Jun 5
It’s kind of ironic that I currently have access to (public healthcare funded) medical transitioning specifically as a non-binary person, but I don’t have access to any social or legal status as non-binary, since that doesn’t exist here.
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It’s kind of ironic that I currently have access to (public healthcare funded) medical transitioning specifically as a non-binary person, but I don’t have access to any social or legal status as non-binary, since that doesn’t exist here.
First injection today (december 22nd) after an entire year+ on gel. They do depot injections here (don’t know the english term for it, but generally a deep muscle deposit every 12 weeks) and it left a burning sensation for a number of hours, but that’s it. Fingers crossed that this will give me more stable levels of T, as it’s been kind of tough see-sawing all year.
In a week I will have been on T-gel for a year. Most of the time I have had T-levels well below the threshold of what's needed for the body to function as intended. And despite being very diligent with how I used the gel this hasn't changed, so I'm going to switch to injections, and hope that they make it easier for my body to absorb the T in a more consistent way. Since the clinic has no idea why my levels have been so unstable all year, there is no guarantee that the injections will change anything, but I hope they will. I could really do with some stability.
Six months on T today!
Still so little change, but at least my T-levels are finally up to scratch, so maybe things will start happening over the summer.
My voice does seem to have dropped a bit. It’s a little difficult to tell, because it’s always hoarse and scratchy from the pollen this time of year anyway, but my laugh is markedly deeper.
I’ve been thinking about the (according to the transition-centre, very real) possibility of not experiencing much in terms of change. Both because I’m doing this so late, and because I just might be someone who doesn’t have much effect from T - it’s a thing that happens. I still don’t expect this to be the case, but I’ve been thinking about the possibility, just to map out how I’d feel about that.
Even if nothing much happens, in terms of physical changes, I will stay on T unless there are clear medical counter indications. I just feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin this way. I have days where I appreciate looking feminine, something that has never felt comfortable to me before (despite desperately wanting to be that prettyboy at 7, 12, 19…). I’m not even getting any external validation, I just feel more comfortable in my skin. Like I make more sense, somehow.
something i haven’t noted here and which is, hands down, the strangest change so far: since shortly after starting on T my crotch has smelled like dick. as in kind of alkaline, something that is not normally a feature of a vulva-vagina setup. it’s something i would associate with seminal fluid (which is alkaline in order to protect the semen from the acidic environment of the vagina) but how? does the body just repurpose, or reprogram, the production facilities based on which hormone is in charge? does whatever gland makes the squirty juice just pivot to seminal fluid when you go on T? this is not something i have ever come across anyone mentioning and it’s so weird. weirdly affirming too, especially since almost nothing else has changed in the four months i’ve been doing this so far, but still strange.
I guess people who have trouble transitioning with T are less likely to share the process than those who transition without much issue. Although it's also possibly just the effect of not knowing where to look.
Apparently the oedema that's been settling in on my wrists is a side effect of the T. The GP said it's more common in the legs and now that I'm looking it's around the knees as well. Swelling and redness.
Seems like the skin is thinning and becoming dryer and parchment like.
Follow-up next week where I get to talk to a specialist nurse.
Changes
Started on my third month recently. So far I am getting hairy pits (I'm so fucking relieved and satisfied by this, and I just hope other body hair will eventually start growing as well). My nipples have been intermittently swollen and tender. This seems somewhat counter-intuitive to a T-driven transition. You'd think it would more likely be something that happens on E, but apparently not exclusively, or maybe the heightened T-levels are triggering more E as well. Something to ask about on my follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks. I have occasional nerve pain, which -- idk whether that's usual? but I'm supposing it to be part of the grow-a-dick process. Also, my crotch smells like dick now (this was actually one of the first changes I caught onto and it was entirely unexpected -- biology is so strange and surprising). I can't tell whether my voice is affected or it's just the annual effects of the pollen season gearing up. There hasn't been any growing pains and my throat/neck feels unchanged, so..?
The hard fat on thighs and arse is turning soft, but that may just be the effect of cutting sugar once again -- it's what happened the last time I did that anyway.
No positive effect on systemic issues (not that I was expecting any, but I've read anecdotal reports and it would be a very nice bonus).