#non-binary struggles

[loveintheweeds]

Being a butch at a show/event always feels- alienating? I look around at all the women and femms in full makeup looking so nice and I'm just kinda there like *whomp*. I usually feel hot when going out until I'm around others; I just don't fit in among binary-dominant spaces, like I wanna feel attractive too, ugh.

Oh the social dysphoria of being a non-binary individual (ontop of being very visually autistic).

[rogaladin]

That non-binary feeling where you find a name that you really like and vibe with (and honestly have for a while) but you’re too afraid to say anything because the meaning behind your given name is too good and honestly you are too change averse and think it’d be weird if people actually started using your chosen name instead of your given name and anyway you don’t think you’re ever going to be fully out anyway because you love your family but they’re pretty transphobic and that’s also why you haven’t pursued any form or medical transition yet even though you want to but you know it’s gonna be extra complicated for you even without an unsupportive family so you just vague post on tumblr instead

[4fahy]

being nb and not waiting to change how you look is crazy

I love my body my hair and all

and I dress like "oh this piece of clothing looks good on my body"

and when I look at the whole figure I get sad bc I look like a girl

[4fahy]

being nb and not waiting to change how you look is crazy

I love my body my hair and all

and I dress like "oh this piece of clothing looks good on my body"

and when I look at the whole figure I get sad bc I look like a girl

[hungercityhellhound]

I think I finally settled on a name. *Stares at name change paperwork nervously* Nope, I really want this one. *picks up the pen and puts it back down 500 times*

~~gets up and walks away. Let me look at it tomorrow.

[satanicspeaks]

Identity’s hard, respect isn’t

I’m shaking because it’s cold and because my anxiety spiked.

Why is the AC on in this empty Bistro I don’t know.

I finally called M* after putting it off for a week, not unsurprising since phone calls are hard for me to start initially.

I came out to M over text about a year ago, she blames her age to not understand or respect my name or pronouns— effectively not respecting me as a human.

She has continued to hide behind excuses.

So yeah my bitch ass confronted her after asking for money for my rent because she handles my trust fund— story for another time that.

I started off by asking her to use my name when referring to me. It went down hill from there. I cired quietly and panicked. It’s not that I need her to understand or respect me, I just need her to use my name, so it doesn’t feel like a slap every time she used my old name. You should know that it doesn’t hurt when someone accidentally slips up. It hurts when someone can’t be bothered to start using my name or when they go off my papers. Pronouns I can get past, heck I know I stuff those up for myself to. But I can reach a limit.

It makes me feel so utterly uncomfortable and wrong when she used that name.

Below are a few comments I remember. Here’s to non-binary erasure, dismissal and gatekeeping.

“To be non-sexual is not possible”

“It makes me uncomfortable too”

“If you decided you’re a lesbian or a trans that would be fine”

“I just don’t understand it”

“It’s really hard for me”

She doesn’t have to understand, she’s not the one being called the wrong name, I am trans technically, I am bisexual, non-sexual is probably a thing but I don’t think thats what she was trying to mean... non-binary, I corrected her.

Is it a fools run to try correct the ignorant? Probably. But may the gods light my way as I try. I am non-binary, I struggle with that, you may struggled with my pronouns and name but I am struggling with the most personal thing which is my identity, what makes me me. So when you dismiss, ignore, refuse to respect, you make it impossibly hard to be okay with the fact that I will never be the little girl you think I am.

My name is Eli, my pronouns are they/ them/ theirs, I am 18 years old, I am not to young to know who I am, nor am I not valid because I’m non-binary instead of a binary gender, I struggle with my identity and that’s okay, I am a human being you wants to be respected just as much as anyone else.

* a short version of her name.