#nonexistent relationships

[shelbybroslimited]

sometimes I wonder why I bother

[theintrovertinthetower]

Extended Family - Paternal Uncle

I recently wrote about my uncle with parkinson's disease and how when he was recently hospitalized I had the thought that it would be better for him to die now. Turns out I’m not the only one.

Some history on the man. As a child (think 6-7) every time I’d ask him to tell me a story he would give me the story version of the song that never ends. “It was a dark and stormy night, and a band of outlaws sat around a fire. One of them said “Hey Pete, tell us a story” and Pete would say “ok” - and then it just starts over. Even as a child I found this horribly irritating. As an adult, I know that man has stories. He is highly intelligent and has lived all over the world but he never shared any of that with me, I always heard about it second hand. I have no relationship with him, and he has burned a lot of familial bridges. The man is very closed off an as such doesn’t have good family relationships. My aunt refuses to put up with his “take care of me” bullshit. His own children went to my parents after the death of my grandmother and told them to be careful and not let him take advantage of them. This is an adult male who doesn’t do his own laundry when living on his own, doesn’t feed himself well or do the dishes (I have never seen so many dishes scattered over such a large area), and instead of keeping a fire going in my grandma’s old house this winter he would walk to the library to keep warm. Both my grandmothers engaged with their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren as they got older- not always in healthy ways - but they were active in their lives. At most, my uncle will hold his granddaughter on his lap if she is placed there, and I’ve never seen him interact with his grandson.

My parents were letting him stay with them until he left the state for treatment, and after the treatment is over he will probably move right back into my old bedroom. I hate - HATE - that my parents who should be retiring and enjoying their lives are being sucked into taking care of him. It isn’t their job, but they are going to be sucked into it by a stupid sense of familial duty. I don’t even like visiting with him there, it’s like trying to interact with a breathing mannequin 90% of the time. He puts no effort into living and he drags everyone around him into it. 

As far as I’m concerned, if he wants to be taken care of - use his share of Granny’s estate and put him in a home where people are paid to do just that.