SO it’s a long story that i’m gonna try to be really really short due my situation (i’m currently working but i cannot work if i think about this).
everything started in 2019, when a friend of mine told me this website, calls JYP FANS, this website is an official site where you can see the schedule of the idols, see the main infos and stuff like that. but especially the letters. you can actually send letters to the members and they can read it. be aware, there’s two type of letters: one for public letters, one for private letters.
my friend were so happy telling me how Channie was reading her letters and how she was so happy to feel understood. so i asked her, can you send me one for jisung, and then she did. everything started from that letter.
During march of the same year i sent a physical letter to jisung, the one that is on my pinned post, this one:
you could actually understand my reaction, panicking and being too exited for this, that was the confirm to me that i needed to keep “talkin” to him in some sort of way because.. i needed to keep feeling that BEAUTIFUL energy that i felt when i watched this video and i saw him with my letter in his hands.
So i decided to, find another way to send him letters, my love language is that, i needed to keep talking to in some way. so i started to write on the private letters of the JYP FANS.
The letters started to be one every day, every day i was telling him more of what i was going through and what i was feeling and dealing with, i just thought: he really listened the first time, so why not. I saw that he started to read my letters, example:
everyday, more letters, every time i felt so good when he was reading my words and my words only. so many things that i said to him came to some of his songs too! and i know it’s just a coincidence that sounds really silly and stupid now.
i wrote so many letters for him, that made me feel that i was touching the sky with my fingers, i thinks he knows more about me than everyone else. i was so scared that all of that would be taken away, and that happened.
the private letters of the JYP FANS after a while disappeared. for the first time in my life i felt the world under my feet disappear and i was drowning in a timeline where i was completely lost. cause my letters, that was routine, that thing that started as a game in september 2019, until october 2020 was my completely routine. sometimes i think it was just a fever dream, just something that i made up in my head, but that was not. everytime i ask myself, what could happened if now, that private letters that it’s close, would be open. what i would feel? what i would tell him?
sometimes i like to write some letters for him, in the public letters, just to give him an update, but has the name says the public letters are for everyone, everyone can open them and read them, i never have feel completely sure that he’s reading them.
that’s what i wanted to say, i wanted to say that i miss that days, when i was just passing my time writing for him and he was really there reading my letters. i just miss him, i miss my lil sunflower, i miss the views in my letters.
i know that sounds really childish and maybe not everyone are gonna believe it, but i actually don’t give a fuck because the only thing that i’m thinking of is the moment when i was writing for him and him only. that’s my roman empire.