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my apologies for throwing you in the pit

#this drawng im not crazy about but im posting it anyway to end perfectionism <3 #also having to add two rows of diamonds to rocios.. shawl i guess it would be called bc i had too much space lol #my art #nmiai #rocio satapathy #angel castillo

this is just from big top burger it doesnt make sense outside of that context

#my ocs #nmiai #rocio satapathy #angel castillo #my art #<- i guess.

i definitely dont fully (or even mostly. or even remotely) understand his philosophy, but we had to read some jaqcues derrida for class and letter to a japanese friend (to a misunderstanding layman such as myself!!) reads like obsessive, almost desperate spiraling hes like deconstructing the meaning of the words he is saying as he says them + theres a lot of emphasis on how language is inherently inadequate and meaningless.

i bring this up because that whole feeling and process is exactly what the field of magic is like in nmiai world :) like the more you freak out the better. its like inherently impossible to understand or fully capture magic, you only get 1) extremely fleeting moments of connection and understanding or 2) endless spiraling and deep thought in order to access it by brute force. a you practice it and learn more it gets easier, but it is still extremely difficult. jacques derrida could be a wizard

#the other thing id compare it to is the aleithometer from his dark materials #when lyra is like well its a dolphin seven layers deep which means freedom and joy but its counterbalanced by the woven basket which #means labor but both of them are at an angle which represents a crossroads. which means hannibal's forces will invade via mountain range of #^like hearing someone explain it you can kiiinda see how they arrived at a concrete and useful meaning #unless you studied and practiced an absurd amount #like the source of magic is the conflict between abstract ideas and grounded reality. if that makes any sense. except its not supposed to #make sense its supposed to be confusing. but only if you think about it deeply #to an outside observer it just looks like you gather a bunch of special magic objects and read a lot of books #which is ofc 100% correct. the only people who care are those who are drawn to studying magic #and overhtinking things house of leaves style #nmiai

the ollld vonkarma2 classic characters standing there facing forward. except I drew their eyes different this time <3

#my art #my ocs #nmiai #rocio satapathy #gloria song

gloria when she's making out with rocio getting closer expecting to hear her heartbeat or feel her breathing and instead she feels absolutely nothing

#nmiai #assuming someone is cold and inhuman -> realizing they are a human being after all with feelings and emotions -> something is #very very wrong #also i feel like rocio is always very cold and clammy. never hold their hand

in berserk that little shithead Griffith has a part where he is like “guts.. out of everything that happened and everyone I met.. only you made me forget my dream” bc he is in gay love + im not going to lie it was a pretty impactful scene especially because despite all that he still chooses to. Well you know. Anyway I wanted to do something similar to that with Rocio except instead of any one person it’s almost everyone they’ve met and interacted with positively that makes them forget their dream and want to stay on earth. well idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#just how it goes #nmiai

i was originally going to have cirillo lie about his background to lucia to make him seem like more of a manipulative shithead + emphasize his character trait of taking on other identities besides his own. however I think she would definitely figure the truth out very easily bc she follows current events to an intensive degree and "house toscani heir departs position" is honestly going to make decent headlines. hmm maybe she stays away from news about avarrecia because she doesn't like being reminded of her family or her past life there..

the thing is I want cirillo to get on the hypothetical reader's nerves enough it makes them want to shake him by the shoulders and yell at him, but not enough that they just want him dead lol. BUT I feel like his family is something he'd be actively ashamed of and try to hide, plus he doesn't want to be recognized, plus he doesn't want lucia to find out how rich and evil he was. unfortunately a lie this big means their relationship is probably doomed to fail.. maybe I could have her be equally toxic back so it cancels out

#like say she wants to become friends with rocio or ask her something then BAM assassination attempt #but that's another issue a key difference between cirillo and lucia is how much more honest and stubborn and sincere she is #sometimes to a fault like she couldn't elaborately lie if she had to. doesnt really know how #my ocs #nmiai

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