the diary of a letter

somewhere i can (hopefully) write out my thoughts coherently

[letterblogd]

in another life i think it happened, but it might be better that it didn’t in this one. i think about it: what could have been, or could be, that is, if leashes weren’t already clipped to collars.

however, basking in what is currently had may be for the best, even though some days it feels wrong or incorrect. there is stability and reassurance, happiness and laughter; secrets whispered safely in my dimly lit bed, or quietly in a room full of others, occupied with their own things.

(i think of a party and golden lights, a fuzziness in my brain that made everything feel unreal. weed will do that. i was staring, gone. nobody noticed. i fell in love with the idea that night.)

through everything, i am content in my mourning. besides, a best friend is more often what someone truly needs.

[letterblogd]

04/30/26 - 1; introduction.

" i never start on the first page. "

the last time i tried to start a journal, that was my opening sentence. it's not untrue, either. starting a page or two off from the start has been a habit i've kept for as long as i can remember, though i'm unsure why. the first page is daunting, and as a perfectionist i'm sure it has something to do with that.

the journal ceased to make it longer than a few weeks, which was exactly as expected; so much so that i wrote it on the first page. i've never managed to be able to keep one. i joke constantly that my life is so sporadic that it seems unreal, almost like i live in a cartoon or a sitcom, and while this is definitely somewhat true, writing down my day to day life seemed insignificant. between that and the fact i was talking to myself, i found boredum.

i created this blog a year and a half ago with the intention of starting some sort of digital journal instead: a place where i know i am not talking solely to an empty wall and can find solace in that, while also not needing to worry about the people i know seeing or reading. i don't know if i will actually pick up followers or readers, but friends made along the way are always welcome in my books. and i don't know if i will actually keep any sort of consistency here, or if it will just turn out like the pile of half-used notebooks sitting in my room. i go through ups and downs, but my depressive episodes can make it limiting in terms of writing. all i can do is say i will seriously consider it! that, and try.

i don't talk so formally, either. as i'm about to become an english major, writing a bit formally is natural to me, but i can't promise that this writing style will be consistent. like so, an introduction:

you can call me Letter. it is the alias i will take for this blog, and a tribute to the name i've used for years. i love all sorts of different kinds of medias, and will be excited to share more in the future.

i'll close this off with the hope something will come of this. i guess the biggest thing to note right now is that here, there is no first page. so i guess that is one less thing to worry about.