This is going to sound very selfish/pompous, but I'm a really good friend. I try my hardest to always be there for my friends when they need comfort or hyping. I'm always thinking about my friends, like fnding memes they'd enjoy, saving and sending to them, then deleting them because I only downloaded it for them. They're always on my mind.
How is my best friend doing at college in NY?
How are my sisters in Denver?
How is my close friend doing with her job and boyfriend in AZ?
I even think of friends recently lost.
How is that friend who screamed at me in an airport before we left on a trip together? I hope I didn't hurt her too much by breaking it off. I hope she knows I still have and framed the art she made me.
Friends distantly lost.
How is my 9th grade best friend? I saw him in his Netflix show and I'm really happy for him. I'm glad he's still with his girlfriend.
Friends very distantly lost.
How are those girls I knew in elementary? I wonder what they're like now. I wonder what their job goals are, if they're dating, if they're happy.
Yet, all this time spent thinking about and nurturing others still leaves me lonely. I have bad days too. They know this, but if I mention I'm sad my best friend avoids the topic. My sister never answers my messages which isn't her fault, I know she's busy, but it still feels like rejection. No one sends me jokes and memes that I'd enjoy. I don't have a boyfriend to comfort me either. It seems like no one thinks of me and as I lay in my dark room, listening to my sad lady playlist, I hope I'll get a message where I can feel loved.
No such luck today.