#nitew.thinks

[nitewcat]

Anyone up thinking about Hannah and how fine she is with how everyone views her? Countless times being told directly to her face that she's evil that she's worse than the people she hates the most on the server. And yet she just accepts it and remains so resolute in her beliefs... so confident. She doesn't bother trying to change anyone's opinion of her, she'll argue what she believes in but ultimately, when Zam told her her doubts back when she abandoned the alliance with Hannah, Hannah had told her that it was fine, she could hunt her down and kill her.

She lets them do what they want, whether they argue against her try to kill her, or attempt to stop her, she says they're all free to do so. When they call her morally ambiguous, instead of being offended, she mouths out the words, she says she likes the term.

She's not even doing anything to harm them directly, merely trading with them offering deals based on the wealth of the recipient, kindly almost. Mercifully for the power that she holds. And she knows it too she's said it countless times before, others would do worse. And no one seems to believe that for some reason. Everything she does is so collected so calm so withdrawn and you can feel it in her streams she is holding herself back. She's being the kindest she thinks she can be without giving away all her power.

Ough and to give away all her power. It's what everyone is demanding of her. Idk I think there's something to be said about how the entire server despises hannah for her monopoly over the end items, something she'll eventually loose when the border expands and once the items are given out, but when the server was under the currency of hearts, stronger pvpers were barely challenged, questions of fairness was barely brought up. It was accepted by almost all that this is just the way Lifesteal is, by all but princezam ofc

But when Hannah flips everything around, now she has all the power and the pvpers don't, everyone, even those who are weak, are mad at her. And that's difficult to understand because why would they be mad at her after she proves to them that, in some capacity, the weak don't need to be. That she should not be underestimated just because she's not the strongest pvper on the server. Not even those bad at pvp are on her side about it either despite her favouring those players more than anyone else. She offered bacon quite a lot for 2 hearts. And isn't this just the best opportunity to finally strip away power from those who've abused it since forever? The apocalypse the most overpowered team on the server. Clownpierce and MinuteTech.

Maybe its because they see her as something that can be stopped. The end items will inevitably be distributed across the server again. But lifesteals heart plug in is something that can not be changed. There is no point fighting against one, but when you can win against the other, people can feel angry, they can fight against her, they can despise her.

Idk a lot is stacked against her. A lot of people a lot of odds just a lot. But she's impressive. Remaining so so resolute, unmoving in the face of it all... lowkey this is just a Hannah glazing post she's really cool ^-^

[nitewcat]

I need to talk about Bacon and being a good teammate on lifesteal, where being a good teammate oftentimes just ends up boiling down to being good at pvp. I need to talk about how often Bacons belittled for being bad at pvp when no one else is. Even though he's half decent. I need to talk about Mapicc telling bacon, "You're a bad teammate" just to go back and team with him again.

Just in terms of PVP, there's the whole team synergy thing. When Flame and Zam were teamed during the practice duels for SMP civ they ended up barely ever working together, their comms were off, their playstyles weren't synergised, someone ended up saying smth along the lines of "this is why we're not teamed on lifesteal". So, there's team synergy. Zam has amazing synergy with Mapicc. That's what makes them good teammates, right? Well, Bacon also has pretty good synergy with Mapicc; they've teamed long enough and played together in fights often enough for that to be the case. But he just drops too fast, so pvp skill again.

Then there's the whole hearts thing. Can you only be a good teammate when you're high on hearts? Because Hannah would complain often about Bacon being low on hearts, on losing them so fast, bacon was so bad at keeping hearts in s5 that Mapicc, one of the better, more active pvper on the server was often not on 20 hearts that season. Bacon can't keep or gain hearts. He just ends up losing them. Pvp again.

Something bacon has in terms of being a valuable teammate is his ability to, at the very least, grind for his team. Create a couple of gear sets so they don't die. But what use is gear sets if you're always dying?

Is it fair to say Bacon's a bad teammate to have just because he's bad at pvp? You can nitpick all this about him that yeah he's bad at pvp, it makes it difficult to team with him, so does that mean that when picking teammates, only stronger players should be chosen? But that obviously just shouldn't be the case because that excludes such a large portion of the server so weaker teammates have to be chosen because the server’s already inactive as is.

But do they have to be chosen? Is it something stronger pvper's do begrugingly? Well no because when Ro logs on, Mapicc is willing to provide him hearts, take care of him, would revive him even when they're not teamed. Even whenever Planet logs on, everyone makes sure to keep him alive at the expense of their own hearts. Why is it that no one else who's weaker when it comes to pvp is criticised and as unsympathised with as much as bacon? And why is it that even after all that no one actually leaves his side, no one ever wants to leave his side?

Well, I think the reason he's criticised so much is because he's active. Other players don't get on much and the remaining players that do tend to be pretty decent at pvp so when the only other player engaging with lore is bacon, the only other active player left to team with is bacon, it makes sense that players would be critical of him more so than others. But that's the thing- he's active when no one else is. So active this season that at times Mapicc would spend more time with bacon than his own team this season. How bad is he as a teammate if he can be relied on whenever you need him?

Also, relying on him. Bacon is someone his team can trust. Bacon is loyal, so willing to help his team and be there for them when they need him. People talk about how loyal Mapicc is, how loyal Hannah is, but why has no one acknowledged how loyal bacon is? He was loyal to the 3ht throughout s4, loyal to gucci throughout s5, even this season loyal to hannah and kab as soon as they became teammates, so how bad of a teammate is he if you have so much faith in him that even after he leaves you you still want him back on the team?

And they still want him back on the team... They trust him enough to have him back on the team, and despite bacon weakening them in terms of pvp, they still wanted him back?? And if he really is a bad teammate, why not just take the opportunity to abandon him while you have the chance. Unless he's just not. He's not a bad teammate at all and you do want him by your side no matter what you say.

Because PVP is important on lifesteal, hearts matter, they make up half the plotlines, its the whole gimmick of the server and the reason it was created. But hearts aren't the most valuable thing on lifesteal- content is. And bacon, not in spite of but rather because of how bad he is at pvp, is a pretty decent teammate to have in that regard.

Bacon's not a bad teammate. He's just bad at pvp. And it's easy to take your teamates for granted when you know they need you about as much as you want them.

[nitewcat]

Mapicc and Zam keep throwing around how much they've used each but it's so clear that neither of them have used the other, they're just hurt by words never spoken since the start of the season.

I think it was the transactional nature of their relationship that they’ve subconsciously been using that was the main cause behind the whole “using” thing. Because Mapicc teamed with Zam back when they were fighting Flame, joining his side, it was because he needed someone to team with and he and Zam had the same goal. Zam said this was him being “used”, how is this him being used when really this is generally how most relationships start? A common goal/interest.

Once Mapicc was fully committed to trapping and killing the blindfold brothers, he helped Zam so much, reliably fulfilling his role as a template, showing up when he needed help, freely lending and sharing his hearts with him etc. Zam was the same, jumping into fights, slowly chipping at his oath for him. FOR HIM. or for their shared goal of defeating the blindfold brothers? Which one was it? Because it can only be one obviously.

Their relationship from the start of the season has been about being reliable fighting partners, they never did anything as teammates because really, they weren't teammates they were merely allies and at the time neither of them mentioned wanting that official title over them so it makes the relationship they had kind of muddled. Especially as soon as Derap teamed with Zam and Mapicc created spawn and this weird allyship was sort of thrown away because it had always always been less of a weird allyship and more of a “someone you care about kind of obsessively”. And these terms tend to be attributed towards your actual teammates not weird allyships and now derap was zam’s teammate and misunderstandings ensued.

And because they only ever called each other for fights because they never really did anything as teammates past hanging out every day for those fights, it made it seem like the other just didn't care about them and only wanted to use them. Their relationship was so delicate at the time neither of them knew exactly what it really was, mutual benefit, or genuine companionship and killing the blindfold brothers was a consuming task, one they never ended up succeeding in until recently so it took up all their time.

Until recently; when zam killed Flame and Mapicc killed Mane. So ironic that neither of them felt appreciated by the other after they had accomplished their goal. Yet they both wanted that acknowledgement from the other. Zam was so sad when Mapicc was being negative about his kill on Flame and Zam today so clearly just didn't really care at all about Mapiccs kill and it's like, why would either of them ever want recognition from the other for these actions they wanted to accomplish together from the start of the season if they didn't actually care about this relationship that for the longest time had hinged on this goal.

Okay so they care about each other, why can neither of them see that at all? Why are both of them so sure that the other just doesn't feel any semblance of care towards them? It's because they've never expressed it, even now they've never expressed it they're just asking who wronged who more. Mapicc who cruelly “threw zam aside” the moment he did something wrong or Zam who throughout the entire season swallowed each piece of hurt thrown her way by him. This break isn't really about who used who, it's more about all the hurt that's been building up for so long.

Mapicc’s hurt about Derap, Zam’s hurt about the cruelty of mapicc’s actions, their shared hurt that the other never really cared in the first place. These hurts are being weighed, whoever hurt the other less is the victim, the one who hurt the other more is the perpetrator, the “user”. Zam abandoned mapicc for Derap, Mapicc abandoned Zam for his team. Zam betrayed Mapicc and has double standards against him when it comes to wardens, Mapicc has an explosive response to a betrayal that he was barely even a part of. Zam didn't want to include Mapicc in any of the warden activities, Mapicc never wanted to include Zam in the empire activities.

Minute says, “I thought we were just helping each other out” Zam says he doesn't want his opinion.

Both are hurt, and Zam was willing to take the brunt of it all- for a second. He was going to let Mapicc beat him until he won him back. Until it all crumbled and the thought that Mapicc never cared about him hit him like a truck and every little thing he pushed aside came back to him and now he no longer feels guilty, he feels wronged and angry and they're both angry now and neither feel sympathy for the other just pity for themselves and it's no longer about whether the other cares about them its about who hurt who more because neither of them want to acknowledge that they both hurt each other and they both care about each other and that their relationship wasn’t merely transactional.

But will any of this ever be resolved within 9 days because Mapicc has his team and although Minute wants Zam back, will derapchu want that? Derapchu who, unlike Mapicc, unlike Poafa, will do what Zam expected from and did for Mapicc. Will swallow down each bit of hurt except it just fizzles away because Derap has little to no care for morals or anything, just Zam. Keeping Zam at his side. Mapicc will feel hurt, betrayed and leave. Derap won't because this relationship has been his only goal since before Zaun. Derap who was watching the whole stream and probably knows exactly what to say when he gets back home. Whatever.

[nitewcat]

I feel like zam is often discredited when it comes to his actions on maintaining the server. It's kind of funny to me that even after all this time, the whole of season 5 even, trying to protect the server, people just still can't see that. That he has been trying to protect the server and that has always always encompassed the players along with the holy like entity zam devotes himself to.

Abyss started off as something fun to do, yeah, but it eventually did turn into something The Void Ponies used to encourage server activity. Every single action they made after Planet's death, after the solidification of their goal, was aimed at bringing more people online.

Every conversation they had throughout the scavenger hunt week was spent deliberating- did we get enough people on, will they log on after this, have we sparked any form of life back into the server? Questions questions questions.

They were constantly initiating the players to do more; off server on discord, guiding Red and his news crew towards Minute, and discouraging people from joining their side.

Yet once the arc was over, once they were betrayed and Jumper stood above them all and declared them "the bad guys" their motivations to create server activity were completely cast aside and their successes villainized.

They spent that entire season arguing with everyone, trying to prove that what they did was for the good of the server. That if anything Jumper was the "bad guy" for betraying them because their goal was righteous.

Ever since season 4 there definitely have been fourth wall breaks, off server activity has slowly integrated with on server activity. The lines are blurred. But not enough because in the end The Abyss were merely the villains who failed to destroy the server- even though their goal was to be stopped- they were the villains who got what they deserved in the end.

Zam never uploaded a video on his motivations that season. Most people viewed the void arc through Jumpers video. Their goals, their motives, the extent they went to to reignite the server- to produce those videos- none of that is shown and now all these months later Zam thinks of it as a "failure". I think the biggest argument to that idea is the fact videos were produced at all during this time.

The players thrived, the server thrived. That week lifesteal was alive, the weeks after were less dead than the weeks prior. They had maintained the server that season.

[nitewcat]

Everyone is letting zams action slide, so it's nice that Mapicc especially wants to cut things off now. Last season when Zam pulled smth like this Mapicc forgave him cause Zam was his teamate throughout the entire season, even then though Zam didn't even see it as a betrayal then but he understood it hurt Mapicc, this time even Zam sees as a betrayal, everyone sees it as a betrayal, it was so incredibly insignificant in the long run but the way word is being passed around, "Zam gave 6 hearts to bacon to help him keep destroying spawn" it seems a lot more horrible than he'd thought at the time, his intentions were never to betray her team, just to do what she thought was right. But that doesn't matter at all because he went behind them all and lied to them it ultimately was a betrayal.

Mapicc seems more mad about it than anyone else (except poafa), and now he's just straight up lying about everything that happened before this, saying that, "Zam was going against me during Mawn". Yeah, this isn't true. As a viewer, we know it's not true. But while Mawn was happening, Mapicc had made it pretty clear that he felt Zam was going to go against him. All Zam's actions at the time seemed that way, probably to everyone else, except Zaun and viewers who had access to Zams mind.

And then the whole "Derapchu is a shittier replacement of me" thing. It's been proven time and time again that this statement kinda might be true. It's obviously not I don't think anyone could replace Mapicc for Zam but both Hannah and Mapicc were excluded from the hunt for bacon despite being Bacon's teamates. In fact, Mapiccs been excluded by Zam quite a bit since he teamed with Derap all those months ago, this ideas probably something that's being built up for a while for him. Everything that Mapicc and Zam used to do together was sidelined slowly for Derap. Derap has made himself important in Zams life. His goal at some point was literally to stay by his side for the whole season. Now they're "a package deal" according to Minute. Mapicc lost his most reliable teamate, to someone who seemed to fulfil the role he always used to. The 20 heart pvper you could call whenever you needed. It's always been what he dervives his worth and goals from. For that to be replaced, it makes sense why he would feel replaced and redundant in Zams life.

But he continued sticking by Zam anyway, even though he hated his team, even though he felt like he had no freedom, even though he thought that he wasn't that important to Zam. And now Zams betrayed him, lied to him but confessed to Derapchu, has been forgiven by everyone else, and now it's almost as if all these thoughts have just been proven.

Mapicc brings up Mawn a lot, even before this. He abandoned Mawn for Zam, for the sake of their friendship. To him, it's less about the support Zam gave to bacon and more about the support that wasn't given to him.

Before this, Mapicc probably thought that he was less important to Zam than Derap, his closest teammate on the server. Now it kind of looks like he's less important than bacon, someone Zam has never been teamed with, been enemies with in the past. After sticking with him for the longest out of anyone else, idk that's probably got to hurt.

[nitewcat]

"No matter how many times the seasons change i feel like the winners and losers always stays the same" PrinceZam (22/07/25) - Lifesteal SMP: House Of Balloons *** !merch !cloak [1:25:00]

Thinking about this again... because how true is it? It definitely feels true, Zam's always getting the short end of the stick for some reason, despite her selflessness, despite her devotion to the server, it feels like all she's ever taken were losses... Why?

who even were the winners each season?

S2-poggies

S3-spokeishere

S4-spokeishere (but really, were there any winners?)

S5-the players

S6-everyone

I'm NOT talking about season 1 I'm not super knowledgeable about what happened back then sorry but,

Looking at the people who 'won' each season is so interesting because? Zam's definitely included in one of these and it was a pretty big win too! One of the only six finale wins! And yet it doesn't feel like it. The player's ending wasn't satisfying for her because she wasn't even there on the final day for one thing, and for another, gay joker was someone she ultimately regretted becoming.

Then season 6, the fact everyone won in s6 can be atributed to zam, her pacifism, her desire not to fight and her desire for functionality. S6 was the first peaceful ending of lifesteal, and yet zam one of the most peaceful players that season ended it without any of her allies by her side.

So all she's really left with are losses. Every single season is one filled to the brim with regrets.

Then there's the part about the winners being the same every season because obviously the winners aren't all the same. There definitely are some consistencies; clown and spokeishere but past that the winners aren't consistent.

And they shouldn't be, if everybody on the server lost all the time, to the same people, no one would play i think. Clown faces his loses, mane and flame face their own losses everyone has faced their own losses, but for some reason, zam can just never win. All zam faces every season are losses, and yet she keeps playing anyways.

So basically every season zam lost. Why? Why does it feel that way? That even her hard-earned wins feel like losses? Me personally I'm going to talk about how people even 'win' on lifesteal smp, I'm going to talk about videos.

they're video brained... and I'm princezam brained... PrinceZam (22/07/25) - Lifesteal SMP: Tower Of Memories *** !merch !cloak [3:40:41]

i feel like this is pretty telling. Of zam and of how she treats the server vs how everyone else does... and how that tends to affect her experiences on lifesteal.

For alot of people on the server, their wins and suceses can be categorised through their videos. How many videos have they made where they win? How many has zam? Especially the types of videos they make, short brief completed quickly, that adds up to more wins on the server. Zam however dosent have those small wins, she has big goals, goals so morally complex that often times she's doomed before she even begins. This season she's literally fighting against the server itself, aiming for fairness amd justice and equality on lifesteal. Don't we know someone else who tried this? Don't we know someone else who was dissatisfied with the outcome of this? Zam was there too, she witnessed the cleaning she saw what happened she knows what the server is like and yet, this is her goal for the season. Maybe she'll succeed maybe something will change- this time.

These goals tend to be long term, tend to be laden with her morals and desires and personal beliefs that will never be met. In season 4 she wanted exploits off the server, she failed. In season 5 she wanted server to prove to minute there could be no peace on Lifesteal, she was dissatisfied with how everything ended, in season 6 she wanted to keep the server functioning and yet the server often fought against her as she tried. Now in s7, yet another long term neigh impossible goal; balance heart counts. A lot of these goals feel like they're just endless fighting (but that's how she thrives no? the flame that never extinguishes?) the types of goals that are bound to end in dissatisfaction, especially for someone who questions their morals and actions and place as often as zam.

Zam cares about the server in a way that many other people do, at least not as consistently as she does. She always put the server first the functioning the protection and the survival of the server before herself before others and before anything. Before videos. It's an endless goal. One that will never truly be accomplished until the lifesteal ends. Does anyone else on lifesteal really have such a goal? One that lasts for so long? One that they actually stick to for so long? Not really to any of our knowledge.

A goal that lasts for so long- i can't help but think of murphy's law-

"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

I think that the reason Zam is treated so differently, so uniquely compared to everyone else is because that is how she treats the server. And unfortunately, all it's left her with is suffering and the feeling that she doesn't fit in.

[nitewcat]

I genuinely can't understand why things have been so bad for Mapicc this season like what did mapicc genuinely do to deserve all this LMAO. Like at first i thought it was because he's just not at the top of the food chain anymore his pvp has been rather shaky this season. Ever since s5 more and more pvpers have been added and his power has dwindled a lot in terms of pvp. A lot of the prior 'chungi' have started getting really good at survival too... But him and mane are a DEADLY duo they should've been able to take down anyone effectively if they really tried. They killed clown together last season like... I don't get how both mane and mapicc are struggling so much.

Then i thought maybe its because he isn't teamed with someone reliable so he's struggling because of that but. He faired way better last season than this season though and its not as if Mane never logs on like the Empire used to before Minute locked back in. He's decent at grinding he has strong motivation like. idk if its that either.

THEN i thought maybe its because he doesn't have any allies like when it comes down to it other people on the server are willing to fight against him and his team so it leads to a situation were its them vs us but the us is like two people and the them is the rest of the server.

And now im just looking at all these small reasons and they all kinda add up but none of them particularly stick out to me but... why is there so much stacked up against them this season anyway like? Is it just bad luck at this point??

[nitewcat]

This entire season zams been soo sure of her place as a weaker player, a quickdrop, a chungus. Even off server she refers to herself as “king of the chunguses”, she genuinely dosen't see her worth when it comes to grinding and suvialvability. She dosen't see why flame and mane even attack her in the first place, its because she'll live anyway its because she's worthy enough to be their enemy, even if a weaker one. Mapicc since season 4 goes on and on about how zam is strong enough to be a threat to him, even this season when he came back and chat said Zam could be better than him he believed it for a second like? theres no way anyone could ever consider that knowing zams current predicament.

She is a weak player this season but that's only because of the restraints she placed on herself. It's why mapicc wanted her to start killing people again because he knew that without those restraints shed be a solid and amazing teamate. There is a distiction between her and Atlas for mapicc, its just right now she just cant see it.

Then there's Mapicc and not wanting to team with weaker players, looking down on them, not even wanting to be in a team with them anymore. When he heard Spoke was working with Ash and Squiddo, he said his mind was made up, but then he realised Zam was with Atlas and his mind wasnt so made up anymore. In the end he forms a team by himself. He dosent want to be the loosing party anymore, wants to stand a chance to win, wants freedom to do whatever he wants.

And then sounds soooo sad when hannah so clearly wants to join minute and leaves the group and flies away dramatically but still goes back to talk to hannah. And then they talk about getting bacon on their side because he's "a real one". Bacon and Hannah. The two teamates that made the chungpire the chungpire.

Even sticking with Zam the whole season even after he feels like he's been replaced, and even after being miserable about it all, he still gives Zam his heart back because he knows Zam is sad. Zam full on crashing out and Mapicc logs on and Zam already knows what its for when he messages him and it kind of does make him feel better even if it does make him feel worse because at least he didnt loose a heart but now he's still that teamate that Mapicc needs to protect, the type of teamate that Mapicc dosent want.

But Mapicc still wants to team with him and Bacon and Hannah. Bacon, who dies more than woogie, derap and Pangi. Hannah, on the same level of pvp as Bacon, who dosent grind as much. Why? Woogies gotten kind of good at pvp now too! Atlas isnt as super quickdroppy anymore. So what is it really?

When Hannah described the team forming against Spoke, she said they needed him, he said they didn't, that Minute would replace him and hannah got mad at that. Mapicc dosent want to be on Atlas, a team filled with other players he feels replaced him. Mapicc wants to be wanted. All hannah's goals go against his morals and desires, she so obviously wants to be good. But she also very much wants him too and shes so vocal about it. He sticks with Zam, despite her percieved position as a weaker player becasue she wants him there.

Mapicc wants to be wanted. Sure Zam and Minute want him, but when the Atlas is involved, not so much anymore because part of the wanting Mapicc comes from the needing him. He's a dog on a leash but his leash is being pulled on less and less and hes being directed nowhere he wants to be so he rips the leash off and decides to direct himself.

But they still care about him and he still cares about his teams but he wants to kill everyone else, so when everything breaks apart, he'll just do whatever he wants. The whole thing about weaker players, i think its just in reference to players that have not been his deirect teamates this season because yeah, he wants strength for once, but his teamates have weeded their way into his heart and what's he supposed to do about that? Mapicc dosent betray. So he wont betray the chungpire, wont betray the empire, wont betray Zam, wont betray Minute. I think that takes priority over how strong they are. Thats why they are the exceptions and FOCUS, who betrayed him and fucked up their canon, aren't.