Bodyswap: “If I Profane With My Unworthiest Hand…”
“Everybody take ten!”
The instant the stage director claps her hands, everyone moved to their feet, chattering about the remaining scenes with a few going over their lines. Opening night is the day after tomorrow, and rehearsals have been a little harder in the past week, especially for us principal roles. My eyes scanned the stage for a couple few left, and found who I was looking for. I smiled to myself, before moving.
A few paces in front of me sat Payton, cross-legged on the edge of the stage while muttering his lines to himself. He carried a bright atmosphere around him, like the soft rays of sunlight breaking the morning mist. He was also a kind soul, and even if that were enough to draw me to him, he was also a textbook example of that cute dork that’s friends with everyone.
“Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up.” I say as a greeting, responding to his last line as I sat down beside him. He looks up at me, offering a warm smile as he scoots and makes space for me.
“Come sir, your passado.” Payton responds, grinning as he picks up his prop. “You know you’re Tybalt, right? That’s Romeo’s line.” He adds while poking at me with his rapier teasingly.
Right, the role of Romeo is played by none other than Payton’s boyfriend, Arthur. “I know his lines at least, he’s not here yet I can help you rehearse.” I reply with a wink, earning a smirk and an arched eyebrow from him. I auditioned for the role originally, but landed Tybalt’s role instead. It’s a little ironic and funny—my role would make me stab the man I like the most in real life, meanwhile my play and real-life rival would do the same to me in retaliation.
Arthur is, in most aspects, the perfect golden child of the campus. Not necessarily a frat bro, but he’s been among the most coveted students between our state’s universities since high school. Appearance-wise? Very attractive. Smart? Very. The way he speaks? Eloquent and articulate. But his ego? Ginormous.
“I guess you’re right, Ben.” Payton nods meekly, his smile faltering a little. Arthur hasn’t shown up to rehearsal yet, though I did hear the director say he’d be around a little later, though I know that wasn’t what dimmed Payton’s light. “Let’s practice our fight then?”
I nod, hopping up to my feet and pulling him up with me. I’d be stupid to not know about Arthur and Payton going through a rough patch lately—if it was even just a patch. I’ve heard from fellow cast members and saw myself how bad Payton has gotten it from him in the past weeks. We're just unsure how and why, and we couldn’t do a thing because Arthur is the university’s pride and joy after all.
Arthur does not deserve Payton at all. And if I could, I would gladly take his place and treat Payton the way he deserves to be.
“Now don’t get distracted.” Payton tells me, snapping me out from my train of thought, he was grinning again, assuming his stance and pointing his rapier at mine. I just grin, and did the same. “Try to make it as realistic as possible, you look like you’re scared of hitting me every time.” he adds, to which I chuckle.
“Okay then.” I return, advancing forward to thrust at his side. He jumps to his side and parries it deftly, taunting me before taking a swing, which I block all the same. We went on practicing our steps for a couple of minutes, and in the corner of my eye, I could see Nadia staring intently at us, another member of the cast who plays Lady Capulet.
I shudder a little, knowing and hearing rumors that she delves into the occult, which weren’t necessarily obvious with her appearance, aside from the many times we’d catch her muttering to herself in some language no one knows about, writing what looked like runes on her stuff, and an air of something arcane. I briefly let my eyes linger on her, and she smirks at me, before ducking backstage.
“Alas, in a turn of events,” Payton announces, just in time for him to press his prop against my chest. “I have slain thee, sir Tybalt.”
I shook the thought of Nadia off my head, and stepped back clutching my chest as if I were truly injured and feigning hurt. “I am hurt. A plague o' both your houses! I am sped. Is he gone and hath nothing?” I fall dramatically, while reciting Mercutio’s line to Payton’s glee.
“You got my lines memorized too?” He laughs incredulously while helping me up, to which I nod at. “At this point you could replace everyone in the play.” Payton jokes, and I chuckle as I shrug. I was about to respond, when his grin drops ever so slightly as he looks at something past me, then replacing it with another smile.
“Sorry I’m late,” I hear as I whirl around, finding Arthur strolling into the stage towards our direction. I step aside to give way, a little annoyed, as he meets with Payton right in front of me. “Had to catch up with Professor Dane on something.” In an instant, he’d taken my place and Payton’s attention, to which I mentally rolled my eyes.
“It’s fine,” Payton reassures him, patting his shoulder then giving me an apologetic glance while he does so. “We were just going through a couple of our lines.” I nod at this, giving them a salute. Arthur just eyes me with a disapproving look, and although I could feel my blood boil, I just shrugged.
“And this is where sir Tybalt takes his leave.” I say, winking at Payton and nodding at Arthur, before heading straight for the wings. We still had a couple of minutes to spare, and I could distinctly hear from the background how Arthur was chiding at Payton about something.
“Jealous, aren’t you?” a voice announces somewhere behind me, and I almost yelped in surprise. It was Nadia, poking her head through the red curtain. I open my mouth to speak, but she just shakes her head. “It’s very obvious, Ben. Don’t deny it.”
“Well,” I reply, gathering myself before turning to her. “Whether or not that’s true, it’s none of your business.” I add, before turning again to walk away while I shook the shiver off my spine.
“Yeah, I know. Surely their relationship is none of yours either,” She tells me, stopping me in my tracks. “Yet here you are, loathing every second you see Arthur and Payton together, hating Arthur because you know—and you tell yourself, that you’re way better for Payton than he is. Yes?” She adds, fully stepping out of the curtains with her arms crossed.
“What do you want from me?”
“Don’t play dumb, Ben.” Nadia scolds. “I know that you, of all people, know how much Payton is hurting. And among all of us here, I know you’re the only one who sincerely wants to do something about it.”
My head was already starting to spin with every word Nadia was saying, a little confused, and intrigued all the same. “What are you getting at?” I ask her. “You just told me their relationship wasn’t my business.”
Nadia gives a dry laugh in response, before grinning at me. “I did, and we’re making it your business.” she responds, and I raise my eyebrow at her. “I am offering you a chance to help Payton.”
I blink and stare at her in disbelief. “What, you’re gonna help me dispose of Arthur? You planning to hex him?” She doesn’t budge at my joke, instead she grins and shrugs at me like I just said what she wanted to hear.
“A little bit of both, actually.” Nadia says with a wink, striding a little closer. “So, Romeo, are you in?”
“I play Tybalt,” I deadpan, before shrugging. “As long as it’s not illegal.” I add, hoping that she was just planning a prank of some sort. I already know she might be teasing with the whole hexing thing, but I’m a little concerned about the first part.
“You’ll get it soon enough.” She responds, putting one hand forward which I shake hesitantly. “I’ll get to work tonight, tell you what you have to do tomorrow, and we’ll commence with it on opening night.” she adds, before trotting away humming to herself.
“Wait! You’re not planning on ruining the show, are you?” I call back to her, she just looks back with an eyebrow raised before disappearing behind the curtains again. I just sigh and shrug it off.
Before heading straight for the backstage to get some refreshments, I turned back one more time to look upon Arthur and Payton, who were now engaged in angry whispering, with Payton clearly in distress and Arthur obviously pissed. His eyes darted around and found me, and for a few moments, I felt his searing gaze boring into me before turning back to Payton.
I felt my blood boil and rush at the sight ahead of me, but took a deep inhale before releasing it and turning away. Well. whatever Nadia had in plan, I’m now more than just on-board with it—I’ll see it through.
Remember the irony of me having to “kill” Payton’s role and Arthur avenging him? Well I’m about to flip the roles the other way around—with whatever help Nadia is going to offer, I’ll be the one dealing the blow for Payton’s sake.
The rest of the day’s rehearsal went smoothly, save for Arthur getting a little more aggressive during our fight, but with the same look of disapproval he gave me earlier. Even the part where he stabs me felt a little too real as the wooden tip of his prop rapier was supposed to slide to my side but he deliberately poked me hard a couple of times. Payton, on the other hand, seemed a little frustrated, but did his best in rehearsal regardless.
All throughout rehearsal, Nadia was keeping her eye on me—especially during the duel, though she had disappeared as soon as rehearsals were done for the day.
“Okay y’all, dress rehearsals tomorrow!” The director announces before anyone (aside from Nadia, who really just slipped away unnoticed) could make it for the door. “Don’t be late, and do your best. That’s all.” She adds, before dismissing us. I moved to at least have a couple more words with Payton, but Arthur was already dragging him along towards the door. I managed a wave at them which Payton returns just as they slip out.
I resisted the urge to send Payton a message that night, thinking that I could do more harm than good, and instead focused on rehearsing my lines in my room and reading a couple of notes for my classes. A couple of hours in though, I receive a message from Nadia.
“Bring a piece of an item that’s been with you for a very long time.” was what she said, and I tilt my head a little. Was she really doing magic? “Something that represents you, make sure it’s just a piece.”
I replied, asking her for further instructions, though she did not respond. It was a little over midnight at that time though, so instead of waiting for her response, I fell right to sleep, wondering what I needed to bring in the morning, and dreaming about slaying Arthur right in front of Payton.
–
“Do you have it?” were Nadia’s first words to me the moment I stepped in the theater, her hand open expectantly. In response, I quickly dug through my satchel and offered her a piece of folded paper, prompting her to raise her eyebrow. “What is this though?”
I felt a little hot as she opened the letter, eyes going wide, before grinning mischievously and nodding at me. “Yeah, I’ve had an entire journal of those since middle-school.” I confess, much to her amusement. I’ve just given her a page off my old journal, the one where I first wrote how much Payton meant to me—although I never told him that, of course. I’ve known him since middle school too.
“Okay, here’s what you’re going to do.” Nadia shrugs, beckoning for me to follow her backstage. There were only a couple handfuls of the cast loitering around, no signs of Payton yet, so we didn’t look too suspicious. “Find a way to have Arthur carry this on him then bring it back tomorrow night.”
Once we were backstage, Nadia produced two smooth dark stones out of her bag, each with something carved on their surface. Just looking at them gave me chills, but I steeled myself. On one stone, she produces a thin twine from her bag and ties my notes into it. The other, she winds a piece of cloth around before tying it as well. She hands me both. “Ripped this cloth from Arthur’s old shirt by the way, don’t ask how.”
“One, to keep with you—” she points to the one with cloth. “—the other you put on Arthur. Make sure to not break it, yet.”
“What are these? Lucky charms?” I ask, weighing both stones which felt oddly warmer against my skin. She stifles a laugh at this before shaking her head. “Bad luck charms?”
“No, silly. You’ll see tomorrow, but here’s what you’re supposed to do:” she starts, then points at the one with my note. “That to Arthur, the other with you, tomorrow before the act begins, you have to talk to him.”
“I’d rather punch him.”
“This is infinitely better,” Nadia grins, clasping her hands together. “Anyway, you talk to him anywhere but make sure he brings that with him and you bring yours with you.”
“I suppose I have some magic enchantment to say?” I tease, staring at the stones.
“Bingo.” she tells me with a wink. “The words forbidden to say in the theater, you’re going to say that. The first to initiate it, the next one to seal it in. G, then M.” she adds, getting particularly excited at the mention of the latter.
“Oh, you mean good—” I start, though Nadia cuts me off. “Are you sure we’re not sabotaging the show?” I continue, although I wasn’t necessarily superstitious, I refrained from saying them out loud during shows.
“Yeah, save them for tomorrow or else it won’t work. You’re lucky I made it easy.” Nadia tells me, patting herself in the back. “If you want to go for permanence, all you gotta do is crush both rocks. And that’s it.”
My head spun, again, very confused with the instructions, nor was she telling me what was supposed to happen. “I’m so confused right now, please enlighten me.”
“I can’t tell you or it won’t work,” Nadia says as-a-matter-of-fact and sass. “It’s not fake occult witch shit, I guarantee you it’s real. Just trust me, he’ll be a changed man soon.”
“Okay…” I found myself saying, staring at the stones again. “Why are you doing this though?” I find myself asking, to which Nadia offers a smirk.
“I can’t interfere directly,” she tells me, leaning into my ear to whisper. “I just thought you and Payton need my help, is all. And before you ask me what I get from it, well, satisfaction of bringing Arthur down.”
I raised an eyebrow at her after the last sentence, and then she was already trotting away. “Remember the instructions.” she tells me, before making her way to a few of the other cast members. At the same time, Payton and Arthur walked in. Arthur sported his usual pretentious smile, on the other hand, Payton looked a little…lost in thought.
Marie, our Juliet, along with the minor roles approached Arthur immediately who entertained their questions. I frowned, seeing Payton almost getting shoved aside. It made my insides clench, and then I spotted the bag hanging on Arthur’s side. He was too distracted at that moment, and I was going to take my chance. I went on ahead, slipping past the group, and behind Payton.
“Hey, how’s it going?” I ask him in a low voice, and he almost whirls around, snapped out of his thoughts. The moment Payton wasn’t paying attention to Arthur, I quietly unzipped one of his bag’s pockets and slipped the stone in, before zipping it up again.
“Hey, Ben.” Payton greets me, offering a soft smile. “I’m okay, just nervous.” He replies a little quietly, glancing at Arthur before looking ahead. “And yeah, famous boyfriend and all.” He says with a rather sheepish laugh. I would ask him to go along with me ahead of the group, but Arthur’s eyes landed on me for a moment, and I knew I had to trek carefully.
Looking at Payton like this almost made me ache to at least reassure him with a hug or even a hand squeeze, but I sighed, knowing it would likely cause Arthur to do something to him. “Don’t worry,” I start, settling on a shoulder pat. “He’ll be a changed man soon.” I add with a wink, echoing Nadia as I slipped away.
In my retreat, I could see Payton tilting his head at me in curiosity while furrowing his eyebrows. Nadia on the other hand, gave me an approving look as I walked past her, knowing that she must have seen me slip it inside the bag.
It was still a long day of rehearsal, yet I couldn’t wait for what was going to happen the next day—though I couldn’t help but feel a slight tug towards Arthur’s direction, and he kept looking at me weirdly the entire day. Was he feeling the same thing?
–
Opening night, and the campus theater was already full of eager audiences waiting for this year’s show, it was after all more anticipated than last year’s King Lear. We were all understandably a little nervous, but my own was mixed with the anticipation from Nadia’s plan.
“You know what to do.” I remember her telling me earlier when I bumped into her, and I nod. I had the stone with me, and I released a breath of relief when Payton and Arthur walked in, with the latter still carrying his bag from yesterday. I felt the warm stone with cloth and twine tied within my pocket, as I watched the two make for the dressing rooms.
“Hey, you guys are a little late.” I called to them both, showing them my full costume. Payton just chuckles, meanwhile Arthur dashed to the small shower room nearby muttering something about needing to wash sweat off.
“Dashing as ever, sir Tybalt.” Payton teases once Arthur was out of sight, his eyes a little puffy. I laughed sheepishly at him, bowing and raising my enormous hat a little. He just laughs at this, a sound which sends warmth all over me.
“Payton!” says a voice from the dressing room, one of our techies. “We’ve been waiting for you guys, come on.” Payton playfully gives me a bow, before rushing towards the other room. I smile, before taking the stone out of my pocket. I stare at it for a few moments, repeating in my head Nadia’s reminders. I nod, clenching the stone in my hand.
At the same time, Arthur walks out of the shower room with only a towel draped around his waist, with a rather grumpy look on his face. He raises an eyebrow at me, as if staring me down. I took a deep breath, and put my hand on my side.
“What are you staring at?” He tells me, annoyance bleeding in his tone. At that moment, I stared at his bag, specifically the pocket where I slipped the stone in. “Did you touch my stuff?”
“Ah, not really.” I say, feigning lying, before offering a tight-lipped smile. My eyes darted towards his bag again, trying to draw his attention there. “Nope, didn’t do anything at all.”
“I know you’re lying, idiot.” He says coldly and sharply. I bit my tongue in excitement, watching him fall for it and reach for his bag. He locates the pocket I was staring at. He looks at me, eyebrows already knit together and eyes disapproving while he gropes around the pocket. His hand stops, presumably after he reaches for the stone, before pulling it out. “The fuck is this?” He growled, holding out the stone.
Both of us stepped a little forward, as if something was pulling us in. I smirked once he was looking between me and his stone, before uttering Nadia’s words. “It’s for ‘good luck’.” I say.
Immediately as I spoke the last two words, I felt a sudden thick feeling surrounding us as if I were under a heavy blanket. I felt my chest rising a little, like I was being lifted off the ground all the same with Arthur. The stones we held seemed to be emitting some glow, and I could feel a pulling sensation towards Arthur, the same as yesterday but a little stronger. He was trying to say something, but I soon lost the sensations in my body aside from sight and hearing, like I’ve gone numb all over.
And then as if on cue, I felt exposed, naked, or at least I could feel the cool air in my bare skin. My vision shifted—one second I was staring at Arthur, and then myself, flickering a couple of times as I blink and felt myself starting to be pulled apart, only to be put back together in an instant. I felt fear welling in me, unsure of what was happening until the tugging and the thick feeling subsided.
I fell to my knees, feeling some cloth around my waist falling to my ankles. I felt…a little taller, and tighter. I blinked a couple of times, staring beneath me at my bare arms and fingers that seemed longer than they used to. My eyes widened, the stone was still in my other hand, but it was the one that had my note tied to it.
“What the fuck?” I muttered to myself, but heard Arthur’s voice come out of my throat instead. I looked at my bare chest, the damp towel by my feet, and quickly realized what had happened. In front of me was myself—or who I used to be, panting heavily with his palms on the ground.
“He’ll be a changed man soon.” Nadia had mentioned yesterday, and then deliberately calling me Romeo and telling me “You’ll get it soon enough.” after. I found myself laughing in disbelief, she had switched our bodies like it was Freaky Friday.
“What did you do?” I hear myself say—or, Arthur says. He was horrified, staring at his hands and his costume. “No, no, no. I have to be dreaming.” He mumbles, trying to pinch himself awake, slapping at his face frantically.
I stared at the stone in my hand, and remembered the second word Nadia mentioned. “Macbeth.” I say out loud. At that moment, both the stones emitted a bright flash, not nearly blinding but enough to make us blink a couple of times.
It was at that moment that I felt something rush into my head. They were thoughts, memories, everything about Arthur that I both already knew and was yet to know, but I found that my own feelings had replaced Arthur’s own.
In front of me, ‘Arthur’ had calmed down, there was a confused look on his face, like he didn’t know what he was doing there. “Uhh, Arthur… why are you…?” He tells me, his face going red and pointing at my full nude figure.
“Oh—” I said, quickly grabbing the towel from the floor and tying it back on my waist. I stared at him for a moment, unsure of what happened until I watched him act the way I did, it felt like I was staring at myself in front of a mirror.
“If you want to go for permanence, all you gotta do is crush both rocks. And that’s it.” I hear in my head, and at the same time immediately crushed the rock I was holding. It crumbled like gravel in my hands, before falling into the carpeted floor.
“I really don’t know what I’m still doing here,” ‘Arthur’ in my body says, looking around before dropping the stone on the floor. “Uh, just hurry up. I think we’re on, in like, thirty.” he adds, before speeding away. I immediately stepped on the stone where he left it, feeling it crumble beneath my feet as well.
I grinned, whirling around towards the closest mirror to marvel at my new physique. It was perfect, and besides that, I could keep Payton closer to me now, and perhaps he’ll let me now that I’m in the body of the man he loves the most—though I promised myself I was going to be way better than the real Arthur was. I find myself reaching for Arthur’s phone in his bag, and once found, I snap an image.
I laughed to myself after, before hurriedly dressing up and heading towards the dressing room where Payton was nearly finished with his makeup and costume. He looks at me, a little hurt evident in his eyes, as I get called to sit on the chair in front of the mirror beside him by some of the stylists. I sighed, running through Arthur’s memories.
“Hey.” I managed to say, recalling that he and Arthur had a rather nasty argument that led to them running late. At this moment, it was us and only a few girls getting their wigs fixed left in the room, but I didn’t care.
Payton glances at me, not meeting my eyes but responding weakly. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.” I tell him, catching the attention of a few people working on my makeup. It was a surprise to him, I know, I couldn’t see in my new memory any instance where Arthur apologized to him. “For my behavior these past few weeks. I was an asshole—”
“Did Ben talk some sense into you?” He interjects, though catches himself as if it was a slip-up. “I mean…” he mumbles, all the while everyone else had gone silent and listened in. I grin, and let out a laugh, earning a raised eyebrow from Payton.
“Yeah—yeah he did.” I say softly after a while once we were nearly done, also laughing inwardly at the thought of what actually happened. “Made me realize how lucky I was to have you, and how wrong I’ve been treating you.” I add, all the while going through Arthur’s memory of him being a jerk, I had no choice though, this is what I was left to work with.
Payton only smiles to himself, quickly wiping a tear off his left eye. The people were done fitting me with my costume at that point, and left us alone with the reminder that we only had ten minutes left before the start of the act.
Payton was trying to look at me, though not meeting my eye and sitting there just beside me. I chuckled to myself, before reaching for his hand. He flinches at first, before giving in. And I understand that, the real Arthur had treated him badly but I was going to fix it.
“If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine,” I tell him, reciting Romeo and Juliet’s sonnet lines “—the gentle sin is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand, to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.” I finish with a grin, eliciting a laugh from him as he tries to wipe away the tears spilling from his eyes.
“I’m not Juliet, and I don’t have her lines memorized.” He teases, squeezing my hand. “Maybe Ben can step in, I think he knows all of our lines.”
I laugh ironically, all the while rubbing circles on the back of his hand, my other hand cupping his cheek. “Of course he does. It’s okay, I just wanted to sound romantic.”
Payton chuckles again, sobbing a little in joy as I pulled him in close for a hug, while I pat the back of his head. To hell with my tear-stained costume, at least I’ve taken the first steps to help Payton heal.
By the doorway, I could see Nadia in her full Lady Capulet costume grinning at me and then giving me a thumbs up, before pointing to the clock and mouthing “Five.” at me. I returned her smile, and pulled Payton with me to the wings.
“Come on,” I whispered to him softly. “The act is beginning and the audience waits.”
–
I had adjusted quickly to our swap given that Nadia was kind enough to let me keep both mine and Arthur’s memories, meanwhile my old self only kept most of mine, and he acted like he was me, no questions. It was just a little weird, at least in the beginning, but I got used to it. Nadia was just glad she was able to help.
Meanwhile, living as Arthur with Payton had been the absolute dream—and he surprisingly wasn’t asking too many questions about ‘my’ sudden change of behavior. I have found it easier to live as Arthur as the days went by, and have watched Payton smile more than I have seen him in months.
The swap was all worth it, I regret none of it, and I wouldn’t want to have this life through any other way.