As someone that constantly overthinks and replays conversations in my head over and over like on a loop, I've been thinking you know sometimes you see elderly people partially those in nursing homes sometimes be randomly chatty with doctor or strangers, sometimes sharing way too personal details with someone they don't really know. ~
I think it may be in part because they are lonely, sometimes all their friends have literally passed away, or they remained single for entire life but have found due to medical reasons they have to live somewhere where care can easily be accessed. ~
It's understandable, humans aren't meant to be solitary creatures no matter how some may be inclined towards solitude. ~
I kinda hope I don't one day just lose filter and say randomly personal stuff to strangers just because there is no else to share them with but if it were to happen I would be aware of the cause not that I'd like myself very much for it. ~
Since I personally would consider it rude to randomly force some other individual to listen with them only doing so out of polite social obligation. ~
Then again one never knows how long one will live, maybe I wouldn't make it to be an 80 or 90 year old. ~
I don't really see doctors much at least not in the general sense we think of as professional board certified doctors. I've made an exception to visit occasionally chinese medicine practitioner, because they aren't as expensive as it would be for regular visit and because I do think there had to be something to all that knowledge gathered over years regarding plants and herb combinations brewed into teas, prepared as ingredients into diets or used as incense etc. ~
I've yet to agree to acupuncture, because I don't like the idea of needles being stuck in vital places that could cause death or worse if not handed with care and do I trust myself not to move and stay still the entire time which is required during such procedures..... No my curiousity would make it difficult to stay still not to mention other things. ~
Anyways at my last appointment I just let the doctor talk, go over basic routine stuff as usual and then at end spoke up a little to mention something minor which I hadn't said initially but found his advice helpful so wanted to at least thank him for that. ~
He the doctor, said he was glad it helped and not to hesitate to ask in future, that he was my servant. Now he's married, happliy and has a family so I know he isn't flirting with me. ~
I realize he meant it in a kind way because I am shy so I often don't say much and I've wondered if he can just sense that I feel like I'm naturally submissive because I just respond to some things, like being told I'm good for following whatever herbs or teas he may suggest to help with any alliments or as way to try to help ease stress etc ~
But I just wonder in my head, because like that's incredibly kind to say to someone, to even suggest you'd be willing to listen to them and help them without much question. Of course I also then think of it in relation to submissiveness and how for a guy, as he is one, him being more dominant would have far better effect. ~
Although he's certainly had that effect before, remembers lecture when asking for prescriptions to lose weight through drugs as had read some on it and heard numerous commercials or advertising about just take this or inject this and lose weight quickly etc. (he wasn't exactly dominate like you read in stories but certainly stern about proper ways to lose weight and how shortcuts aren't the answer) ~
I ironically usually end up talking more than intended anyways at these appointments, maybe it's because he asks questions and instead of remaining quiet like I'd prefer or just nodding I feel like I have to give verbal answer. ~
I don't have a crush on him, I just like how I can feel slightly more relaxed around him and maybe it's because he's so open, he doesn't hide his opinions on anything, he listens patiently without rushing me or interrupting, he doesn't ask me to speak up a million times, and when I'm am nervous or feeling extra shy about something deeply personal or have anxiety, he doesn't tell me to just get over it. ~
I honestly think it helped too he didn't judge me for my scars on my body like some people would, thinking like oh you're one of those, or burn marks that turned into scars which one wouldn't notice unless looking closely. ~
I have to laugh when he says how adults can be like children because we're older and think things don't apply the same to us, because he's right of course and even if I don't want to acknowledge I've ever struggled or that am less mature then what others would assume because I've heard so often how I'm so mature for my age, it's just crap in way. ~
Like stop saying that, I am not, it's all just common sense and survival stuff, or part of being someone that thinks about things and it's natural. I can't seem to make a conscious choice for how I think or maybe it's just habit now so yeah I like the idea of being able to shut off my brain, my head so it's not crowded with thoughts all the time ~
Then there is my waxing professional that I visit, who is kind and while we don't talk much, I appreciate that she is nice and reminds me to breathe during certain parts because even if I should remember to do it, the reality is I often forget becoming a little nervous each time because I don't want to be a bother. ~
Sometimes I think to myself, you (me/I) need to have more self restraint, because I should be stronger or colder, just don't talk to these people even if they talk to you besides basic answering yes or no. At the end of the day, I am just a client and they are just doing a professional service that requires customer service in sense of being professionally friendly and polite. ~
I can't get attached easily, but you know I do anyway. She mentioned wanting stress balls to squeeze so I've been considering getting some as she wanted to offer them to first time clients when getting waxing done. ~
Like who does that? Me apparently, just like how I got attached to the one barista that was kind and then as life happens, she moved on from there and I'll probably never see her again which is fine. I am sure I was just someone she was nice too out of being professional. ~
I've been avoiding that particular cafe because of that and the fact the other barista I liked whom was going to nursing school at the time, graduated and I got her a gift, but as she's full time at hospital now I'd feel awkward about asking if they could keep it in the back for her until she stops in. I know she still goes there just you know it would probably be weird. ~
She was always nice to me though, and I liked her. She's a wonderful person, so outgoing, compassionate and intelligent. ~
I am sure she will make the best nurse ever or a very good nurse which is why I had spent months trying to find the perfect graduation gift for her yet now I am just too nervous because even if it were accepted I am so aware how weird it is for stranger or semi regular to cafe to do something like that. ~
People don't just do things like that or if they do they aren't the type that are so extremely shy, that they have horrible spikes in anxiety over it. ~
Some people are loud, charming, outgoing and do as they please not caring about what others think and they can do stuff like that and it'll be okay because that's just said to be who they are, so others perceive it as normal or acceptable. ~
It would be done out of genuine appreciation on my part but still I have yet to actual do anything to make sure it at least attempts to get to her. ~
It's just so much easier doing nice stuff for other people in general, especially if you know what you're doing will be apperciated than say making own stupid little non important but stressful decisions in one's own life. ~
