#nossoazul

[s-s-s-sad]

why must I be torn apart

a love, hiding at every corner,

and it's aim is always aligned with splitting

and questioning

and butterflies only flies when there's wind

but blown as impactfully

across my seemingly loving-the-ride-on-the-highway-with-the-fastest-sports-car-ever face

has let it to believe I'm not suffocating at

every

gear

change.

I just wanted to be hugged,

now my limbs are too tired to

reach

for

safety.

(Has Love Changed it's Address? I'm Lost and Can't Dial Mr. Lonely)

[s-s-s-sad]

serenity in rage, orgasm of a punch

stumping down on places that I never belonged

if you ever really tried to know, I'd tell you

about the burn that never ceases to consume me,

like my cigarette intake,

trying to asphyxiate what hurts me the most

time and indifference,

promises of better days,

wounded dogs with sharp teeth, laying under cries that storms and tears could never hear or heal

homes with no welcome mats, porcelain plates with no love to feed

headaches that turn into zombie eyes of fears to release yourself onto blissful sleep.

I could never be mended again.

[s-s-s-sad]

I must confess that I feel like a monster.

[s-s-s-sad]

I miss the nights we would stay awake, crying and laughing so loud it could wake up a whole block

I miss the warmth of your presence when I thought I couldn't help myself

I miss the soft butterflies of anticipation whenever that phone call was about to become true

I miss being poetically intellectual with you,

washing dishes to the sound of your political views

I miss your singing and your piano playing

I could never miss the pain, of the things you didn't know or the things I wish never happened to you.

I miss you,

the pieces I've met of a gallery I'd love to know fully,

someday.

I hope we get to miss each other a little less soon enough

I hope I never forget your voice

and the face that's painted in feelings and moments only songs can bubble up so much courage for me to write you this.

I hope you are and never stop being.

I wish for you to stay but things are ever-changing.

I pray you keep your head afloat,

I pray you keep seeing the good in wounds that never seem to heal.

I wish I could find more time, less tears that seem to be always on the cusp of falling,

I wish my heart wouldn't miss the way you call my name ever-so-sweetly

but time, illusion or not, keeps me at a distance buses or planes could never erase

and so I stay here,

missing,

ever so selfishly,

someone that deserves all the time

in

the

world.

[s-s-s-sad]

past bleeds as aggressively

and as beautifully

as

I

remember?

when I couldn't make out faces

from dreams I had awake

on nights midday burned my retina

closed,

names the wind took from under my feet

bleeding,

every scar I forgot

to count cigerettes and prayers

to money under a mattress

I seem to have lost,

my ease,

on a trip to a city

no soul should know.

[s-s-s-sad]

carnival parades,

times when crowds just frightened me

enough to sip

something I couldn't control

sleeping as exhausted as I may

only when I lay

the sheets tell me about deserving

desserts of good dreams and

holding hands that aren't reaching for

my skin that is

minds and celestial bodies

away, at home

with suns, imploding

but not quite far enough

from being here

afraid of enormous,

(ominous),

satellites and statues

human devotion, the pain of eternal

ethereal forever, never endings

that will soon enough vanish

when I'm not around

do you look at the skies and think

if I still am, if I ever went,

if ever will

go

back?

[s-s-s-sad]

memories shift

my old feelings, never old

passions from past homes

addresses I'd never forget

streets I walk with shut eyes

and melodies

dancing as alone as I've ever had

with songs that I once learned

with lyrics my heart hums

from memory

like my body changed planets

but I'm still native

tongue from cigarettes and

no kisses tattooed on

my chest rooting emo

notions picked subtly

quietly awaiting for

my star to cross pass your street

on a sky of what it's meant to be.

light me a poem,

tell me we aren't just ashes

the wind takes away

the pain I can only convey

with eye contacts I'm too afraid to

sustain.

I could serenade you a bed and a blanket

even when the night's coldest

the sun will shine in my eyes

wishing that you'd

never

said

goodnight.

[s-s-s-sad]

if I could remind myself

of all the times I shared with me

I'm still hunted by my terrors, shame and mortality

but now I'm making this perpetual tattoo on writing

of all the times the I've been fighting,

of all the times that I've been surviving,

for being oh, resiliency

I don't need to feel bad for being alive

I don't need to always fucking want to die

I can applaud my life and me

even the choices that I made,

oh yes, the ones I truly hate,

the ones that fill me, riddles me with pain and shame

those ones are a part that I wish to appreciate

because right now I can only say,

even in this sleepy haze,

that they took me on stage

of cherishing what I have.

I made me,

I embrace me

and I can always rediscover me.