Cada día me vuelvo una persona más reservada, me callo más las cosas, y ya no suelo expresar lo que siento, solo me quedo ahí como agua calmada de un lago frente a las demás personas. Puedo ahogarme en mi propio silencio sin que el mundo se de cuenta.
Melissa Schemmenti x Fem!Reader: A (no good, very bad) cover-up of your own
Summary: “Is this your way of subtly hinting that you want to hold my hand because it’s quite cute, but I’m not in the mood to hold your hand.”
AO3
A/N: If you thought I forgot about the last couple of these, you are mistaken! I have one left that needs written.
On a serious note though, any fics are likely going to be very sporadic over the next few weeks. I was already struggling to fit writing into my insane work schedule, but this week someone extremely close to me passed away. I'm scrambling to handle my grief while balancing work and traveling across multiple states for the funeral. So yeah, it's going to be a minute on anything new. I appreciate your patience.
On a lighter note, this can be read as an addition to Melissa's No Good, Very Bad Cover-Up! Not required for you to read the first one, but you def should to get the full picture
Tag List: @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @escapetodreamworld @multifandomfix @greenawaysprentiss
Warning(s): Light angst
“You need to cut it like this or you could cut off yo—Are you paying attention?”
Standing up straighter, you nod.
While Melissa is giving very important instructions on how to properly chop garlic—garlic presses are barbaric and ruin the cooking experience, she explained firmly—you’re content to watch her move. She looks beautiful in her oversized denim shirt, hair pulled up messily. Errant curls fall and frame her face.
You’re not passionate about cooking like she is, but she insists you need to learn because no partner of mine is going to live on microwave ramen and frozen meals. Helpless to argue, you go along with it, knowing it means extra time with her.
Since that first kiss in your classroom and date afterwards, the two of you have been slowly increasing your time spent together. Whether she joins you in your classroom for a quiet lunch or you grab a drink after work, you’re happy to be with her, but this was your first time in her house.
The sheer amount of photos impresses you. You didn’t know one person could have so many family members, let alone pictures with all of them. Most of your family stuck to themselves barring the occasional funeral.
“Definitely.” You say, nodding.
“No,” Melissa sighs, “You’re not.”
“I’m not.” You agree.
Your smile is sheepish. It isn’t that you’re not paying attention to her, you just care more about enjoying her company than listening to the cooking lesson for a moment. She sets the knife down and folds her arms over her chest. You try very hard to keep your eyes from wandering. That would not help your case, despite how flattering it might be.
“Are you trying to waste my time?”
Oh. Your mind says, heart squeezing unpleasantly. You hadn’t realized spending time with one another was a waste. Rationally, a part of you knows she didn’t mean it like that, but the sting of rejection has already started to fester. The smile slips away like your good mood.
You’re suddenly very, very tired.
“Of course not.” You say softly.
Every limb feels impossibly heavy. You don’t meet her eyes for fear that she’ll read your emotions in them. Janine explained the whole ‘eyes are the windows to the soul’ saying to you last week and since then you can’t get it out of your head. The last thing you want is anyone digging around in your brain.
You didn’t mind the idea of Melissa doing that until now, though. Melissa is always so careful about speaking gently. Even if you know that isn’t her default, you forgot how difficult it was to be on the other end when she was so tough.
“Okay.” She drops the topic suddenly, “Hand me the onion you brought and pay attention this time, will you?”
She smiles and you try to return it. Though you know she’s trying to brush off the interaction, it’s done the damage in your mind. It isn’t her fault, really, you know she didn’t mean it how it sounded. But that doesn’t stop it from burning a hole in your chest.
Your mind is spinning careful webs of misery to catch you in. Though you keep trying to fly around them, you can’t help but get caught, and find yourself in a downward spiral. The desire for space, to go home and curl up alone, is intense, but you know it’s rude to suddenly excuse yourself. So you try to pretend as best as you can. Try.
Melissa reaches out her hand, palm up. You tilt your head curiously. As much as you adore her, how is she going to hold your hand and cook at the same time?
“Is this your way of subtly saying that you want to hold my hand because it’s quite cute, but I’m not in the mood to hold your hand.” You say without filtering yourself.
Melissa’s brows furrow and her hand closes. She pulls it back and flips off the burner on the stove with a harsh click! Then she turns, mirroring her posture from earlier, leaning against the counter while folding her arms over her chest. She doesn’t look angry this time… you think.
“I wanted you to hand me the onion,” Melissa explains, and you feel very silly, “but it seems like you’ve got something on your mind. You wanna share with the class?”
“Not really.”
You cringe as soon as the words leave your mouth. With your energy suddenly deflating, it appears your filter has too.
The redhead’s voice is uncharacteristically soft, “If you’re overwhelmed, you know you can tell me.”
A lie is on the tip of your tongue before you pause. Fuck it, you think. If Melissa wants you, she has to want all of you; even the awful, silly parts.
“It’s not that. I mean, I was when I came over because the grocery store is a very overstimulating place, but I’m okay now. You—I—” You sigh harshly, rubbing your thumb to your fingertips in order to ground yourself, “It’s silly and I know you didn’t mean it like that, but when you asked if I was wasting your time, it felt like you meant spending time together was a waste. And it… I’m not feeling the best about it.”
You close your eyes and brace for impact. You wonder what the reaction will be this time; your Mother’s deflection was always your favorite to decipher later, unpacking all of the subtle insults that flew over your head when she delivered them, too intent on just hearing it and getting away into your own space at the time.
There was also your ex, who could twist words and blame so expertly that you ended up being the one to apologize. The guilt she pinned to your shirt to carry around until the next argument marked you like a brand.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry.” Melissa says.
You open one eye cautiously, waiting for the gotcha! moment, trying to anticipate when the screaming will start. It never comes. Melissa has her arms crossed, but when you open your eyes, she extends a hand palm up, a silent request for touch you both so desperately need.
“You… are?” You ask slowly, taking her hand and lacing your fingers with hers.
“I was upset that I wasn’t being listened to and I took it out on you, honey. So yeah, I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I made you feel ignored and that’s not okay.”
“We all make mistakes, alright? Let’s not beat ourselves up over it.” Melissa smiles, something genuine and loving, her other hand coming up to brush away something from your face, “Just… pay attention this time.”
Standing up straighter and nodding, you do just that, dedicating all of your attention to her. You want her to feel as special as you know she is. It’s easy to watch her dance around the kitchen, throwing instructions your way with a knowing expression.
At some point she reminds you about the onion you brought. Digging through the grocery bag, you set the onion on the cutting board. She pauses. Slowly, she looks between you and the onion, then back to you.
huh. a lot of silly doodles this month, some random stuff from my phone too, was on some silly energy i think x
vvv dates + info under the cut vvv
1 - 08/11/2022 : horse Ru but like, an actual horse. shes real. get horsed idiot. shes a bay tobiano marwari (also one i did on my phone)
2, 3 - 09/11/2022 : much silliness. was thinking of koopas again, theres barley, who is weird, and also lemmy, giving good advice x
4 - 10/11/2022 : horsie! again! thats about it
5, 6 - 12/11/2022 : more koopaz, they smoke veed together i guess, i liked drawing these i was on sily energy
7 - 13/11/2022 : jammy lammy. drawn on my phone x ,, i think i doodled this then i started on my full digital piece of her?
8, 9, 10 - 14/11/2022 : roosh in the rush shirt, ive been asked if she likes rush bc shes rush-ada which i find funny (no sadly i wish i was that funny), she never dresses like this but i like to draw her in things she'd probably Want to wear but wouldn't bc shes a self conscious old lady..... ANYWAY omg first drawing where i drew Ru with her iconic half moon eyes instead of having the empty space, now her eyes are a full shape,, its been this way ever since and it feels so much better, maximum droopiness, shes pathetic really but i love her, toni might invoke this rage on me if she catches me saying that tho
also penguin dance. watch that autistic girl groove
11 - 15/11/2022 : moar drawing Ru in outfits she would want to wear but wouldn't normally, like this is how i dress so this is projection probably.. i was on my peak boingo fix at this point (has not stopped) so Toni is having a sing x (has been misinterpreted as her ripping a bong at least three times) and a little Luisa hehe
12, 13 - 16/11/2022 : Toni would have a YT channel in canon, like thats how she breaks into the music scene, but i like thinking of her doing cliche youtuber things.. also the first (not first but the First first is like an incomplete concept doodle) drawing of Trixie! i knew i wanted a new robo oc, and she had to be a gnasty diesel powered idiot, she hasn't changed too much
14 - 18/11/2022 : silly time again, ru n toni on their catgirl and horsegirl business, i am 5 and poop is funny
15-18 - 25/11/2022 : holy ponies batman! horseshada (yes thats what i call her) as a G3 styled MLP, both in her natural colours, and unnatural colours (her pony name is Blue Moon), also TONI PONY! (her pony name is Heart-To-Heart). gay ass little ponies
19-23 - 28/11/2022 : so like. at this point i was in the middle of watching waterloo road (classic series the new one sucks big balls), and this is like the only thing i could conjure up...... also another mettatetta, was still unsure about his design, but its comin!! later!! have patience!! the rest are some various Rushadas, in an outfit from animal crossing pocket camp since i was playing that again at this point, i should draw her in it again bc she SERVES.. also her in her jammies, i wanted a go at drawing plaits, pretty proud of that one, her hair is so thick and lovely <3
24 - 29/11/2022 : so like i really dont have enough aus i guess, catgirl toni n horsegirl rushada, but like, they're more anthro this time, that was basically the concept, and to recap, ive got like centaur au, like full animal au, and one where its just them but they have the ears and tails, its complicated!
