in another life i think it happened, but it might be better that it didn’t in this one. i think about it: what could have been, or could be, that is, if leashes weren’t already clipped to collars.
however, basking in what is currently had may be for the best, even though some days it feels wrong or incorrect. there is stability and reassurance, happiness and laughter; secrets whispered safely in my dimly lit bed, or quietly in a room full of others, occupied with their own things.
(i think of a party and golden lights, a fuzziness in my brain that made everything feel unreal. weed will do that. i was staring, gone. nobody noticed. i fell in love with the idea that night.)
through everything, i am content in my mourning. besides, a best friend is more often what someone truly needs.