#nontoxic masculinity

[n0cnimura]

one of my gym buddies (a man) noticed my muscle definition in class today and complimented me on it in a non-creepy way and it made my day 🥹

[a-noble-land-mermaid]

Just leaving my BND screening. Walked out behind a group of three — two bro-y looking dudes and a girl. One of the dudes said, “Yo, not gonna lie, Tom Holland is FINE.”

[tabortrillion]

[bobcatblahs]

FYI, when you hear a woman say

“Get you a man who can do both”…

This is the only thing we mean.

[all-about-that-grayce]

If you haven’t already, watch the new Superman. I haven’t watched a superhero film in a minute, but this is funny, it’s beautiful, it made me cry

And I’ve written posts about this before, but I will say it again because it was a theme in this movie that I found so meaningful- kindness IS punk. Love IS punk

Punk culture is counterculture. Punk culture is not taking the way we do things for granted. Punk culture is being true to the person you want to be and the world you want to see, even when it’s hard- especially when it’s hard.

Punk culture is not cruelty. It’s not dehumanization. It’s not even righteousness. These are the things that are mainstream today. These are the things I strive not to embody.

Hate is a shield. It feels like protection. But it’s not. It’s isolation. It’s fear. It’s suffering.

Let yourself hurt. Let yourself be vulnerable. Let yourself make mistakes.

Love. Respect. Forgiveness. Acceptance. Kindness. Vulnerability. That’s punk.

Anyway go watch Superman it’s a good movie

[auntierayeraye]

[dukeofankh]

I've noticed a really troubling trend in masculinity discourse recently which views the peak of nontoxic masculinity as being totally unreliant on others. It's coming from a harm-reduction place, as is pretty much always the case. The thought process seems to be: 1) Incel shit comes from men feeling entitled to status and possessing women 2) Incels are dangerous 3) To decrease that the number of incels and the corresponding danger, we should push for the concept of the ideal man as one being unconcerned with status and possessing women. An island unto himself, satisfied and confident. Independent from both the pressures of a full-blown systemic-ass issue and the natural internal desires to be accepted and admired by others.

And like...something can be a good short term plan without being a good long term plan, you know? There can be side effects.

Like, I'm gonna make a post at some point about how I feel like the causes of the Nice Guy tm tire fire were radically misunderstood, considering I feel like we're on the precipice of another crisis in exactly the same mold, but apart from that I'm also just kind of frustrated that the process of organizing against patriarchal masculinity is suddenly bogged down by a bunch of folks trying to get me to adopt a stoic/zen philosophy as a necessary facet of my gender identity, and naturally assuming that my distaste for that can't be because I've spent a decade unpacking this as a queer man and I disagree with their tactics, and must just be that I haven't seen Barbie yet.

Ultimately, I don't feel like the root of modern toxic masculinity is entitlement. I feel that it's American-style Hyperindividualism. Its the erosion of the supportive community that naturally acts in opposition to the narrative sold by masculine competitive hierarchies. Its the belief that individual men must force their will upon the world or else be starved out because higher status men have hoarded everything for themselves. It's the belief that women are the scorecard and trophy in a contest between men, yes, but also fundamentally that absent some semblance of performance within that contest, men will be abandoned, mocked, and ostracized by both women and their larger community. The patriarchal dividend in that toxic system is not just power and sex, it's a sort of gated community within which all right to inherent human worth for men is contained, entrance into which must be earned through defeating others also desperately trying to get in.

Given all of that, to me the antidote isn't more individualism. It's less. Its community. It's love. It's not about men realizing that they don't need other people, it's about men realizing that they will still be loved and accepted within their communities without the need to dominate and overpower. That they do not need to become a patriarch to be seen, to have worth and a home and acceptance and support and community. That the idea that those things are gated behind power and wealth and the ability to do violence isn't just untrue, but the opposite of what is the case.

Toxic Masculinity is a systemic issue. Seeing people uncritically and wholeheartedly telling me that it should be conquered by intentionally atomizing men into self-reliant islands of personal choice is also not just untrue, but the opposite of what I think is the case. But it's...easy. It doesn't require the community to negotiate a new understanding under which they can embrace and love men who take up the responsibilities of being part of--not in charge of-- that community. It allows men deeply invested in a self-appraisal of their value as being rooted in not asking for help and in hierarchical superiority over other men to simply do that even harder, with largely the same rubric, but a new rationale. It leaves no room for male weakness, for mens needs, because, frankly, we are socialized to punish those and we do not want to change.

[gizzlyeagleshark]

Doug Doug, PointCrow, and Failboat playing D&D is the positive definition of boys will be boys