You return to the office during some downtime, moving quietly through the ministry. You find Papa Nihil's journal where you had left it and slide it out from its spot, flipping through the pages again.
06/20/1967
I decided to do the ritual again. No more being scared. I decided to see Astraeus's life and learn more about him.
It was cold when I had woken up, on the outskirts of some town. A lot different from where Neptune and Silvanus lived, but that's to have been expected. I know he said he was a Viking when he was alive, and the little settlement had looked similar to what I had been anticipating.
The group, however, didn't take too kindly to me. Many of them pointed weapons at me - spears and swords, some readying their bow and arrows. I had never been so scared for my life. I still don't know what would've happened had any of them attacked me.
Luckily, the leader had taken pity on me. I suppose my blubbering and tears had swayed her, and she ordered the others to stand down. But beside her, I saw him: Astraeus. He looked the same - more human, obviously. But instead of his white hair and beard, he was blond with brilliant blue eyes. The markings on his face are the same as the white markings he has in his ghoul form. In fact, that's what had given him away.
But they didn't call him "Astraeus" here. Of course not. They called him Bjorn. Bear, I later realized. He stayed close to the woman, Astrid, and spoke with her frequently. When they had finally welcomed me, I spoke with Astraeus a bit.
He wasn't the most friendly, but did speak a little. He was second-in-command to Astrid. Fitting, I suppose, since he's also Ares's second. I slipped up a couple times and called him "Astraeus." He just gave me a funny look, and called me some word I didn't understand. I had explained to him that it was a god that was associated with dusk and the stars. He gave me a funny look again, but shrugged and muttered a word that I later found out was "skål."
I was welcome to their feast, got to play with the little ones, and had the honor of listening in on Astraeus playing his lyr. When I asked him about the paint, he told me that Astrid had done it for him. He seemed proud about it. They seem close. I wonder what she meant to him, since it seems to be more than just a leader.
When I came to, I went to find Astraeus and decided to ask him about his life. He seemed a bit apprehensive at first, but he finally
You don't notice the door to the office opening until you hear a soft voice.
"My child, what are you doing in here?" Papa Nihil's voice is curious as he gazes at you before his white eyes flicker down to his journal. He huffs, a deep frown on his face as he snatches the book away from you. "Snooping! You know how disrespectful it is to go through someone else's things without permission?!"
"Apologies, Papa. I was just curious," you confess, hanging your head low. "Your ghouls aren't very friendly, except to you, Sister, and their handler. I was curious about how they are, and how they used to be."
Papa Nihil glances down at his journal, skimming through the old writing. He's quiet for a bit, raising a wrinkled hand to gently brush his fingertips over the page you were on.
"He loved her," he says softly, his voice above a whisper. "He did everything to please her. Followed all of her orders, defended her. And then, she quite literally stabbed him in the back and set him ablaze."
It takes you a second before you realize he's talking about Astraeus. He lets out a soft sigh, hobbling over to the couch and plopping down with a soft huff. He pats the space next to him, though he doesn't give you a second glance.
"I miss him, you know," he mutters, "I'd go searching for him if I was sure he wouldn't attack. I should've done more. I should've..."
He trails off, frowning as he stares blankly at the page. You sit next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder.
"A quintessence ghoul," he continues softly, "Spiritual and empathetic. I should've realized how much of an emotional burden he had been under. I'm a fool to have let him suffer. I should've pushed more to help him."
"You didn't know, Papa," you tell him in an attempt to comfort him, "From what I read, the ghouls liked their privacy."
"I still remember these talks with them. All of them," He slowly raises his head, finally looking at you as he closes the journal. "I wish I had spoken to Astraeus more."
"Could you tell me some stories about him?"
He chuckles, leaning back on the couch. "Oh, where to begin. You know, there was a time I had caught him trying to sneak out of Silvanus's room, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers! I can't believe I hadn't noticed them getting closer before..."
You notice Papa Nihil's old journal laying about as you're cleaning up one of the offices. After ensuring that no one else is around, you tentatively pick up the book and thumb through the pages until you stop at a random page.
06/16/1967
Lilith told me of a ritual I could do to get a glimpse into the lives of my ghouls. She thought it would help me connect with them more, especially Astraeus. She said my spirit would be transported to a random point in their lives before they died.
Perhaps I should've started with Astraeus first, but I was too intimidated. So, I settled for Neptune first, and subsequently, also found Silvanus. I forgot they were alive at the same time and lived in the same town.
I'll admit, I was overwhelmed when I saw them at first. Neptune, especially. To finally hear his voice, I was overwhelmed. Deep, with a thick country accent. Fitting for the middle of the 19th century, I suppose.
I couldn't help myself. I started crying in front of him, like some nutcase. I remember the jarred expression he had when he tried to comfort me. How could I tell him I was overwhelmed because, as a ghoul, he was mute? How could I tell him how happy I was to finally hear his voice?
I don't know how long I spent in that town. Hours, I believe. Neptune had a girlfriend, I suppose. A woman that hung from his arm, helped him in the garden in front of some house. There was a family inside, with people calling him "Charlie."
I remember meeting Silvanus, as well, outside of the local store. He was helping a woman down the steps, and I couldn't help myself. I went over and picked up her purse when it fell. I'm not entirely surprised that Silvanus had reacted negatively - probably thought I was trying to steal from them. But the woman - his mother, I later found out - had been the one to calm him down. "Sammi." My ghouls had kept their names hidden from me, and for good reason. But I remember smiling.
Silvanus was... different, though. His voice had more of an accent to it. Again, fitting. But the tone was different from how he speaks now. The mannerisms were off. And his skin color... it wasn't the same as it was in his human form now. I wonder if the memory problems he's mentioned has also affected how he remembers his human self.
Still, I managed to talk to them a bit. His mother had a soft, persistent cough. She was the one who told me that she was ill, and the rifle over Silvanus's shoulder was a testament to his bounty hunting career - something she made very clear she wasn't happy with. She went on and on about how she missed him having a "normal" job, like bookkeeping. I understand now why he's so good with numbers and helping Lilith with our financial aspects.
By the time I had woke up, Lilith found me where I had started the ritual, with tears running down my cheeks. I suppose seeing my boys, in their prime, was a lot for me to handle. I'm a mixture of excitement and apprehension to view the rest of the lives of my boys.
Still, I find myself missing Netpune's voice. What I wouldn't give for him to have the ability to speak again.
Before you can turn the page to keep reading, you hear footsteps in the hall, drawing closer. You quickly snap the book shut and slip it into the bookshelf, intending to return later when you have time. You're interested to see if he did visit the lives of the others.
The pages are worn, though the ink hasn't faded. These pages, however, show more wear and tear than the previous year.
01/01/1961
The boys were skeptical about the fireworks at midnight. Well, everyone but Ares. He had seen them go off every year before he died. He said he and his family would go to the city and watch the display until there were no more. It's nice hearing stories about their pasts. It makes me feel like I know them more.
Sister had spoken of “changes” being made around the ministry to bring in the new year. She said that, since I have spent almost a year getting to know my boys, it was time for them to start learning their instruments. Neptune had taken the bass pretty quickly. He keeps plucking at the strings and his tail keeps moving behind him. It reminds me of an excited puppy. I suppose he just likes the sound.
Silvanus was surprised to see the drum set and had even commented about how far along music had come in what felt like such a short amount of time. I had to agree with him, but he picked up the drumsticks and tested out each drum and cymbal. He seemed to pick it up quick. I'm proud of him.
Notus was hesitant with the keyboard at first. He confessed he could only play the piano. Poor thing looked so ashamed. It took a few minutes before he finally tried it. Just like Neptune, his tail started moving when he saw it was almost the same as a piano. He can play so beautifully. I have no doubt in my mind that he'll be able to eventually make some amazing music for us to play with.
True to his word, Ares could play the guitar. I watched him from afar for a bit. He got back into the rhythm of it pretty quick. He even called Astraeus over and told him to pick up a guitar himself. I had feared I would've had to risk getting my head bitten off asking Ares to teach Astraeus so he could be our rhythm guitarist, but he seems to already be doing that job himself. Maybe all of this won't be so bad after all.
02/15/1961
She doesn't want them in the guest rooms anymore. Sister said that those rooms are reserved for the outside public that are curious about the ministry and that they shouldn't be forced to stay in the same building as the ghouls. She also thinks they're unpredictable and that they'll kill some unsuspecting person. She wants to move them to the basement. I feel so bad, but I've managed to buy my boys some time. She agreed that the boys can stay there while I work on another solution. I already have an idea.
However, in return, I have to take care of all of the costs, planning, phone calls. Everything under the sun. But it will be worth it for them.
02/25/1961
I've thought up of a plan for the boys. I want them all to have their own living quarters with their own rooms. They seem to do well in the guest rooms together, so I suppose them being in their own “home” wouldn't be too bad. Astraeus had mentioned that most ghouls in Hell would have “dens,” especially when they haven't been summoned for a while. I know it's a big project, but I've managed to get enough money to make the idea happen.
I've talked to the boys individually about what they would want. Astraeus wanted shelves and a desk for his scrolls. He still likes to write poetry. I thought some built-in bookshelves would be nice for him. I want all of my boys to have room, so I figured a good size bed will make them happy. I also thought of somehow incorporating a small shelf on the headboard of his bed.
I have to be careful about this, but I want Neptune to have a pond in his room. He also made a little... hut??? gesture??? When I asked if he wanted a hiding spot like a cave, he just nodded his head and smiled, so I suppose that's what he also wants. He also seems very fond of the marine life in the lake. I wonder if I could do something with that? I think I'll also have to make his floor out of stone. Too much water could be trouble.
Notus said he just wanted something cozy, and also somewhere to read his books. I've seen some people have those lofts in their homes. I wonder if I could do that for him? Put it above his bed so he has a secure place to sleep. The loft can cut the room in half, and the top can be some built-in bookshelves. Maybe some soft blankets and a chair for him. I can always bring up a catalog for the boys to choose the styles they like. Notus also said that he preferred softer, brighter colors. I could probably make that work.
Silvanus said he wanted large windows – as big as I could get them. He says the sunlight will be good for his plants, but he doesn't care for much. His only special request aside from the windows is a canopy bed. He says that sometimes he'll wake up at night with the dread that something is watching him, and he wants to hide away easier. I don't know what's watching him, but I can certainly make the bed happen, especially if it makes him happy.
Ares, however, was the most surprising. He said he didn't care what he got, so long as he got his own room. I had made a joke about putting him in the basement, and he just shrugged and said “okay.” So now I guess the boys are getting a basement as well. When I asked about a design, he just told me “brick.” Brick walls, stone floors, nothing really flammable. Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to, but he seemed sad when he told me that. I don't want to put him in a cold prison. I'll have to look for things that won't burn easily, but will also make him feel comfortable. I hope I'm capable of doing all of this.
03/05/1961
Neptune is really attached to that bass. Anytime he's not in his room or helping a sibling, he's in the practice room just strumming away. His tail is always moving too, and he seems so happy playing it. I've listened outside a few times. He's getting good. I've gone in a few times and watched him, asked him if he was happy with it. He nodded, but he also looked back at the drums. He made a downward gesture, then cut through it with his finger. I thought he might've been trying to sign the upside-down cross, but he shook his head and drew it out on the floor. An upside-down triangle with a line through it. It took me a little bit to realize that he was talking about Silvanus. It took some time, but he eventually got it across that Silvanus had offered to teach him the drums, and Neptune would teach him bass. I don't know which one they'll decide to stick with, but whatever they decide, I'll support them.
05/10/1961
I don't get how someone could do this. Just when everything was going right.
Someone summoned a ghoul, but it wasn't right. It didn't listen to commands and it didn't take too kindly to anyone approaching it. It lashed out the second the Brother tried to get close. Ares was the first one to get between them, followed by Astraeus. Seeing them fight was like something you would see in a horror movie, but my boys fought together so well. However, Ares did get cut. A couple scratches to his cheek. Deep enough to bleed, but I don't think it didn't look too bad.
He won't talk to me, however. When I tried to clean him up, praise him for his good job, he stayed silent. I wonder if he blames me for the ghoul. I wonder if that made him hate me more than he already seems to. When I offered to put some bandages on it, he seemed defensive and told me he was fine before he stormed off. I don't know what I could've done to avoid all of this.
06/15/1961
We've been making progress with the dens. Sister is adamant about the boys sleeping in the basement, but I've been able to charm her time and time again. So long as I can keep her happy, I can let them stay in the guest rooms.
She got upset one night, demanded that they be kicked out and banned from there. I calmed her down, got her her favorite things, and waited until she fell asleep before I led the boys back in there. I don't know why, but Ares, Astraeus, and even Silvanus didn't seem to want to follow at first. I had to reassure them multiple times that it was okay before they finally moved. I don't know what the problem was.
06/30/1961
I asked Silvanus if there was a reason why he and the others were so apprehensive about going back to the guest rooms after previously being kicked out by Imperator. He said he couldn't speak for the others, but confided in me that his previous summons weren't kind to him. He said that his previous masters had pulled at his antlers, teeth, and tail, and that they had forced him to fight other ghouls for their amusement. Defenseless or not, he had to find a way to fend for himself. He seemed ashamed. I wish I could make it all better.
07/02/1961
I don't get it. I've asked Ares to get me things before, and while he'll sometimes roll his eyes or huff, he always does it. But this time I asked him to bring me something from the supply closet and he snapped at me. He growled and swatted at me like he was some feral animal and I was a threat to him. Maybe I should've just saved myself the trouble and got it myself without asking, but I had been swamped with work. But then I tried and asked him to get me something from the library, and he went off and did it. I want to ask him if there's something wrong with the supply closet, but I'm worried he'll become hostile at the very mention of it.
07/18/1961
Silvanus has scars on his back. I saw them, only just barely. I had entered the guest room while he was getting dressed, and his back was to the door. They didn't look like they had happened at the ministry, but they looked deep. I don't know if it was right to, but I had asked about them.
He told me. He told me that they were from his last summon. He told me that he was going to lose the fight and he panicked. He broke away from the ghoul he was fighting and killed their master so they would be forced back, but before they were dragged down, the ghoul got a good swipe in at his upper back.
He says that ghouls naturally heal, but sometimes they need extra time for worse injuries. He didn't want my pity. He just told me that that's how life is sometimes. I'm not sure I like that bleak outlook.
07/21/1961
The chat with Silvanus gave me the confidence to talk to Ares. While he sorted through paperwork in my office, I asked him about his outburst when I asked him to go to the supply closet. He tells me that it wasn't the task that upset him; it was the location. When I asked about it, he finally opened up to me. He died in a broom closet at the age of 28. He doesn't know how it happened, but he said his friends caught the house on fire and left him for dead in the broom closet. He couldn't get the door open. He burned. After that, he just hates small rooms with only one exit.
He said it was ironic that after his death, he became a fire ghoul. He viewed it as some sick joke and just supposed it was his punishment for something heinous he couldn't remember doing in his human life. I think I'm starting to get why he is the way that he is.
09/15/1961
I've seen Silvanus strumming the bass today. It's funny. I've noticed that he doesn't have claws like the others, but it helps him play a lot easier. I asked him if he would prefer the bass over drums, but he just shook his head. While he was interested in eventually learning most of the instruments, he said he felt most comfortable behind the drum set. At least it's something I know he likes.
09/20/1961
I could never find Notus before. He showed up to practice and for meals, sure, but other than that, I could never find him. He didn't roam the halls. He wasn't outside. He wasn't even in “his” room in the guest room.
I found him today in the library, tucked all the way in the back and just quietly reading. Had I not needed an old book from back there, I wouldn't have ever found him. But there he was, sitting on the floor with the book close to his face and just reading. I feel bad, but it was a little amusing watching him jump when I had cleared my throat to get his attention. I asked him about it, and he told me that he loved this part of the library because no one ever went back there. No one could bother him and he could just read. He seemed interested in the old books no one ever cared about. He said that he found the old, forgotten books interesting, especially because they were just the same as every other book. And from what he had shown me, he was right. Old text, scriptures, and sketches I never would've thought to exist.
I decided that keeping his little hiding spot a secret would've been best.
10/21/1961
The boys seem excited for Halloween to be coming up. They've asked if they could go to the town nearby. They want to see the outside world and how it's changed. Sister doesn't think it's a good idea, but I wouldn't mind going with them. It would be fun! I also doubt that my older boys would know about the more modern candy we have. They seemed to take to some of the treats around other holidays, but we didn't have too much Halloween candy last year. I'm curious to see their reactions to everything.
Ares has made the comment that we could also pick up a sacrifice for them while in town. I don't like that thinking, but Astraeus and Silvanus had agreed. I feel like they're going to be the ones that cause all of the trouble, and I'm not sure
The rest of the paper has been ripped off, making the rest of the entry and year unreadable.
Tucked away behind his old couch, one of the siblings retrieved a piece of paper. Upon further inspection, it was an old entry from one of Papa Nihil's journals. When asked about it, Papa Nihil scrunched up his face and snatched the paper out of the sibling's hand, claiming that this entry is one he desperately wished he could've changed. Still, he opened a random journal sitting on his bookshelf and slipped the paper inside.
06/08/1968
I've failed. I've failed my ghouls.
I haven't seen Silvanus in days. It's not uncommon for him to leave and hide away. I know how he can get. But this time it's different. Neptune and Notus don't know where he ran off to. They just said he left the ministry and went towards town. I can only hope he comes back to me.
As for the others... I'm at a loss. I tried to consult with Astraeus and see why he had been so upset lately. I've heard the arguments he's had with Silvanus, both through telling and witnessing it myself. I don't know what happened to my ghouls. They had been so happy together, but suddenly they started to turn on each other.
Maybe I pushed him too far? Maybe I should've just left him alone? But I felt like I couldn't sit by any longer. I confronted him when I saw him in the courtyard and asked him what was happening. I tried to keep civil with him. I tried to be gentle like I have been.
He attacked me. My own ghoul. Even now, I can feel the way his teeth sunk into my arm. The way his claws cut open my chest. I'm lucky. Ares heard me screaming and came to my rescue. He threw Astraeus off of me and I laid there and cradled my arm like a coward. I couldn't even get up to help.
I didn't watch the fight. I couldn't bring myself to. I heard their growling and snarling, but I couldn't look. Not even when I heard them slowly stop and one of them left.
Ares looked horrible. Both of his horns have been broken off, and he has a deep cut on both his eyebrow and lip. He finally called me “master,” though. I should be happy. I've wanted him to finally accept me for so long. To finally stop calling me “Nihil” or “Damien” on a good day.
But when he saw I was fine, he collapsed right in front of me. Astraeus had torn into his chest, much worse than he did me. I don't remember much. I panicked. I screamed for the remainder of my boys and I did my best to carry Ares towards the abbey. I don't know how I managed to with only one arm, but I'm glad I could at least do something for my ghoul.
He won't wake up. I never knew ghouls could go into a coma, but here I sit, right beside my best matched. He looks so peaceful. The nurses patched him up perfectly. I'll have to remember to get them gifts to show my gratitude later. Still, I can't understand why his injuries haven't faded. There was a time Silvanus wouldn't stop practicing with his blade and he cut himself multiple times from mistakes, but his wounds healed within the day. But I've been sitting in here for the past week and they won't fade away. I'm trying to keep faith, but it's so hard when your normally confident and indestructible ghoul won't wake up after a fight.
I've noticed something else: Astraeus managed to rip off two of his claws. They haven't grown back either. Ares is now missing his right middle claw, and his left ring claw. I hope that, in time, they'll eventually grow back. But if it's anything like his wounds, I won't be surprised if they're gone forever.
It's said that Papa Nihil used to jot down entries in an old journal after he summoned his ghouls. Those journals have been lost in his office for years, the spines old and worn; papers falling out and slipping underneath shelves, being laid forgotten for the years to come. But some of the journals have been found by curious siblings as they helped tidy up the old office. Papa Nihil often enjoys looking back on the memories he had written down whenever these journals and loose entries finally surface.
02/08/1960
Never in my life did I think I'd be in this situation: the master of his own ghouls, but still not in charge. Neptune and Notus are kind enough, but it's the others. Astraeus looks at me like he hates me, and I can't decide if Ares or Silvanus is worse. I don't know what happened between them. I'm not sure if anything did happen between them. But anytime Ares is around, Silvanus will just hiss and growl at him. It's almost like he's looking for a fight. I'm afraid one day he'll get it. I don't want my ghouls to fight. Ares has no problem showing off his elemental powers and I fear he'll showcase it against Silvanus. Neptune Has been the only one to keep the peace between them, though I can't say I'm exactly surprised. He's the size of a giant! I'm still amazed I was able to summon such a beautiful creature.
02/12/1960
Sister asked who the pack leader was. The boys agreed Ares was the best fitted. She asked who the second-in-command was, and Ares said that he chose Astraeus. The thought of leaders and second-in-commands had never even crossed my mind. It makes me wonder if Sister has dealt with this before. I went back and skimmed through the pages, but I couldn't find anything about a ranking system within ghoul packs. Then again, most people don't summon five ghouls in a single setting. I'm lucky I have someone that knows what they're doing.
03/01/1960
I like to visit their rooms, just to check up on them and see how they're settling in. Astraeus is the main one I worry about. He keeps his distance from me and he'll flinch if I move too fast. I want to ask him what's wrong, but I fear I may be overstepping a boundary. But how can I fix what I don't understand? All I want is to make my ghouls happy. They're all part of me. I can't take that lightly.
03/05/1960
I couldn't help him. My poor ghoul. I was making my rounds, checking in on the boys, and just as I was about to leave Silvanus' room, he woke up. He was choking, holding his throat. When I went to him, he grabbed me. I have never seen someone so scared. Even now, I can vividly hear him choke on nothing. He eventually passed out in my arms, and I found myself worried I had somehow killed my ghoul.
Luckily, that wasn't the case. I stayed with him throughout the night, watching his now steady breathing. When he awoke, he apologized. This wasn't the first night something like this happened. It was only the first time I was there to witness it. He doesn't know what causes it, but he says that he'll occasionally wake up in the middle of the night, reliving his death. He says he can feel everything. The blood trailing down his neck that also clogged his throat, and the searing pain from the cut. I wish I could help him in some way, but I know I stand powerless against all of this.
05/09/1960
I was able to see the boys in their human form for the first time today. It was such an amazing sight. The way their horns slowly retreated back into their skull; the way Silvanus' teeth shrunk down and he was finally able to fully close his mouth; the changing of their skin so they finally looked human. Even their pupils changed right before my very eyes. Notus says it's how they all looked when they were alive. Something about that hurt me, knowing my boys were once just like me: a simple human just trying to live life to the fullest.
But the most amazing thing happened. Silvanus actually accepted a hug from Neptune! He says they know each other. They were alive at the same time, and lived in the same town. I've never seen him like this. For once, Silvanus looked relaxed. I asked about it when I caught him alone, but all he told me was that he just felt better. I'm not sure what he meant, but so long as he's happy, I won't question it.
06/06/1960
Every day I think I get closer to my ghouls, I'm reminded I've made very little progress. Ares refuses to call me “master.” Instead, he's decided to only refer to me as “Nihil.” He wouldn't tell me what it meant in the beginning, and the others didn't seem to know when I asked them about it. But he finally told me today. “Nihil” simply translates to “Nothing” in Latin. He said that's what I meant to him: nothing. It hurts.
07/01/1960
The abbey has become unbearably hot. My poor ghouls are doing their best, but I can tell they're suffering just as we are. Silvanus has collapsed a few times, but thank Lucifer he's never fallen unconscious. He seems so drained and tired. I've tried to keep the ghouls hydrated, but I worry I'm not equipped to help them. The others don't seem concerned about their well-being, but I am. Ares has been distancing himself more and more. Notus tells me that Ares is worried he'll set something or someone on fire without meaning to. I never took any of this into consideration. I feel I'm well over my head with all of this.
07/30/1960
I suppose today was a long time coming. I decided we all deserved a break. A break from the stress; the heat; the ministry. Beyond our walls lies a forest; and beyond that, a lake. It's not a surprise Neptune was the first to find it, but Silvanus was the one that relayed the message to me. I guess I shouldn't be surprised an earth ghoul gets on so well with a water ghoul. He says Neptune showed him the other day, but he doesn't know how long it's been since Neptune's first discovery. Either way, the boys seemed thrilled to get away. They've kept up their human forms around the abbey as requested, but I decided they deserved the day to just be themselves. Sister didn't seem too happy about it, but she didn't say much. Maybe she shared my same joy as we watched the ghouls enter the water.
We hung back from the boys, admiring them from afar. It was funny, in a way. Ares and Neptune seemed happy to wrestle each other, and it comes as no surprise when Neptune was always the victor. But the others hung back, conversed amongst themselves. Sister pointed out that Astraeus seemed fond of Silvanus. I'm not sure I see it, but she insists there are little cues in their interactions. “Just like us.” She told me. Well, it's safe to say that I didn't bother admiring the boys for too much longer after that.
10/05/1960
The boys didn't understand the decorations we've been setting up around the abbey. Astraeus was the most confused. In a way, it's cute. Seeing them eyeing the decorations with such a curious look. I've taken the liberty of explaining to them the wonders of Halloween. How people believed that on the 31st, the ties between the world of the living and the world of the dead would be so incredibly thin, that people would dress up in scary costumes to ward off the scary beings. Notus was the only one who understood what I was saying, and Ares said he had heard of it once or twice while he was still alive. The others were just confused. Still, when I promised them an extra sacrifice and a full 24 hours of them being able to stay in their natural forms, they showed excitement. I suppose now I know how to win my boys over.
11/02/1960
Silvanus is normally the one that cooks. The clergy isn't too big, and he insists he's fine on his own, though Ares has popped into the kitchen a few times to help whenever they would wake up late. But I noticed something today: Silvanus used a different pan when he started cooking for the clergy. He cooks for the rest of the boys first, and I don't mind it. But I decided to stay in the kitchen this morning and enjoy the music he had playing from the radio. He's still tense, but he's getting better at relaxing around me. When he finished the food for the boys, he took the pan he was using and just dumped it into the sink. Then he pulled out another pan, set it on the stove and let it warm up. I asked him about it and he said he didn't want anyone unknowingly eating something from a pan that had already been contaminated with human meat. The thought had never crossed my mind, and honestly, it makes me feel silly now that I actually think about it. But it also made me happy. He may have a nasty temper, but he's still a good ghoul inside. It makes me feel bad for ever thinking of sending him and Ares back to Hell.
11/24/1960
Celebrating Thanksgiving this year just feels so surreal. For once in my life, I finally feel like I actually have a family. I never had a good relationship with my parents. In fact, I haven't even had any contact with them in several years. Ever since I moved out, I've spent all of my Thanksgivings alone. But now, I can spend them with people who I feel actually care for me, and I them. The clergy all seem fond of one another, and Sister is always right beside me offering her support and guidance.
I sat at the end of the dining table today, with the love of my life across from me. Every time I looked up and caught her eyes, it felt like fireworks were going off inside of me. My boys took their seats immediately in front of me, three to my right and two to my left. Ares sat closest to me on my right, while Astraeus sat across from him. Though Ares still isn't the friendliest, I do get an overwhelming sense of security with him around, along with familiarity. It's not the same feeling as Notus. I'm certain I've never met or even seen Ares in all of my life. But there's something about him that makes me feel like I've known him forever, and that this hostility won't change. If I had to guess, I would assume he's the ghoul that's my best matched.
12/07/1960
The boys know this holiday: Christmas. I've been so excited. I've already gotten Sister these earrings I know she's been looking at. I can't wait to see her reaction! I've gotten things for the boys, too. Ares has mentioned that, when alive, he used to wear earrings. Shortly before he died, he took them out because his job was getting messy. I found some silver upside-down cross earrings for him. I hope he likes them.
As for Astraeus, I decided to get him a lyre. I remember he mentioned that he used to play it when he was alive, and I hope he finds some peace in having it.
I've had Neptune's gift being worked on throughout the year: a large pond he can swim around in. We've been working on a garden, and I thought having a pond would just tie everything together. Plus, I like that it'll be closer to the abbey. He won't have to travel as far.
As for Notus, I got him a wind chime. He seemed to like the one one of the brothers had. I hope he likes the one I got for him.
And for Silvanus, I bought him a tarot deck. When I had gone to the shop to pick up some odds and ends for the upcoming rituals, I took Silvanus with me. I like getting the boys out whenever I can, and he was the only one who took such an interest in the shop. I saw him staring at a certain deck: a black and gold Rider-Waite. I let him go on ahead with the promises I would catch up. I bought the deck the second he was out of sight. I hope they all share my same excitement when receiving their gifts.
