So more than likely in August I will definitely have to choose between continuing to work or going to school.
With the classes I’m going to have to take and their respective required meeting times it’s just not feasible for me to do both at the same time unless my supervisor majorly works with me. Which -- I’m a good employee sure but that’s so much to ask of someone. That’s so much bending over backwards just to keep one employee. And that’s not even taking into consideration that I’ve been out of school for years at this point. I’m going to have to work my ass off just to pass these classes, and that’s without factoring in working a full time job on top of it all.
I’m just at a loss. I don’t want to quit my job necessarily -- it’s physically and emotionally draining yes but at the end of the day my passion lies with shelter work. Granted with this degree I wanted to transition into shelter medicine but still. Plus there’s the fact that I have bills to pay. And sure my parents have said that they’ll help me out in regards to my bills but the guilt and ngl the shame that comes with that is immense. Like, to the point that I want to puke just thinking about it.
But at the same time, I want this degree. I want this degree and then I can get my certification and move on to something better. Because feasible yes, I can get a tech job without a certification/degree but from my experience, it’s so much more difficult to get hired on and the majority of the places that pay Decently (not well because lbr vetmed in general does not pay well) require certification.
And maybe it’s stupid but I want to be able to say that I actually followed through with something for once. And actually went and got my degree instead of talking myself out of it like I always seem to do. Because yes degrees aren’t everything but like. I want it. And something in my life desperately needs to change.
I just have the sinking feeling in my gut that if I drop out of college again? That’s it. I won’t ever force myself to go back again. And then there’s the added shame of once again having to tell my family I dropped out. It’ll feel like 2016 all over again.
This is very rambling but I’m just at such a loss. I wish I knew what the right choice was because I’m terrified that I’ll make the wrong choice and fuck myself over. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I’m at right now. And even though I’m unhappy with where I am in life currently, I don’t want all of this to have been for nothing either.
Anyway. Sorry to complain on the internet but this is very much a situation of ‘I need to get this out or I won’t be able to sleep.’
