#nomemeber

[wizethings]

The next day

So my Lovelies…I wrote about the way I felt yesterday.  How I am still in the “hope for reconciliation” mode.  I was able to say it yesterday with a strong-willed attitude.  Like if it didn't happen, meh, what was meant to be will be. 

Now it's "tomorrow" and I already almost started crying several times.  I go from sadness that I couldn't make it work, to sadness that he didn't see what I saw, sadness of being alone, to the sadness of not having the type of experiences that we had together again.  I get angry too, which is really just fear and sadness combined.  Angry that I wasn't good enough, and that I won't see in another person what I saw in him ever again.  I feel that it is very far and few between when we find a truly unique person. 

So really my battle is this: hang on or let go?  He wants to be friends.  Can I be friends with him and SHOULD I?  This is twice we've broken up now, does he even deserve another chance to be in my life? 

Lovely friends, I ask you:  what have you found through your experiences?  I would really love to hear your opinions!

[wizethings]

Breaking up is hard to do

So in the spirit of not hiding behind the meme mask...I heard this Dido song and was just going to repost the lyric.  Because that's kind of how I feel right now.  So I'm adding them incase you are curious. 

However; I am trying to get out from behind the mask.  So here it goes: I feel that all that my relationship was STILL is.  That if given enough time and space, that things will right themselves again. 

Today.  That is how I feel today.  I don't feel like giving up yet and am looking at this "giving up".  There may be nothing left to hold/give up on.  If he isn't just mad, then that's it and I'm wasting my time.  If there is something left to hold/give up do I want to?  After all the missteps and hurt, is it something worth saving?  Was it all just fears, both his and mine? 

Yesterday I was mad and  I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring.  I will take a deep breath and try my best to clear my mind and start again tomorrow.

Dido- White Flag

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again And I caused nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet Which I'm sure we will All that was there Will be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on....

[wizethings]

Oops!

Nomemeber isn't going so well for me already.  I reblogged another person's photography art.  This is going to be quite a learning experiment!  Please feel free to comment on how you feel or what you are learning by Nomemeber!

[wizethings]

Being Authentic- NOMEMEBER

I have been thinking about the month of November a lot (seeing as it's already started!) and about what I see in social media.  I was thinking about what it means to be "authentic".  What I see are a lot of memes.  Some are funny or beautiful and some help get your point across.  But does it really?  

We are inundated with them.  I feel that memes are just another form of a mask to express/hide ourselves.  What if for just one month we set the masks of the meme aside and only posted authentic posts?  Only photos that we have taken, only thoughts that we came up with in our minds and feelings that we are feeling right now. 

It will be hard.  We have come up with these masks for a reason.  The words we are searching for but can't quite grasp, the place we see in our minds but can't get to because we have class/work/no money for it, the pain or the joy that expresses how we feel at this moment and the hope to find a solution to our problems.  I propose that we make this NOMEMEBER (pronounced No Meem Ber), or Nomemember,.or the Month of No Memes.  Whatever.  I personally like the first one...it rolls off the tongue easier. 

So in the spirit of NOMEMEBER:

I have been so sad and suspicious of someone whom I love very much because I am still immature and don't know how to deal with the feelings of insecurity that come along with long distance relationships and the past of our relationship.  I want to stay positive and move forward with love.  I want to think about how I would want to be treated if the shoe was on the other foot.