#niro ic

[goddesstrolls]

"xMan, I can't stop grinning like a fuckin' idiot.x"

"xSeriously never thought this would ever actually happen.x"

[goddesstrolls]

>> You hop from Remus' back onto the balcony of an upper story apartment, lock picking tools in hand.

>> It's the middle of the night, but that just means you have the cover of darkness and it's easy to tell when someone isn't hive- All the lights are off. Most trolls are at work or out and about.

>> It takes some fiddling with the door, but you let yourself in. You pause for a moment to take in your surroundings, listening for movement, searching for signs of a lusus or pet.

>> Provided the coast was clear, you set about looking for anything worth taking. Electronics and jewelry, mostly. You just hope the owner of the hive isn't actually here somewhere, asleep maybe, or that they don't come back.

[goddesstrolls]

(Starter for @roetrolls)

>> Whatever paralysis had gripped you in the first few nights since returning from Skyrra's lab has faded, at least somewhat. The numbness is replaced with grief, and you've taken to doubling down on your work as usual as a distraction.

>> It sits in your chest like something stuck in your throat, swelling to unbearable levels sometimes, at the constant reminders that Remus isn't coming back. That you have to now live your life without him, with all the stupid inconveniences that brings. You feel like you've been neatly hacked in half and now you have to rebuild yourself out of the remaining bloody piece, and you have to walk to the grocery store too.

>> Your hand is bandaged and you try to ignore the aching from the damage you've done to it. Your torso and chest aches somewhat too, clawmarks left when the emptiness got too much and you needed to feel something, anything, even if that was pain.

>> Well. Shit sucks, but you have to live.

>> At least now you can justify eating anything you hunt. Not that you've graced yourself with any fresh meat yet- You've been preserving anything you get your hands on for the winter ahead.

>> The smoke eking out of the small smoker you built in the clearing outside of your hive is probably the first sign of life to someone coming by. The next is movement in the hive, and then you opening the door to check on the meat you were curing.

>> Despite having suddenly gone missing for more than six weeks ... You look just about the same as ever, if perhaps somehow a bit more tired than usual.

[goddesstrolls]

Niro lay on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. It all felt strange, unusually rich for him, like a stray cat that felt the warmth and dryness of a hive for the first time.

Haylle had insisted on staying on the phone with him during his first grocery run and directing him on things to buy- "I was trying to look up what Roman emperors ate", she'd told him. Niro's request to omit the gold leaf had been, thankfully, granted.

It felt equally strange to spend so much time in the grocery store, a place which Niro felt he was not really allowed. It felt too normal, there was too much temptation, but Haylle encouraged him to buy the things he wanted even if it felt like 'too much'.

In the end his shopping trip was over four hundred caegars, though he'd gotten a fair few things that would last a while, and Haylle ensured him that subsequent trips should be less expensive as he got into a rhythm and found deals.

Now, he had eaten three meals tonight, plus a few snacks, at Haylle's direction. She had back-tracked slightly on her directive for him to eat when he was hungry, because he admitted he didn't really know when that was apart from when the stomach pain got unbearable or he got particularly light-headed.

The nearly ever-present gnawing sensation at his gut was distant, largely replaced by a vague nausea. His body attempting to adjust, likely, or perhaps he'd overeaten. He somehow felt better than usual, and worse.

Niro couldn't deny that he was sure this would help him feel better, in the long run. The problem was that it still felt beyond his capabilities to live like this- "normally", pretending he wasn't a half-feral mutant scraping himself together into the facsimile of a troll.

Fake it 'til you make it, he thought. The adage seemed to ring hollow even in his head, a hopeless endeavor. He was never going to 'make it'. He would run out of money in a sweep or so, and be right back at square one.

He had to try anyway.

[goddesstrolls]

>> Well, this couldn't have gone more sideways.

>> You can only canvas your targets so well, and in the end, certain security measures are undetectable. Your break-in apparently triggered some kind of silent alarm- You got out as the cops were descending on the place.

>> And now cops and drones are crawling all over the place, even though you ditched the backpack of everything you were going to take.

>> The alley you've sheltered in will only hide you for so long. You press yourself momentarily against the wall as a drone flies overhead, and thank your lucky stars that it happens not to look down.

>> You briefly consider texting Celodi that you might not make it out of this one.

>> Instead you try the back door of one of the two buildings forming your hiding spot. You have no idea what this building is but it's maybe better than getting shot by a pig or turned into iridescent paste by a drone.

>> The door's locked, of course. You dig out your lockpick kit and try to steady your hands enough to try and get the lock open.

[goddesstrolls]

II. First Metacarpal

[TW for forced drugging, self-harm]

Niro closed the heavy latches to Remus' stall. It had been less than a week since he last came around, and apparently Skyrra had visited in that time. He had been politely informed that he was banned from the premises due to entering staff-only areas, and escorted away without a fuss. It seemed he hadn't been back since.

Niro could only hope that, for all his threats, Skyrra wasn't that desperate to get him back. If he ran into Skyrra again, he could perhaps offer the research he stole from the lab when he left, as a compromise. He still had it, hidden under the couch, having read the thick stacks of paper back to front in search of answers to what Skyrra had been doing with all those operations and blood draws.

He felt a firm hand on his shoulder, a pair of trolls he thought had been simply walking by behind him. He looked to see two EMTs, not affiliated with the ADRF as far as he could tell. Niro had barely parted his lips when one of them suddenly clapped a thick cloth over his face.

The smell of familiar drugs filled his nose and mouth, a potent cocktail usually administered with a mask to render trolls unconscious for a few hours. The ice-cold cloth told him it probably had been kept below freezing to render the gasses into liquid so they'd permeate the cloth.

Skyrra had, no doubt, sent these trolls. Strangers who could get in somewhere and carry him out with little question, if they acted a little. Niro tried to hold his breath long enough to fight but he'd already gotten a lungful of the drug, and it was kicking in, his vision spinning catastrophically and his thoughts slipping away from him.

Niro became distantly aware of a distant rumble. Then, the steady vibration along with it, surrounding him like the thrum of some machine. These things came to him slowly, in pieces, drifting in and then away again before returning with just a bit more clarity. He finally opened his heavy eyelids, but the space was dark, hot, and smelled of exhaust fumes. It took him several moments longer to try to move. He realize that his ankles and wrists were bound, he was tucked into this small, dark, cramped space, a rough fabric texture surrounding him on all sides. The trunk of a vehicle.

Finally the memory of how he got here landed, the two supposed EMTs.

He wasn't gagged and his hands were handcuffed in front of him. He braced as much as he could against the sides of the trunk and tried to wrench the cuff chains apart, arms straining against the force. He was stronger than he looked.

But if he knew Skyrra, then he knew these cuffs were strong enough to hold a fuchsia.

He had to escape. He couldn't go back. If Skyrra were willing to go this far, he wouldn't let him go easily.

Niro sunk his teeth into his thumb, biting deep until he felt bone. He adjusted his fangs in his own flesh and bit again, this time crunching through. Every fiber of his being tried to resist, but he persisted, jerking his head away to rip off his own thumb.

It still took some tugging, and chewing away some more of his flesh to get the cuff off. Hands free, he could shift to plant both feet against the inside of the trunk and kick.

As he situated himself, the vehicle slowed and came to a stop. Niro growled in frantic frustration, but the space was too tight for him to get any leverage.

He froze as he heard the car doors slamming and footsteps on pavement. He dared to shift again to get in a better position to spring out once the trunk was opened, and heard one of the trolls outside grunt. "Mh. Sounds like he's awake."

Niro heard the lock disengage, and the trunk swung open. He leapt out, aiming to claw the eyes of the first troll he saw, one of the same EMTs who had kidnapped him. Then he turned to bolt as the troll screamed and cursed, but someone else grabbed his arm.

"Piece of shit!" The troll cursed and slammed their knee into Niro's back, throwing him to the ground as they pinned his arms behind him.

"Hey, you okay?" The troll pinning him asked their bleeding companion.

"Son of a bitch got my eye! Fuck…"

"That asshole'll probably replace it free, if it's mangled bad enough." The other troll jerked his thumb towards the nearby building.

The bleeding troll just hissed in annoyance and frustration.

"God, though, look at this. Fucker bit his own thumb off." The troll pinning Niro down shifted slightly, as though to try to show their companion the stump of Niro's thumb. He took advantage of the slightly lessened grip and bucked, trying again to get free, and the troll doubled down on the pressure he was putting on Niro's back.

"Quit fuckin' struggling, you little shit. Ugh, lets get him inside and we can get your eye cleaned up."

The troll hauled Niro to his feet, keeping his wrists held tightly, and shoved him towards the building that the car was parked in front of. Niro immediately recognized the minimalist white architecture as Skyrra's preference.

Head down, Niro went quietly- Memorizing the turns made in the maze-like halls. It helped that the troll guiding him muttered his own directions as he came to crossways and turns. Niro didn't see anyone else, but the troll's bleeding companion split off somewhere.

Niro knew that Skyrra had trouble keeping assistants for one reason or another. He usually was the only one, with one other from time to time. These two trolls were probably just hired thugs. The building looked new, too, and it was likely that Skyrra was telling the truth when he said that he was only just setting up in this city.

He was lead towards a door with no handle and a very small window, one that he recognized immediately.

Niro tried again to escape, this time attempting to wrench his arms apart and break the troll's grip on him. He succeeded, and whirled around to kick the troll between the legs.

The kick landed too, and he bolted past the troll down the hall, back towards the door. He ran, and nearly collided with Skyrra.

"Oh, Niroko." Skyrra said calmly, fully ignoring the fact that Niro had clearly just been running for his life. Niro considered continuing to run- But something kept him rooted in place. Fear, that he wouldn't escape, and if he ran now, he would have to contend with Skyrra's wrath for even trying.

"Are you okay? You're bleeding." Skyrra pretended to sound very concerned, taking Niro's bleeding hand and looking at the stump of his thumb. "We'll have to get this taken care of. But first I think you need to sit down and relax."

Niro found himself unable to move. His mind screamed at him to run, to get away from Skyrra and to get out of here.

The troll Niro kicked came up behind him, hobbling and cursing from the blow.

"Doc, uh… Sorry, he got away from me."

"It's alright. No harm done." Skyrra smiled patiently. "Bring him back to the quiet room." Then, he lowered his voice, leaning a little closer to Niro. "Niroko, please. I'm only trying to help." He laid a hand gently on his shoulder.

Niro was staring at some point past him, and Skyrra tilted his head to look him in the eye. He didn't say anything more and released his shoulder, nodding to the thug to take Niro away.

[goddesstrolls]

Climbing Up

"Hey, Niro. You never call, what's up?" Haylle stood over the sink, the water running over the dozen potatoes she'd been washing.

"I realized something..." Niro's voice came over the other line, and then silence. Haylle turned off the water and hastily switched her phone from one side to the other, using her shoulder to press it against her ear.

The silence continued. Haylle waited patiently, knowing Niro was struggling to find the words.

"...I want to live. But, I don't. I don't know. I just kind of expect that I'm going to die at any point. And it turns out I'm kinda okay with that."

"Yeah?" Haylle replied prompting him further.

"...This isn't about that. Sorta. My question is... How do you want to live. Like, really want to. Not just..."

"Survive?" Haylle finished, and a soft hum from the other end told her that was suitable word. "I'm going to be honest, Niro." She continued. "You need to eat more."

Niro gave an exasperated sigh and Haylle pressed onwards. "I'm fucking serious, jackass. If you feel like shit twenty-four-seven it's gonna be hard to want to keep going. Eat when you're hungry. Sleep when you're tired. Trolls have been living like that for millennia. I know- You've survived off less. But if you want to live instead of survive, you need to take care of yourself."

"It's fucking..."

"Expensive, I know." Haylle cut him off, knowing full well the argument he was about to make.

Niro's drawn-out groan turned into a long growl.

"You've got all that money saved up. Use some of it. Eat three meals a night, big ones. Meat, grains, veggies, fruit, dairy, the works. Sleep eight hours a day. Consecutively."

"Ugh."

"And do that every night."

"Ughhhhh...."

"Yeah, I know. But you won't know if it'll help 'til you try. And I know it'll help. How 'bout for this half-sweep, okay?"

"I'm not going to have time to do fucking anything else. I'll be bleeding money."

"Everyone else more or less manages it, Niro. C'mon now."

"I'm not like everyone else. I need to do all this shit just to stay afloat, everyone else gets fucking money from the fucking Empire, or..."

Haylle cut him off. "I stopped getting money from the Empire sweeps ago! I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but yeah, if you spread yourself too thin you're gonna fucking break, man. This isn't about toughing it out until you make it somehow. This is about feeling better and wanting to live, right?"

"...Right."

"It's not easy. Especially not for someone like you who's spent every night of his life scraping his shit together to survive. It's really not easy. But you gotta try something, okay?"

Niro gave a deep sigh, and said nothing.

"You're gonna do it, right?" Haylle pressed.

"Three meals a night..."

"Meat, dairy, grains, fruit, and veggies. And eight hours of sleep."

Niro groaned.

"Yeah?" Haylle prompted him again, and Niro sighed again.

"Yeah, fine. I'll figure out how much it'll cost." He grumbled.

"Fine, here. I'll pay out a percentage. Deal?"

"Like hell--"

"I'll make sure I can afford it! I might just send you food too. But if you're doing all this shit on my behalf I might as well pull my weight. Pay me back when you win big at the races."

".......If-"

"When. Because you're a damn good racer, Niro, and so is Remus, you just need to take care of yourself."

"Ugh."

[goddesstrolls]

>> With a sigh, you close your medkit and lean back against the cave wall. At least your lusus is feeling spry enough to give you one last scar.

>> On a whim or perhaps habit, you fish your phone out of your pocket. For a moment you stare at the black screen, wondering if it even has any charge. You haven't turned it on since you left your hive three weeks ago.

>> You press the power button. To your surprise, it turns on. You rest it on your knee, waiting for it to boot up.

>> You fiddle with your medkit in the meantime, picking a bit of rust off the old tacklebox you keep the kit in and rubbing away a dried smudge of blood. This fiddling becomes more pointed as you notice the unread message notification popping up on your phone screen as it fully boots.

>> Finally you decide you can't avoid it any longer, and unlock your phone. Nothing from Haylle- You already told her you were turning off your phone. A few messages from some of your other friends and contacts. And, as expected, some messages from Celodi.

>> Her last text is half visible in your contacts list. 'I don't mean that. Hope you're...'

>> Six messages from her, the last being a few weeks ago, just a couple nights after you left. Some missed calls.

>> No voicemail. You were kind of hoping to hear her voice, even if it were angry.

>> You weren't intending on reading anything since she'll see that it was delivered and read. But your thumb hovers over her contact anyway. You're expecting those six messages to be long, confused, and angry.

>> Despite yourself, you tap it, and open the conversation window to Celodi. The closest you've been to her in three weeks. Probably a bit more, with how preoccupied you were even before you left.

My place this morning?

Gonna make me double text? Bruh. Embarrassing.

Niro?

Hey, I'm getting worried. Text me if you're not dead.

You better be dead because wtf man

I don't mean that. Hope you're safe.

>> You set your jaw, and then release the tension in your shoulders, heaving a sigh through your nose.

>> Idly, you turn your phone on it's side and tap the corner against the cave floor. Yeah, she is obviously upset, confused, and probably angry- Or she was, anyway. The things Skyrra said often to you come to mind, and you figure she's probably thinking those sorts of things even if she isn't saying them.

>> Regardless you're not sure what you expected to do with this, besides nothing.

>> You stare at the conversation window, pick up your phone, and type.

xSorry.x

>> Then you delete it, and turn off your phone.