#notveryzen

[zenbutternoodles]

There is a new realm eva is seeping into

[zenbutternoodles]

It used to be easy being alone, but now I don’t feel human. I don’t know how to talk to myself like I used to. I constantly search for distractions from who I am.

How do I find out what I’m missing?

How can I be happy with myself?

What is my ultimate goal.... without one, I feel aimless

[zenbutternoodles]

It’s gotten to the point

I even try to look pretty when I’m alone in my room

[zenbutternoodles]

Are we together, or am I assuming we are? I’m trying to give you my heart, take it please. Why is it so hard to love me, or to at least pretend to? I tell you I wish I could spend every second with you. You reply, “I wish I felt the same”. Then end it. Tell me you don’t love me. You don’t care.

I shouldn’t have to beg for you to adore me.

[zenbutternoodles]

2:07am

Too heavy to stand up.

Maybe if I have another bowl, or another glass, my mind will finally stop racing

Why do I care what others think... constantly

Momma did I have to be so high,Daddy what’d you leave behind for me

I wonder if he thinks of me. I wonder if he loves all of the little things about me like I do of him

Here I go again. But I can’t focus

The wine needs to be covered up so mom won’t see it, but I’m too heavy to stand

[zenbutternoodles]

How do I stop being so insecure

[aslightcharm]

When one banana isn't enough. 🙉🍌 #goapeshit #notveryzen #balirunhun (at Sacred Monkey Forest Sanctuary Ubud)