ARE YOU FOR REAL I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!
Not even gonna apologize.
cal you inspire me every day thank u for this idea i needed the big push to get some of these done i love u my king
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Buck knew that Eddie was pulling away from him after Christopher left with his grandparents to Texas.
He chalked it up to needing space to grieve whatever relationship he had lost with his son, his life crumbling before his eyes as he watched them walk out the door and board a plane 800 miles away, but after two weeks of dodged calls and stumbling into work, Buck knew something was off.
The circles under Eddie’s eyes were dark, a deep purple hue that emphasized the way his skin had paled over the days. Buck knew he hadn’t been sleeping, the house empty and cold with the absence of Christopher's infectious laughter and joy.
His attempts at communication went unanswered, and Buck couldn’t help but worry for him. A deep and painful ache in his chest started to weigh on him at the thought of Eddie pulling away to a place Buck couldn’t drag him back from. It also didn’t help that their current captain was doing everything in his power to make their lives miserable.
Gerrard had made going to work something Buck dreaded, rather than bring him joy, like it was working for Bobby. The entirety of A-Shift had put up walls to protect themselves. Keeping all discussions of their personal lives out of the firehouse and biting their tongues at every comment made towards an aspect of themselves.
While they were all struggling under new leadership, Eddie seemed to become someone Buck didn’t know. The perfect soldier, firefighter, and employee. Always punctual, however in disarray he seemed to look, grooming standards met, and uniform pressed and crisp. The distant look in his eyes seemed to grow farther and farther away every day that Buck saw him.
Eddie was retreating into himself in a way Buck had never known, and in a way he didn’t know how to fix it.
Things changed after a night on the phone with Eddie who had found a photo of Shannon and Christopher tucked away in an album that he was reorganizing, and couldn't seem to catch his breath or stop the sobs from his throat. Tommy had been over for dinner, and had given him a look when he went to pick up the phone as soon as Eddie called him.
“Again? This is the second time he’s called during dinner.” Buck shot him a pointed look, picking up the phone without a second thought.
“Yes, again. I’m gonna keep answering him, too, until I know in my heart of hearts he’s safe from himself.” Tommy rolled his eyes, excusing himself from Buck’s counter to give him a semblance of privacy.
Buck answered the phone and immediately stood to attention as he heard shaky breaths and sniffles on the other end.
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Buck had Bobby on the phone as soon as he heard the news.
“Eddie Diaz.” He heard Bobby chuckle on the other end of the phone.
“Well, my name is Bobby Nash, actually, but what can I do for you?”
“That isn’t funny, Bobby.” He was sitting on the floor of his childhood room, rolling out his quad after a difficult physical therapy session. Ever since nationals in February, his ACL had been tight and would twinge during ballet classes more often than not. His physical therapist had told him that if he kept pushing himself like he was, he would tear it and possibly tear his MCL on top of that.
Bobby had also told him to stop pushing himself to the point of injury, especially when it wasn’t necessary during the off season, but Buck took that as more of a suggestion than anything.
Only when Athena threatened to ground him at the age of 19 did he pull back. He started going to regular physical therapy sessions in California to make sure his body was able to tolerate the stress he knew was coming in the upcoming months.
“Buck, I don’t know what you want me to say. I think it’ll be good for the team. Not just one boy, but two? It’ll be national news.” Buck could hear the chatter of students in the background, Bobby most likely at the studio.
“Are you teaching right now?” Buck groaned in annoyance, knowing that this wasn’t going to be a productive conversation, Bobby half distracted with other students.
“Not at this very moment, but soon. I could use an assistant if you want to get up and come help. It’s the junior contemporary combination I showed you the other day.” Bobby laughed as Buck let out a sigh, still sore from therapy, but all too knowing that Buck wouldn’t turn down the opportunity. “If you don’t want to, Athena will be home soon with May and Harry for dinner.”
“Is this trying to distract me from thinking about stupid Eddie Diaz?”
“Then no, it’s not a distraction.” Buck stood and went to grab his contemporary bag, phone still in hand. His warm ups were a faded pair of Project 21 sweatpants, one of his favorites that Bobby had given him a few years ago. He held them close to his chest as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“I’ll be there soon, don’t let them start without me. They love me there.”
---------------------------------------------------
She pulled the door all the way open to reach out and grab at his arm as he was halfway down the steps of her home. She pulled him across the threshold, his senses overwhelmed with the smell of the dinner they had and the sound of the tv low in the living room.
“You didn’t interrupt anything. We just opened a bottle of wine and it seems like you need a glass.” She looked him over, probably noticing the red rimmed eyes and flush on his face. He didn’t want her to look too closely to see the shaking of his hands. He didn’t want her to see the cracks in his mask.
“Hen, really, I’m– I don’t know why I’m here.” His voice was tight, the tears still sitting at the surface of his eyes. He noticed Karen in the kitchen grabbing a third glass for him and his heart sunk. He really wasn’t trying to be a bother, but it was like he couldn’t help himself.
“Like I said, you’re not interrupting anything. Denny is asleep, we’re just watching a movie. Join us.” Her voice was kind and inviting, and Buck was weak. He sat down in the chair next to the coffee table across from the couch. Hen dropped a blanket into his lap and handed him a glass of wine.
---------------------------------------------------
In the three years since that day, they had made a lot of memories in their kitchen. Good ones, birthday cakes and anniversary dinners. Bad ones, explosive fights over bills and insecurities rearing their heads. They had lived entire lives before they met each other, but Eddie was determined to have Buck for whatever life he had left. Now closer to 40 than 30, he knew that good things could be fleeting, and Evan Buckley was one of the greatest things in Eddie’s life.
It had been three years of healthy and hearty meals when he noticed it for the first time.
Buck had always been a big guy, broad shoulders and thick legs, a healthy layer of fat over his stomach and chest, but he had always had visible muscle and the vague outlines of abs. He was broad and took up a lot of space in the world, tending to scare people when he would pop up out of nowhere. But Buck was gentle. He was gentle in the way he approached victims on scenes, hands tender and healing when he would hold the hands of parents who had to see their children shipped off to the hospital. He was careful with tiny animals, Eddie dragging him into the backseat of his car in the parking lot of the Humane Society after he saw him handle a kitten with such tenderness.
---------------------------------------------------
Buck awoke to an empty bed. The early morning light filtered through the window in their room, dust still lingering in the air from their new furniture.
The choice to pick a three bedroom was not something they took lightly. Before they got married, Buck had asked Eddie if he was open to the idea of more kids, a question that Eddie didn’t have an answer for at the time. His life had been so defined by being a father that he wasn’t sure he could do the whole thing again and get lost in fatherhood.
They married on a sunny day in July, the weather blessedly cool for the time of year, with Christopher standing beside Eddie and Hen by Buck. Maddie walked him down the aisle and Bobby officiated. Buck couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day. Instead of taking a honeymoon, they used the money to put a down payment on a three bedroom home a fifteen minute drive from Bobby and Athena’s home that they rebuilt after the fire.
Buck knew that the third bedroom was a ticking clock, with neither one of them getting any younger and the age gap between a potential sibling and Christopher grew every day. Some days, Buck would catch Eddie lingering in the doorway, watching the empty room like it held the secrets to their new life.
But if he was being honest, Buck didn’t care if Eddie decided he didn’t want anymore kids. He would be happy as a step dad to Christopher if it meant he got to spend the rest of his life with Eddie.
