a list of things i dont like about myself:
i hate how vulnerable i am alone, but ~matigas~ when facing others
i hate how putting up ate chona face as i push my tears deep down to the point na ang sakit na sa lalamunan became one of my coping mechanism.
i hate the way how im writing this right now: listening to ‘pauwi na’ko’ as i break down. wow sino ka?
ang gago ko sa part na [lahat pala na part sorry direk] i managed to build this tall as walls [feeling intra nga si gaga eh] ~mostly~ out of my hinanakits sa kahapon, ayan tuloy naging mapanakit.
nakakainis yung mga list of my “sabi na nga ba eh,” na pahaba na nang pahaba.
^which clearly tells and shows how much i hold back…
i hate how kabaliktaran_ng_ibig_kong_sabihin_pero_into_words.docx can easily slip through my mouth,
i hate how i push ppl who’s willing to hear and see me up close, and blames it sa mga taong nanakit sakin before kaya ako ganto.
i hate how this list keeps getting longer...
pero it just means na im just acknowledging the ugly truths about thyself right HAHA and duh. im being vulnerable, pero not just sa sarili, pati sayong nagbabasa nito, if meron man.
i hate how i feel kind of ~naked~ right now, exposing and expressing my self-hatred...
hindi pa ako natututong maging ‘micah’ sa sarili ko.
17th July ‘20 (update ko lang)
i hate the fact that i still stalk him.
i hate how youre fond of writing to the ones whom hurt you the most.
