#no context mcgoohan

[farmerbebop]

The other day there was a girl walking in front of me on the way home. I saw her picking two leaves out of a bush and then throwing them away. I thought to myself, "I was there, Gandalf. I was there three thousand years ago."

I know I will not be a blorbo blogger forever. I know I will miss the feeling of picking up a pen after work, then putting it down, then searching and reading through 300 pages to make a post.

Even if there was anything in the past that McGoohan could change to make all of this obsolete, I don't think he would have done it.

And not for this self-proclaimed McGoohan's sleepiest soldier.

Reference: x

[farmerbebop]

Back when I was working in Vietnam, sometimes my colleagues could even get drunk at lunch. On special occasions we would go to the karaoke in the evening. I learned that people would "remix" everything, and the service manager would sing something like a techno version of a folk opera.

"Leaving behind my younger siblings, looking at me with their sad eyes My parents are happier, but their tears won't stop Telling me to follow the way of my husband's family Crossing the river, I ask each wave Could a girl not love anyone in life?"

Those were the only days of my adult life when I felt like I was a part of something.

My mom's sister asked her to come back once she retires. They would live next to each other in their old age. But my mom said if she ever gets sick there she would become a great burden to her children financially, so she'd better not go back.

The man fixing my internet the other day told me he was waiting for his retirement next year, then he would go back. It's the dream of many Vietnamese.

When I looked up at the sky tonight there was a half-moon. Outside the church, the first rose has bloomed.

Two birds flew by. Then two airplanes.

"In the wonderfully beautiful month of May"

Reference: x

[farmerbebop]

I remember this girl from my secondary school who went to Germany around the same time as I did. She is the English teacher's daughter. I barely knew her but she seemed to be a nice girl.

A few years later she was on a poster with her family. They were all smiling. The message was that she was happy with her choice of studying abroad. She was quoted as saying she learned to be independent or something like that.

I registered it as fact, even though it was technically an advertisement. Because it makes sense that she wouldn't be crying in the toilets at the university like I did.

I also cried at a John Woo movie so maybe that doesn't mean much.

There was also this girl from my high school class, the Chinese teacher's daughter. She had a sense of humour and she was chubby. She was very good at Chinese.

Then she went to the US. I didn't ask why, everyone who had money went there, I guess.

I heard that she was in a small, remote place. That she was very lonely. Very, because otherwise I wouldn't have known that.

But from what I have heard, she kept her sense of humour.

Who can say what is poetry and what is truth? And whether or not I have ever had a sense of humour?

Reference: x

[farmerbebop]

Basic needs: Man being put into situation

Psychological needs: Man deciding which situation he is put into

Self-fulfilment needs: Patrick McGoohan

Reference: x

[farmerbebop]

My dad wanted me to talk to my sister, to cheer her up. He said, "She is so thin, I can't bear looking at her wrist". She told my stepmom something about her boyfriend, but only on the condition that she wouldn't tell my dad. Dad got his news anyway.

No matter what I tried, the only thing my sister told me was "There was a slew of problems, with study and all. I already told mom, it was just a small problem, now I'm totally fine. I don't need any help. If I need any help I'll ask for it."

I told my sister a few nice things about talking and sharing. But given how unpopular this blog is, I don't think my tone was right. She said she knows all that but she doesn't need it. It was just a small problem to her.

I said this is not "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?", it's not about whether you need it or not.

I told her that the older you get, the bigger your heart will have to be. Everything is small or big to *you* now, but it can't be that way forever. When you love, you are not just one person. Love doesn't confine itself to you. It has to be shared.

Whenever I come home, dad wants everyone to be at home to have dinner with me. If I just show up in front of him like a black hole, there wouldn't be any love to share. There would be no need for me to be there.

She insisted that she just has to eat more. Like doing homework.

Either the world has become so lonely or I have, I had to accept that much. But it pains me that a child thinks she is living in this world alone.

What kind of world is that?

Reference: x

[farmerbebop]

In a few days I'll be back in Vietnam for two weeks.

"Where the chilly winds, yeah Where the chilly winds, they don't blow"

My dad will keep me company while the rest of the world keeps going. Time and tide wait for me.

His lore will be his own, and his worries mine.

Being able to return is a privilege. But for how long? Being able to leave is a privilege. But at what cost?

But at least I have a hiatus now.

Reference: x

[farmerbebop]

Back in Germany, I decided to check the news while still having jet lag and the first thing I saw was "AfD reached 27% support in ARD-Deutschlandtrend survey", "AfD currently polling at 41% ahead of Saxony-Anhalt election". It's that bad already.

Edward Said once quoted these lines by Hugo of St. Victor, a twelfth-century monk from Saxony:

"The man who finds his homeland sweet is still a tender beginner; he to whom every soil is as his native one is already strong; but he is perfect to whom the entire world is as a foreign land."

I'm back again. I'm away again.

Just like my (n)ever-ending hiatus.

Reference: x

[farmerbebop]

I don't always have nonsense to say because sometimes I need to sleep. Also because I have a performance review in fifteen hours. We won't get a raise this year and the Portmeirion Hotel isn't going to sponsor me either.

Reference: x