you around, francisco.

and a bittered part of himself—the lemon plucked and cut down its middle, left to draw oxygen and frumple into its once thick skin—wished that he didn’t have to see you again. that you’d haunt him just as you were now until those memories dulled and the sound of your voice was muffled and unrecognisable. it was a sickening type of wishful thinking, the kind that he couldn’t commit all of himself to, the tug of war enough for frankie to become irate at the turn of a blunt corner.

he tried to be as inconspicuous as he could be while battling with the schoolboy state you had left him in. he tried to mask the spacing out without raising any eyebrows, but frankie was so certain that the daze in his eyes had not left him since he pulled out of the parking lot of the farmer’s market. he saw it in the mirror when he was brushing his teeth, hair mussed with sleep and strands reaching for the stray traces of sunlight seeping into his home. the white little stars, the kind he saw when his vision swam and reality slipped from under his feet, concussed.

it was more pleasant than those fraying hours of consciousness however, but frankie could not afford it. not for a stranger, not for himself. so he batted off will’s probing stares, never words but looks that reverberated between his ears loud enough to be the full force of the captain’s voice. he shook his head and swerved, threaded between those looks with mindless conversation, neither here nor there as he nursed his diet soft drink, sweltering can dripping on his fingers on those days that he met up with the millers. frankie hated the taste of it, the sweetness that clung to the inside of his cheeks worse than the actual thing and he griped as much, another segue.

part of him was keenly aware that will only allowed it because there were no nervous ticks, no restless hands fidgeting, leg bouncing and eyes oscillating to find an opening to bolt through. frankie wanted to be hurt by it, but it was a solemn flavored acceptance, the acquiescence that made him dry swallow the lump in his throat.

so he trudged through his days, blinked you away heavily and shook his head as he dipped it down to his shoes when his mind played tricks on him. flashes of the back of your head, frankie had caught over his shoulder, found across the street as he slipped out of his truck, or the shock of wide, tender dipped eyes that would accidentally find him when he dropped evie off at daycare, you searching for him as you gathered his daughter from her tumble. all disappointments, all visions slipping through the cracks of his thinning veil.

the man was distraught. he could admit that much to himself, however well he tried to bury it, to live among the room you had come to take in his mind. frankie shuffled around you, body angled sideways to slip past you and find the tracks of his footprints before you. he could taste it, smell the petrichor scent of it and it all fell lackluster. god, he hated it, that confession. that he had been getting by before you, but steps were half trodden and dragging, the glittered effects only catching the light where his daughter was concerned. evie was the vividness of frankie’s brain, something so faceted and polished, breaking light and spilling rainbow within his skull. in comparison, everything else remained somewhat greyed. watered down.

and now, in that room you had taken for yourself, roller brush in hand, you painted wall by wall. strokes so bold, angled in every direction without reason but he felt that off white’s departure with each stripe of it. it was cathartic, it was senseless and there was nothing frankie could do but to distract himself.

distract himself as he leaned up against the wall towards the far right where the youngest miller was at work on a heavy bag, somehow finding the breath to keep up a conversation with frankie. the industrial styled gym was airy, edging on too spacious with lined floor to ceiling windows intersecting the back wall. a second home for benny, where all the energy he could not find a place to store or diffuse otherwise went. it was benny’s lunch break, something more of a haphazard decision to meet at the gym. for frankie to watch in the free hours he had found himself having and for benny to burn away at the bag swinging before him instead of chewing off the heads of his clients.

the topic of food was something mindless, possible ideas for a quick bite and then benny had taken a deeper breath. frankie had fooled himself into believing it was a consequence of his workout, the frustration that almost always pooled above benny’s brows in restlessness. but then his friend had taken a short pause in his routine, a raised fist hovering before his eyes flicked to frankie.

his lips pursed and then, it all came unfurling, an onslaught in rapid fire. something about a barbeque, a small thing put together, a much needed break. benny had emphasised a number of times how it was meant to be chilled, nothing crazy. and how frankie should come, show face, socialise. maybe we could get pope on call for a bit after too, the fucker has been too quiet anyways.

so he gave in to benny’s nagging, words that wrapped around the spaces between his gloves hitting the bag before him, vowels dragging to exaggerate his plea. sweat soaked, and chest heaving, benny grabbed the bag to steady it on its mount and then he turned, the padding of his gloves finding his hips to look at frankie.

there was something edging the crystal blue of ben’s eyes. the thin veiling of something slipping, ice sheets tilting dangerously on the slope of a mountain, the threat of momentum and impact at the foot of it in a crushing heap. frankie didn’t want to watch it melt and muddy, so he threw his head back and let his lips part in a sigh that had his eyes closing.

“when is this little shindig of yours?” there was no immediate answer but then there was the heavy weighted pat on his shoulder and a beaming blond before him, in need of a trim as much as frankie himself.

“there he is! i knew you’d come around. thursday afternoon at will’s. it’s nothing crazy, just a few of our fighters in the circuit taking a breather.” that phrase again, enough to make him huff. frankie nodded slowly, gathering himself from his lean against the wall, arms dropping to his sides.

“do i need to bring anything?”

benny bit at the strap of velcro and pulled, eyes looking up at his friend before he finally pulled his hand free from the glove and worked at the second. it distracted him enough to not immediately answer frankie so the man huffed in impatience. the roll of ben’s eyes did little to remedy the irk itching at his ribs, “only yourself, fish. think you can manage that?”

the noncommittal hum seemed enough to get ben to look up at frankie with the same exasperation that fogged up his lungs. and it quivered at the corner of his mouth in satisfaction, shoulders slumping as weight pebbled off. maybe the younger miller was right, maybe the commotion of others would do him some good. he’d been keeping a tight loop; work, evie, home and then the very occasional drop in with the millers. frankie spoke to no more than three people at once, his head down and concentrated in the aisles of his frequented grocer. it wasn’t entirely concerning but the silence was beginning to buff out his ears.

and that continuous stretch of silence was the problem for him. it made him scrabble, made his hands itch to fill it with something and he couldn’t risk that. even if the chiming of your voice never blanketed his head to dead silence, there were steep prices that no money in any mountain’s cleft could pay for. he knew that, and benny knew that if the persistence was any indication.

frankie caught sight of the long hand on his wrist and straightened further. benny had ambled away and was now sitting on the ledge of the ring, ropes pressed into his back as he took long drags from his water bottle, eyes flitting back to his friend with the stance he took on and he nodded.

his bottle hung from his hand between his legs as he smiled at frankie, “time to pick up evita?”

frankie nodded once as he squinted at his watch again, the restlessness that always crawled between the beads of his spine when it came to his daughter, the clawing fingers that dug and rasped for him to do better, be better, be on time, be present.

“yeah, just about. i’ll see you on thursday then.” benny nodded, pointing at him with narrowed eyes to let him know that he was holding the man to it. suddenly the haphazardly planned meetup didn’t appear all that haphazard, but frankie couldn’t find it in himself to voice his conclusion.

“tell my princess that i miss her, we don’t see her enough,” ben added with a grin.

frankie chuckled, finally pivoting on his feet to find his way out of the gym and raising a hand in greeting, voice raising just enough to call over his retreating form, “she doesn’t need to be any more spoiled than she already is, exactly why i keep her from you!”

“no, it’s because you know she likes me more, francisco!”

partly true. benny had a particular soft spot for his daughter, being almost the only person to refer to her by her full name, constantly having just something he saw and reminded him of her being handed over to frankie. it was endearing, watching the younger miller crouch down, something smaller, softer of himself to interact with evie. of course, his daughter had him eating out of the palm of her hands, nothing shy of the title of princess he had bestowed upon her. something evie was painstakingly aware of, making benny the first she’d run to when the group gathered at frankie’s.

frankie only rolled his eyes, middle finger directed behind him and eliciting a laugh before he pushed through the glass door, mumbling a greeting to the receptionist before stepping into the looming afternoon. the sun had him squinting, tugging the bill of his cap lower as he picked up his pace toward his truck. when he settled into his seat, key turning in the ignition, a sense of distant deja vu misted over frankie. something parallel but not entirely aligned. maybe it was another shift within him, the pliant disposition of him once again folding.

he’d get out, find something more lively to bombard his headspace, din out the sappy thoughts that had overcome him and finally, force you out. a houseparty, childish hopes of booming music and public disturbance to evict you from his mind. it could work, it could drown you out.

even with the desperation to drown you out, there was a reluctance, pausing hands reaching to turn up the volume. a second backwards glance.

damned was the man that brought the music to a maddening volume but still had a small hope that you at least liked the song.

frankie was early. not from eagerness, not entirely, more so because the need for a distraction was now clawing at his shoulders. he’d taken a quick shower after work, hair still slightly dripping when he pocketed his house keys and had his truck moving down will’s street, parking behind benny.

the only saving grace being that he wouldn’t be questioned, they’d been around each other long enough that frankie showing up hours early would just have him spun in on the preparations rather than unwelcome. so after he checked his phone for any updates from evie’s mother, her being the one to pick up their daughter today, he slipped from his truck and brought his knuckles to the front door twice before pushing in. frankie could hear benny’s voice first and then the answering drawl of will’s from the kitchen so he made his way deeper into the house, rounding the corner from the hallway to see benny slouched against the island with a beer in his hand already.

the prior smiled broadly, raising his can to the man and beckoning him further into the kitchen, “would you look at that? we didn’t have to drag you here kicking and screaming.”

frankie sighed, plopping himself down in the stool next to benny, keys and phone placed before him as he greeted will who had just slid him a can of soda across the counter, “showing up early means i can leave earlier.”

ben scoffed, sipping from his own drink and sparing frankie an unimpressed look over the rim of the can. will closed the fridge after having seemingly rearranged its contents and met the two in their semi-circle, arms crossed over his chest.

“i can’t blame you. i’m tempted to do the same and it’s my house.”

frankie chuckled, the pop and fizz of his opened drink settling him further into his seat as he let his gaze flit from one brother to the next, benny easily taking up the defence for the barbeque that he had spun together. he couldn’t hold it against him, benny always put in the effort to keep contact, to keep in the loop. it meant a lot to him, the bigger heart among them, and as much as they gave him shit for it, the remaining three of them did their best to keep it that big, that tender.

in the lapse of his silence, the two brothers had segued into talk of what was needed for the barbeque, a quick list being ping ponged between them verbally before will nodded and turned to frankie, “we’ll take my truck then?”

it being the most spacious of the three vehicles, frankie nodded and slid out from his seat, following behind benny. the walk to the driveway was filled with mindless conversation, talks of work half grunted out and slight chuckles aired as they clambered into will’s truck, radio low as they pulled away.

“did you see the photo pope sent through this morning?” benny asked, head turned to look back at frankie quickly before he turned back to his phone in his hand.

frankie shook his head, before answering verbally, brows knitted slightly, “no, completely spaced on my phone today.” a half truth, he’d never been too good at keeping up with the messages on the group chat, however sporadic it may be, but he’d been much worse as of late.

before he could fish out his phone from his front pocket, benny was handing him his own, already opened on the image in question, “of course he had to make sure it was a shot of them on the beach,” he chuckled.

and sure enough, posed with their arms around each other, santiago’s other hand supporting the leg of his fianceé kicked out in front of him, were the newly engaged couple. sun beating down on their backs, skin golden and glowing because of it as they smiled brightly at the camera capturing them. frankie huffed in amusement, smiling at himself as he handed the phone back to ben.

“aren’t they just the cutest.” will laughed, shoulders shaking as he looked up into his rearview mirror to spy frankie, a similar glint in his blue eyes.

benny looked down at the photo one more time, shaking his head as he locked the device and smiled at the two. “It actually pisses me off, y’know, that he’s proving us wrong with that rock on her finger.”

frankie could taste the lie. if anything, it was relieving to see santiago finally find the life he always craved and had never allowed himself to deserve. they’d watched from a distance as the man punished himself, pieces falling between his fingers and others picking it off of his tender flesh, only to scramble back together and rinse and repeat. none of them truly spoke of those months following their flight back, the blackened edges, singed and still somehow alight as they crawled through it, scars much deeper and recovery always just brushing their fingertips. they’d banded together as best they could, sometimes on the phone at ungodly hours to accommodate pope, bleary eyed and tear stricken but never saying it aloud, speaking around the saline trails.

when santiago had met giana, he’d been completely unearthed, spoke of her with the conviction of a man that wanted so achingly but would not allow himself to savor. it was years of push and pull, them glued together one winter and then magnets repelling the following summer and then giana had put her foot down. she’d packed up all her belongings in his condo, stood at the door and gave pope a choice. they’d been on the phone with him then for 5 hours before he hung up to get her back.

with steady months of working at their foundation, a video call scheduled for the group to finally somewhat meet her, the two finally settled down. it had been just under a month ago when frankie’s phone had chimed mid-teaparty with evie, his cup halfway to his lips when he glanced down and saw the message sent to the group chat. before he could unlock his phone, a second message, this time an attachment. frankie had let out a laugh then, surprised, pleased.

alright boys, get your passports and visas ready.

a feminine hand clutched in pope’s, manicured and sporting an engagement ring that announced itself before it announced the oncoming wedding. far from understated, very much the likes of the man who bought it.

exchanged congratulations and a brief call, evie chiming in despite having no clue what she was celebrating, followed. the chat was active for another hour after that with a good amount of jeering and pokes with the newly engaged man taking the brunt of it. but the shared joy was apparent and something of a sigh exhaled from each of them collectively. relief, the seedling of hope, the understanding that moving forward, living on could be done.

“it’s pope,” frankie chimed, grin still present, “for all we know this wedding could be his elaborate way just to get us in australia.”

will sighed, the back of his head rolling against the headrest as he turned into the parking lot of the supermarket that connected frankie’s suburb to will’s, “it’s that very line of thought that has me tempted to tell him i can’t afford the trip.”

“you’re underestimating that man. he’s probably already paid for all our tickets.” benny chuckled, undoing his seatbelt as will pulled into a parking space.

frankie hummed, drily retorting, “here’s to hoping that giana has very expensive taste then.” the three men chuckled, leaving the truck and piling between the automated doors where the rush of the air conditioning immediately greeted them.

benny had immediately gathered a cart, pushing forth as they mumbled between themselves to divvy up the items. as they split, frankie making his way to the refrigerated produce towards the back of the store, his mind took the lull of solitude to walk him down paths he hadn’t ventured in years.

even with the baby announcement, a sonogram slipped into his wallet, frankie had never found his way to a jeweler. it didn’t feel right to him, a bent knee and promise of forever borne only from the pressure of a family unit forming. it went against everything branded into him, societal expectations, something of family values but frankie did not want to make a promise he had not willingly felt ready to make. in hindsight, he could call it something of a gut feeling with the pieces that he had long since swept up and carefully discarded.

the cordiality he had now with nadine only confirmed that; a ring and accompanying divorce papers would have made it a lot worse. the fracture of that type of union would have wrecked them both too much to make the co-parenting work as it did. he’d admit it that his ex was a gracious woman, there were qualities of her that he looked forward to seeing evie take on, but that love had done more than just weather away.

so frankie had no understanding of the sort of emotions that engulfed a man as he picked out a ring, finding the love he planned to nurture until he found himself six feet under in a diamond, its cut, the metal band that held it afloat. he’d been tempted weeks prior, to ask santiago how he’d done it. how he’d find the reflection of his wife in a ring before it was slipped onto her finger, how he’d navigated the possibility of her not seeing that same reflection, that title rejected and returned to his pocket. he’d opted not to, not in the heart of the joy of giana sharing that vision so he’d saved the thought, the questions for another time.

the cooled air from the open refrigerator was enough to pull frankie away from his thoughts, hands on something like autopilot as it gathered the salad ingredients. will had insisted on having at least the illusion of green to put on their plates, a palate cleanser at the very least. so with the crook of his arm cradling the basics of a garden salad, frankie turned his way to the freezers to his far right to dump them into the cart, grabbing at a dressing as an afterthought.

already stocked with a good amount of meat and beverages, stray hands grabbed carelessly at three packets of chips before will nudged his brother down to the checkout.

“how many people are you expecting in any case?” frankie mumbled as he stood with his arms crossed beside will, lazily sweeping his eyes across the candy rack alongside them. falling victim to the very strategy for impulse purchase, frankie grabbed at the watermelon sour patch kids that his daughter loved.

“like ten? not sure on partners or arm candy.” frankie nodded noncommittally, moving up along with the brothers before he ducked down, swiping the four six packs from the cart and slipping behind will despite their protests.

“what are you doing?” will looked over his shoulder, brow furrowed, “there’s no need for that, fish.”

he shrugged, a lopsided smile on his face, “buying this exempts me from having to toss the salad.”

of course, it was the only excuse he could conjure, even as his hands swiped for more items out of the cart as he stepped up to a free cashier before either brother could stop him. it only felt fair, eased at the gnawing anxiety at his heels, turning up empty handed despite knowing his friends better than he knew himself. maybe that was another reason why, knowing them better than he knew himself and knowing that they filled in those holes of knowledge for him. much like they were currently doing and although the pack of ribs and two dozen beers were a far cry from a thank you, it was something of a token of it.

so he ignored their nagging as they made their way to the exit, receipts in hand, clapping them both on the back as the automated doors parted for them.

frankie immediately felt the difference after leaving the building, the air more frigid than that of the air conditioned store, the sun that just about kissed the height of the hardware store across the parking lot not doing much to chase away the chill. the colour of it more molten, a rich yoke seeping between the clouds but not touching his exposed skin.

walking beside benny as he relayed a tale of one of the expected guests for the barbeque, frankie found himself somewhat distracted. at no fault of his friend’s but rather the repercussions of his mind’s new bone to pick at, gnashing teeth and laving tongue that knitted frankie’s brow together.

it must have been obvious to benny, the free hand that came to clutch at frankie’s shoulder but no lapse in his chatter. so he nodded along in hopes of appeasing his friend as he kicked his feet within the confines of his skull, urging his legs to keep him afloat.

it took frankie a delayed second to pick up the commotion with benny still talking his ear off, that strong hand still on his shoulder as if the younger man could physically hold his attention. maybe in some roundabout way it had worked, because frankie only noticed the situation as will was halfway across the parking lot, shopping cart just barely being caught by his younger brother, effectively cutting off benny’s words.

there, a man caging someone in between their own car door and cockpit. the tension was unmistakable, a voice having risen a good number of decibels to draw attention to the fucker that had them trapped, unable to get into their car safely and drive away. frankie squinted as his steps slowed in consequence of processing what precisely was happening, watching as will’s hand clamped down on the perpetrator’s shoulder and hauled him back a good number of steps.

the victim was shaken up, that much he could make out, almost frozen in place as wide eyes shifted between the two men, something like uncertainty on whether the new addition to the mess was a welcoming one or second cause for concern. it was only when your eyes scanned the rest of the parking lot, seeking out a safety that your hands could not tangibly clasp, that frankie recognised you, cussing beneath his breath.

his hand shoved the bag he had been carrying into benny’s chest as he cleaved a path towards you, the incredulous protests from the younger miller barely registering. his usual gait was lengthened, barely minding cars pulling out of their spots or making their way to the exit until he reached the back door of your sedan. your eyes locked onto him and there was the furrow of your brow for what seemed to be a split second before your shoulders inched down from your ears and he could see the relief at a familiar face.

frankie spared a secondary glance at will and the shithead paces away from your car now, his close friend looked to be seconds away from shedding the controlled measures of his temper, but then he turned back to you, a soft call of your name to further cement to you that the danger is being handled. he stepped close enough to see more of your expression, but maintained enough distance to not steer your mind back into fight or flight.

“it’s okay now. will has him handled, i can promise you that.” he said softly, eyes darting between yours. it had to be the fear, something unconscious, the way your hand reached forth to ball the fabric of his jacket’s sleeve into your fist. eyes distant, frankie called no attention to it, the tether you had found in his sleeve, a squeeze, bleeding in his chest that fright had not pushed you further into your car, but closer to him instead.

frankie tried to gather himself, draw out of the adrenaline that had seen him across the parking lot in will’s wake. he mustered a level of calm, mindfully dropping his own shoulders and relaxing his features into something loose, something sure and open for you to lean onto. so he called your name again, this time with more strength to shake you from the frozen state of fear. a state he understood, jesus did he understand it.

when your eyes met his, they were still wide, a gloss to them that tugged at the tender interior of frankie but he balanced his weight between his feet, “are you hurt, did he do anything-”

he thankfully did not have to finish that line of questioning because you shook your head, swallowing harshly before skittish eyes went back to will and the root of the situation. it was enough to have frankie take a step around your frame, now stood before you and shielding you from the sight. he shook his head gently at you, arm still close to you, sleeve gripped in your shaking hand.

“hey, don’t worry about them. will’s got it under control, alright? just focus on me for now.” you blinked slowly, owlish and pale.

“is he your friend?” you croaked, eyes zipping between his shoulders, trying to find an anchor now that he had obstructed your view.

frankie nodded, “yeah, he is. a very good friend of mine. we served together, delta force.”

he hoped it would help, the voluntary information, to further assure you that you were now safe, that the piece of shit did not stand a chance. for the briefest second, frankie’s eyes searched out benny, the niggling in the back of his mind that here, within the parking lot, caught in an altercation, will could very well be triggered. a shitshow, he could only admit to himself with you visibly shaking before him and the voice of will losing that restraint behind him.

it didn’t take long though, for benny to be making his way across, eyes hardened, mouth flattened into a line. he caught frankie’s eye for a second and with the slightest tilt of his head to behind him, benny made his way to his brother, the wheels of the cart ringing with the force of them being pushed across the tarred parking lot.

with less to fracture his mind, frankie turned his full attention back to you, smiling softly.

“still with me?” you nodded, however stiffly and he mirrored you, eyes narrowing to take in the tremble of your hands, the twitch to your mouth and the legs that looked unsteady. the goosebumps on your arms were harder to decipher, between the cold and the shock.“wanna sit down? it’ll at least be a little warmer in your car.” another nod and you moved to do just that when your eyes fell to your hand that still clung to him, grimacing as you flicked up sheepish eyes to his own.

“sorry, i didn’t realise-” but frankie was shaking his head, his smile still intact.

“nothing to be sorry for, c’mon.” he inclined his head back to the interior of your car, watching as you obliged, a breath blowing out and momentarily puffing up your cheeks.

not wanting to tower above you, frankie made himself smaller, crouching down and ignoring the crack of his knees as he sat on his haunches before you, the edge of your car door clutched into his hand. he had questions burning at the base of his throat, whether the harassment had begun within the store, or if he had followed you out and used the isolation of your car as an opportunity. he couldn’t ask them though, not when he was unsure if it would worsen your state and tilt you into brimming panic attack he glanced in your eyes.

so he scrambled, scurrying within his brain to bring up something casual, mindless, light. anything he could do to evade the dullness of your complexion and the stiff quality of your lips he remembered with crystal clarity being soft and plump in your smile from your last run in. distress, frankie could pompously conclude, had no place whatsoever across your features.

so his eyes caught the thing dangling from your rearview mirror, spinning slowly and catching the smallest ray of light to glint with each rotation. circular, flat and ringed in a multitude of shades of blue and yet its edges were rough, jagged and dark. the string it hung from was beaded, iridescent but with similar shades to the sliced geode at its center.

frankie motioned to it with his head, grinning cautiously, “that thing doesn’t hypnotise you when you’re on the road? or are the effects for the other drivers that catch sight of it?”

it took you a second, blinking and then finally turning in the direction he had motioned to but then your hand lifted, finger catching the edge of the geode slice before you looked back at frankie. “it was a gift, not really to hypnotise but to soothe road rage. semantics i suppose.”

his grin was less cautious then, hands hanging between his thighs as frankie envisioned you, mouth twisted and eyes angered as you yelled expletives through your windshield. god help him because even the visual of you spitting vitriol only endeared him further. “had it long enough to give a steady review?”

you huffed, the right corner of your mouth twitching as you turned to look at the hanging charm again, “bullshit. but at least it’s pretty to look at.”

frankie laughed, eyes soaking in the irk in your eyes thankfully redirected and less heavy on your body. not the perfect redirection, but it was better. much better.

“and it doesn’t reflect the sun into your eyes?” it had begun to spin again, two twists in one direction before undoing itself and threatening to twist in the opposite direction. the glint continued, softened by the angle of your car and the sun cusping the roof of leroy’s home and hardware.

this time the twitch to the corner of your mouth was accompanied with a curl, softening, a little flimsy as you met his eyes again. “the shades make me look more intimidating anyways.”

part of frankie was tempted to lean forward, arch his neck to peer more into your car to try and spot them, something to help his imagination. were the frames more squared or rounded, were you someone who preferred the solid black kind or something thin and metallic?

but he tamped down the urge, opting instead to nod his head sagely. “i’ll take your word for it.”

the side glance you returned was enough for him to laugh softly, palms lifting in show of surrender with a smile that could barely be contained. especially now that your right shoulder was leaned against the back of your car seat, legs lengthened and lax before him. the tremble to the hands in your lap had yet to leave but he knew that would take a while.

“so you served? special forces?” you asked, voice quiet and clinging to the present, eyes dropped to your shoes.

frankie hummed, “yeah, though the special forces came later. i was a pilot. still am, only i fly around rich bastards and pretend to understand all their mindless chatter now.”

you smiled then, glancing at him briefly as you kicked your foot at a loose stone beneath your shoe, “fancy. should i be calling you captain or something?”

the man chuckled, shaking his head as his hand came up, cap in hand as he carded the other hand through his hair, “no, but you could technically call will that.” frankie repositioned the cap back on his head, wiggling the bill of it until it sat snug.

your head tilted slightly at that, eyes a little more downcast and it caused something to trip up within frankie’s chest. “not sure that would add to the ongoing charm of our first introduction.” he could tell you were trying for it to be light, something tinged in humour and tanged with sarcasm, but it just about fell flat.

“i wouldn’t worry about that,” frankie said warmly, “knowing him, he’ll apologise before you get the chance to. southern charm and all that, sorry about you having to see the worst of him first.”

despite the playful twang to his words in portrayal of will, there was the slight pinch in between frankie’s ribs. something ugly and all too suddenly rearing its head. the fear, the demeaning and belittling voice that whispered with aching clarity, that will had come to your rescue. will, steady and strong, body to boot and that’s not to mention his usual charm. the quiet kindness, the self disciplined gentleness of his giant. frankie couldn’t deny that it would be quite the start of a story, with will as the picturesque love interest. that was if you didn’t already have someone, text messages unanswered on your phone, wondering when you’d be home.

jesus, frankie really had to get a grip on himself. these thoughts had no place for the situation and as much as he tried to bat them away, the more incessant they became.

you only nodded then, half convinced if at all, before you looked up into his face again, “well, i do want to apologise to you, for well, all of this.” you circled your hand insipidly to gesture at the situation before it fell limp in your lap again.

“don’t,” frankie implored, rising slightly to fight the ache in his legs, “i don’t want you apologising for that fucking jackass, and by apologising for me–willingly by the way—coming to check on you, that’s what you end up doing.”

he watched as you took a deep breath, stretching your body as you held it for a second before blowing out softly, eyes falling closed. when you opened them again, they were tired, an exhaustion that betrayed just how rattled you had been.

“if anything, i’m sorry you even had to go through this. you should be able to go about your day without having to be cornered and scared of-” frankie shook his head, the anger choking in his voice as he looked away. there was shame there too, strayed but it greyed the smoldering of his anger. he sighed, something more of a puff of condensed breath before he turned to face you again.

“i’m sorry for the undeserved fear he put in you by being something less than fucking human.”

when you smiled, it was small, sad and it hooked into both of frankie’s lungs and heaved it up into his throat. “all that talk about me not apologising for the prick and then you go and do it, francisco?”

despite the breath you had caught and trapped at the base of his throat, frankie shrugged, eyes refusing to leave yours, “better me than you.”

a lapse of silence held eyes in an exchange of words that felt too heavy to convey before movement behind frankie had your brows twitching, face drawing tight as you craned your neck to peer over his shoulder.

“hey, eyes on me. nothing to worry about back there.” frankie spoke, a little more strength in his voice from the lightness he had been maintaining. he used that as his excuse to finally stand to his full height, hiding the wince at the strain within his legs as his hand slid up to cup the corner of your car door.

instead his eyes went to the keys in your ignition and then travelled back to your hands, not as violent in the trembling from earlier but still maintaining a tremor that had him frowning.

“you have someone you can call to drive you home? someone waiting for you? i don’t think you should be getting behind the wheel right now.” he was hedging, the question ultimately coming from a place of concern despite the subsequent information he would learn from it.

but you shook your head, gathering yourself as your gaze fell to your steering wheel, “uh no, and i don’t really wanna be any more of a bother to anyone. i’ll be okay.”

frankie’s frown deepened, “calling a friend or family member in a time of need is far from being a bother.”

you had just turned to him, lips parting to answer when frankie heard oncoming footsteps. he tensed, unsure and on edge as he had not kept track of what had been happening behind him. even cursing himself, he blocked you off and winced at the stance. he chanced an apologetic look at you, hoping that the position didn’t drag you back but you offered him a small smile of reassurance, inching just slightly closer in his direction. only then, did he look over his shoulder, relaxing when he watched the brothers make their way back to the pair of you.

frankie offered you a murmured ‘it’s alright’ before he angled his body to the millers, stood more beside you as the two men came to a stop before you both. benny looked between the two of you, before he finally smiled at you. it was will who spoke first, nodding at frankie in confirmation that things were taken care of, “i’m so sorry that our introduction has to follow something this unsavory. my name’s will miller. i’ve reported the guy to the store, but just in case, my brother has his license plate written down.”

as will offered his hand for you to shake, frankie glanced at you with a smile, watching as you clasped his friend’s hand with mirth twinged at the corner of your eyes. you introduced yourself then, offering a similar apology that will immediately denied, but then you shook your head at frankie as you sat back, secretive mischief tucked into the corners of your mouth as your eyes fell on benny.

“ah shit right, i’m the brother, benny. i grabbed you water while i was waiting inside for will.” he stepped up, shaking your hand before he passed the bottle to you, covered in condensation.

frankie watched as you blinked in surprise, gratitude widening your eyes as you took the bottle, immediately thanking the younger miller. it took you a second then, eyes falling to the bottle now clutched between both hands before looking up between all three men and more carefully guarded emotions swam there.

“thank you, all three of you. honestly i don’t know what i would have done if you hadn’t stepped in-” but you could barely finish the sentence before frankie was quick to stop your mind from slugging you down those corridors.

“don’t. you don’t have to think about it and we only did what we should have.” you looked up at him, expression more vulnerable than he had been prepared for but he still reserved a smile for you, coaxing you to mirror it. and you did, small and wavering, but you did. it was enough to prompt his next offer.

“let me drive you home, will and benny can follow behind us, make sure you get home safe.”

“francisco, no i can’t-” but he shook his head at you, features softening, even as he felt the look from benny at the use of his full name. “if you’re uncomfortable with the offer, i’ll completely understand that and back off, but if this is more of the being a bother talk, i won’t hear a word of it.”

a sigh left your lips, eyes drooping but unmoving from his and frankie could see it, the fight you were yet to put up and he was proven right, a second time within fifteen minutes. “i’m keeping each of you from your families and your plans for the remainder of the day. i’m okay driving back.”

frankie fought off a smile as he shook his head at you once again, arms crossing over his chest as he leaned against your car. “evie’s mom has her for her mandated two weeks. the only family you’re keeping those two from is a sausage fest that isn’t due for another.. hour and some odd minutes. anything else?”

he could only hope the slip of information was smooth enough to not catch the attention of the two pairs of eyes burning into his side profile, but part of him could barely care when you finally looked away from him with a frazzled sort of energy about you.

“you always this stubborn, francisco?” the chorused yes that answered you was enough to make you laugh softly, face a smidge lighter and eyes finding a sliver of radiance. your gaze swept from him in thought back to the brothers, sheepish and apologetic once again. “are you guys sure? i’m purposely asking you and avoiding looking at him to be extra sure.”

despite himself, the corner of frankie’s mouth slanted as he turned to his friends, finding similar amusement in their expression even as they smiled at you kindly. it was benny that answered you this time, “it hurts me to admit it, but the bastard is right to be stubborn on this. i think we’d all feel better if we knew you got home safely.”

you rolled your lips at that, eyes falling to the ground before you shook your head and stood. as you let out a breath, frankie could see your mind being made up.

“i’m not sure yet how, but i will make it up to all of you, i swear it.” you made sure to look each square in the face, jaw tensed with conviction as a dare for any of them to challenge you but all you got in return were scattered chuckles and then frankie spoke up.

“you can start by getting into the passenger seat.” the lopsided smile on his face was a consequence of his words, or at least that was what he tried to convince himself as you narrowed your eyes at him, a threatening finger pointed at him as you rounded the front of your car.

as you opened your door, frankie turned back to the brothers, nodding at them and purposely ignoring the curiosity that sparked in shades of blue as they turned back to will’s truck across the parking lot. with their backs turned, frankie slipped into the driver’s seat of your car, a grunt falling from his lips when his knees knocked into the steering wheel.

he huffed a laugh, glancing to you beside him as his hand reached beneath the seat, patting haphazardly to find the little lever. frankie’s other hand clutched the seat between his legs as he guided it back until he could comfortably get his legs stretched out to reach the pedals.

there was a look on your face, eyes blinking owlishly as he situated himself, that frankie couldn’t place but he thought better of inquiring about it. having fixed the mirrors and fastened his own seatbelt, he turned back to you with his hand on the keys in the ignition. “all good to go?”

you nodded, shifting just slightly in your seat, a breathy voice that murmured back, “yeah. i’ll direct you once we leave the parking lot.”

frankie nodded at that, starting the car and pulling out of the parking space, eyes in the rearview mirror to find will’s truck slowly inching up behind him. once you directed him straight across the intersection, frankie sat further back in the seat, eyes falling from the mirror down to your charm, a smile kicking up on his face. “good thing the sun isn’t too strong or i’d have to take a page out of your book with the shades.”

you shook your head in his periphery, hands fiddling with the vents for a second, “are you mocking me, francisco?”

he chanced a quick look at you, a smile skewed upon his lips as he shook his head, before he faced forward as you directed him left. “mock you? i’d never have the guts.”

you hummed, something almost distractedly as your restless hands began to fidget with the radio, some slow 80s tune now filling the quiet car. it was hard not to be so achingly aware of you, in the tight confines of the car, frankie only had so much to focus on. so he felt your stare, the long look that warmed the length of his neck and the tips of his ears.

so he cleared his throat, ring finger tapping the turn signal before he turned the corner, “everything okay?” god, his voice was breathless and he prayed you’d overlook it, the faraway place your mind had taken you stopping you from analysing the sudden pitch of nerves within him.

“yeah. yes, sorry. just never been in the passenger seat of my own car.” he could almost fool himself into believing that your tone was just as airy as his had been, but instead he hummed in response.

“feeling alien over there?”

“something like that.” you picked up the water bottle benny had bought for you then, unscrewing the cap, taking slow sips.

frankie smiled, both hands slipping lower on the wheel as he came to a stop sign, looking at you for further instruction. you blinked at him, a quick ‘two more streets down and then right’ and he nodded, peeping will’s face in the mirror. frankie was already dreading slipping into the backseat, pulling away from you. he also tried to convince himself that the dread had more to do with the line of questioning sure to follow the foot easing off of the brake than the view of your figure growing distant and smaller behind him. concern, it had to be concern for you, and that level of emotion was acceptable, appropriate. it was only humane.

the quiet that followed was natural, a lull that didn’t have his hands itching on the wheel or his eyes darting to you, instead the pull to look at you was none too different from what he had come to accept in your presence. no, the quiet held a small jitter but no ants crawling and biting for jerks and squirms. frankie wondered if you felt it too, the silly type of fluttering that came with new people, particularly new alluring people, but he quickly squashed that thought. nailed it down to the floorboards of his mind until the head was snug and level with the planks of it, you’d had enough on your plate for the afternoon. it was not fair to you and it made him shrivel within the driver’s seat, shamed and disgusted with himself.

so frankie swallowed and took the right at the third stop sign, nodded when you softly told him to pull into the driveway of the red tiled house. with the car in park and will pulled alongside the curb, waiting, frankie cut the engine. the retrieved keys were handed to you with a slanted smile, a little more shaky than he was hoping for but he pushed through it.

“safe and sound.” you smiled back and frankie hated to see it just as shaky as his own, as if somewhere between the last three stop signs, uncertainty had crept in through the vents and licked at each of your minds. something wayward in him almost had him asking for the keys back, to loop around the block, windows down to return the uncertainty. he knew better though, frankie reeled the spooling thoughts back in, heaping and gathering behind him in an idling truck with questions and meat to be seasoned and thrown on a grill.

“and i have you to thank for that.” you murmured, still unmoving and looking at him. it was undoing him, bit by bit, but he remained there, in your driveway beside you.

frankie chuckled, head dipping, “will more than me, honestly. he spotted you first.” there was an apology laced somewhere between those words, that shame tucking into the corners of the words once again.

your brows furrowed, eyes averting to the glove compartment before you as you opened your mouth and then closed it. he watched as it took you a moment to draw your words together, the game of scrabble you’d been playing in your head requiring concentration, but he was patient. endlessly patient if it meant your company for a second longer.

frankie was starting to believe it was something like a midlife crisis, only so much worse. the crush he was developing on you was much too childlike for someone his age, it was swallowing him whole and gestating him ever so slowly and there was nothing he could do but unravel with it. how pathetic would you find it? to know that within the week and some odd days since your first meeting, frankie had spent nearly every hour thinking about you, riddled with your smile, your voice and that little line that trailed behind him everywhere he went. eyes peeled for the sights of you. the promise in your parting words.

something about it now made him feel like he was taking advantage of you, as if by staying beside you in that parking lot, by driving you home and now sat here beside you, he was a lowly opportunist. it was bitter on his tongue, despite knowing that his steps towards you were fevered with concern, the hands that held your wheel were steady for yours to ride out the shake they possessed. but the lingering, staying in the unmoving vehicle with you, that was selfish. frankie was pocketing this moment for himself and it was hard to swallow down with any grace.

you broke the havoc of his thoughts then, turned back to him with shoulders pushed back, “i am thankful for will stepping in, very thankful and i want to tell him that again now, but it doesn’t make me any less thankful for you staying there with me. for keeping me from spiraling into a panic attack, offering me comfort i would not have been able to find otherwise.”

frankie’s lips parted, a sucked in breath as he let your words find their landing within him. it took a bit, swimming in his blood and crashing hard into his beating heart. he licked his lips and stared unseeing at your garage door, “i’m just really thankful we were there. and i can go to bed tonight knowing we got you home safe.”

when he angled his head back to you, you were smiling, nothing like the ones you had given him at the farmer’s market but it was better, better than wane of shock on your face prior.

“i should probably return you to your friends,” you said softly, gazing back to the truck stood perpendicular from your car. frankie nodded, clearing his throat as he reached for the door’s handle. he wanted to offer you help bringing in the grocery bags on your backseat but it felt too much, like he was shoving at your corners. even as it nagged at him, frankie pushed open the car door and slipped out once yours was opened.

the two of you met at the rear of your car again, him leading you to the truck and the window benny was winding down. the quiet burnt at the back of his neck until he stopped at the back passenger door of will’s vehicle, body turned to you as you stepped closer to the opened window.

a smile, eyes sincere as you spoke to the brothers, “i really owe you all for this, seriously. i can’t thank you enough. thank you, will. thank you, benny.”

at least frankie could revel in the manner in which both men fumbled to shake off your gratitude, speaking over each other and shaking their heads at you as they tried to offer you assurance. he was not hopeless yet, it would seem and he had to hide his smile in the collar of his jacket as benny reiterated his words from within your car.

“you’re home safe. that’s all that matters, okay? and i forgot to hand this to you, i’m really hoping you won’t need it, but it’s best to just keep it on you.” a receipt, of which frankie assumed benny had written out the asshole’s license plate on the back of. you nodded, taking the paper gingerly with another thanks and he hated to see the way your shoulders folded forward as you pocketed the paper.

so he spoke up again—something slipping too quickly from his lips, something to distract you, something to take for himself as his hand rested on the door handle before him. “i’ll see you around?”

“less chaotic next time hopefully?” you joked and frankie had to dip his head, relieved to see that it had your shirking edges softening again. so frankie smiled as he lifted his head, softer in hopes to smooth it all out completely, “how about we scratch that phrase altogether? hasn’t been working too well for us so far.”

you hummed as if mulling it over but then you cocked your head sideways, resolve finding you as you stepped closer to him. you stretched out your hand to him, your smile something more shy as you looked him in the eyes and then down to the curb before you gathered yourself again to meet his gaze. “phone? i said i’d make it up to all of you and i meant it.”

frankie prayed quietly within his head that benny couldn’t see him from his angle, the manner in which he fumbled for the device in his pocket, stuttering as he unlocked it and handed it to you. he watched almost breathless as your cheeks flushed, lip pulled between your teeth as you focused on the screen, tapping away at it. middle school dawned on his shoulders again, standing before his first crush, fumbling for something cool to say.

thankfully, he remained quiet—transfixed–as you tapped something and he could hear some fleetwood mac song playing faintly, your face bashful as you pressed your thumb down on his phone and it stopped, finally handing the device back to him.

“now i can be sure to keep my promise.”

frankie could only smile at you as you stepped back, eyes flicking from his back to the front of the truck as you brushed your hands at your sides and took a breath, smiling at the brothers. “i hope you enjoy your plans for the evening. it was really nice meeting you both, you know, despite the... anyways.”

“we’ll wait until you’re inside?” will offered, leaning over the console. but you immediately shook your head, hands coming up to reinforce your point. “god please no, it’s okay! i cannot take up any more of your time, besides i still have things to get out of the car so please, i swear i’m fine. thank you.”

will must have felt the same as frankie did when he spied the bags in your backseat, the urge to help, to ease the load but also not wanting to overstep. to become overbearing so he nodded his head slowly as if trying to convince himself. “alright then. you have frankie’s number now, so if you need anything, just let him know.”

it was that statement that had frankie finally sliding into the truck, winding his window down once he was sat. “what the captain said,” he slanted a smile at you, enjoying the laugh he got in response as you began to back up further on your lawn.

you offered them all one final smile, hand raising, “got it. have a good night, guys.”

the three of them chorused the sentiment back to you before will was pulling away from the curb. you stood on your lawn, waving once he turned around and made his way back down the street. frankie tried to refrain from looking over his shoulder, to take one last look at your figure and he lasted until they inched towards the stop sign. as will turned left, frankie looked back, watching as you stood at your car, door opened to retrieve your things and he sighed. this was going to kill him, and if not, it would eat away at him so slowly that he would pray that it did.

the stranger, the daydream, the siren’s call in his head and now the number saved on his phone under your name.

yeah, he was doomed, clay body worming on the potter’s wheel once again.

when frankie turned forward again, benny was already there, looking at him intently, smile slippery with his barely contained curiosity. “so, francisco huh?”

he closed his eyes, head pressed into the back of his seat, too unsteady for the questions and answers brimming beneath the low hum of the radio. there was no avoiding it, of course, but he could pretend just a little longer.

“that’s what it says on my birth certificate, doesn’t it?” is all he could mutter back, lips twitching when he heard will chuckle lowly, eyes certainly peering at him in the rearview mirror but frankie shut them out. just a little longer, just until he could feel his extremities again and forget the weight of your hand clutching to the sleeve of his jacket.

#nightbug fic

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#nightbug fic