allison + nova ( her daughter ) ⇨ pregnancy & birth.
allison is 33 when she realises that she is pregnant. she has no clue whose it is and she doesn’t try and find out, as she engages in one - night - stands a lot at this point. she’s hugely surprised by it as one of the tortures inflicted on her in hell was making sure she’d never have kids ( something allison’s wanted before her death ). it was a type of grief after she’s come back, but the change within her and her life - style taught her it was for the better .
but then there she is, pregnant, alone, and unaware of what to do. by the time she realises, and the additional time it takes her to process it, it is too late to abort the pregnancy . . . so she hides. she runs, an action very much like her, therefore unquestioned, and she lives it out alone. all of it. working, doing doctor appointments, all of it.
the pregnancy itself is very difficult, with high risks, with pains and regrets, but she doesn’t give up. it’s a baby now, and she will fight for it. allison doesn’t want to know the gender though, doesn’t think of names .. . she doesn’t really want to get attached. and it isn’t until she’s almost lost it, lost the baby inside her, that’s she’s decided to give her up give it a better life, one it deserves.
the birth is as equally painful and difficult as the whole pregnancy, and it somehow sets her even more in the mindset of giving the baby up. it makes sense. allison’s wish was to not even see the baby, not to hold it, not even to know its gender . . . but one unaware nurse brings it in and places it by allison’s arm, waking her up.
“ the large beautiful ocean eyes stared at me with so much spark in them, and i thought they could’ve lit up the whole room on their own. the long lashes already embraced them, and the cute nose, slightly curved upwards, was pink as were the chubby cheeks. but it was the faint smile, that i could’ve imagined, that made love her. she was nothing like me, and i was utterly in love with her. “
allison decides to hold her baby, her baby girl who stole her heart. who warmed it up for the first time since it stopped beating and she’s never felt anything could be as precious to her. that she could love, cherish, fight for and die for more than she could for her.
and that is when allison knew she had to give her up. let her have a normal, human life.