Flickering Lights
Chapter 19 - Another Bite
Chapter 18 I Chapter 20
True form Sukuna x Reader
NSFW I Explicit I Slow Burn
Summary and Tags on Masterpost (please read!)
“Let’s eat?” you ask, being very slow in the head this morning. “Here?” you point down in disbelief and mouth silently, “At the desk?”
“Yea!” Kobayashi-san chimes loudly as she walks through the door into your office and raises her right hand, showing you a white plastic bag hanging from her fingers.
“What’s that about all of a sudden?”
“Had an epiphany.” she shrugs. “Went hiking in Takayama this weekend and stumbled across a temple. It was incredible and serene, but the history of its founder also reminded me to be thoughtful and thankful about the nourishments for life, love and body. And since I love my breakfast, I wanna share it with you today — just because.”
“Uhuh.” you don’t get it. “And what about Hiro—“
“Please, it’s Monday.” she frowns, then jokingly rolls her eyes. “He’ll be late anyway.”
She puts the bag right next to your keyboard, before hanging up her jacket at the wardrobe.
“Morning.” the monotone voice of Itō-san mumbles as he passes by.
“Morning.” you and Kobayashi-san chime in unison, and watch him shuffling down the hallway into his office. You lean forward.
“This feels risky.” you whisper with a hint of dangerous excitement in your voice.
She pouts and shrugs her shoulders, “If Hirose-san finds out, he can put it out on me.” she adds and winks at you. It makes you huff.
In fact, you sometimes wonder if they’re having a secret affair.
“You’re so brave.” you reply, a bit sarcastic.
“Well, once you get used to it, it’s not that big of a deal. As long as you feel grounded in yourself, that is.” she explains — as if you wouldn’t already work here for three years.
You appreciate it though, her wisdom and all. Like a friendly reminder every now and then. It’s good to hear it—
“Get used to what?” Itō-san’s voice is back all of a sudden, making you both blink over to the door and see him peering into the room. “What’s that?”
“What’s what?” Kobayashi-san asks, making him narrow his eyes.
“The konbini bag.” he raises his eyebrows and wiggles his finger towards your desk like a warden looking for forbidden sweets at a preschool. “We have a kitchen, you know.”
“A konbini doesn’t only sell food items, you know.” Kobayashi-san arches her eyebrow. “We also have a women’s restroom. Do you want me to go into detail?”
You bite your lips, seeing a slight shade of red quietly explodes on Itō-san’s face.
“…I see. No. It’s fine.” he mumbles and vanishes back into his office as quickly as he came. How amusing.
“He’s so nosey.” she whispers and turns back to you. “Oh L/N-san, look at you.” she gasps, as if she saw a ghost all of a sudden, “Thank god I brought -breakfast-” she only mouths the forbidden word.
“What is it?” you ask, not really understanding what she’s getting at.
She arches her eyebrow and lowers her voice to a stern tone, “You look utterly depleted. Are you holding up with your tasks or did you work on the weekend? Did you even eat?”
“Ah no I’m fine. Don’t worry.” you wave her off, trying to act as if you weren’t completely exhausted.
“You know, some souls decide to go through extreme circumstances in order to reach higher purposes in their life. It might be impossible to grasp for those who don’t, but for them, it seems to be the right way.” she explains, as if she’s giving you a life-lesson. “L/N-san, do you also reach for a higher purpose in life?”
You frown, far from understanding what she’s talking about. In fact you could barely follow — still feeling some residues of alcohol sitting in your system. And yet, she keeps waiting for an answer.
“Relax.” you snort and turn to your computer, acting as if you need to click on something important. ”I was just out partying this weekend.”
“Is that so?” she hums, not surprised at all, while she takes a seat in her chair and rolls over to you. The wheels muffle over the carpet, while your eyes follow her every movement, until she comes to a halt right in front of you.
“My dear,” she sighs dramatically. “keep it up like that and you’ll end up looking like one of those Sokushinbutsu mummies.”
“Ew!” you snort and chuckle. “Like those in Yamagata you told me about?”
She winks and pokes her tongue at you. It makes you laugh.
She did hit a spot, though. You truly neglected your meals the past days — however, you’re not ready for asceticism yet. Not at all.
“Kobayashi-san, ever since you went on that trip, you seem to be a fan of dead people. Should I be worried?” you ask, tongue in cheek.
“You should only worry about yourself, looking like that.” she nods her chin at you and grabs the konbini bag. “Anywhooo, how was the weekend?” she can’t hide her excited smirk and raises her eyebrows. “Did anyone drink from your straw?”
“Nah, I have to disappoint you. Men have become way too crude for that level of flirting. They rarely put your cheeks on fire these days.”
“What a shame.” she sighs and a disappointed sneer grows on her face. “It’s always exciting when they do that. So romantic, too. Like an indirect kiss…”
“Yeah…” you sigh longingly. And she hums.
“However!” you add. “I might’ve found a friend!”
“Oh?” Kobayashi-san smiles, with her eyes turning soft.
“Her name is Mi- Mio? I think?” you continue, a bit embarrassed at the fact you can barely remember, while Kobayashi-san keeps listening and fiddles with the konbini bag. “We uh… We somehow bonded immediately. We daaanced and complained about guuuys.” you reminisce about Saturday. ”She’s really nice and fun. It felt good, almost as if we knew each other already.”
Kobayashi-san arches her eyebrow, still expecting you to state the obvious.
“… And there was a lot of alcohol, yes. Sunday alone wasn’t enough to recover from all of this.” you sigh and she nods, validated in her thoughts.
“Slept all day huh?” she hums and you nod. “Yeah. Been there, done that and more. But look at you, still arriving at work on time instead of just calling in sick every time. How admirable.”
You smile at her sarcasm and she continues softly, “Take care L/N-san. Don’t let that new friend fool you this time. You don’t deserve that.”
And again, she hits a spot, like she always does. Sometimes you forget that she’s just a colleague. She definitely doesn’t feel like it sometimes. She feels closer. Warm.
“And I don’t deserve a coworker with a frowning face.” she adds, more firmly this time. “And that’s why — we should eat!” Kobayashi-san swiftly continues with a smile and reaches into the bag.
“Okey!” you hum and force a smile, almost glad about the change of topic. “What did you get?”
“Pork Mayonnaise Onigiri. They’re one of my favourites.” she chimes like she’s barely able to contain her excitement about those rice balls. Cute. And a little weird, too.
“Really? It’s not even real breakfast.” you frown about the choice, “I‘ve never tried them before.”
“Perfect then!” she ignores your grumpy remark and offers you one of them. And you can’t help but to smile at her kindness—
“Itadakimasu!” you chime and clasp your hands together.
Sukuna sneers at you and you blink back. A hostile taste begins to marinate both your faces. He sucks his teeth and leans back instead, grabs his haori and puts it on. With narrow eyes you watch him and how the black garment flutters around his figure. And your stomach sinks deeper and deeper, until a murmur grumbles through your stomach. Loudly.
“What are you waiting for?” he grumbles, pulling and patting on the fabric. And before you can even open your mouth, he rattles at the tray with his bottom hand as if you were a dog and dismissively waves his other hand at you, “There’s food. Just eat it as you please…”
“She said to share it with my boyfriend.” you chirp arrogantly, as if you had no other choice than to follow her instructions—
“Pfft.” his stomach mouth suddenly huffs, making you raise your eyebrows at him, before Sukuna’s large figure dangerously leans over the tray and closer to you. “I’m not your fucking boyfriend.” his threatening whisper hushes right into your face. So serious in its nature, that you begin to understand. How amusing.
“Obviously.” you sneer, making his tired and darkened eyes twitch. “That woman was as blind as a bat. And yet she said, you looked even hungrier than me... With that I agree.”
The muscles on Sukuna‘s jaw clench beneath his skin, before a spiteful grin flicks onto his lips. He leans back into his seat, with his bottom eyes peeking back to the food.
It smells so fresh and delicious. Warm. He can’t deny it, right? He would be mad if he did. He’s just pissed, because that grandma called him your—
“So?” you nag and Sukuna raises his chin. You feel his resentment oozing onto your skin. In fact, the whole room can feel it. Ridiculous.
“Hm.” he finally grumbles and crosses his arms. And you can’t suppress the smirk that hushes onto your lips. What a grump.
You reach for the chopsticks and take one of the rice bowls. And despite Sukuna’s dismissing demeanour, his eyes are pinned to your chopsticks, watching closely how you guide them to your mouth and wrap your lips around them as you finally take the first bite — A mistake. It’s piping hot.
“Hah!” you hiss and breathe and blow, trying to cool down your mouth. Sukuna’s judging eyebrow arches in the corner of your eyes, while you’re fighting with these temperatures. How embarrassing.
Focus!
You close your eyes and concentrate. Chew and chew. Finally.
Life seems crawling back into you with every motion of your jaw and every corn of rice that rolls over your tongue and down your throat. So good.
Then you guide another bite to your mouth — this time you carefully blow on it, fhh, fhh.
The muscles on Sukuna’s crossed arms twitch and tense, almost impatient. You let your eyes dart over to him, only to see how he’s still biting his jaw tightly, with his eyes focused on your pouted, blowing lips. And you don’t know if his mind is running or completely absent. Don’t know, if it’s about the grandma, the food or your—
You blink away and shove the rice into your mouth. Focus!
Next, the fish. A piece of grilled salmon.
“Oh this is good.” you munch and swallow, then go for a sip of soup. Sukuna stays quiet.
And it’s awkward. This silence, while he watches you eating. So intense and focused on every motion, every bite. With a loaded gaze that’s wrapping around you like a blanket. The air grows heavier with each second. It’s unsettling.
“What?” you finally ask and slow down, utterly annoyed. He clicks his tongue, hesitant.
And you raise your eyebrows, still waiting.
“…Do you always accept food from strangers?” he finally asks in a stern tone. Chiding, almost.
You squint. That’s it?
Though you’re not sure, if that was his actual issue, you blink down to the tray and ponder.
No. That can’t be.
“Why? She seemed nice.” you shrug in disbelief and take another bite. “You told me to eat! And you also took the food I offered you. I was a stranger to you, too.”
He annoyedly clicks his tongue. Again.
“Oh, I forgot…” you quickly add, a bit sarcastic, and Sukuna arches his eyebrow. “You’re royalty. You must’ve had an enemy trying to poison you before.”
“…You could say that.” he drawls, with his bottom eyes still fixed on your mouth.
“Don’t you have someone to taste your food? Kings usually have that.”
Another bite.
He huffs dismissively, tapping with his fingers against his biceps, “At some point in your life, you learn not to accept arbitrary things from strangers anymore…” he pauses and sneers. “…and take the stranger instead.”
You frown and nod, “So you take people hostage, no matter their intention… sounds familiar.”
“Hostage?” he smirks with gentle eyes, as if that’s not the term he would use. “Right…”
You pause. Weird.
“Right…” you drawl, confused — but you leave it at that and keep eating.
Sukuna stirs in his seat, props up his right leg and leans his head against his hand — with those red eyes boring into your figure from above. If there wasn’t a whisper of a smirk on his lips, you would think he’s about to slice you in half. It’s impossible to know what’s going on in his head. Is he bored or amused?
“The kitten was nice, wasn’t it?”
“What?” you frown at this sudden change of topic. The smirk on Sukuna’s face grows and so do the wrinkles in his eyelids.
He cocks his eyebrow in expectation, “Pleasing to the eye, too. Don’t you think?”
So chatty all of a sudden…
“Yea.” you hum suspiciously, while you poke the chopsticks into the rice a few times. Letting your eyes roam over his stupid face, you need to ask, “You seem to like animals. More than you like people I assume?”
Another bite.
“People are a nuisance.” Sukuna hums, with his bottom eyes still focused on your chewing mouth. “Animals however, proved themselves to be worthwhile creatures. Driven by instincts, only doing what they deem right. They just act upon their nature. No doubts, no regrets. No guilt.” his words make you slow down. Words that feel like those from a snake, trying to lure you in with soft eyes and voice, only to poison you later.
“You could learn a lot from them.” he concludes.
A pause.
You lower your gaze and stare at the tattered fish in front of you, feeling how the chewed mixture of food in your mouth slowly clogs your throat. Focus!
You force yourself to swallow.
“…What do you mean?”
“Keh.” he snickers, making you feel the smirk in his eyes as he lowers his voice. “The way you sleep… The way you wake…” he coos. “So troubled… as if your insides are squirming, threatening to eat. you. up.” he continues, making you feel as if he buries his fist into your gut with his words. Slow and excruciating. Squishing you apart like a hydraulic press.
And he leans forward, hovering over the tray and demands eye contact. So consuming and tall. A shiver runs down your spine and you look up—
“Am I right?” he asks, with a voice that puts a dark and wavering pressure on your chest.
The chopsticks in your hands clatter at the way your fingers clench around them. You bite your teeth. Don’t let him—
“That is none of your business.”
Another bite. You had to force it.
“Tch.” he clicks his tongue in defeat and leans back, with a slight grin still on his lips. “No… it’s not.”
And you know he hates it.
Maybe, just maybe, you would’ve considered telling him about her — if he wasn’t just such a disgusting asshole.
And you hate it. Hate that you still like him and how, despite it all, he does seem to have some kind of curiosity about you. Despite his mean words, despite his rejection. It makes you want to punch him.
Why can’t he just have a normal conversation?
“Your head is fuming, little brat.” he comments — and you blink, trying to stay calm.
“You can read people very well, can’t you?” you swallow.
Sukuna’s eyes narrow, before the nails from his lower hand meet the floor, tap, tap.
“…I’ve had my share.”
“Oh I bet.” you arch your eyebrows sarcastically at his gentle arrogance. “But then, why couldn’t you tell?”
Almost reproachful.
His features twitch in disbelief, “Tell what?”
You pause and look at him, his eyes and mask and face, before your eyes slip down to his mouth and back up again, hoping those following words will poison him just as much.
“…That I dreamt about you?”
Sukuna lips twitch into a smirk. He seems flattered, almost. Interesting.
“I dreamt about you and the monster you are, mortifying me in the worst way possible. And yet, the way you looked at how you butchered me… how your eyes were filled with something, almost akin to…”
“Nhnh!” Sukuna chuckles. Visibly amused, he tilts his head — with a cocky grin plastered on his face, searing right into your skin, “…akin to what?”
This time you lean forward, letting your eyes bore through his, right into his skull, almost trying to search for the window to his soul that would tell you that only a fraction of the feelings you saw in your dream could truly exist in him.
Do you see it?
Your gaze softens and you mumble, “…Guilt.”
Sukuna’s pupils dance back and forth between yours. And despite his pleased grin, you observe how the amusement slowly slackens from his eyes.
“…What a nightmare.” he whispers.
“Yea… What a nightmare.” you agree and look back down. And in that moment, you feel how his grin dissolves completely. “Not nearly as charming as you were with that gorgeous cat.”
Another bite.
“Tsk. Charming?” he grumbles at your joke — but you ignore him.
Instead, you grab the cup and take a big sip of the hot tea. To reset, to wash down those feelings and the tension. And Sukuna watches you. Again. Without a comment, without a sound. Audibly that is.
You sure hope that his mind is running, about you and what you said. Something to think about. It was still the truth after all. Prick.
You let out a sigh, stir in your seat and without further words, you begin to eat again. Forcing bite after bite. You know, you should eat it all. It is still uncertain what is gonna happen today, how you will fix the car, or how you will get your next meal.
And suddenly, a little dissatisfied grumble demands attention. Not from his throat — from his stomach mouth.
Your eyes dart over to it, catching its lips twitching into a frown. If he wasn’t so annoying earlier, you probably would’ve found this adorable.
“You should eat.” you mumble before you swallow and glance up to his slackened face. No reaction. “If you keep going like this, you’ll end up looking like one of those So—”
Sukuna arches his eyebrow and you stop. His heavy, condescending stare burns into your skin, preventing you from finishing your sentence. It’s no use.
“Nevermind.” you sigh and give up, going for a last bite of the salmon. The other half is for him. ”…It was just a joke anyway. Here.” you add and push the tray closer to him. “I promise it’s not poisoned.”
This is exhausting.
“Fine.” he finally mumbles all of a sudden and leans over the tray again, “Then let me eat.”
“What?” you chirp into his face — and slowly grow aware of how his eyes gently roam over your face. Charming, almost — Shit!
Digging your nails into your palm, you try to suppress the way his gaze makes you feel, before his eyes suddenly twitch to your chopsticks and back to your face again. Confused, you look at the chopsticks and the salmon between them — They look normal.
He clicks his tongue and reaches over the tray — confidently grabbing the upper part of your chopsticks. And you flinch, as his fingers dangerously hush over yours.
“What are you doing?” you glare and tighten your grip, feeling your pulse rise.
“That blind old hag wanted us to share...” Sukuna hisses and slides the chopsticks out of your fingers — easy, as if you suddenly let him. Maybe you did.
He leans back again and doesn't even drop the salmon. Motherfucker.
And your eyes shoot down and back to the tray — searching for the other pair of chopsticks. This must be a mistake—
“… So, I guess we have to share.” Sukuna continues and you look back up, already seeing him raising the bite to his mouth. With a racing heart, you watch how his lips wrap around the fish, touching the chopstick’s wooden ends. Slow. With intent — savouring the taste.
And you’re stunned, feeling how your elevated breath dries your lips.
Can he—
Your face grows warm. Shit.
“How—” you start with an overridden mind. “How does it taste?”
Sukuna slides his lips off the chopsticks and chews. So pensive. His jaw moves, back and forth. So focused. As if he’s collecting his thoughts about the taste… Your taste—
“Poisoned...” his Adam’s apple bobs, his eyes blink up to stare into yours. “…with a curse.”
Badum.
Silence.
And Sukuna tongue slowly runs over his lips, before he speaks again.
“Itadakimasu.” his voice is gentle and quiet like silk. Hypnotising and unexpected.
He reaches for the soup with his lower hand. His stomach mouth opens wide, poking its tongue out, before he pours the broth and its vegetables into his stomach mouth. All of it. The last drop goes in and the tongue swirls back. His stomach moves and swallows and licks its lips. Those movements, those noises. Those memories… Like a curse… like a curse.
Clawing at your mind.
It grows warm beneath your sweater, in your face and tight inside your chest. You can’t speak.
What kind of game is this?
You press your fingers into a fist — and he huffs. Did he notice?
Sukuna focuses on the other bowl and proceeds to dig into the rice — and eats as if he yearned for it. The way he relishes in it, it’s almost animalistic. How he’s letting his tongue and lips and teeth glide over the chopsticks, with such care, making sure to catch every single corn of rice that’s sticking onto the material.
Another bite.
Almost, as if he wants to savour any taste that’s left on them.
Another bite.
Almost, as if he’s starving for more.
Another bite.
Starving.
“Rude.” you hiss and he halts, raising his eyes to yours.
“You’re one to talk.” he hums and you bite your teeth even harder. The audacity.
And in a swift motion, you promptly get back up on your feet and slip into your shoes. His eyes follow you, quiet, but heavy like a curse, as you stride towards the door. — Pap!
You slam the door shut.
Ouch.
With clenching fists, you feel the pain still stinging in your feet, while the fresh air gently caresses your burning face. Prick.
Why him?
You take a deep breath, trying to calm down, trying to think of anything but him and his tongue and lips and stupid acts — desperately trying to excavate these fruitless affections from the swamp of your mind…
Sigh.
The old lady is nowhere to be seen. Down the street to your left, you spot the car, still in the ditches. To the left side on the street, you see some workers wading through the fields around the houses. The sun that’s coming from the bright cyan coloured sky is shining right upon the cone shaped Kasa on their heads. The green from the fields vibrates in thick saturated tones, dancing in back and forth — like a tango with the wind, while white and yellow spots shimmer inside the direct sun. A warm smell of autumn lies in the air — what a contrast to the muddy, thick and grumpy atmosphere from inside that hut. You breathe.
In and out.
And finally, the scenery calms you. Such peace, such a relief.
Another breath.
And just now you realise how it was silent since you stepped outside. Just now, the sounds of the chopsticks and bowls begin to quietly clatter into your ear again. As if he listened — to you or his mind. You don’t know.
Whatever, you resign and swallow any care you feel for him — for now — before you turn right and begin to walk further into the village. You walk and walk, despite every hurting step.
You have no idea what time it is. It must be early, still. The streets of this little village seem rather empty. Nothing compared to what you’re used to in Tokyo. No queues, no fumes, no noise. Only birds that are chirping and singing, while a chilly breeze dances through your hair.
And soon, you passed the few houses that make up this little village. The view extends to the street that continues straight between square shaped rice fields and plains, until it curves up and vanishes between the hills. Little patches of grass broke through the old asphalt, while electrical poles decorate the right side of the road, following its path.
Quiet.
Just you, and the road ahead of you. So long, so uncertain.
A loud flutter makes your ear twitch — and you turn to your right to see a bunch of chicken cooped up in a pen right next to the last house at the side of the street. Caged. And your heart grows heavy.
You ponder and blink back forward, to the road, the scenery and nature that lies in front of you. Free.
Despite all that happened. All because of Sukuna. And now, because of him, you can reach for it. Because of him, you could take a leap and—
It’s frightening how you feel about him.
“Oh!” you blink down and catch sight of the orange kitten, that just brushed against your leg. “Hey little one!” you smile and crouch down to pet it, but it keeps walking. Your fingers only reach far enough to brush against the tip of its tail. Its ears twitch and it stops a few steps ahead of you.
It turns around and you whisper, “Where are you going?” while reaching out your hand, hoping it would come back.
But instead, it blinks at you, licks its lips left and right, before it turns back forward and follows the street with muted steps. Your smile fades and you lower your hand again.
Deeply in thought, you observe the feline, how its paws move over the asphalt and how its shoulder blades move up and down beneath its skin with every step. So graceful, almost like a tiger — if it didn’t appear so tiny and fragile. Even clumsy, sometimes. Maybe it’s just the colour.
It just keeps walking towards the vast scenery, so quiet, but with intent — as if it knew what awaits it at the end of the road. And yet, you can’t help but to wonder, if it was the first time it chose to walk this path.
Does it really know? The end of that road?
“It’s just a cat.” you whisper, trying to convince yourself. “It just acts upon its nature...”
Without doubt. Without regret. Without guilt. Sukuna’s words echo in your brain.
And yet, it weighs this certain feeling upon your chest. Why does it make you feel heavy inside, as if something wasn’t right?
It stings.
You blink back to the chicken coop and ponder. Pause. Quiet.
You look around. Nobody’s here.
After a few moments, you quietly walk off the road and onto the grass, approaching the pen. And with nervous hands and a racing heart, you slide the lock open. The chicken cackle curiously as you turn around and quietly walk back to the street and into the village. Slowly.
Lost in thought, lost about this cat. Lost about Sukuna. Lost about you.
Without doubt. Without regret. Without guilt. Was Sukuna right?
Minutes pass and the tension in your body intensifies. The hut finally comes back into view — and so does Sukuna, who’s stepping out of the doorway. Your heart stumbles, you can’t control it. His pink hair sways in the sunny breeze and his black veiled back is turned to you. He didn’t see you. Instead, he seems to be focused on the car, then the fields and forest, until he turns and your eyes meet — like waves that were reaching for a lost shore.
Is it really possible to live life without these feelings?
Well is it?
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