SORRY got incredibly emotional looking through Noa’s older fate episodes and thinking of him, the Grandcypher, and Rackam. The post is long and contains heavy introspection into Noa’s character, so I’ve put it under the cut!
(Also it’s impossible to do so without going into Noa’s depression and suicidal ideation, so while I’m not completely explicit with it you should know it’ll be there!)
When Noa had first built the Grandcypher, the Astrals had intended to use her to invade and terrorize the skies; once she no longer had a purpose she was supposed to essentially destroy herself.
Of course, he never once blamed her for any of it. Her existence itself was never inherently a sin, but rather what people had used her for: to perpetrate the suffering of countless others.
Rather, he was the one who blamed himself for all of it, for creating her knowing that that would be her purpose. Even if he had no choice, even though he had no real power to stand up against the Astral, he still considers the pain and misery that people he had never met had suffered, that she had suffered by being forced to do those things, to be his own fault. (And by god do I know that the Grandcypher would bop him on the head for that if she had arms)
Noa had been created for shipbuilding, and as far as he knew that was all he was and ever would be. He had created each and every one of his airships with love and dedication and passion, because he loved what he did and he loved them. But as the people he had entrusted his creations to used them to commit countless atrocities, as many skydwellers back then had come to see airships as a sign of terror and fear, he began to doubt himself. He began to lose faith not in airships, but in himself. Did his intentions matter if all he had done had amounted to hurting others? Should he be allowed to keep doing this, to keep existing, if all he had done his entire life was cause suffering?
Then his craft started to suffer for it, trapping him in a vicious cycle. His shipbuilding abilities brought him less and less satisfaction because he hated himself and everything he did, but because it was his entire reason for living the progressive loss of his abilities made him hate himself even more. When he saw the Grandcypher battered and broken from the War she had been forced to participate in and he could do nothing for her, when he was forced to leave her there, it undoubtedly broke his heart even further as he continued to destroy himself, convincing himself he had left her to rot.
And then he met Rackam. An innocent young boy with a fire in his eyes and a passion for airships that he had lost, telling him all about this one airship he had found called the Grandcypher that he had pledged the rest of his life to repair. Because sure, she may have been an old broken mess, but she was so, so beautiful to him. The boy had been laughed at by all the other adults in his life, telling him it couldn’t be done, that perhaps that old thing was too far gone. And he sits there, with Noa, and is surprised to find that for once in his life he is being taken seriously.
Noa thinks of the Grandcypher, and he sees himself. Behind the unfathomable depths of sadness in Noa’s eyes, there is hope. There is faith in this boy, who saw a broken abandoned wreck and loved it anyway. If there was anyone who could save her…
“If there’s anyone who can do it,” he tells the child, a soft smile on his face, “it’s you.”
The encouragement Noa gives him in this moment, when nobody before had believed in him, is what allows Rackam to persist in fulfilling his dream long after the memory of him fades from his mind.
But in this moment, where Noa means so much to him, before Rackam has to leave the island and return to the Grandcypher, he makes a promise. “One day, I’ll get the Grandcypher flying again!” he states loudly, puffing out his chest. “And when I do, I’ll come take you with me!”
To the boy it is an earnest promise, one he would later come to forget. To Noa, it is everything. It is hope, for a future someone wanted to see with him, together. He imagines the day to come, where he could stand on the deck of the Grandcypher once more, where his creation could be reborn again as a vessel of hope with Rackam at the helm.
The primal beast of shipbuilding, on the verge of fading away forever, decides to keep living on, with hope in his heart.
After 20 long, long years, the day finally comes. After so long, he sees them again. Eventually, while the memories have faded, Rackam comes to remember him again.
And the Grandcypher, in all her battered glory, is every bit as beautiful as he’d made her out to be. He speaks with her and finds she is so, so happy now, with a crew who loves her, who use her not to perpetrate horrific tragedy but to help others. The hopes she shoulders lift her from the ground and become her new wings, and she’ll go anywhere with them as long as she is able.
And as he stands on her deck, the warm sun and gentle breeze against his face, he watches Rackam stand proudly at the helm guiding them through the skies. There was a future, after all, with all three of them in it. And it feels so wonderful. It feels like home.
His small smile brightens, like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. “Aaah,” he thinks to himself, “I’m so glad I’m here.”
almost forgot to upload again, whoops! this time 6 because it’s the last batch before I upload the last one alone :D had a lot of fun with this challenge, can’t wait to do it next year too! (and to be back to personal digital haha)
